The Bach – So Bad You Have To Love It!

Last night’s episode was hilarious. I wrote a whole column on it for mommytrackd so I won’t go into a whole diatribe about why I think Jason is the biggest cheese monkey to ever flex his guns on a dating show – but suffice it to say – HE HAS A CHILD and that’s exploitive even by my standards. But put that out of your mind and let’s trash it! First off, let’s discuss Stephanie. I know she’s a widow. I get it. I feel bad. But is she taking all her angst out on her eyebrows? Can’t she let just a little tiny bit of fuzz grow in? The whole look between the huge cheek (implants), crazy lips, no brows and Botoxed to death features makes me think of the puppet Lady Elaine from Mr. Roger’s Neighborhood. I’m just glad Jason finally let her leave because her whole suffocating tenderness vibe was freaking me out. When they did the “blindfold Jason and have the ladies kiss him game” was there any doubt that Stephanie kissing both his hands “tenderly” then planting the softest softest softest kitten kisses on his eyelids before moving down to his mouth was going to cause retching?

So she’s gone and now we’re down to four:

Molly: I don’t know. The jury is still out for me. I just can’t work up feelings about her either way. She doesn’t bug me, nor does she interest me. Kind of like ordering chicken at a restaurant. If you’re going to go out, why not order the fish? You can always have chicken. Check your freezer. I guarantee you there is some frozen chicken in there. If you want it, go and defrost it, and then have it tonight. See? Jason you could meet this chick any night of the week at a Bennigans. Or in your freezer. I’m going 5/2 odds on her. She likes beer pong.

Melissa: I think she’s got a good chance. She’s exactly like the other cheerleader from the Bachelor season with Brad/Chad the twins. She’s bubbly, approximately fourteen and totally ready to be a mom. I mean, come on, she said right on camera that being a mom is like second nature to her. People please! She has definitely babysat once or twice. How hard could it be? I’m giving her 1/2 odds. The only problem could be that her parents are sane enough to refuse to whore themselves out for a reality show. Jason could feel that his in-laws to be may not back his decision to make a career out of his 15 min.

Naomi: Just the fact that I practically had to consult the website to even remember that this girl is still on the show is enough to tell me that she will be eliminated next. Men might like her because she seems a little dirty and she has that hair in the face thing that bugs me but also pleases the fellows. But she needs a full personality lift. Can you think of one thing that she likes or has even said on the show? I didn’t think so. Plus, in some shots she reminds me of a gypsy and I automatically make sure my purse is nearby where I can see it. I give her 24/1 shot.

Jillian: By and large I have a love affair with Canadians. They seem to possess a superior sense of irony and use phrases like “fucking the dog” to mean wasting time. But not Jillian. She seems to think it’s the highest form of humor to rate a man based on what he likes on his hotdog. As a lover of funny, I haven’t forgiven her for that. She seems like a perfectly nice person but one you’d never notice walking down the street or even seated in your living room. And nothing against nice but it doesn’t make great TV and that is what Jason is after. Next week she is going to have a little mini breakdown so maybe I’ll change my mind because after all, I do like the crazy.

Also, isn’t Deanna supposed to show up at some point? As they teased it earlier in the season, Deanna’s going to say “I made a huge mistake” which we are supposed to take to mean that she picked Jesse the dorkiest man alive who couldn’t look good in a hat to save his life when she should have picked Jason. I don’t think that’s what she will have meant by it. I think she will go on to explaint that she made a mistake in choosing Jesse. Period. And her advice to Jason will be to “think long and hard about your decision.” And then we’ll all feel mislead by “reality” TV even though we know better. But still, I CAN’T WAIT!

Posted by Stefanie Wilder Taylor on February 4, 2009 12:27 amUncategorized12 comments  


  1. Addie said,

    Oh, that was hilarious!

    I watched the Bachelorette with DeAnna last year but I’ve only caught a few moments of this season. I really want to see the episode when DeAnna comes back! My mom and I have been discussing what’s going to happen.

    I think I may watch the rest of the season now.

    | February 4, 2009 @ 1:15 am

  2. Summer said,

    Stephanie…that girl has watched one too many Pollyanna/Stepford Wife movies. She has the act down to a T.

    Great, now I feel guilty. Her being a widow and all.

    Melissa…poor Melissa. Already setting herself up for failure! What was she thinking coming in and cleaning up? Doesn’t she know if you do it once, they expect it from you for life???

    Just for that, now he’s going to pick her and she’ll have to pay, pay dearly for that one little “impressing” move….

    | February 4, 2009 @ 1:32 am

  3. Heather of the EO said,

    I can’t wait for the Deanna thing either. I’m sure it will fall flat, but bring on her shame!

    And I had the same feelings about Stephanie’s face.

    Sure, Jason is a total cheese ball, but I do still sort of think he’s great. Can’t help it.

    | February 4, 2009 @ 2:03 am

  4. Tess said,

    Lady Elaine…wasn’t that Mister Rogers?!?! I think I’m still haunted by her…

    | February 4, 2009 @ 5:55 am

  5. Anonymous said,

    Hey Summer, good point about the cleaning. Bad move on her part.

    | February 4, 2009 @ 4:23 pm

  6. Kyddryn said,

    How out of touch am I, that when I saw “The Bach”, I thought you meant Johan Sebastian, and not a TV show?

    Yes, yes I did. And I thought “Wow, someone else likes Bach and will admit it!”

    And now I feel all stupid. Thanks. Thanks a lot.

    Meanwhile, I’m not even watching AI this year – just haven’t felt like it. Something must be wrong with the reality TV circuit in my brain. You can watch my share for me – I’m going to bake some chocloate chip cookies instead.

    Shade and Sweetwater,

    | February 4, 2009 @ 7:07 pm

  7. pocket full of pink said,

    Great blog!!

    | February 4, 2009 @ 7:24 pm

  8. Janeabelle said,

    OMG, if you’re right about the Deanna “think long and hard” thing, I’m gonna be so PISSED. I’m totally looking forward to the drama because this season has been very bland, like plain cream of wheat.

    But, honestly, Deanna is a fame whore. She’s back to make a stir. She’ll be back in the mix during the final 3 when they’re on the exotic/luxury “all bikini, all the time” dates in the Bahamas.

    | February 5, 2009 @ 12:33 am

  9. Amanda said,

    I know, they are totally wanting us to think that Deanna has come back to be with Jason, but you know she’s just going to be his love coach or something.

    Despite the hot dog thing, I do like Jillian.

    I am so humiliated that I watch this show, but I can’t stop!!

    | February 5, 2009 @ 1:24 am

  10. LuLu and Moxley's Mom said,

    I’m still mourning The Bachelor when it was Aaron Buerge (or something like that.) Best season ever. Has anyone ever loved a hot tub and cocktails more than that guy? I was in Birmingham, Alabama visiting my family recently and NEARLY FELL OFF THE COUCH when second runner up Brooke showed up on the local news — she’s a reporter there. Remember the whole “my daddy is in prison” subplot? And crazy Christy who freaked out at the winery? Pure reality tv heaven. Sigh. The good old days.

    | February 5, 2009 @ 3:08 am

  11. Amelia Sprout said,

    So I read the title and then read the post and couldn’t figure out what the post had to do with a classical music composer. It took me a good five minutes to figure it out. So, while the post still makes no sense, that along made me laugh. You really ARE funny. 😉

    | February 5, 2009 @ 3:55 pm

  12. KTP said,

    Dorks are better in bed. Duh.

    | February 5, 2009 @ 4:35 pm

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