Please Don’t Eat All the Tostitos

You know your life has gone completely off the rails when you hear yourself say the phrase “Honey, please don’t eat all the Tostitos. Those are for the nanny.” Really? Has my life come down to policing the eating of snack foods so I won’t have to rebuy them for Jaguar. Oh, I forgot to tell you guys that my nanny once did a little play acting thing with Elby’s Diego figurines where she, as the baby Jaguar, asked Diego if she was going to get fired. She did it all in third person and it was pretty humorous (can you see me hiring someone who wasn’t funny?). So, I’ve called her Jaguar ever since. I think she likes it. I mean, sure, she cries wet salty tears when I call her that but I can read between the lines. Anyway, the Jaguar likes Tostitos. And I’m very lucky to have the Jaguar so you bet your sweet ass I’m going to make sure there are Tostitos in the house.

So if you’re wondering what’s up with Sadie, well, I’ll tell you. And If you’re not wondering, then just stop reading now and feel very bad about yourself. Both babies have been sick again due to one preschooler who catches colds like a swinger catches STDs. They both sounded like crap for awhile so the other day I took them in to see the doctor and it turns out…they both have ear infections again. Hello Amoxicillan, goodbye endless crying…hopefully. But we did find out while we were there that Sadie now weighs a whopping 10 lbs. 8 oz. up from 9 lb 12 oz. 20 days ago. I’m thinking, if I can keep her healthy, maybe she’ll bulk up to like 15 lbs. by the time she’s a year. I don’t even think of her as dangerously tiny anymore. I just think of her as fashionably thin and so lucky she can wear almost anything in her closet! Matilda is almost 15 pounds – up from 4 at birth! Oh, and my pediatrician’s office gave me like three hundred dollars worth of formula. So now, at least I don’t have to worry about the babies eating all the Tostitos.

Posted by Stefanie Wilder Taylor on June 7, 2008 9:33 pmUncategorized19 comments  


  1. Heather said,

    WOW, Sadie is fucking huuuuge now!! Maddie is only a couple ounces ahead of her.

    I have a similar coversation with Mike every week, except instead of “Tostidos” insert “pot,” and instead of “Jaguar” insert “Grandma.”

    My mom is alternative.

    | June 7, 2008 @ 10:16 pm

  2. Black Hockey Jesus said,

    Ear infections blow. This comment isn’t witty – just wanted to be first and I would’ve if it wasn’t for that cursed heather!

    | June 7, 2008 @ 10:32 pm

  3. Black Hockey Jesus said,

    JINX! We commented on each blog’s at the exact same time. I’m totally freaked out!

    | June 7, 2008 @ 10:53 pm

  4. Aunt Becky said,

    I’m sorry, Stef. It was me eating your Tostidos.

    I’m a pig like that.

    | June 7, 2008 @ 10:59 pm

  5. giggleblue said,

    look at that baby packin on them pounds!!

    and you are awesome for keeping tostidos around for the nanny! it’s important to keep people like that very, very happy!

    | June 8, 2008 @ 12:10 am

  6. Mom o'Bean said,

    I don’t want to be the picky jerk, but my own brand of OCD simply won’t allow me to just walk by without asking: isn’t it TostiTos?

    Sooo glad to hear that Sadie is gaining weight like a champ!! And I really, sincerely mean that, I’m not just trying to suck up for correcting you.

    | June 8, 2008 @ 1:27 am

  7. Shannon said,

    OMG Heather made me spit out my coke.

    So glad that Sadie is growing. Please don’t let her get any cellulite though, Eli likes his women trim.

    And since I used to be one of those formula reps I had to giggle at the thought of the rep coming in, looking the empty cabinet, and doing a little happy dance because by golly they really are telling all the moms to use my stuff. She doesn’t need to know it was A mom.

    wow that last paragraph made me realize how lame my job was!

    | June 8, 2008 @ 1:28 am

  8. Stefanie said,

    Yeah, Mom o’ Bean, Tostitos is spelled Tostitos. But however they’re spelled, PLEASE DON’T EAT THEM ALL!

    | June 8, 2008 @ 2:17 am

  9. sarah said,

    Sadie’s doing great!!

    Ethan was a lithe 16lbs @ 1 year and is almost 21lbs now @ 2 years. I have to admit, it’s pretty nice now when I am carting him around that he’s not some 35lb bruiser…

    | June 8, 2008 @ 2:33 am

  10. Katt said,

    Cracking up at Heather’s comment!!

    Yeah for free formula! I asked for some at our last ped appt and was given 8 sticks of the Enfamil premeasured powder stuff. Oh well, at least it was something.

    And yeah for Sadie gaining weight!

    | June 8, 2008 @ 2:38 am

  11. Rachael said,

    Yay for weight gain. If only life went on that way forever…

    | June 8, 2008 @ 4:18 am

  12. Backpacking Dad said,

    My daughter loves tortialla chips. I’m going to go ahead and invite us over for a playdate real soon now.

    I’ll also bring some of her laundry for you to do and let you bring her to the doctor for an appointment.

    | June 8, 2008 @ 4:34 am

  13. iheartchocolate said,

    I am so glad to hear about Sadie!

    I am so sorry they are sick. Tell them I said so. Hope they feel better soon.

    | June 8, 2008 @ 2:49 pm

  14. MereCat said,

    So glad Sadie’s packing on the ounces. Good girl! Ear infections suck so enormously. Mine get them one after the other instead of simultaneously. I don’t know which is worse.

    Tostitos would go stale in our house. I don’t know why. We inhale every other sort of junk food.

    | June 8, 2008 @ 3:16 pm

  15. Stacy said,

    You know, you really should breastfeed.

    I’m kidding, I’m kidding – I just couldn’t resist, in light of all the drama.

    Heather cracked me up. I’ve gotta stop reading your blog because I keep finding all these other cool, funny people’s blogs and now I’m getting nothing done because I sit at the computer all day.

    | June 9, 2008 @ 5:24 am

  16. Catwoman said,

    I had to laugh at Stacy’s comment and now I have to back it up. Maybe if you ate nothing but Tostitos and breastfed, Sadie would be 15 pounds.

    Or else, have you considered feeding her pureed Big Macs? Because that’s what PETA suggested I do with Little Man.

    In all seriousness, I’m sorry they’re sick, but I’m thrilled that Sadie now weighs more than a gallon of milk (or does she? I’m Canadian, how the frick should I know how much a gallon of milk weighs?)

    | June 9, 2008 @ 2:38 pm

  17. becky said,

    Wow! What a productive trip to the doc – grow Sadie grow!
    🙂 Becky

    | June 9, 2008 @ 8:17 pm

  18. Superfish said,

    Congratulations on Sadie’s weight gain!! She’s getting HUGE!!
    But really, don’t worry too much about being as big as other kids – my daughter just had her 1 year check up and is a whopping 16lbs 2oz. Which honestly freaked me out (my nephew is 9 months old and 22lbs – a bit of a difference), but her pediatrician is sure there’s nothing wrong, she’s just tiny. Some kids just aren’t as big as others. (I like to tell her that it’s because all the other kids are overweight and she’s the normal one)

    | June 10, 2008 @ 2:20 pm

  19. Arizona Albino said,

    I had a deja vu of your Tostidos situation in my real life. I put it in my blog. Thanks for keeping me laughing.

    | June 14, 2008 @ 10:12 pm

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