Things I Used To Do Before I Had A Baby

1. drink an entire cup of coffee without forgetting where I put it while changing a diaper or finding a Dora video.

2. Read US Weekly not just on the toilet.

3. Go to a mall not just to browse the Disney Store for an hour and half.

4. Not obsess about Life Insurance and wonder why being “anxious” puts you in a whole other “morgage your house” eligibility bracket. Aren’t all new parents anxious?

5. Masturbate

6. Retain mental acuity past 8:30 p.m.

7. Know where all my expensive jewelry is.

8. Not get way too excited at a stupid 20% off coupon at Bed, Bath and Beyond.

9. Wear my hair in a style other than the ponytail. At this point I’d probably wear a fucking ponytail to the Oscars.

10. Play Tupac really really loud.

11. Smoke pot once in awhile.

12. Lay on the couch all day when I’m sick without my husband saying, “so are you too sick to make her dinner?”

13. Sleep until 11.

14. Judge other parents for their clearly out of control toddlers.

15. Go to Barnes and Noble without heading straight for the kids section.

16. Save my prayers for things more important than that my daughter take a nap that day.

17. Be blissfully unaware that a horrible place called Gymboree existed.

18. Pay my bills on time.

19. Get hit on by a hot guy every once in while.

20. Long for baby like my whole being depended on it.

Posted by Stefanie Wilder Taylor on March 29, 2007 9:28 pmUncategorized12 comments  


  1. In the Trenches of Mommyhood said,

    Good list. I have a few more to add, if you don’t mind…
    *Actually feel BORED sometimes; and
    *Buy purses and shoes instead of diaper bags and Robeez.

    | March 30, 2007 @ 12:27 am

  2. Dad Gone Mad said,

    You had me at #5.

    | March 30, 2007 @ 2:17 am

  3. halfmama said,

    Holy crap that’s depressing.

    I miss doing #14. *sigh* Life was so much easier back when I could judge.

    | March 30, 2007 @ 3:34 am

  4. LaLa said,

    I am ashamed to add
    *shower every day (yeah, if I don’t get it in during nap …well)
    *eat out at a restaurant and actually get to eat

    | March 30, 2007 @ 1:49 pm

  5. Stephanie said,

    Love the list.

    And lala’s right about the shower thing.

    Don’t tell anyone I said that, though. It’s a li’l embarrassing.

    | March 30, 2007 @ 4:26 pm

  6. Queen of the Run-on Sentence said,

    I was reading your list saying to myself “yep, yep , oh yeah, me too, sigh, etc”
    what about:
    “not smelling of spit up, poop,old cereal or all of the above”

    | March 30, 2007 @ 4:55 pm

  7. Dana said,

    Some of these things are faint memories for me….

    Now that my son is 2 1/2 I feel like I’ve lost myself more. Where’d that fun Dana girl go?

    Great post!

    | March 30, 2007 @ 5:08 pm

  8. Lena said,

    Personally I think you have every right to continue to play Tupac until Elby can ask “mommy, what’s a crack ho?”.

    Love number 20 – you always know how to end a post…maybe because you’re high?

    | March 31, 2007 @ 3:39 am

  9. Taira said,

    yeah masturbating used to be an everyday thing but now its just as often as i get sex. I’M JUST TOO TIRED!!! showering is a definite priviledge now and you better believe I thank god when there’s hot water left. I used to dance in nightclub cages, now I dance to whatever’s on Playhouse Disney. maybe we should all collaborate and write a book “Things you need to appreciate before having babies.”

    | March 31, 2007 @ 3:46 am

  10. Denise said,

    Babe you gotta get back to #5. Hobbies are important!

    | April 1, 2007 @ 9:44 pm

  11. Crunchy Carpets said,

    Well, apart from #19, yep……

    | April 2, 2007 @ 4:03 pm

  12. BlondeMomBlog (Jamie) said,

    You nailed it! 😉

    | April 19, 2007 @ 3:23 am

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