I Felt It In My Kishkes

I had this great idea last week. Well, all right, I can’t take all the credit for it, Sadie sort of thought of it first. One night she was particularly tough to get to bed. She cried more than a 19 pound baby should even have the energy for and then once she calmed down and fell asleep, she slept so lightly even the sound of me eating dry Special K (admittedly not the quietest food ever) would start her sobbing again.You’d think the biggest roadblock Jon and are were facing that night was when we’d be able to watch Kathy Griffin: The D List in peace but no. We had to attach her feeding tube for her overnight caloric intake. We were so scared to wake her ass up that we just skipped it that night.

The next day, Sadie sucked down some four oz of Pediasure -the breakfast of champions and a bite or two of sausage. Lunch went even better – she may have had a small serving of pasta and a bite or two of prunes. But dinner was stellar: Trader Joe’s organic spaghetti-o’s and a half a piece of cheese. Oh and a whole bunch of fruits and veggies – hahahaha.

That night we decided not to tube feed her overnight again because she’d sucked down too much Pediasure right before bed (I’ve never used the phrase “sucked down” when referring to Sadie drinking so you know it was serious). The next day she ate even better. We were on to something big. I felt it. There was a direct correlation between not feeding her overnight and her having the appetite of a normal human creature that knows it needs to eat to sustain its existance.

We went for night number three. I felt it in my kishkes that this was going to work. I gave it a week for Sadie to break 20 pounds from the 19 she’d been hovering around for too fucking long. Twenty pounds was going to be happening. I could taste twenty pounds. Mothers just know these things. Sorry to be condescending but it’s true. We have a special sense. We should get paid big psychic dollars for our direct connection to a higher consciousness with God when it comes to our child. In fact, I was ready to hang out a shingle on the front lawn to make a few extra bucks on my talent. Or set up a hotline. Look, I didn’t have all the details worked out but I felt confident, okay?

Day four was possibly the best eating day Sadie had ever had. She guzzled formula like I used to guzzle pinot grigio, tried new foods, ate old favorites and sobbed when the veggie sticks ran out. I, and my great idea, was on fire. It was just a matter of time until Cedars Sinai renamed their pediatric GI wing after me. Surgeons would be dashing from room to room in the peds unit ripping out g-tubes and passing out pamphlets I’d written on the subject of feeding tube over-use and “mother-intuition based alternatives”

Night five we obviously skipped tube feeding again.

Day six I had a sobering thought: Should I call my nutritionist and give her the heads up on our little experiment? Hopefully she’d come by and weigh Sadie so we could feel great about our break-thru. I emailed her in an over explainy email and she wrote back right away saying “Why didn’t I think of that? A mom’s intuition is equally important to medical opinion” or something to that effect. She was all for it! Told you naysayers! Blow me! She agreed to come by on Saturday (which marked one week) to stick her on the bear shaped baby scale. Bear shaped scales? I know. I guess this is to trick the babies into thinking they are frolicking with fun forest animals and not just getting their weight in kilograms marked down on a growth chart.

Night six: no tube! God it was freeing! Better than crack (not that I’d know anything about crack *read my book*)!

Day seven: My little lady drank like a champ, ate a slight breakfast (she’s never been a breakfast person but who is?), a decent lunch, a nice nap and then…weight time. 18.14 oz.

Kicked in the Kishkes. Hard.

But hey, I have another idea: bolus feeds during the day to make up for….oh fuck it. We’re back to the overnight tube. At least until we can turn her damn car seat around to look forward.

Posted by Stefanie Wilder Taylor on August 11, 2009 5:14 amSadie30 comments  


  1. Lolly said,

    That sucks. Mom intuition is usually right. Maybe the scale is wrong?

    | August 11, 2009 @ 6:55 am

  2. Sheila said,

    Scales suck! and who knows, her tummy being filled all night might just be messing with her appetite regulation. Counterintuitive. … like, taking snacks away, snacks you think are adding to the caloric intake, but then blunt the natural eating habits.
    I feel for you, I do. We never did a tube. Maryn is now 25 pounds at 3 years some… she is strong, smart, sassy and a little trial at times. She finds no fear in anything and thinks danger is funny. I hate scales.
    seriously … when we were taking her to nicu to weigh her daily after she was released, I was hinged on the numbers … then when we had to weigh her in pedes and the numbers didn't match, I freaked, then we got a new pediatrician — new scale. She is adorable, keep her in your heart and you will find the best way — hard, because the f-ing medical professionals aren't the ones that feel guilt if something isn't perfect because you were non-compliant or sought outside opinions. Many times with the older one (she had kernicterus — ie now a type of CP and some other issues) we practiced non-compliance — no, no mri, no, no implants for her hearing, no no no no no! Most of my decisions I thank God for … some, I wonder… what if… then there is laughter and well, priceless time. I'm sorry, I don't comment often, I don't know comment edicut, although I have read Marinka's list of bad blog commenters…
    I just want to commend your bravery and your advocacy and your spirit for doing what you do — for you, for Sadie, for your family. rock on. (okay, I'm totally to old, or too young? hmmm, to be saying that… but do!)

    | August 11, 2009 @ 7:09 am

  3. Backpacking Dad said,


    | August 11, 2009 @ 7:11 am

  4. Cass said,

    I'm sorry.

    My twins are on weight check #1. They gained only 4 and 6 oz, and I totally attribute that to the Diet Coke I allowed them to slurp up on the 20 minute drive to the GI office.

    We're about two weight checks away from a G-tube, I'm afraid. Heaven help us if we get stricken by the flu or something. The one main joy in their week is storytime at the library, which will end in Sept at the beginning of flu season, for fear of germ sharing.

    Life sucks sometimes. Why do our babies to this to us (and themselves)??

    | August 11, 2009 @ 7:50 am

  5. Mommy, Esq. said,

    Over vacation I occasionally skipped the O2 tube for Penny. It was so freeing. But we're back on the bandwagon. And I'm really starting to fear we won't break 15 lbs for her one year mark (in 3 weeks). She's almost crawling. I try to concentrate on the small victories. By the way – you should use the same scale in the same position each time for consistency. Isn't it awesome when they eat? Penny went from 20+ oz of her 30 calorie formula back down to 12 oz. Just when I thought we were making progress. Anyway, no real point to this comment except once Husband and I felt it so clearly that Penny was "doing better" and she hadn't gained an ounce in one month. I feel for you.

    | August 11, 2009 @ 11:41 am

  6. Shannon said,

    Maybe skip the Nutrition shake and do a nice bif fat juicy caramello bar for breakfast; followed by a nice big fat juicy pizza for lunch; followed by a milkshake, large fries, big mac, order of nuggets, and side of bbq sauce. Oh wait, that's MY daily intake…shit! No wonder I can't lose the the fucking weight! Sorry Sadie girl! Keep trying..you are on your way!!!!

    | August 11, 2009 @ 11:42 am

  7. Aunt Becky said,

    Now I want to cut a bitch.

    | August 11, 2009 @ 12:20 pm

  8. Jen said,


    It sure sounded like it was going to work.

    | August 11, 2009 @ 1:09 pm

  9. Carolyn...Online said,

    Shit. I was really hoping for a monumental weight gain. Like 20 lbs. 2 oz. or something. Maybe she needs the munchies. I'm not advocating giving your baby pot or anything, I'm just sayin'.

    | August 11, 2009 @ 1:11 pm

  10. Alexa said,

    Well shit. I'm sorry. That is not where I thought this was going. I was impressed and a little jealous that your baby had started eating things. No way she lost weight after that! Maybe it was 18.14 kilograms? That would mean she now weighs 39.9 pounds! That's probably it.

    | August 11, 2009 @ 1:45 pm

  11. Pamela said,

    Mother fuck nut!

    | August 11, 2009 @ 2:25 pm

  12. sirenna said,

    That's disappointing. But she does seem to have an appetite now. That's some progress.
    Wishing for the best for you and the little ones!

    | August 11, 2009 @ 2:36 pm

  13. Anna Marie said,

    You definitely are right Stefanie – overnight feeds kill daytime appetite. It switches the body's hunger clock around. We are going to start "hunger trials" with my son to see if it makes him more interested in food during the day.

    Good luck and I'll keep thinking heavy thoughts for Sadie.

    | August 11, 2009 @ 4:19 pm

  14. Sunny said,

    Ugh! So close. I'm sorry it wasn't the big breakthrough you were hoping for. 😛

    | August 11, 2009 @ 4:29 pm

  15. Badass Geek said,

    Well, at least theres that.

    | August 11, 2009 @ 8:58 pm

  16. Rebecca said,

    I was so ready to read that when they weighed her she tipped the scales around 25 pounds! That royally sucks. You do know what you're doing though. Eating lots of food is good. She'll be nicknamed chubby soon!

    | August 11, 2009 @ 9:01 pm

  17. My Bottle's Up! said,

    ah shit…. i'm sorry. that just fucking sucks. i feel for you sooooo much. we did the day with tube feed, day without tube feed… day with good food intake, day without good food intake…. and it's cyclic.

    it's so disappointing when you feel it in your gut that "this is going to be it…. the number will be what i WANT IT TO BE…." and then it's not.

    damnit, i've had that disappointment so many times, over and over and over again.

    i'm sorry stef. truly i am.

    i'm here, if you need me to baby bird feed you… or your wee-one.

    | August 11, 2009 @ 9:26 pm

  18. Wishing 4 One said,

    Damn. I was thinking I was going to read 21 lbs. or something at the end.. wtf happened?

    | August 11, 2009 @ 10:33 pm

  19. Kendra said,

    Oh, I'm so sorry, Stefanie. I've blessedly never been through weight gain worries, but there have been other things where you think that's it, you've had a breakthrough and are now going to look back on this time and think it's all better now. And then it's not.

    I hope she breaks that 20-pound mark for you soon.

    | August 12, 2009 @ 12:20 am

  20. sirenna said,

    If the little tyke gained 1.5 lbs, making her about 20.5 lbs that would be almost 8% of her total body weight. That's like a 150 lb person trying to gain/lose 12lbs. It's not going to happen overnight and you are doing everything right. It's just going to take time.

    At least she has an appetite and we all know gaining 8% is always faster than trying to lose it!

    | August 12, 2009 @ 12:55 pm

  21. sirenna said,

    I know, I know – sadly that doesn't explain why she lost weight.

    hang in there!

    | August 12, 2009 @ 4:26 pm

  22. MereCat said,

    I can't believe that! You had me going, and I was all excited. I can't believe after eating that well she lost weight. Are there more calories in that stuff you feed her at night? If so, trash the veggie sticks and try something thicker. Like cream cheese. It really sounds like you're on to something big so keep trying.

    | August 12, 2009 @ 7:04 pm

  23. Melissa said,

    Just want you to know you're in our prayers. Keep the faith. It's hard, I know.

    | August 13, 2009 @ 1:00 pm

  24. Mommy on the Spot said,

    It's so frustrating when you think you are on to something, and then it backfires!! I am having acid reflux problems with my 4month old,and I thought we made some progress and then a whole day of crying and spitting up. Made me feel like a big fat looser of a mom. But what I tell myself is that I am trying my best, as I am sure you are too. We can't do any better than that.

    | August 14, 2009 @ 2:14 am

  25. Anonymous said,

    Bummer! I agree with the more calorie dense foods though — smoothies with cream/high fat yogurt were our salvation. And butter on everything. And lots of protein. We used to mix a protein powder into those smoothies, actually, it was helpful as well. Good luck!! You'll get there. I do agree that the Pediasure at night does weird things to their day feeding. Maybe go every other night?

    | August 17, 2009 @ 5:58 pm

  26. Jeanette said,

    Instant breakfast works! I tell my daughter it's chocolate milk, and she asks for it all day. She's a terrible eater, always has been, and at 3.5 has never even tried chicken.

    A recent breakthrough: she ate a plate of pancakes. Granted, they were soaked in syrup but she licked them up. I had her "help" me make them, and she was so excited to try them.

    I also sort of traumatized her by telling her that if she didn't eat, she would be blown away by the wind. She's really afraid of wind now. Can't win.

    | August 18, 2009 @ 3:02 am

  27. Anonymous said,


    Tried to post a comment, but it was too long – sending you an e-mail instead. Please forgive the intrusion.

    Mom with a similar story

    | August 18, 2009 @ 9:57 am

  28. Kyla said,

    We do bolus feeds throughout the day. Let her eat, then tube, let her eat, then tube. We aim for 3 tube feeds each day (or 3 pediasure by mouth). If she wants to drink and eat, great, if not, we make up the difference for her.

    | August 18, 2009 @ 2:52 pm

  29. Wicked Step Mom said,

    Steph, I am so sorry dude. I am glad that Sadie was starting to eat better, even if she is not gaining weight. Hang tough! I hope that she can spin the car seat around soon!!

    | August 19, 2009 @ 1:08 pm

  30. Anonymous said,


    | September 2, 2009 @ 1:36 pm

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