All’s Quiet On the Western Front

So I brought Sadie in to see the surgeon who placed her g-tube for another follow-up hoping that she would need a larger size button. We’d been doing some wishful thinking over here imagining that when we lifted her up from her crib she felt soooo much heavier. Not so much. In fact, her weight was lower in the surgeon’s office than it was the last time we saw our nutritionist. But, then again, she’d puked three times on the way over – apparently she gets car sick – and everyone knows the best time to weigh yourself if you’re hoping for a low number is after a good bout with puking.

I know what you’re thinking, how about a less blowing chunks chat and a more pictures – yeah, yeah, yeah, we’ll get there but right now we’re going to hear more about Sadie’s weight so deal with it or scroll the hell down and stop being such a bunch of harpies. Now, as I was writing, the doctor told us that we needed to put some more pounds on her. Really? That’s great advice! We hadn’t thought of that. Oh, wait, yes we did. That’s why we had YOU place a god damn fucking g-tube! (I’m not sure the exclamation point was entirely necessary when that was already in italics but whatever – I was pissed -get it?) The doctor wondered if she was getting the right amount of calories.

I explained that Sadie, ever conscious that this is bikini season was currently doing the South Beach diet and really kicking ass. The hardest part for her is the “no alcohol” which I completely understand. He didn’t think it was funny but the nurse chuckled – then someone (another nurse or resident or random dumbass) commented “Wow, she’s the size of a ten-month-old” and I left my body for a few minutes, quietly had a panic attack, talked myself down from it, came back to earth and smiled vaguely while calling her a cocksucker in my head.

The doctor did say that Sadie looks healthy and “a hundred times better than when he last saw her,” although I didn’t know she looked bad back then. It’s kind of like if you started going to the gym, lost five pounds and someone was like, “Whoa, you look amazing! Did you lose twenty pounds? You look a hundred times better. I bet you can almost wear a bathing suit!”

God, I take things personally don’t I? I realize I have issues.

So I got home and emailed my nutritionist who immediately emailed me back and sternly told me to calm down. I love her.

Truthfully, Sadie is actually eating better. She’s getting her speech therapy, physical therapy, occupational therapy and we’re feeding her more in the tube overnight. That’s about all we can do. I know I’ve said I accept what’s going on with her, and I do, I really really do. And I know it will all work out exactly how it’s supposed to. But that doesn’t mean it’s not a tad aggravating when doctors say dumb things. And I don’t care if you do work for Cedar’s.

That’s a cute face.

As is that.

Sorry, can’t let you leave without another hit of cuteness. My God, it’s like they’re simply BEGGING to be models. It’s all I can do to restrain myself from signing them with Eileen Ford petites. I have a feeling these twins were born to be exploited.

Posted by Stefanie Wilder Taylor on July 19, 2009 6:34 pmUncategorized27 comments  


  1. Carrie said,

    Sorry you're having to deal with all that- I hope she gains some weight soon. Love the pictures!

    | July 19, 2009 @ 7:13 pm

  2. Kyla said,

    Is she getting enough calories daily, but still isn't putting on weight? Maybe she needs a different type of formula, other than Pediasure? There are other enteral formulas available.

    FYI: Scales ALWAYS differ. My kid has had two appointments with two specialists in the same hospital on different floors on the same day and her weight has gone up or down based on which office is weighing her, don't worry too much about minor fluctuations.

    | July 19, 2009 @ 7:21 pm

  3. Aunt Becky said,

    I've never seen a 10 month old that was THAT cute. So, tell that nurse to suck it. Or better yet for my nasty tempter today, *I'll* tell her.

    | July 19, 2009 @ 7:26 pm

  4. Rebecca said,

    Medical 'professionals' can be such asswipes. Do they really think their opinions really matter? Mothers have enough opinions for every single person in any given room therefore when they are meeting with a child and her mother, they should only stick to the facts and provide that magic pill that will make everything better.

    Sadie looks so completely precious and sweet. Just wait till she's 30 and people are saying shes the size of an 18 year old…….that one doesn't sting so bad does it? What about when she's 40 and sizes up nicely with a 25 year old, even better?

    Did you really say to the doctors she was on the South Beach diet and having a hard time with the no alcohol? Or did you just post it here for effect? Either way, I think it's pretty funny. I sure wish I could say stuff like that to Joey's surgeon! He has the beside manner of a turnip!

    | July 19, 2009 @ 7:40 pm

  5. Suzy said,

    She has a beautiful head of hair. Her hair probably weighs 5 pounds, did anyone think of that? Didn't think so.

    | July 19, 2009 @ 7:50 pm

  6. GingerB said,

    I'll see my regular ped who says my baby with a metabolic disorder is fabulous then metabolics tells me she is too small, 4 days later. And even if she is 5th percentile she is huge compared to her big sister. Docs are useless at telling you how to change a child's basic makeup and get them bigger – they are kinda full of shit on this one.

    I am going to give you a stern talking to – YOU ARE A GREAT MOTHER! You obviously feed children or your others wouldn't thrive. Yes she is small but it isn't your fault and it isn't Sadie's fault, it just is what it is. I am that mom you sometimes hear from with an IUGR baby who no one ever gives me grief about because she looks good, sounds good, meets milestones and is smart and happy, so despite being 3years+ and in 18 mos. clothes, no one gets on me. You are getting the speech therapy that will get Sadie where she needs to be and feeding her as best and as much as you can, you can't do anymore but enjoy her. And she is damn enjoyable – oh those eyes! Be good to you and ignore the asshats.

    | July 19, 2009 @ 8:22 pm

  7. Summer said,

    You poor poor thing! Your daughter looks just fine to me, and I bet she could rock a bathing suit like nobodys business.

    Hang in there….it may not seem like it now, but it does get better!!!

    | July 19, 2009 @ 9:43 pm

  8. Summer said,

    I meant, it will, but it does works too.

    Either way….

    | July 19, 2009 @ 9:44 pm

  9. Mrs. K said,

    Those are two beautiful kids- my friend's son is underweight (he's 3 yrs old and wears 24m clothes and they are big) and he's still on formula 2x a day to get nutrients (although this kid eats EVERYTHING I reach out for)…but you know what? the kid eats, he runs, he climbs, his vocabulary is larger than mine- at one point I asked her if the doctor ever figure to take a look at her and her entire family – they are all size 0s. I hate them all.

    I'm no doctor but your girl looks great and I have no doubt she will be great and go on to do great things.

    | July 20, 2009 @ 12:16 am

  10. Amanda said,

    That is DEFINTELY a cute face.

    | July 20, 2009 @ 12:18 am

  11. Biscuit said,

    You know what, you are a fighter. Even in your moments of doubt, you are doing an awesome job. You have strength, perserverance, and faith – this too shall pass. Your girls are beautiful, and you just need to keep going. : )

    | July 20, 2009 @ 2:33 am

  12. Trish said,

    Oh my God, the "wow, he looks so much better" thing DRIVES ME BATSHIT.
    The funny thing is that we have been hearing that his whole life. Apparently he's in a constant state of becoming cuter (which is pretty amazing considering how good looking he is already) because everyone who sees him always proclaims that he "looks so much better than the last time" said person saw him.
    Maybe I should start saying "really? Cause you look worse." or something really obnoxious. I know they think they're being positive, but I liken it to all the people who told me I was "still young" when we were TTC. Fuck them.

    I keep hoping Sadie will suddenly hit a magic weight gain phase. We're *FINALLY* there with Robbie and I'm honestly bewildered. I went from having to keep him at 120+ kcal/kilo to now I have him at just under 100kcal/kilo and he's gaining like 2oz per day. It's……weird. And of course, I keep waiting for the bottom to fall out.
    Of course, now he's downright chubby, but still 5" too short. The doctor mentioned "growth hormones" when he's 3.. Ay yi yi..

    I'm really trying to hold on to the Zen "he'll get there" attitude, but that shit.. well, it kills it.

    Good luck to you. And feel free to talk about baby weight and puke all you want.

    | July 20, 2009 @ 5:09 am

  13. Le Bec said,

    Arh, the old "yeah, she's a good size for newborn" accompanied by a quick roll of the eye which, somehow gets security called on you. Seriously, if you're going to work with prems keep your stupid comment making mouths SHUT.

    Anyway…we had the same problem with tube feeding. Erin actually lost weight one month. We tried everything, special formulas, carb powder, card and fat powder, one and a quartering the strength of her already super fortified formula. There are some IUGR babies who just don't seem to understand what they're meant to be doing with calories.

    | July 20, 2009 @ 7:59 am

  14. Rebecca said,

    some medical professionals need to spend time as patients! honestly they say the worst things without thinking about the emotional consequences.

    i once had an ER doctor tell me that either my baby would live or it would die (I had presented with bleeding at 20 weeks pregnant). Now my doctor told me something similar but in a MUCH MUCH gentler way. The ER dude – i could have punched him on the nose.

    | July 20, 2009 @ 9:20 am

  15. Shannon Kieta said,

    Sorry, I still can't see any "difference" in Sadie. Because she is a "tad" bit smaller??? WTF? She WILL catch up! ANd I promise you, you will probably be posting this time next year…

    How do I tell my Nutritionist to Fuck off becuause she wants to put my Sadie on a diet.

    Suck it Cedars!!!!!!!!!!

    | July 20, 2009 @ 11:35 am

  16. Piccinigirl said,

    now that is one 10 month old who is TOO CUTE FOR WORDS!!!
    My GAWD, could she be prettier. 🙂

    I'm sorry that things are not going the way they should, but she looks GREAT to me. You're the mom, and Cedars can Suck it from me too! Sadie is PERFECT.

    | July 20, 2009 @ 1:08 pm

  17. Gemini Girl said,

    I am so sorry you have to deal with this. YOu are doing everything you can- dont you dare beat yourself up over it. It will all work itself out with time (of course, that doesnt help the now).

    Your daughters are BEAUTIFUL.
    Just beautiful.

    | July 20, 2009 @ 1:30 pm

  18. Mommy, Esq. said,

    I don't understand why Penny's doctors always say that too – "she looks so much better", etc. I thought she looked okay to begin with. Sure, she's about 5 months behind in weight (like Sadie) but so what? I will say that we switched to 30 calorie formula and that has worked and we were told we could keep it going well past her first birthday. She finally gained some weight and then got sick and is dealing with such a runny nose that eating is not possible. These kids – they just do all this to make us worry about them and hug them extra hard. Sadie, dear – keep up the good work and stop torturing your mom!

    | July 20, 2009 @ 2:03 pm

  19. aileen said,

    I recently came accross your blog and have been reading along. I thought I would leave my first comment. I dont know what to say except that I have enjoyed reading. Nice blog. I will keep visiting this blog very often.



    | July 20, 2009 @ 3:01 pm

  20. Anonymous said,

    Aside from the size difference, are the twins identical? They look identical.

    | July 20, 2009 @ 4:14 pm

  21. Jeanet said,

    People are dumb…does it help that I can't tell which one is smaller…they both look pretty healthy to me! Good luck in your journey!

    | July 20, 2009 @ 7:06 pm

  22. Susan said,

    She's adorable. Can you have the speech therapist list goal number one as enunciate "suck it doctor," with clarity? And goal number two, "Are you really that stupid?"

    | July 20, 2009 @ 8:47 pm

  23. Kendra said,

    All I know is, your girls are gorgeous–both of them!

    | July 20, 2009 @ 10:39 pm

  24. Wicked Step Mom said,

    I have learned over the years that doctors are human too. And they say some dumb things from time to time. Doesn't stop me from wanting to punch them in the friggin face, but it helps when I feel like I am at the end of my rope with them.

    I hope she continues to make progress. Because, honestly, progress is progress. And she has proven she will move at her own pace.

    | July 21, 2009 @ 12:23 pm

  25. Catwoman said,

    I think that doctor would look 100 times better with a bloodied lip and a black eye.


    And maybe Sadie's just obsessed with money and is concerned about outgrowing her clothes too quickly the way the other babies are. I think she should be commended for that.

    | July 21, 2009 @ 1:57 pm

  26. My Bottle's Up! said,

    oh love… let's email more. jackson's tube has been out for a few months now, but the puke-ige reared its ugly head last week. i feel for ya.

    in other news…. um, your book rocked my world, so i'm going to read it again.

    | July 21, 2009 @ 7:28 pm

  27. sterndal said,

    she is soo CUTE!

    | July 25, 2009 @ 10:25 am

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