This is Your Brain – This is Your Brain on Tranks

Excuse the lack of posting last week but turns out that having twins is kind of challenging. Who knew?

So, last week I went to the new shrink who, coincidentally is an addiction specialist. This was completely random because my insurance company gave me about 15 names and I called the ones who were the closest and then took the first one with a Jewish name who was taking new patients. Then, after making my appointment, I Googled him and found out his specialty. This actually thrilled me to no end because I couldn’t wait to get his take on Celebrity Rehab! To my shock and dismay, he’d never watched it. What kind of addiction specialist worth his salt, who practices in Los Angeles, no less, wouldn’t watch Celebrity Rehab? I had to rethink my choice. The poor man didn’t even know who Dr. Drew is. Of course, I told him he has to watch because Daniel Baldwin is a hot mess and downloaded pics of his genitals on the phone to Mary Cary the porn star even though he has a wife at home (WHO HE MET BECAUSE SHE WAS THE COOK AT HIS LAST REHAB) and a baby. Then, Daniel decided the whole thing is not conducive to his sobriety. Hey, Danny, I don’t think your shit is conducive to ANYONE’S sobriety. But I hugely digress…

My not-up-to-speed-on-reality-shows doctor was kind of old school. I imagine that he put in some grueling hours at hard core rehab facilities. The kind that aren’t in Malibu and don’t serve rasberries and croissants for breakfast. After I told him my situation of being on Zoloft and my recent prescription for Xanax he diagnosed me as being “hooked on the tranks” I kid you not. He used that phrase. Really? Do people who are not in bad 70’s movies talk that way? Apparently yes.

I told him I found that hard to believe since I’d only been taking them for a couple of weeks and didn’t crave them so much as found they made me FEEL BETTER but he insisted that every body chemistry is different and that even if you don’t feel at all drugged you can still be dependant. Then he reluctantly wrote me another prescription for “the tranks” because he didn’t want me to just stop taking them cold turkey. I turned down the scrip because I had enough at home to last me until our next appointment. How many drug addicts say “no thanks” to a prescription? Then he left the prescription laying out on the desk to the reception area. I actually had to say to him, “hey, you may not want to leave this out here…being an ADDICTION SPECIALIST and all.” I figured it’s gotta be like a jar of jellybeans to these clients. Can’t you just see the next patient walking in, seeing this and thinking they just won the lottery?

So don’t worry my friends, soon I will be off the tranks! But until then, I will enjoy feeling normal – as normal as one can feel who is barely sleeping, trying to lose baby weight, and taking care of newborns.

Before I go, a couple of recommends: first off, I want to introduce a new blogger to our little world. She is someone in my life who is really really cool and going through a tough time. If we give her some encouragement, she will probably open up with her story and I believe a lot of us can relate. http://www.goodjujy.blogspot.com/ is her blog and she just started. Give her a little love. Would it kill you to comment?

I would also like to recommend a book – yes, it’s a mom book, but it’s so different and honest. If you had a colicy baby, you will relate to this woman’s story . I read the book in one sitting and am her new biggest fan. It’s called The Second Nine Months. Check it out.

Posted by Stefanie Wilder Taylor on February 12, 2008 6:38 pmUncategorized10 comments  


  1. MereCat said,

    Thanks for the recommend… will check out your friend and definitely the book. The title says it all… the second nine months… perfect. Hope you are feeling a little better. You sound like you are.

    | February 12, 2008 @ 10:33 pm

  2. Jen / domestika said,

    Any friend of yours… 😉 on my way over there now to spread sweetness and light – a whole different kind of prescription, that, eh?

    | February 13, 2008 @ 12:27 am

  3. Kyddryn said,

    Always happy to surf on over and peruse another blog. Thanks for the heads-up!

    Tranks? Really? Wow…

    I’d say more, but American Idol has turned my brain to mush.

    Shade and Sweetwater,

    | February 13, 2008 @ 1:56 am

  4. Linda Kennedy said,

    I too am the mom of preemie twins (will be four in 3 weeks). The first 6 months are still a blur. Some day they will sleep through the night and nap many hours of the day, and you’ll be a whole new woman. Be proud that you are still able to function in any way at this time — especially with a three year old, too. So glad you still have a sense of humor — the only thing that kept me sane! You need to read Elizabeth Lyons’ books on parenting twins — really tongue in cheek and she’s a super nice person — Ready or Not Here We Come!: The Real Experts’ Guide to the First Year With Twins and the follow up Ready or Not . . . There We Go!: The REAL Experts’ Guide to the Toddler Years with Twins. She too had a toddler when her twin boys were born. Her book was a lifeline, and emailing her really helped when my kids were little.
    Take care,

    | February 13, 2008 @ 3:16 pm

  5. Becky said,

    I’ll pop by and see your friend.

    I think I peed myself when you said the phrase “hooked on tranks.”

    | February 13, 2008 @ 5:02 pm

  6. Catwoman said,

    Hooked on tranks, eh?


    Did you ask him if he could refer you to Celebrity Rehab, because surely a (soon to be) two-book succesful author would qualify as a celebrity. Plus you’ve met Matt Lauer (although, you’ve never told me if you licked his abs for me).

    And think about it this way, you would get to see all the craziness in person and have great blog fodder!

    Also? It’d be a vacation! No crying twins! No evil medela trying to torture you.

    Hell, take me with you, will ya? I’m hooked on sugar and Tom Brady’s hiney.

    | February 13, 2008 @ 6:35 pm

  7. Diana said,

    Forget the tranks…I got the trannies and I got ’em bad!!!

    | February 14, 2008 @ 3:51 am

  8. Priscilla Queen of the Jungle said,

    I think you might go down in blog history with that quote my dear! “Hooked on Tranks” Watch out or Bobby Brown will steal it for his comeback album!

    | February 14, 2008 @ 5:05 am

  9. help4newmoms said,

    I feel for you, Stephanie. You know what really chaps my butt about this motherhood thing? It doesn’t matter how much help you have, or how supportive your husband is, the truth is that at the end of the day, it’s all on you. That thought can make for a very lonely experience, can’t it? I say, do whatever you need to do to get through. Hire all the nannies you need, escape as often as you can, and take whatever drugs you need to make it through.
    I’ll be checking out the book and the website.

    | February 15, 2008 @ 1:20 am

  10. Daisy said,

    Hooked on tranks…should be song title, I’m sure.

    | February 17, 2008 @ 8:28 pm

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