I Blame The Biggest Loser

I feel good about my body! I wasn’t thrilled with the pockets of fat on my thighs but now that they’re gone -thank you Final Inches – I feel downright satisfied. Weird huh? Healthy, not too skinny, certainly not fat, perfect really -perfect for me. And yet. I still sweat a little when I see a scale. It doesn’t matter what the numbers are, they still need to be headed down. I blame Biggest Loser for making me overly concerned with a number on the scale. Okay, sure, I’ve always been a bit hyper-focused on the number feeling that at 125 all was right with the world but at 127 I was a miserable failure who may as well pull a flatbed up to the nearest Krispy Kreme, wait for the light to go on and then load up and go nuts. Yes, I’m all or nothing, black and white with no shades of gray.

But I’d gotten so much better in the past few years. I still take off my shoes when I get on a scale but I won’t strip down naked including jewelry. At least not at the gym…or doctor’s office, which is a huge step in the right direction. But when I watch Biggest Loser I still feel that ugly pull. It’s gross how invested I get in those numbers falling, and they have to fall a lot. Two pounds is for pussies! Only double digits feel like an accomplishment. I really don’t like the feelings this show inspires! I know it isn’t healthy. And you just know those trainers don’t think it’s healthy either but they get just as caught up in it!

Sure these contestants have a lot of weight to lose and they try to make it goal oriented but there really isn’t a finish line. We all know that right? Let’s not fool ourselves. I guarantee you that not one of these contestants ever feels done, ever feels like they have arrived at their weight goal like they’d been planning a trip to Paris for a year and finally landed at Charles de Gaulle. No way. These contestants may have originally set out to lose 95 pounds, thinking that would be an unimaginable feat but then, against all odds, they get there! But they must find it’s like trying to stop an 18 wheeler going down hill. You can’t just hit the brakes and expect to stop cleanly. I’m sure they still hear Jillian and Bob’s voice with every bite of Jennie-O turkey burger and Best Foods light mayonnaise. Do you really think it would be possible for these people to ever have a normal thought about food again? I doubt it.

That’s why these people sometimes look way too thin at the final weigh in. They got to a point where they looked good but they could no longer stop looking at the scale as the enemy so the only choice they had was to keep going. I totally get that! I know that feeling of not being able to “just be” in terms of weight. But I am not feeling that today. Today I feel fat with a PH baby!

Does anyone relate or am I talking to a wall?

It’s the main reason that I don’t own a scale. I also turn around and get weighed backward at the doctor’s office. Sure I look like a neurotic freak but it’s the price of my sanity. Scales are like crack.

Posted by Stefanie Wilder Taylor on October 9, 2011 10:48 pmUncategorized11 comments  


  1. Sara said,

    So, if you don’t like the way the show makes you feel, why do you watch it? I understand the no black and white, and the obsession with numbers. I’m the same way. But I also choose not to do things that detract from my emotional health. It sounds like watching “the biggest loser” is one of those things for you.

    | October 10, 2011 @ 2:13 am

  2. Rainyday said,

    I know that feeling. Heck, I OWN that feeling. Since January, I’ve lost 27 lbs. Since May, I’ve stalled. Since September, I’ve started packing it back on. All or nothing, baby. I can either devote everything to diet & exercise or to eating. And while I love the results of diet & exercise, I love to eat. And eating makes me happy. ti’s impossible for me to find a middle ground.

    I don’t watch the biggest loser. I have but it makes me feel worse about myself.
    Rainyday´s last blog post ..Rainy dearie

    | October 10, 2011 @ 10:37 am

  3. Fiona said,

    Stephanie I completely relate to this. You sound like you are in a fantastic place I am so happy for you. Your before bottom is exactly what I’m sitting on now and your after bottom is exactly what I’ve always wanted. Thanks for writing about all of this…just about as brave as writing about the big A.

    | October 11, 2011 @ 12:57 am

  4. Marta said,

    I actually stopped watching this season, just because I feel like its always the same. They pick the most broken, heart breaking people and beat them into submission.

    I know exactly what you mean though, I’ve lost 4.5 lbs in the last two weeks and that feels like nothing. Like it should have been that much in one week, after all I just started. Then again all I have to lose is 20 lbs, not 200.
    Marta´s last blog post ..A Letter to My Future Self

    | October 11, 2011 @ 1:31 am

  5. merciblahblah said,

    Ugh, I could have written that myself, about the number on the scale being too important. It is ridiculous. I carried triplets 3 years ago, for God’s sake. I had a tummy tuck in April. I am lower now than my pre-pregnancy weight (by a pound or two, depending on the day, but STILL….), and those damn numbers on the scale taunt me every. single. frigging. day. If they are down, it’s the best day ever. If they’re up, even a few ounces? God help us all. It’s stupid, because other than this obsession, I am healthy. I eat well, I work out (I HAVE to, to keep up with three 3-year olds), but the scale? It’s just my glitch. My minor malfunction. Thanks for writing what you did – it’s nice to know I’m not the only one.

    merciblahblah´s last blog post ..Skip To Mah Lou

    | October 11, 2011 @ 11:56 am

  6. Annie P said,

    I am sooo with you girl. I do not own a scale and I don’t understand people that do. I think they are pure negativity, unhealthy and supportive of an ugly obsession–an addiction really. I know how I’m doing by the way my clothes fit; that’s it. No other system for me. 🙂

    | October 12, 2011 @ 2:46 am

  7. Mya Maternity said,

    I’m with you. Since having my last baby I still have some extra weight but you think I’m going to get on the scale and actually look at the number. NO. I’m not feeling too bad about myself but pull out that scale and I really start to worry that someone else (or myself) might see the number. Forget about it.

    | October 12, 2011 @ 3:27 am

  8. barak said,

    I like your approach about diet! And your body self-acceptance. It is sad that our environment dictating us that a beautiful lady must be skinny.
    I’m proud of you!
    barak´s last blog post ..Blindness in Dogs – Causes and symptoms

    | October 12, 2011 @ 11:01 am

  9. Sheila Cameron said,

    Biggest Loser actually makes me go the other way. After spending much of the day thinking I am kidding myself about this being PMS water weight, I’ll watch and decide “at least I’m not that bad off” and grab a chunk of brie promising to do a last chance workout tomorrow.
    Sheila Cameron´s last blog post ..Grow Up!

    | October 17, 2011 @ 3:01 pm

  10. Angie said,

    I know what you mean! I used to stand with my back to the scale at the doctor, and didn’t weigh myself except at the doctor for years. But the years from feeling like a failure for weighing 128 after giving birth to my first child to weighing 198 before getting pregnant with my 7th child were completely lost on me. If I’d not been so neurotic about the scale, I might have reversed that horrendous trend.

    Since I’ve been able to face the scale again, I can appreciate losing 30 pounds, and arrest a weight gain before it approaches 70 lbs!

    Just a thought.

    | October 18, 2011 @ 1:32 am

  11. MondoMOM said,

    After having my baby several months ago, I gotta lose some of this extra baby weight. Great article!
    MondoMOM´s last blog post ..Adorable Baby Buys- Pink Edition

    | October 20, 2011 @ 10:24 pm

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