You Know You Want to See New Pictures

Did I say new pictures? I meant nude pictures.

My daughter is auditioning for America’s Next Top Model. I told her that Tyra is not big on tattoos and that the scuba glasses are so 1985 but she told me, “I have my own look, mama. I don’t listen to the haters.”

Here are the new ones. They still have that new baby smell even though they’re almost two months old. Although their corrected age is like 3 weeks. I don’t really get the math that’s used for that. Some people count from when they’re home from the NICU and some people count from their due date and some just count from when they were born.
Sadie is about six pounds and Matilda is coming up on nine if she’s not nine already.
So lest you think I have this whole three kids thing completely under control; yesterday, after listening to Mattie scream for 90 minutes straight and during the Superbowl when the Giants are my favorite team, I seriously thought maybe she needed a time out. At least maybe a chance to cry in another room so it wouldn’t be so piercing. I started to slide her bassinett down the hall but the damn thing wouldn’t get through the doorway because it has a wider stance than Senator Larry Craig. Everyone was crying at once and not being able to do a simple thing like move it through the door put me right over the edge. I kicked over the bassinett in frustration(obviously the baby wasn’t in it). My poor husband came running in, took the baby from my arms and told me to go to my room where I cried it out for ten minutes. Yeah, I’m the one who got a time out.
Do they have wireless Internet in the psych ward?

Posted by Stefanie Wilder Taylor on February 5, 2008 1:11 amUncategorized28 comments  


  1. sarah said,

    All beautiful!!

    | February 5, 2008 @ 2:17 am

  2. twinmom said,

    Its good to know others cry it out too. Sometimes I just go to my room and close the door and get a good cry out on my pillow. Then everything is all better after that. A good release. Thanks again for your “americas next Kid model” photos. Very cute and so witty with your comments. Made me smile:) Cheers, twinmom

    | February 5, 2008 @ 6:01 am

  3. Jenée said,

    Elby is adorable and it’s great that she’s so comfortable with her body right now. A few more months and she’ll probably be begging for a boob job.

    As for the twins’ age- please tell me you’re joking about the criteria some people use. Although, it would explain how some of the actresses I watched as a kid are now the same age as me.

    | February 5, 2008 @ 6:34 am

  4. Stefanie said,

    Jenee, she had a boob job but then she decided she got too much attention so she had them taken out. The toddler stage is so fickle. Carter’s just wasn’t selling any cute tops for a double D. And as for the twins’ age thing. I’m not kidding.

    | February 5, 2008 @ 6:39 am

  5. MereCat said,

    What sweet and beautiful children! About the piercing screaming thing, get some earplugs. Sounds mean, but all it does is take the pain of shrill out. You can certainly still hear them, but it doesn’t fray your nerves as bad. Crying it out is definitely good medicine too!

    | February 5, 2008 @ 1:07 pm

  6. Catwoman said,

    Oh if you knew the number of baby items I kicked over in frustration (like you with no baby in them), and I only had one kid. Fattie Mattie looks like she could eat her sister for lunch, but I’m sure that within six months, the difference in size will be minimal and Sadie can beat her sister to a pulp for even thinking of stealing her binky.

    Elby totally looks like she’s one of the American Idol auditions who really wants to make the broadcast. She has the hots for Ryan Seacrest doesn’t she? She should just admit it.

    Also the nude picture, Elby looks like mini you. Not because of the nudity, but in her face.

    | February 5, 2008 @ 4:09 pm

  7. Becky said,

    I’m pretty sure they don’t have wireless internet. BUT, we could check in together and cause mischief and mayhem (or just sleep).

    How’s THAT sound?

    | February 5, 2008 @ 5:37 pm

  8. Kyddryn said,

    Oh, I love getting a time out – it usually involves me going to a coffee shop and getting in some writing time.

    Your kids are beautiful. I love that Elby has a strong personality – although I’m sure it isn’t as amusing when you’re in the middle of it.

    I count from when they’re born…’cause, you know, that’s the birthday?

    If you find a nuthouse with wireless, share the wealth, OK? ‘Cause I would SO be in on that!

    | February 5, 2008 @ 6:20 pm

  9. putty said,

    Wow. I didn’t think you really had twins. This whole time I thought you were using “twins” as a metaphor for something else. Now I’m going to have to reread all those older posts. Very embarrassing … for you.

    | February 5, 2008 @ 7:26 pm

  10. Lil Mouse said,

    i wonder if they’ll even out in size? i have 2nd cousins by marriage that are i think about 14 and the last 3 or 4 years one of them shot up in height and the other is much shorter. the shorter one is a bit stockier, not much, the taller one has glasses… if you didnt know they were twins you’d think they were just sisters..

    | February 5, 2008 @ 7:51 pm

  11. Shawn said,

    They are gorgeous — all three of them. Let’s face it, moms are really the ones in need of the time outs most of the time. Fact of life. It’s OK to admit it and take them when possible, which in my house is not oftener enough. Poor grammar intentional.

    Hang in there! Moms with twins probaly do end up, statistically, in the ward more than others, but that’s the beauty of multiples!

    Glad to see you are all managing, glamor and all.

    | February 5, 2008 @ 7:52 pm

  12. gmcountrymama said,

    Your girls are all sooo gorgeous! Just like mama.
    I would have kicked the bassinet also,then I would have felt horriblly guilty because I would have probably broke it.
    I’m with Merecat and the earplugs. I put one in just one ear and it does help you with not waking at every little whimper in the night.

    | February 5, 2008 @ 7:54 pm

  13. Stefanie said,

    You know, Lil Mouse, I don’t know if they’ll even out. Hell, I don’t even know for sure if they’re identical or not but it doesn’t seem like it. Because of the “not getting nutrition in the womb thing” we won’t know for awhile. But good question. I’ll try to love them even if they don’t even out.

    | February 5, 2008 @ 7:58 pm

  14. Denise Thomas said,

    they did when I was there.

    p.s. you’ll be ok, sugarpop. one breath at a time. plus a margarita. that would be good.

    | February 5, 2008 @ 8:57 pm

  15. Diana said,

    Love the pictures! Adorable.

    | February 5, 2008 @ 11:53 pm

  16. Laural Dawn said,

    Ohhhh! Elby is adorable. I love the smile.
    And the babies … they are smiling. I love the little newborn smiles.
    I only have 1 child and I need regular time outs. Crying really gets to me.
    My friend, honestly, would wear earplugs when her baby screamed. She swore that it at least cut the noise a bit. I thought it was freaking hilarious because I’d come over and she’d forget to take them out. (I guess they drowned me out too).

    | February 6, 2008 @ 12:52 am

  17. Lynsey said,

    What cuties they are!

    | February 6, 2008 @ 4:28 am

  18. whatthef*ck said,

    i generally dont comment to you because i cant think of anything clever or clever and snarky enough. so fuck it. its just me. thanks for your comments. dig your sense of humor. cant fucking believe you have twins and a three-year-old. that my friend is SOME shit. and you went off the xanax? that is the crazy part.

    so did the zoloft completely eliminate interest in sex? i dont have much “libido” to lose but having even less is a scary thought. i dont care if i dont have sex but my husband might be discouraged by the possibility of me be even less interested. but i figure maybe if the zoloft perks me up a little maybe i’ll be more inclined to throw a little action his way, especially if i can keep my clothes on.

    bet that felt good to kick over the bassinet, that is until you saw your husband and older daughter’s reactions. th erelease of rage feels good to me until i hear the kids’ reactions, then i feel like a complete fucking failure. i should just go break shit somewhere by myself but i need them to get me fired up.

    hang in there. you have twin newborns. holy mother of god.

    | February 6, 2008 @ 4:38 am

  19. pootandcubby said,

    I don’t know how you can even write a coherent sentence with the twins and Elby to boot. I was going out of my mind with only one newborn and a preschooler.

    Thanks for posting the pics – all the girls are so cute!


    | February 6, 2008 @ 5:00 am

  20. Kate said,

    These photos are so adorable! What cuties. Sorry to hear about the crying and your time out. I’m not sure about wireless in the psych ward but I’ll look into it for you!

    | February 6, 2008 @ 7:18 pm

  21. Stegh said,

    I am so glad you got a time out. I bet it was such a relief to lay there and cry.
    And did you get to watch the rest of the game? isn’t that the important part? GO GIANTS!

    | February 7, 2008 @ 6:27 pm

  22. Kelsey said,

    My daughter was in the room when I opened this post and she said, “Who is that crazy girl?!” She was so excited. Then she said, “Can we meet her.” My daughter is three and apparently knows fun people when she sees them!

    | February 8, 2008 @ 1:17 am

  23. Amy said,

    Those are some super cute kiddies! Nothing wrong with needing a chance to take a breath. I don’t think I ever could have managed twins!

    | February 8, 2008 @ 6:27 am

  24. Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah said,

    There were MANY times when I wished someone put me in time out.

    | February 8, 2008 @ 6:52 pm

  25. Surcie said,

    They’re just gorgeous. All pink and adorable.

    | February 10, 2008 @ 12:15 am

  26. Childsplayx2 said,

    The first few months of our twins was the longest, most frustrating and exhausting time of my life.

    My wife and I said things to each other (usually at 3:00 a.m.) that if a lawyer had been nearby, divorce papers would have been served.

    We definitely needed time outs. Hang in there, it gets easier and soon you’ll be laughing at how hard it used to be.

    | February 11, 2008 @ 3:40 pm

  27. Mother Tucker said,

    Good grief, I had those moments with my first and he was a single birth . . . but colicky (sp) he was! No one was harmed in the rearing of Toby though and now he’s a happy and well rounded 3 year old. 🙂

    My thoughts are with you,
    Mother Tucker

    | February 13, 2008 @ 4:06 am

  28. Buncha Blue-Eyed Monkeys said,

    Your kids are cute, but you already knew THAT! Where do I sign up for a time out? Waaaaaah!

    | March 16, 2008 @ 2:39 am

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