Yeah! It’s JK Livin’ and LiveStrong! BFFs!!

I’M SO OVER LANCE ARMSTRONG. Yes, you won a bunch of Tour de’ Frances blah blah blah but you have gotten such a swelled head about it.More than a swelled head, you’ve somehow decided that your celebrity is such that you need a new Hollywood rep. And the rep you’ve chosen is “weird old guy co-mingling with the under 17 set of stars and starlets.” It’s unbecoming. I don’t care that you can get into Hyde and have a posse that includes Lindsay Lohan. I think if I had enough “performance enhancing drugs” and was willing to hand them out, the man in the headset at the door would wave me past the line too. The difference is, I HAVE NO INTEREST IN IT. You on the other hand, like some 15 year-old-boy, think it’s cool that you can feel Paris Hilton’s boobie in the VIP lounge of Area.

We know, you’ve been through a lot. You only have one ball, that can’t be good, except maybe giving you a little extra speed on your bike. But, fuck, you’ve retired so you can’t even use that to your advantage.

Again, what’s happened to you? First you dump your wife of a lot of years (I don’t know exactly how many and to be honest I’m not in the mood to go look it up. I’m not writing a piece for Vanity Faire, it’s a blog for Christ’s sake). I can’t even blame Sheryl Crowe whom I love to shit on. She’s not a girl’s girl if you know anything about her. Which I don’t but I’ve heard from people who know people who read People. But, seriously, you dump the wife who has been with your forever, stayed with you through your chemo and ball loss, then dumped her ass along with your kids and hooked up with Sheryl. Okay. Fine. But then!!!! You dump Sheryl (who you may have dumped because she gave you Clamydia for all I know but still she just found out she had breast cancer) and now…da da da da…you’re hanging out with Paris Hilton? Lance we need to talk. More than talk. You, my friend, need an intervention. Not to mention a bath from hanging out with Matthew McCaunahay or however his name is spelled. Honestly, what do the two of you talk about? “DUDE, do that line from Dazed and Confused again!It fucking kills me” “I get older, they stay the same age.” “AAAAAAHHHHH! I love it! Fucking hilarious. And so true! One more time!”

I don’t want to hear anymore about the beach house you two share, all the “lady killing” you’ve been doing, the his and his botox you’re probably having and stop with the fucking bracelets. They’re not working.

Posted by Stefanie Wilder Taylor on November 3, 2006 11:32 pmUncategorized32 comments  


  1. stefanierj said,

    I am SO OVER Lance. Thank you for writing this, because dood, I can do without. Who the freak cares if he faced adversity if it didn’t improve him as a person at all? I mean, isn’t that what character is–how you face adversity? I’m thinking it’s NOT by shitting on people who have helped you. GO AWAY.

    | November 5, 2006 @ 4:45 am

  2. Summer said,

    And now he is going to run the NY marathon!! who the hell cares!!

    | November 5, 2006 @ 1:15 pm

  3. Jaime said,

    Stefanie! After I bought your book and everything! I was in austin last weekend with the Lance Armstrong Foundation (and Lance himself), and I have to say, yes, he may come off as a pompous ass, but he is passionate about making a difference, generous, and using his privilege to actually make a difference in the world. Those bracelets? They’ve raised over 64 million dollars for cancer research and helping families with children with cancer. I’d say that’s something.

    | November 5, 2006 @ 6:56 pm

  4. Stefanie said,

    Okay Jaime, point taken. Especially since you bought my book. And, yes, the bracelets are raising money. But does everyone have to have one now? And why the Paris Hilton thing? Can you defend that? Otherwise, point taken. But he still offends me.

    | November 5, 2006 @ 6:59 pm

  5. Lena said,

    I am so over Lance, yet SO UNDER Matthew. Mmmmm. Thanks.

    | November 5, 2006 @ 9:57 pm

  6. adria said,

    I am so sick of his hype! When will it go away??

    | November 6, 2006 @ 4:57 am

  7. Suzy said,

    Mom is here from Paris and she said the reason the French don’t like Lance is because he is not nice to people, that he’s removed and cold.

    That being said, I love Sheryl Crow and Lance did not leave his wife for her. They were already separated. But, Lance didn’t want more children and Sheryl wanted children so they ended it.

    Matthew McConawhore is so gross and has the biggest head on the planet. He also has no shoulders so he looks like a mutant Tootsie Roll Pop. Neither of them is George Clooney, my current husband.

    I commented. THERE!

    | November 6, 2006 @ 5:06 am

  8. Kristin said,

    I just don’t want the terrorists to win.

    | November 6, 2006 @ 5:12 am

  9. Tuesday Girl said,

    I hated Lance from the get go.

    | November 6, 2006 @ 5:00 pm

  10. Deezee said,

    I’m just one of those people who’s never cared about Lance at all – positive or negative. Call me ‘Lance Neutral.’

    I just didn’t want you diving into an empty swimming pool if you found yourself without a comforting number of comments. So, I’m here for you, not for Lance.

    …a loyal reader…

    | November 6, 2006 @ 10:17 pm

  11. Jess Riley said,

    Stef, I loves ya. Sorry to hear you’re down. I’ve been feeling the same way lately.

    You know, I just don’t like the name “Lance.” It’s something you do to a boil.

    | November 6, 2006 @ 11:03 pm

  12. Haley-O said,

    I was actually never into him….So, yeah, so over him….

    | November 7, 2006 @ 1:55 am

  13. Mrs. T said,

    Poo on Lance Armstrong.
    1. What’s the big freaking deal about yellow rubber bracelets?
    2. Who HASN’T felt Paris Hilton’s boobies? (well, I haven’t, but I’m nobody)

    Sheryl Crowe is better off without him.
    And Jess Riley said it best. Lance, Lance Boil. Glad to meet you.

    | November 7, 2006 @ 3:38 am

  14. KTP said,

    I don’t care what anybody says. I lust like a 17-year-old virgin after Matthew McConaughey.

    | November 7, 2006 @ 4:17 am

  15. shannon said,

    It just gives me the jeeves when a divirced man starts whoring around and living it up. Especially when he left his wife and kids to do it. It is just so cliche’. I mean really, Paris Hilton? Puleeazee, she is nasty and he could be her daddy!

    | November 7, 2006 @ 6:06 am

  16. Jaime said,

    Lance schmance..moving on! Your book is awesome! I got it in the mail shortly before my son was born and have gotten limited time to read between him and my 2 year old. BUT, what I have read has been great. I read the blog a while back about the tit terrorists and I have to tell you, if they had read this book at all (other than the parts they wanted to attack) they would see how much you care for your child and never would have said the things they did. Oh well, either way I am loving it and I look forward to every chance I have to read it (especially my night time feedings, helps me stay awake!) Sorry for my over usage of exclamation points, I am a sleep deprived mother which for some reason makes my thoughts seem more exciting than they are. Anyway, just had to post, good night! (there I go again)

    | November 7, 2006 @ 8:07 am

  17. Becky said,

    Thank you for saying what I’ve always thought about Lance.

    | November 7, 2006 @ 5:47 pm

  18. Neil said,

    I absolutely agree with you! At some point, even an inspirational idol can lose his glow if he acts like an asshole for too long. He still might be doing great stuff, but he STILL can be a jerk. Bill Gates is giving billions to charity and it still doesn’t excuse his business practices throughout the years.

    | November 8, 2006 @ 3:03 am

  19. MelaVela said,

    I’m with you, and amen to this topic! I swear you read my mind…

    I’ve never been a fan of the “older guy/younger woman” combo, and am certainly not a fan of leaving your wife or husband once you’ve hit it big. Lance is not what I call a role model.

    BTW, when are you going to write another book? I read it soon after it came out (Amazon search), and I haven’t even conceived yet! 🙂 I found your blog after I read your book, and I continue to enjoy your writing style.

    | November 8, 2006 @ 3:43 am

  20. MrsFortune said,

    Can you really be this pissed about a guy with one testicle? I mean, as far as crises in a man’s life go … I think that’s about as bad as you can get, no?

    But what that other commenter, Suzy, said … the FRENCH don’t like him because he’s rude? That’s like … a garbage man not liking you because you’re stinky. Get over yourself, Lance!

    Seriously, dude annoys the hell out of me, too. But at least everyone’s stopped wearing those fucking rubber bands around their wrists. That was a trend that didn’t end a moment too soon.

    | November 8, 2006 @ 4:44 pm

  21. sweatpantsmom said,

    I was getting tired of him, but I didn’t know about the whole Paris Hilton thing. That seals the deal. Now I’m definitely over him.

    (Have you read his book? There’s even one more woman he dumped – his girlfriend who was actually with him during his whole cancer ordeal. He met his wife towards the end of his treatment.)

    | November 8, 2006 @ 9:41 pm

  22. Binkytown said,

    Lance. Yawn.

    | November 9, 2006 @ 4:45 pm

  23. CJ said,

    A lurker here who’s delurking to agree … and I’m a huge Lance fan. It’s time for him to get over himself and settle into retirement.

    | November 10, 2006 @ 7:39 pm

  24. gmcountrymama said,

    I never found Lance Armstrong attractive in the least. I think his head seems too small for his body and it creeps me out.
    I hope by now you are feeling better.

    | November 12, 2006 @ 4:04 pm

  25. surcie said,

    Hey, Stef! Hope you cheer up soon. Meanwhile, I’m totally with you on these two. Ptooey!

    | November 13, 2006 @ 3:49 am

  26. y said,

    haha. My BLENA said she’s “under Matthew.”

    God, I love Lena.

    | November 13, 2006 @ 7:12 pm

  27. Oblivious Maven said,

    Lance Schmantz. Always thought he was a guy’s guy thing. Pass.

    Matthew? Deal the card. Heh.

    | November 17, 2006 @ 4:33 am

  28. chris said,

    I liked him better when he was gay and having sex with Jake Gyllenhall. They made a cute couple.

    | November 21, 2006 @ 9:19 am

  29. Mom101 said,

    Wait – am I the only one who was never into him?

    I’m so out of it.

    | November 28, 2006 @ 1:05 am

  30. toyfoto said,

    I wasn’t that into him either, but I tell you I was scratching my head in wonderment at his popularity even after Tour de Farce VI.

    | November 29, 2006 @ 2:36 am

  31. Anonymous said,

    I just found your blog. You are too funny!

    I love the line about “knowing people who know people who read People”….love it!

    | December 12, 2006 @ 9:29 pm

  32. Liz said,

    AMEN sister friend!!! Okay, so i know im super behind on posting a comment to this blog (I only recently got into mommy-blogs to sooth my fear of becoming one some day), but I also DESPISE Lance Armstrong and his gay yellow bracelets. The university I attended required that all incoming students read “Its not about the bike” as a motivational tool. However, after it came out that he was basically a scum bag the university decided not to use his story as an inspiring example. Thank you for expressing your opinion so whole-heartedly!

    | January 11, 2007 @ 8:09 pm

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