Nothing like having a bad cold and taking care of the baby 19/7 (yeah, my husband does help) to welcome you back to the real world from the adult Disneyland that is LAS VEGAS. Yes, I got back from Vegas only to be greeted warmly by Old Man Flu and a distant non-welcome from my baby girl. It took her a few hours to forgive my absence but she recovered.

I always forget a few things about Vegas which I don’t remember until I get there. Like that people still smoke. A lot. And that nobody dresses up anymore. I think of Vegas as a great place to remember what make-up is for but apparently most people would disagree – except of course the much older women for whom make-up doesn’t make much of a difference. But I got to blow-dry my hair, put on the whore paint and actually have a meal without little fingers grabbing at my sushi and lemon drop martini, so I wasn’t about to complain about being the only one in the lobby who took a shower that day.

The tournament was a blast even though I didn’t come in on the money. There were over 1200 entrants to the Ladies Event and I came in around 200th. But hey, I beat out Jennifer Tilly who won it last year and a slew of other lame celebrities like Anne Heche who, may I say, is probably still gay – or at least she’s very touchy feely like those girls in drama club who always want to braid each other’s hair. I didn’t talk to her but I did see her in action. It was tough to miss. By the way, I’m not sure if there’s an e at the end of her first name but I’m too lazy to go look it up.

There were quite a few very good poker players at the tables and there were some not-so-good players who either have rich husbands/boyfriends/girlfriends/monkies or else they are just very bored with a lot of disposable income and not much time to practice. It was sort of embarrassing for them because they were making all kinds of bad calls while wearing sunglasses. As if the sunglasses would throw you off and you’d think maybe you were playing against a the likes of Annie Duke or Cindy Violette. It’s hard to mistake a busty blonde with bad highlights and a grill full of Restolin for pro poker players, but some of these women certainly gave it the old porn star try.

After I was knocked out of the game, I enjoyed a lot of alcohol and even more food and, of course, was in bed by 11 because I’M A MOM. What happened to going to bed at 5 a.m.? It’s impossible. But at least I was reminded that I used to be able to let loose and have a good time. It’s a nice thing to do once in awhile.

And now I must go catch up with all of your lives!

Posted by Stefanie Wilder Taylor on July 18, 2006 7:29 pmUncategorized21 comments  


  1. taira said,

    Its great to see you that your back! I’ve always wanted to go to Las Vegas, I guess I just have to live vicariously through your blogs, I sure did miss them. I didnt realize how much I needed a laugh to get through the day until you were gone. its cool to see a new one. take care!

    P.S Heche is spelled just right. =)

    | July 18, 2006 @ 9:45 pm

  2. jennster said,

    i LOVE vegas.. but ONLY for a weekend and then i am over it. seriously. the smoke is too much and it’s such a dirty little town. lol. but it’s still fun.

    | July 18, 2006 @ 10:12 pm

  3. sarcastic journalist said,

    I tend to walk around the casinos, looking like I’m busy so I can get the free drinks. Then I’m sad because the free drinks suck.

    Anne Heche wanted to braid your hair and then invite you back for a bubble bath…heh.

    | July 18, 2006 @ 10:35 pm

  4. stephanie said,

    Yes, I missed you dammit! I’m glad you had a great time in Vegas, and no worries about the early bedtime… I’m right there with ya!

    | July 19, 2006 @ 12:43 am

  5. ESB said,

    wow…i was just about to leave a comment saying, “what, now that you’re 40, you’re no longer posting??!!” but then this post appeared….anyway, glad you had a good time…

    | July 19, 2006 @ 1:03 am

  6. Neil said,

    is it rude to ask how much it cost to get into the game? Or how much you drank? Or whether Anne Heche got lucky with one of the other players?

    | July 19, 2006 @ 1:28 am

  7. mothergoosemouse said,

    So glad that you had a great time and kicked some B-list celebrity ass.

    I have all sorts of reasons why I don’t care for casinos – smoke, throwing away hard earned money, the dregs of humanity who boycott cleanliness – but if I go, I play poker.

    | July 19, 2006 @ 1:30 am

  8. Denise said,

    I’M SO GLAD YOU’RE BACK!! was beginning to wonder if you had happened in vegas AND stayed in vegas. what a drag on the rough re-entry; try another lemondrop. purely medicinal….

    | July 19, 2006 @ 1:43 am

  9. Lena said,

    Yay! Back! 200th aint bad.


    We would tear shit up if we went together. I’m just sayin’ is all.

    | July 19, 2006 @ 2:46 am

  10. Oblivious Maven said,

    I’ve been kinda into celebrity poker ever since I was channel surfing and saw Ron Livingston playing. For some reason, oh, I dunno……

    Welcome back!!

    | July 19, 2006 @ 3:36 am

  11. Andrea said,

    200th is better than 1000 other women. That’s pretty dang good! What fun. i suck at poker, and would be one of those women making bad decisions behind sunglasses, but that’s one of those opportunities of a lifetime.

    | July 19, 2006 @ 4:21 am

  12. Misfit Hausfrau said,

    I am so jealous that you got to go to Vegas without children. And got to play poker. And dress up in pretty clothes and makeup.

    Welcome back!

    | July 19, 2006 @ 3:39 pm

  13. Alexa said,

    I am SO glad to have you back. Congratulations on kicking some Tilly ass!

    | July 20, 2006 @ 12:27 am

  14. Jess Riley said,

    Tonight we were watching “The Do’s and Don’ts of Vegas” on cable for some odd reason (perhaps as a result of heat-induced brain damage), and one of the do’s was “Drink in public, but don’t jaywalk.”

    Welcome back!

    (Liquor and Poker? I hardly know her!)

    | July 20, 2006 @ 4:10 am

  15. sunshine scribe said,

    Sounds like fun. Not everyone can claim to beat Jennifer Tilley and still be in bed by 11 🙂 Welcome back.

    | July 20, 2006 @ 9:41 am

  16. surcie said,

    I’m just loving that you kicked Tilley’s ass.

    | July 20, 2006 @ 5:42 pm

  17. Denial said,

    Poker Tourny sounds like fun. Top 200 is awesome.

    | July 21, 2006 @ 4:52 am

  18. Izzy said,

    lol…hair braiding drama club chicks. You crack me up. Welcome back 🙂

    | July 21, 2006 @ 4:56 am

  19. Teacher lady said,

    Can I tell you, I’ve NEVER been to Vegas? And now I must go, if only to live briefly in the land where people don’t shower. Fascinating to me! It sounds like a whole different country.

    | July 22, 2006 @ 6:37 pm

  20. Haley-O said,

    welcome back, Stef! I haven’t been on a holiday in I-don’t-know-how-long, certainly not since the monkey was born (she’ll be 1 on Friday). You make it sound so awesome to get away.

    I finish nursing the second she turns 1, and, thanks to this post, I’m getting me some lemon drop martini that very same second…!

    | July 24, 2006 @ 6:44 pm

  21. Me and My Monkeys said,

    Steph, I just found your blog from the crazy/hip random link. I adore you! You’re a great writer. Very funny stuff.

    And Vegas…I can totally relate. I hate it, swear it off for eternity, and somehow end up there every other year.

    | July 25, 2006 @ 1:32 am

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