Sorry If I Repeat Myself

Let me start on a light note: yesterday, because I was going out to celebrate my anniversary with the guy I trapped into marrying me by pretending to be a stable individual, I had my toes done. And on a whim cause that the kind of “throw ten dollars to the wind” kind of gal I am, I had them put little hearts on my big toe. Isn’t that totally ghetto fabulous? It’s pretty cute. I recommend it.

Okay, so stop me if you’ve heard this one about Sippy Cups before, but what is it about the topic of breast feeding that inspires people to spew venom at me because I dare to tell women it’s “okay, if they can’t breastfeed.” Why is this such an affront to people? About a week ago, I noticed a freakishly long review of my book which took about a half hour to read since I was also trying to eat a bagel and it kept falling out of my mouth because my mouth was hanging open in shock. This woman’s review has since been taken down (and then replaced by one that she edited to take out the most offensive parts) but still retains the pedantic air of holier than thou. In the first review, this woman actually called my daughter stupid, me a wimp (which she still does in this one) and says that my daughter will amount to nothing and that I’m a terrible mother. Oh and that my daughter smells bad.

Now normally, I might laugh at the ignorance and stupidity that I see everyday not just in my book reviews. But something primal in me was awakened when I read the mean things another WOMEN would say about my two-year-old daughter. Then this same woman put up in her blog (I have a google alert on my book – so it came up) bragging about how she really socked it to me in the name of breastfeeding mothers. Of course all breastfeeding mothers, even extremists are like this, but quite a few are and the implication that every mother who feeds her child through her breast makes her a better mother who is raising a smarter child is still running rampant.

I know, I know, this topic is old and tired. But her review made me cry and sent me into a downword spiral. I felt like, wow, no matter how much love I give me daughter, no matter how much of myself I sacrifice, it will never be enough for some judgmental people. I nearly killed my own spirit trying to breastfeed a baby who didn’t want and physically couldn’t be breastfed by me and if there had been ONE BOOK like mine telling me it’s okay, and that as long as I’m feeding her, and cuddling her, and attuned to her needs she’ll be fine. Maybe if someone had said that no electric pump (which I rented), no Fenugreek supplements which I took until no one would come within 10 feet of me and no lactation consultant doing backflips would help me bond with my daughter better than just snuggling with her in my nice warm bed, looking into her eyes, breathing in her catnip like smells until she fell asleep in my arms, I might not be still smarting over this.

I can’t stress this enough! I think it’s wonderful if you breastfeed. Do it wherever and whenever you want. Do it on the subway, do it in Target, do it in Oval Office, do in on Barbara Walters doorstep, do it until your kid is in Junior High ( I think that’s weird but that’s just my opinion). But for God’s sakes please, please stop saying such horrible things to the women that cannot or choose not to do it.

And for the record, this woman whose review had to be changed, emailed me and told me that

“i’ll be honest with you, i was breastfed & i had an ear infection like every week when i was growing up. but i wasn’t about to admit that on my soapbox (aka- my first amazon review.)”

I’m not mad anymore. I just want this to stop. I’ve had enough.

Posted by Stefanie Wilder Taylor on March 5, 2007 10:07 pmUncategorized42 comments  


  1. kate said,

    Oh honey, I had to de-lurk for this one. Please don’t ever lose sight of the fact that you provide sanity for the women who can’t/don’t breastfeed. Post-partum depsression is rampant in this country, due in large part, I believe, to the judgemental nature of other women/mothers. If you help just one woman accept herself and her decisions, you have done a beautiful thing. For me, that voice of sanity came from Anne Lamotte’s wonderful book “Operating Instructions”. I’ve given it to every new mother I know. We need to hear that it’s perfect normal to want to toss your child out the window in order to get some sleep yourself. That is reality, and hearing it expressed is what kept me from doing it! Armed with the comforting knowledge that I wasn’t alone, I was able to accept that brief feeling, laugh about it, and get on with adoring my child. You have done the same for many, many new moms, I’m sure of it. Thanks for putting yourself out there! 🙂

    | March 5, 2007 @ 11:47 pm

  2. kate said,

    PS. I am going straight to amazon to buy your book, on principal. I’ll read it myself (because I LOVE that title) and then pass it on. So there, evil hate-mongering reviewer!!

    | March 5, 2007 @ 11:51 pm

  3. Stefanie said,

    Kate, I just want to say thank you so much for saying that. It meant so much to me! Sometimes it’s so isolating to write things that people find controversial. So thank, you thank, you thank for supporting me.

    | March 6, 2007 @ 12:15 am

  4. chatty cricket said,

    I’m delurking too.

    I did not breastfeed my daughter, and I am not breastfeeding my son, and I probably will chose not to breastfeed any future children. I have a billion reasons why it was not right for me, not the least of which I knew I could be a better mother by not breastfeeding than I could be by breastfeeding. Nothing can substitute for a healthy mother, and a healthy parent/child relationship, not even all the DHA and antibodies found in all of the breastmilk in all of the land.

    I’m a big believer that a happy Mommy is a good Mommy, (and not to limit a woman’s happiness to whether or not she breastfeeds, but for the purpose of this discussion, let’s) and if breastfeeding works for you and you enjoy it, fantastic! If it doesn’t work or you chose not to breastfeed and you are happy and bonding with your (equally happy) baby, also fantastic!

    There are so many choices in parenting, and so many opportunities to judge other women for what they do or don’t do. Enough already, it’s so catty. Why can’t everyone just focus on raising their OWN children to be healthy, well adjusted individuals according to their own parenting standards?

    Sadly, I’m sure there will always be something. Tune em out. Parenting is hard enough without the extended peanut gallery.

    | March 6, 2007 @ 12:20 am

  5. chatty cricket said,

    and yes, so also, thank you for being a voice for those of us in the minority.

    | March 6, 2007 @ 12:22 am

  6. Kelsey said,

    I have started giving the name of your book as a must read to new mothers. When I was getting started (my daughter is two now) I wish I’d had someone saying, “Be ye not so hard on yourself!”

    We do the best we can, gosh, most of my generation wasn’t breastfed, and I think most of us are doing just fine, thank you very much.

    Extreme viewpoints can make just about anything seem horrible. Thanks for lending your honest voice to world!

    | March 6, 2007 @ 1:31 am

  7. Colleen said,

    Delurking to say, I did breastfeed my son and my daughter, but I would never never dare pass judgement on another woman for either being unable or just choosing not to breastfeed. Frankly, I have no use for someone socking it to you and your daughter on my behalf. I’ll save my rightous indigation for someone who gives me crap FOR breastfeeding rather than someone who’s just sticking up for her peeps that don’t.

    So take heart in this all you who have been mocked and ridiculed by the breastfeeders…your boobs will never sag quite as badly as theirs.

    Trust me on this.

    | March 6, 2007 @ 1:39 am

  8. Mrs. Chicken said,

    I couldn’t breastfeed The Poo and you’d have thought I asked for acid in the hospital, not formula. We didn’t even make it home without a bottle.

    I have often felt this way. Thanks for telling me I’m still a good mom.

    | March 6, 2007 @ 2:11 am

  9. halfmama said,

    Another de-lurker… Why did crazy breastfeeding mom write such judgemental things, only to write you personally afterwards and admit that she had ear infections after being breastfeed. Why? WHY? It just seems so… evil. Did you hear a cackle when you opened her email?

    After being up for months with twin infants; after having one twin at home while the other was in the ICU; after nursing, pumping, mastitis, yeast infections, crying, nursing, pumping, pumping, pumping… I’ll be damned if anyone tells me that I’m an awful mother because I didn’t nurse as long as they did. And if anyone tells me that to my face I will tell them to shove it. Far. Up. Their. Judgemental. Rude. A**. Personally, I feel like my twins are lucky that they were even fed. I’m the freakin’ Mother of the Year, damnit.

    Thank you for spreading the word that mothers are not evil if they don’t/can’t breastfeed. Someone has to lead the battle—not against breastfeeding, but against mothers who judge others FOR NO APPARENT REASON. Why do some moms feel that that their labels of ‘mother’ give them some sort of entitlement to speak out against things that are, truly, none of their f’ing business in the first place? WhoTF cares what other moms do, as long as their kids are happy, healthy, safe, and LOVED?

    | March 6, 2007 @ 2:40 am

  10. halfmama said,

    Sorry I just faux-cursed so much in that last post. It’s hard for me not to let a few f-bombs loose when I get angry.

    Flippin’ Mother of the Year, I tell you.

    | March 6, 2007 @ 2:53 am

  11. surcie said,

    Right on, Kate. I had read “Operating Instructions” before I became pregnant, so by the time I had my baby, I knew a lot of my feelings were not abormal. When Stef’s book came out, I no longer had an infant, but it really validated my breastfeeding experience. People had tried to make me feel badly for not being able to breastfeed and, for too long, I felt guilty. That’s just bullsh*t.

    Whoever is trying to tear you down, Stef, does not feel good about herself. She’s using you to give herself a pat on the back–a false sense of confidence. It’s as simple as that.


    | March 6, 2007 @ 2:55 am

  12. gmcountrymama said,

    Wow, what a horrible mean woman. So sorry you had to endure such pain.
    I breast fed both my kids but I still got a lot of flack from extreme breast feeders because I didn’t do it LONG enough. How long should it be done? Until they get married and can suck their own spouses nipples for oral gratification? My son is 3 and a half and I can’t imagine breastfeeding him, he giggles like a teenage boy if he hears words like booby.(not that I say words like booby)(well sometimes) I breastfed for 3 months each baby and just was not able to pump when I went back to work. Pumping was worse pain than the actual breastfeeding to me. I also got grief because I took my pain medicine while breastfeeding and used a non-approved(by the American Pediatric ASS.)topical cream on my nipples because they were sore, A & D, which worked great and both were approved by MY doctor.
    Your daughtor is beautiful and I am sure she is not smelly.

    | March 6, 2007 @ 4:09 am

  13. Stefanie said,

    Thank you again for all your supportive comments. It goes a long way to give me the bravery to keep speaking the truth the way I experience it. I’m certainly in no way shape or form supermom but I do the best I can. And breast feeding or not should be the least of our concerns. Thanks for delurking to say what you think. It means so much to me!

    | March 6, 2007 @ 4:23 am

  14. anna said,

    In the immortal words of Rodney King, “why can”t we all just get along?”

    Typo alert:

    Of course all breastfeeding mothers, even extremists are like this, but quite a few are and the implication that every mother who feeds her child through her breast makes her a better mother who is raising a smarter child is still running rampant.

    | March 6, 2007 @ 2:03 pm

  15. Jess said,

    Women like that help to remind me why I just in general can’t stand people. Don’t let the bastards get you down, Stefanie.

    | March 6, 2007 @ 2:33 pm

  16. Chicagoland Mamacita! said,

    HI, long-time lurker, first-time poster. I wrote a really long comment and then realized it would make a better post. Unlike what’s-her-name, I’m not going to assume all webspace is my personal pulpit. The Bottom Line: we’re all doing the best we can, and I admire you immensely for: 1) writing a book about something so personal; 2) having the poise and presence of mind to go on the Today Show -twice- and making us all laugh; 3) being as open as you are about the realities of life as a mom; 4) just being a super-cool person in general.

    I’m so sorry she wrote those things…big, big hug from over here in Chicago…she’s just jealous of your fame and good looks.

    | March 6, 2007 @ 3:36 pm

  17. Adela said,

    I wish your book had been available to me when I first had my daughter, but I didn’t discover it until she was 6 months old. I was not able to breastfeed as I had been bleeding through my nipples (too graphic?) since I was 4 months pregnant. My doctors said it was safe, but I was not comfortable doing it under those circumstances. Everyone kept asking me if I was breastfeeding (I don’t get that – I have NEVER asked anyone if they are breastfeeding) and when I would say “no” there was always a pause, as if expecting an explanation, which I usually thought they didn’t deserve. People can be very judgemental about this and although I was very sure about my decision, I would go through episodes of doubt everytime someone chose not to mind their own business. Bottom line – this issue is about choice and privacy and discretion – and people who cross that line, well, let’s just say it says a whole lot more about them than about you, or me.

    | March 6, 2007 @ 4:19 pm

  18. KellyA said,

    I am also delurking here. I read that womens review and found it completely ridiculous. Ok, how the hell can you tell me your 3.5 year old intelligence is off the charts? Is she kidding. What kind of pressure is this kid going to get since Mommy is expecting to have a wonder child since she was breastfed. I have a 5 and 7 year old. I couldn’t breastfeed my son at first because he was a premature and couldn’t latch on. He eventually got it, but lost interest at 6 months. My daughter could have breastfed all day, but I couldn’t. I too read Anne Lamott’s book and it was of great comfort to know I was only slightly crazy. I wish I had yours at the time. The only book out there when I was pregnant that I could find was the whole What to Expect books, talk about pressure. I couldn’t even read those. I figured, as long as I loved my kids and took care of their needs it would be good. It was. One last (slightly catty) thing, Secrets of the Baby Whisperer. Don’t they have a dog book too?

    | March 6, 2007 @ 5:44 pm

  19. Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah said,

    One of the crappy things about the internet is that people feel like they can get away with saying really horrible things about other people just because they don’t think we are reading.

    I know it sucks, but try not to let her get to you. I think the women that get so freakish about breastfeeding act that way because either 1) they feel bad about other things that they do or 2) they honestly can’t understand that breatfeeding isn’t easy and right for everyone.

    | March 6, 2007 @ 5:51 pm

  20. Laura said,

    A-freaking-men. I read your book (well, devoured it) and nearly got whiplash from all the nodding in agreement I did. I just don’t understand why we can’t all just respect each other’s choices, and why the most judgemental women are the ones that are screaming the loudest for respect for their choices. Respect goes both ways and I will never respect someone who attacks not only me but an innocent child. It is easy to attack people from behind a computer when you don’t have to see the hurt on a person’s face.

    I have started giving your book as shower gifts because for my money, your book is the most realistic and more reassuring book out there for new moms. There are a lot of women that feel the way I do so the negative reviewer can just go…well…go away. Keep up the good work!

    | March 6, 2007 @ 5:58 pm

  21. Stefanie said,

    I can’t thank everyone who has commented here enough! We never understand how strangers supporting us can be so uplifting but it is! I had been feeling so bad and now, I feel like an army has come to stand by me. Thank you so much!

    | March 6, 2007 @ 6:03 pm

  22. BlogWhore said,

    let me at her.

    i’ll squirt her in the face with my milking boobies.

    i’ll strangle her with my sling. and smoother her in my homemade food.

    doesn’t matter your style of parenting, bad mouthing other mommies is just plain wrong.

    | March 6, 2007 @ 6:19 pm

  23. amanda said,

    Thank you for this post. I am so tired of judgemental moms making me feel like a failure for “giving up”. It’s amazing really, how incredibly difficult women can make it for one another. Especially when we are ultimately trying to do the same thing. What is best for our families.

    | March 6, 2007 @ 7:41 pm

  24. Misfit Hausfrau said,

    I am so sorry this happened to you. Your book is FANTASTIC and real. Would I have loved to have breast fed my first time around? SURE! Unfortunately, my milk didn’t come in and I didn’t realize that I was starving my child until she had been home for 3 DAYS! The strangers who asked about my baby felt the need to ask if I was breastfeeding. Funny, but I have NEVER asked someone if they are breastfeeding. When I said no, they would literally recoil. Fuckers. By the time the second child came, I had no desire to breastfeed. Funny, no one ever asked me the second time around.

    It is unfortunate that people hide behind the internet to spew their judgemental vomit. No one deserves that. Except for maybe Anne Coulter.

    | March 6, 2007 @ 8:09 pm

  25. Meredith said,

    I agree. I’m tired of the poison exchanged by mothers who ruthlessly judge one another simply because everyone doesn’t parent in the way they think they should. I keep hoping and praying that moms stop this waste of energy, stop with the name-calling and start recognizing that there’s more than one way to love and raise a child. No one corners the market on parenting wisdom.

    | March 6, 2007 @ 9:08 pm

  26. Queen of the Run-on Sentence said,

    One of the multiple de-lurkers…I did not breastfeed either of my kids and they havent turned out to be serial killers, unibombers, or even in therapy over the fact I choose not to breasfeed. I have yet to come across on person that emulated Boo Radley because they were given formula.
    I think that we should support each other without tearing women down.

    | March 6, 2007 @ 9:45 pm

  27. Stefanie said,

    Karen, I certainly don’t want to have a feud with you. You know that. I have said my piece to you and you have backed down quite a bit. BUT…your first review and many parts of your edited review, although trying to be cute and “I’m just sayin’ ya’ll,” it still is very judgemental. You said in your first review that I was a horrible mother, insinuated that I would hit my child in the nursery to stop her from crying and called me a wimp over and over. I understand that you didn’t mean it or that you were off your meds BUT, what remains is no just my parenting being judged harshly but every other mother who didn’t do it your way. You say you have nothing against formula feeding moms and yet you said straight out that my daughter is and will be stupid because I didn’t breastfeed her. And you weren’t joking. The reason I had to post about this even though I’m letting the whole thing go is my curiousity that after Amazon took down your review because it was a scathing rant aimed soley at me and my daughter, you put it back up with a few adjustments. If you don’t feel so judgemental about women who formula feed, then why put up a review that judges that exact decision? The worst part to me is that you admit that you “flipped through the book.” and after I wrote you a letter telling you how sad I felt by what you said and how I almost had a nervous breakdown trying to breastfeed my daughter, you still put the review back up! Where is your compassion? You have a right to your opinion but you don’t know what goes on in other women’s bodies, hearts and minds and until you do, please think before you judge.

    | March 6, 2007 @ 11:22 pm

  28. Anonymous said,

    Karen, you need to go back and edit futher on amazon. it isn’t a book review, its a rant. its inappropriate. its destructive. I’m glad you and steph are now gal pals, but that doesn’t excuse your judgemental, damaging, mean-spirited santcitmommy rant. you do a lot of damage to a lot of people. I expect more from you. since you were, after all, breast fed.

    | March 6, 2007 @ 11:27 pm

  29. shannon said,

    And another thing Karen. . . the formula companies have this thing called a *telephone number*. Anyone can call them and they will gladly remove you from the mailing list. I used to work for one of those “big, bad formula companies” and I had an entire garage full of free formula at my disposal, but I still breastfed. It has nothing to with samples. Some people are not able, some people are not willing. . . whatever the reason is, it is THEIR decision. It is not my place to judge, it is formula not arsenic!

    | March 7, 2007 @ 1:06 am

  30. Djamine said,

    I know that it is harder than it sounds, but don’t let it get to you. Go back to your comedic roots: remember how you had to develop an immunity to your audience’s reactions and apply the same thing to people who criticize your mothering skills.

    I think your daughter looks healthy and beautiful. I’m not really that into kidlets, but I know a good kid when I see one.

    You’re educated, beautiful, and damned funny. I don’t think that a few drops of formula is going to reverse the excellent genes that you’ve passed on to your daughter.

    I don’t understand the need for mothers to judge other mothers so harshly. I’ll never get it.

    Just realize that you aren’t the one being extremist–that you aren’t the one being hyper-critical. If your daughter learns from your tact, then she’ll be several steps ahead of your naysayers.

    | March 7, 2007 @ 6:10 am

  31. gmcountrymama said,

    Just felt I had to say that I work in hospital and was able to use the best hospital pumps available and it still HURT LIKE HELL!

    | March 7, 2007 @ 2:42 pm

  32. halfmama said,

    I just wrote another very long comment and decided to delete because (to sum up) it’s not even worth it to argue with someone who doesn’t realize or believe that they are being judgemental. Stefanie, I hope you feel better about this issue and know that you DO NOT STAND ALONE.

    | March 7, 2007 @ 3:52 pm

  33. Stefanie said,

    Thank you to everyone’s whose comments were so right on. I feel like you guys completely “get it” which is why I’ve come to love blogging so much. At times you can feel like you live in the Land of Misfit Toys and then someone pops in with a comment and you feel like “Aaaaaahhhhhh…I’m not alone.” I feel much better about this whole thing and, screw it, someone had to be the voice of reason that we all can’t formula feed and I knew I’d take some slack for it. But Karen, honey, speaking from experience, stay on those meds!

    | March 7, 2007 @ 4:32 pm

  34. Antique Mommy said,

    Yes, enough of the breast feeding wars. I was one of those women who could not due to meds I have to take. The assumption was made that I chose not to and oh, the looks of contempt and the lectures. I felt bad enough thta I couldn’t without all that. Oh and my child is three and just now has his first ear infection. So there.

    | March 7, 2007 @ 7:20 pm

  35. Melissa R. Garrett said,

    OMG!! Not to get too long and wordy here, BUT. I was 21 when I had my first kid and did not want to breastfeed AT ALL. I experienced such a rotten pregnancy that I was ready to have my body back to myself the moment she entered this world. No one cared that I didn’t want to give it a go, and I felt like I was forced. I was so unhappy, and I felt . . . weird. I lasted three months, alternately nursing, pumping, and formula feeding, before finally switching to formula completely. With my second, I got A LOT of pressure from everyone (husband included!) to nurse. Again, hated it. I gave it an honest try, but my son did not want to cooperate. I lasted a month before a horrible case of mastitis ended any desire to nurse at all. My third, now 20 months, is STILL nursing. And now I am having people actually tell me enough is enough. She latched on right from the very beginning and was a pro. But I was also ready for it this time around. Still, you just can’t make everyone happy with what you decide to do, and the only two people you should really be concerned about making happy anyway is youself and your child.

    I really need to read your book, dang it!

    | March 7, 2007 @ 7:39 pm

  36. cry it out! said,

    My wife had such a horrible, horrible experience breastfeeding that I began to not like my daughter. Who was this interloper, I wondered, who was completely tearing apart the woman I loved? I don’t know how anyone can judge another parent for something that is such a personal and emotional decision. I’m headed to the bookstore today, and I’m putting every sippy cups books I can find title out. Maybe a few will find themselves up front — where they should be.

    | March 8, 2007 @ 6:00 pm

  37. Laural Dawn said,

    Sorry this comment is a little late. I’m delurking here so Hi!
    My son is almost three now. But, the first few months of his life were terrifying. I HATE the breastfeeding debate. I did breastfeed but I felt forced into it. I had terrible ppd. Instead of helping me solve that issue, I had vicious breastfeeding clinic people take away my child’s soothers and basically brainwash me into believing that if I gave my child formula I’d be abusing him. My experience was painful and I felt like a failure. I got told my breasts were too large, and that I just had to deal with the pain.
    I wish I’d had your book back then because I needed the other side. By the time I was ready to do formula my son refused it – and so I struggled for a year of pain, tears, ppd and many bouts of mastitis.(ouch).
    I nursed for 18 months, but when my son was a little over a year I read “Knocked Up” by Rebecca Eckler and realized that I wasn’t alone and I could still be a good mom if I made choices that worked for both of us, not just choices that people stuffed down my throat.
    People who are brave like you and her and publish stuff that gets criticized, but is so necessary are my heroes. I haven’t read your book, but I’m going to pick it up on the weekend.
    Your blog is amazing. And sorry for the long comment.
    PS the link to Rebecca Eckler’s blog is ninepounddictator.blogspot.com
    I think you’d like it.

    | March 9, 2007 @ 12:43 am

  38. Anonymous said,

    I am also delurking to make this comment. and yeah, it’s wordy. I too struggled hard to breastfeed my daughter, and your book was one of the only ones I read that didn’t make me feel like a horrible monster who is ruining her life. She was born with meconium, and had aspirated some, so they took her away instantly, shoved tubes down her throat suctioning her esophagus and trachea, and then, after that and other medical tasks, they proceeded to BATHE her before letting me hold her and try to nurse her. It was more important to clean the silly poop out of her hair than to have me nurse her (and this is a “breastfeeding friendly” hospital..LOL). Anyway, to make a long story very short, she couldn’t latch (i have flat nipples), so the LC had me use a breast shield, but then they found that she couldn’t suck and had oral aversion due to the suctioning. The nurses insisted on trying to give her formula in a bottle, which she also refused. I kept trying with the nipple shield, and pumped colostrum in the meantime in my hospital bed. We were able to feed it to her with a fast flow nipple, holding her chin so she’d suck. At home, the LC could not get her to latch, so I was told to pump 10 times a day, and supplement with formula. Well, she got used to the bottle very quick, but I couldn’t let down for the pump, even when my milk came in. Dh went back to work, and I couldn’t take care of my baby and have time for pumping, and all of it just made me go nuts. So after 4 weeks of this, I returned the pump and feedings have been great since then. We bond like crazy. And she has a sane mother again! But of course, I have had to endure judgement from the breastfeeding advocates who tell me I didn’t try hard enough for her. I just want to tell them to get a life!! What are they teaching their children, by being so rude and judgemental? I feel sorry for them. How dare they insult your beautiful baby girl.

    | March 10, 2007 @ 5:42 pm

  39. Stefanie said,

    To the last anonymous commentor, I feel for you. I had a similar experience and that’s what made me write that chapter. Of course, I would never ever tell women that formula is the way to go, but breastmilk isn’t the ONLY way either. Someone needs to let us know it’s okay. thanks for sharing your story. If I can make a difference to one person, it makes me happy!

    | March 10, 2007 @ 6:31 pm

  40. Mom101 said,

    All I can say is 1) that sucks, I’m so sorry it hurt you and 2) You have to acknowledge that the issue is entirely hers. No woman who’s confident and happy with her own choices and her own parenting really feels the need to attack any other parent so viciously. I can only imagine that it was a horrible ordeal for her, and the only way she can justify it is by martyring herself for going through with it and thus condemning those who didn’t.

    She needs to take a good hard look at what exactly gives her the right to behave so cruelly – and why she feels the need to do it in the first place.

    | March 13, 2007 @ 2:01 am

  41. Izzy said,

    Why does anyone care whether you did or didn’t breastfeed?

    Seriously, does making someone feel bad about themselves make the woman you speak of feel good? Does she derive pleasure from making a total stranger feel guilty?

    It must be nice to be so perfect *snort*

    | March 16, 2007 @ 12:54 am

  42. azureavian said,

    ok, also delurking (only a couple years late!) to share. i nursed my first two until they were two years old, but then i was home and had that option. my next two (5 years apart) came when i worked full time. me and the pump were NOT friends and i knew from the third child that i would not be able to pump enough to feed the baby. i set myself a goal of two months pumping, simply to keep my milk in for when i went home. i did feel horribly guilty that i didn’t somehow rush home or have someone bring me the baby to nurse at work (i don’t live close enough for it to be feasible) and the first few times i poured the milk down the drain i cried like i was guilty of murder. i did not have access to a fridge i could store it in and it was so little it just wasnt worth it. i discovered i expressed more by hand milking (yes, mooing and giggling the whole time) than by pump. i still didn’t do it to keep, only so i didn’t dry up. the stress from trying to do this in a public restroom during breaks only resulted in only being able to nurse them for four months. my third baby i was devastated. by the last one i knew what was in store, so i talked to my doc about happy pills and went on them as soon as my milk dried up. i cried, but not as much. with 4 kids and 2 stepkids, i learned to deal ’cause otherwise i would hurt them and me.

    you are a voice of reason and i bless the fact that you put the word out there for others to hear and that because of you, they don’t have to feel so alone and hurt.

    ok, off my soapbox of sharing now. thnx.

    | June 4, 2008 @ 6:08 am

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