Hey everyone, I know we’ve been hearing a lot about little, tiny Sadie’s troubles with weight gain and her frequent doctor visits and blah, blah, blah…yeah, even I’m tired of it. It’s about time I got out of my own head and starting dealing with what really matters, you know, things that are going on in the real world. Turns out, something pretty monumental happened to someone we all know and love and here I’ve been obsessing on my own petty problems. I’m sure I don’t need to spell it out for you but: Jen and John Mayer are no more. Oh yeah, they broke up. Kaput. Over. Done and done. And I’ve been inconsolable all morning – I mean, not into the afternoon cause that would be a bit crazy.

But are we expected to just move on with our lives when something so tragic has happened to America’s sweetheart? Just sit idly by while Jennifer suffers through yet another painful break-up? Not just any break up but she lost the prize that is John Mayer. I’ve talked about him before. Such an awesome guy – his candor when it comes to discussing tits, who’s a great lay, how hard bitches are to get rid of, yum…the list goes on. Oh also, how he was recently spotted in a hot tub with another woman…listen, could she be a little needy? Sure. Maybe she Blackberried him too much, bought him too many Cartier watches, lobbied for his music in her movies, said loving things like “BUT WHEN WILL YOU CALL ME?” But all is not lost. Jen, if you’re reading this, there are still some catches out there who I’m sure will find your body a “Wonderland.” What about Billy Crudup? Sure he bailed on Mary Louise Parker when she was 8 months pregnant but he’s broken up with Claire Danes now! You could totally get him!

Good luck Jen!!

Posted by Stefanie Wilder Taylor on August 14, 2008 7:17 pmUncategorized31 comments  


  1. Mommy Melee said,

    Mary Louise Parker can totally come warm her [alabaster white ass] lonely heart in my bed.

    Just sayin’

    | August 14, 2008 @ 8:01 pm

  2. Laura said,

    I heard Vanilla Ice is available.
    Maybe they could make it work?

    | August 14, 2008 @ 8:01 pm

  3. Stefanie said,

    MOMMY MELEE! I’m shocked, also intrigued and sort of in total agreement. She’s a hottie.

    | August 14, 2008 @ 8:07 pm

  4. Black Hockey Jesus said,

    There’s some hot lesbo action in Baby On Bored’s comments. This is awesome.

    | August 14, 2008 @ 8:18 pm

  5. Jennifer and Sandi said,

    HAAHHAHAHA Poor Poor Jen. Another one bites the dust….CRAP!!

    – Jennifer

    | August 14, 2008 @ 8:32 pm

  6. 'That Girl' said,

    I just love Mary Louise Parker. Not sure if I want her in my bed, but she’ll always be sweet little Ruth to me.

    | August 14, 2008 @ 8:39 pm

  7. Amy in Ohio said,

    I’m in lesbo love with Mary Louise Parker and I didn’t know about this Crudup business. What an asshat.

    Oh, yeah, sorry Jen, but I’m beginning to agree with Stephanie, the writing was kinda on the wall on Mayer – and all over the freakin’ internet.

    Why don’t you do yourself a favor and see if Tate is on the market. I always like him, he was such a nice, young man.

    | August 14, 2008 @ 8:51 pm

  8. Amy in Ohio said,

    Update: Tate is out. He’s apparently happily married.

    | August 14, 2008 @ 8:53 pm

  9. Middle Aged woman said,

    I can’t believe we’ve been obsessing over such unimportant things while this kind of news languished.

    | August 14, 2008 @ 8:53 pm

  10. Amy in Ohio said,

    Oh, wait, rumor has it there is a separation maybe.

    Fingers crossed for you Jen.

    | August 14, 2008 @ 8:54 pm

  11. Anonymous said,

    I’m thinkin she dumped him. Can’t we just believe that she’s just havin fun and not getting her heart broken. It makes me feel a lot better about things if I think this.

    | August 14, 2008 @ 9:04 pm

  12. Stefanie said,

    According to the tabloids and they are usually right, she got dumped.

    | August 14, 2008 @ 9:07 pm

  13. Kim said,

    What? Angelina Jolie has a sister?


    | August 14, 2008 @ 9:09 pm

  14. sarah said,

    I’m still in awe of Mary Louise Parker’s breasts after she had that kid.

    I think Jennifer’s got to be a train-wreck in a relationship. Maybe she could be the next Bachelorette…

    | August 14, 2008 @ 9:54 pm

  15. Anonymous said,

    Dear Crabby,
    My husband is helping to plan his best friend’s bachelor party. I feel like he should be supportive of his best friend but I’m not really looking forward to my husband spending a drunken weekend in Vegas oogling and rubbing up against nasty strippers. I asked him how he would feel if I was paying incredibly hot men to show me their junk and rub it against me. He understands my point but thinks that I should just get over it because he isn’t going to get laid or anything. What do you think? Am I overreacting?

    | August 14, 2008 @ 9:59 pm

  16. Ms Picket To You said,

    I think Jen and Sheryl Crow should move in together, adopt babies from more places than Angie, and you know: win.

    | August 14, 2008 @ 10:20 pm

  17. heather... said,

    I was wondering when you were going to stop being so selfish and start talking about what mattered. Like Mommy Melee and MLP totally getting it on. That’s WAY more important than Slim Sadie.

    | August 14, 2008 @ 10:30 pm

  18. Rachel said,

    oh dear god thank you so much for being so fuckin’ funny. i SO need your humor right now. your energy is just spot on in helping add a little lightness to my postpartum anxiety right now having an infant and a two year old. thank you thank you thank you for continuing to put your wickedly funny voice out there for us all to enjoy:)

    | August 14, 2008 @ 10:41 pm

  19. Amber said,

    I read last week that Jen was “finally” getting her baby…from John. I also heard last week that he’s a male slut. I figure Jen’s hot in the sack, but when it comes to all her baggage, eventually the hot sex wears off and they leave her needy @** behind. She is hot though…

    | August 14, 2008 @ 10:47 pm

  20. Susan said,

    You are so bad. And so good!!! Hysterical!

    | August 14, 2008 @ 11:07 pm

  21. MereCat said,

    Yeah, I don’t get it about Jen. No one deserves to get dumped as much as she had. What could she possibly be doing???

    | August 14, 2008 @ 11:40 pm

  22. Anonymous said,

    I think the “other woman in the hot tub” was his band-mates wife. But you’re right, I am sad about this. Is that crazy?! She’s so great. I am rooting for her to find someone just as great.

    | August 15, 2008 @ 12:03 am

  23. CaraBee said,

    I have to admit I don’t get the MLP thing. She has a blank look about her. I do feel sorry for Jen, though. I mean the poor girl gets her heart broken and gets it rubbed in her face on a thousand magazine covers.

    | August 15, 2008 @ 12:23 am

  24. Shellie said,

    John Mayer has made me weak-kneed since I head his voice for the first time, long before it was ever on the radio. I went to see one of his concerts for my 30th birthday, elbowing and kicking teenagers to make it the front-row of the little standing room only music house.

    Are you suggesting Johnny has let fame go to his head? Say it isn’t so…

    | August 15, 2008 @ 1:44 am

  25. Mommy Melee said,

    Oh snap, Heather.

    (I’m all tired and retarded tonight and it took me a full minute to try to figure out which blogger MLP was and why I was getting it on with them.)

    | August 15, 2008 @ 2:07 am

  26. ct said,

    I heard that one of his friends said that he could never stay in a relationship…he just wasn’t that guy.

    But it’s Jennifer…how could you not love her?

    | August 15, 2008 @ 3:48 am

  27. RhoRho said,

    Dammit! I was all psyched about her having his baby (as on this week’s US weekly or something). This is bad news for Cougars everywhere.

    | August 15, 2008 @ 4:05 am

  28. GoSuze! said,

    Hey there! I'm new to your blog and just love it! I'm okay with Jen & John breaking up, since my 20 year old daughter still plans to marry him. Hopefully he won't have a raging STD by then….who has he NOT been with??

    | August 15, 2008 @ 5:06 pm

  29. Surcie said,

    Girl says she wants a family? Girl needs to stop dating celebrities. Period.

    | August 15, 2008 @ 11:53 pm

  30. Kristine said,

    Yeah um, Jen who?

    I admit it, I’m clueless.

    | August 16, 2008 @ 2:55 am

  31. Lisa said,

    This is all entirely frustrating!! I saw no less than 3 OK! Magazine covers in the course of one day today for sale. One had Britney’s first interview since her breakdown, or whatever, another had John and Jen’s wedding pictures! Finally, the third said Jen “Finally gets John’s baby”. I didn’t like her with him anyway.

    | August 19, 2008 @ 1:06 pm

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