The Facts of Life Theme Song is Running Through My Head

Yes you read that right. My five-month-old has finally surpassed nine pounds. She’s nine pounds three ounces to be exact. She’s the perfect weight of a bowling ball! The doctor seems to think that she’s growing fine for her size and used that “be patient” phrase again. Damn. This IS me being patient. He should see me when I’m really freaking out; it ain’t pretty.

So, Dr. B’s office happens to be in the same block of buildings as my pediatrician and seeing as how Sadie was acting kind of funny – and by funny I mean crying a lot not telling jokes – I decided to run her in the other office to check for an ear infection. I walk in all apologetic, “hiya, um, I know it’s sooort of neurotic but this one’s sister has an ear infection and I’m wondering if this one might have one too.” The nurse says, “It’s definitely worth checking out.” So, I take a seat and make small talk with other parents of sickies. Eventually I realize that the main waiting room probably isn’t the best place for my nine pound preemie and head to the new baby area to hide from germs. Because everyone knows germs are not airborne and can’t travel a few feet to the “safe area.”

This one doctor I don’t like (actually, I love all the doctors in this practice but one) walks by and says, “hey, what are you here for?” So I tell him about my hunch on the ear infection and he says, “Ear infections are not contagious, you know.” I just nodded my head and smiled. But he went on, “Is she feeding well?” I didn’t want to go into her whole medical history with him so again I smiled and said “Um hm.” And in the most condescending voice says, “She doesn’t have an ear infection. If she does, it would be the biggest coincidence in the world.” Really? The BIGGEST? So I said “Listen Dickwad, don’t you have any other patients to misdiagnose on sight?” Okay, actually, I just said, with less of a smile than before, “Yeah, but better safe than sorry.”

We all know how this story ends, right?

Luckily I already have the prescription for Amoxicillan filled for Thing 1.

Posted by Stefanie Wilder Taylor on April 30, 2008 8:29 pmUncategorized22 comments  


  1. Aunt Becky said,

    Go Sadie!

    | April 30, 2008 @ 8:56 pm

  2. A Mom Two Boys said,

    Did you kick him in the nards? Cause that would be a GREAT way for this story to end. Can I say nards?

    Anyway- Go Sadie! Or should I call her Thing 2? I’m confused.

    | April 30, 2008 @ 8:59 pm

  3. Backpacking Dad said,

    You should play the lottery now.

    Right now! Go!

    | April 30, 2008 @ 9:05 pm

  4. Stefanie said,

    I call Mattie Thing 1 and I call Sadie Thing 2 or What’s Her Name or Pea Pod. I know, it’s goofy, but there are so many of these kids now it’s tough to keep track.

    | April 30, 2008 @ 9:11 pm

  5. heidi said,

    you da mama! No one knows like you do. Don’t foregt that. I made my twins thing 1 & 2 costumes when they were 2. Priceless!

    | April 30, 2008 @ 9:17 pm

  6. Susannah said,

    Score one for Super Mama!

    BTW I’m reading your book Naptime is the New Happy Hour and loving it.

    | April 30, 2008 @ 9:47 pm

  7. Jen said,

    OMG! She had an ear infection too!?! That is the biggest coincidence ever in the whole history of the world!

    That doctor sounds like a dink.

    | April 30, 2008 @ 10:03 pm

  8. andi said,

    What an ass hat! I thought ear infections were contagious (maybe I read it during a vicious night of uninformed Googling). If they aren’t, why do all the kids at a daycare seem to get them at the same time? Hmm, I guess it’s just an odd coincidence.

    | April 30, 2008 @ 10:23 pm

  9. giggleblue said,

    ah, i’m happy T2 has gained weight!!! bowling ball size is something to be quite proud of!

    btw, i totally hate this asshat doctor. does he not have children? can you imagine him with his wife? totally horrible.

    | April 30, 2008 @ 10:33 pm

  10. iheartchocolate said,

    I really hope you tell him. Because he totally should know, he isn’t infallible. yeah! good mama.

    | April 30, 2008 @ 11:17 pm

  11. Stefanie said,

    I looked for the doctor (Dr. Wolkie) but he must’ve been in with a patient. But I did let everyone know how irritated I was with him. I have enough on my plate and I don’t need my judgement questioned. I do that to myself enough.

    | April 30, 2008 @ 11:33 pm

  12. MiM said,

    I do that thing, too. That thing where you say what you were thinking but not what you actually said when telling a story about an encounter you had with someone who totally pissed you off. But you clarified. Usually, the person I’m telling the story to has to ask, “Did you really say that?”

    | May 1, 2008 @ 12:11 am

  13. Blondie said,

    Congrats on the good news, Sadie is finally on her way to becoming a typical woman who will eat and gain weight. I just have to say I love you readers! Anyone who says “nards” and “asshat” is da bomb!
    ps. I am gonna have to send one of my “friends” over to this doctor guy, he sounds like a real gem. (By friend, I mean a homeless guy I give $5 to take a dump in Dr. Wolkie’s desk drawer!) Now that would be the biggest, most unlikely coincidence in the whole world!

    | May 1, 2008 @ 1:22 am

  14. Mom101 said,

    I only really wish you had called him Dickwad.

    Or Dr. Dickwad.

    You know, for respect.

    | May 1, 2008 @ 1:58 am

  15. lfm said,

    I took my 15-1/2 month old to the doctor yesterday too…turns out she hit the trifecta…she’s got a yeast infection, an ear infection and a viral infection (which has produced this terrible rash all over her little body). She’s on Azithromicin for the ear infection, Nystatin cream for the yeast infection on her poor little tushy and an ointment for some of the viral infection rash that are bigger and open kind of sores. I see puke and diarrhea (from the antibiotics) in my future.

    | May 1, 2008 @ 1:10 pm

  16. Surcie said,

    Way to rock that instinct, Mama!

    | May 1, 2008 @ 1:32 pm

  17. gmcountrymama said,

    That doctor is a moron. Ear infections are not contagious, but the colds and virus’s that lead to ear infections are. My kids get ear infections at the same time every time. Sometimes I even end up with one AT THE SAME TIME. I am glad you weren’t intimidated by the asshole.

    | May 1, 2008 @ 5:41 pm

  18. Jen B said,

    I’m a new reader and just felt it necessary to comment on this post.


    Nice to meet you! 🙂

    | May 1, 2008 @ 5:51 pm

  19. Angela said,

    I’m so glad you were right. Can you come to our next docs appt.?

    | May 1, 2008 @ 10:13 pm

  20. honeywine said,

    They must get taught Condescending 101. If there’s 1 in 5 of them that’s worth talking to, you’re lucky! I hate doctors. SexyDoctor being on of the exceptions. 🙂

    | May 3, 2008 @ 4:04 pm

  21. Candace said,

    I didn’t believe I’d ever get to a place where I’d stop worrying about my son’s weight gain and tests. It was a fun thing to deal with along with my ppd and two year old acting like a two year old.
    He’s 21 pounds at 2 years now and I’m no longer concerned just jealous about his metabolism.

    | May 3, 2008 @ 9:34 pm

  22. The Mrs. said,

    Suck it, Dr. Do Little. When will they learn that mommy knows best? Good for you!

    | May 7, 2008 @ 1:27 am

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