If These Thighs Could Talk

As of Thursday I am free to not wear the compression garment they gave me after my Final Inches procedure. But guess what! I don’t want to part with it. It’s so damned comfortable and smooths like a mother fucker! I just looked at the word smooths and couldn’t decide whether or not it looked wrong. Then I kept looking at it until it definitely looked wrong until finally it just looked absurd and like a nonword. Of course “nonword” isn’t a word either so touche! Did I just touche myself?

I know what you’re thinking, “Stef, did you go back to drinking?” And the answer is a resounding NO, I’m just high on thin thighs. Seriously, I know that my blog has become a little repetitive but when you discover something awesome like sugar-free popsicles, Phil Hendrie or low risk fat suckage, you have to go on and on a bit.

So the other night I went out with no garment on and in a pair of pants that used to fit, well, differently and I got a lot of compliments. It’s the type of thing where people don’t know I made a change but they sense something different. The day before that, I went to my friend Diana’s pool and went swimming…in my bathing suit. Wha? Yah. Okay. Cue the Saturday Night Fever theme -actually I just googled the lyrics and it really doesn’t fit the situation at all-because I was strutting around with my non-saddlebagged thighs. Honestly it feels good. Of course that very night I mowed down a bag of Michelle’s fruit sweetened cookies which have about 3.5 grams of fat per cookie and there are six to a bag. I’m not math whiz but that seems like an assload of fat. Let’s never speak of those cookies again.

I’ve also been motivated to work out again. The last few weeks I’ve gone to my gym four times a week which is more than I’ve gone in a reeeeally long time. I think I’d be more inspired to go to my gym if it were a skosh nicer. The problem is that it’s very inexpensive and therefore extremely low rent in every way -think people shaving in the steam room and no paper towels ever. Today there was a woman working out in a cardigan, moccasins and earrings. Seriously. It’s distracting but like I said, cheap. I’ve been a member of this gym for over 20 years and this particular one is right by my house so what I do is go in dressed in my gym clothes, throw my purse in the locker, work out and then wash my hands using my own towel to dry them (as I said, no paper towels ever) and then get the hell out. I would never even dream of walking barefoot in that locker room let alone showering!

But the good news is that exercise has had this unexpected effect of stabilizing my moods a bit. Have you ever heard of such a thing? It’s like I’ve discovered a new reusable energy source. I should be celebrated in some way I think. Maybe Nova can do a story about me and my awe inspiring discoveries and then I can speak at a dinner in front of a room full of sexy scientists who will all ooh and awe at the sight of my slim thighs (thanks to www.finalinches.com)

So to summarize, thighs are thinner, working out, eating cookies, possibly delusional. How are you?

Posted by Stefanie Wilder Taylor on August 16, 2011 5:10 pmUncategorized11 comments  


  1. rebecca said,

    I just went to the dentist and found out that I need invisilign to fix my criscross? bite. My molars are wearing down or something. I also had a few cavities…..and to make it all worse, I *still* have a baby tooth that is starting to show some signs of ‘uh-oh it’s time to do something to fix it’ wear. So the next few months will cost me about $7,000!

    Somebody hold me?!

    BEST NEWS OF ALL??!!! I just found out that my very best friend since the first grade is going to have a baby! When she told me I said, “Imma buy you two of the best baby books ever. Naptime and Sippy Cups!” I can’t wait to go to the bookstore and wrap them up!
    rebecca´s last blog post ..Some Crazy Things

    | August 16, 2011 @ 5:40 pm

  2. Arnebya @whatnowandwhy said,

    Slap me now, I would like thicker thighs, thank you. I am cursed. Cursed into crackhead like skinniness forever and ever amen. Unless I’m pregnant. And unless I’ve really very sneaky, I doubt that’ll happen again. Congrats on your thigh thinness. And smoothes. ;o)

    Rebecca — just curious: why Invisalign as opposed to traditional braces? Is it for the ease of removal?

    | August 16, 2011 @ 5:47 pm

    • rebecca said,

      I don’t know why he suggested invisalign. I guess because he’s certified to do that in his office and maybe not braces? Could it be because I still have 2 baby teeth (bottom molars). I’ll probably wait a couple of years because we just don’t have the money for either right now.
      rebecca´s last blog post ..Beaches

      | August 16, 2011 @ 10:59 pm

  3. Gamanda said,

    Exercise can improve your mood?! What? I call shenanigans.
    In all seriousness, awesome job on the new outlook. Any chance of some pictures so that we can see the new thighs?
    @Rachel, I’m curious what you’re going to have done with your baby tooth. I still have 2 freakin’ baby teeth with no adult replacements. My husband keeps asking me why that one tooth is so yellow. Oy.
    Gamanda´s last blog post ..5 years

    | August 16, 2011 @ 5:58 pm

    • rebecca said,

      Option one with the baby tooth is to grind it down and put a cap on it. This is the cheaper option but not always permanent. The roots to baby teeth are much wider and not as deep so when there is still a baby tooth you lose bone? under your gum line. To help keep the jawline intact the better (but much more expensive option) is to have a dental implant. We barely have the $1,200 in our HSA account to cover the crown/cap. So, I’ll probably do the cheaper option now…and do the implant in about 10 years if my bone structure can handle it.
      rebecca´s last blog post ..Beaches

      | August 16, 2011 @ 11:03 pm

  4. Marta said,

    You are totally selling these thin thighs. I believe we need a before and after picture for comparison. =)

    Also a cardigan and earrings? While working out? The moccasins sounds like ridiculous icing on the cake. I quit my very expensive beautiful gym where going to the gym felt like an event worthy of putting make up on. However when going to the gym makes you feel bad about yourself you’re not so motivated to go you know? Perhaps I need to look for gyms without paper towels.
    Marta´s last blog post ..In a Place with No Reception

    | August 16, 2011 @ 8:39 pm

  5. JJ Keith said,

    Stef, you’ve sold me on the thigh thing. You’re describing my fantasy world. When you say “swimsuit” do you mean without knee-length shorts? I dare to dream.

    Alas, laser thigh work isn’t in the budget, but my life has been transformed by the YMCA. It’s pretty much the norm to wear mocassins there. You stand out if you’re NOT in your best Out of the Closet finery. Mostly I go for the childcare and to prepare for any barfights that may break out, but I’ve noticed that mood stabilizing phenomenon too. I’m not sure if it’s the exercise or the break from the kids. Either way I’ll take it.
    JJ Keith´s last blog post ..Kasper Lately, in Ten Pictures

    | August 17, 2011 @ 4:06 am

  6. Hip-baby Mama said,

    I feel the same way about exercise, all of a sudden! Who knew that for the cost of a pair of somewhat-ok-but-still-ugly running shoes I would actually feel great?

    | August 17, 2011 @ 10:28 pm

  7. JRC said,

    Shit. Now I want #fatsuckage. Damn you Stephanie.

    And by the by, I misread your post and thought you said that the low-rent gym was IN your house. I wondered if maybe the lady in the cardigan/earrings/moccasin workout ensemble was, like, your mom or something.

    | August 19, 2011 @ 1:32 am

  8. dovev said,

    after reading your post i am also delusional… how come you posted this without a picture?
    dovev´s last blog post ..Cheap mountain bicycles

    | August 22, 2011 @ 12:51 pm

  9. Kelly said,

    I’m loving your blog


    | August 26, 2011 @ 12:08 am

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