The Saga Continues (Warning – this may be a long one)

So the next day which was Sunday, dear readers, all seemed well in our household. The baby woke up in my bed after crying in her crib at 1 a.m. when we finally returned from the Four Seasons AKA the ER so I stuck her in bed with me. We woke up around 7:30 (cause babies can’t possibly sleep in no matter how late they go to bed -they don’t understand that there’s nothing that exciting to wake up for – it’s not exactly Christmas – it’s Sunday). All seemed fine except for a mild temp of 100 which we, meaning I (my husband was still out of town – read visiting hookers)treated with Tylenol and called my brother to come help me out for the day. I was exhausted at this point and needed someone to bring me trashy magazines and watch the baby while I at least clean the puke out of the bathroom.

Meanwhile the baby refused to eat or drink all day but otherwise acted fine. Actually she drank a little first thing in the morning but then went on strike. and yes, I tried everything, popcicles, pedealyte, Margaritas…you name it she swatted it away.

Around 5:30 she started screaming. Blood curdling screaming and hitting her head into my chest. Seriously, out of nowhere. It went on without a break for a half hour before I AGAIN called the emergency oncall doc who couldn’t help but hear my predicatment throught the phone. I said “no fever, was acting fine all day is now screaming in pain” he said “take her back to the er she might have an obstruction.” So back into the car we go with screaming baby to my least favorite place on the planet.

When we arrive, the same meter maid is there doing intake to greet us. And to see her demeanor you’d think she’d never been home. She stares at me like I’m Oprah trying to get into Hermes after hours and shoves paper work at me and Screamy. I’m like “don’t you still have our paper work from last night?” She doesn’t even dignify that with a response just repeats “fill out the paperwork.” So I do. Who can argue with the devil?

Finally since I don’t want to torture you with too many unfunny details, I am taken back again. Again, they are rude and take her temp and then put me in a back room and ask what the problem is. After explaining the situation over her screaming as if it needed much explanation. They declared that I was there for “crying baby” even though she’d been in the ER the night before with 103 fever.

Okay, you parents are going to LOVE this next part. My asshat doctor who’s assigned to me actually says “maybe she’s just colicky.” MAYBE SHE’S JUST COLICKY? Which of course reminded me of that old joke: what do you call a person who graduated dead last in their medical school? A doctor. So you see what I’m dealing with.

Next I have this nurse who I’ve nicknamed Highlights because of her horribly racoon like hair. Highlights was a bitch on wheels who clearly didn’t want to be there, was about 27 and seemed to be more interested in her nails than my baby.

So doctor colick gets a call from my pediatric practices on call doctor who is a beautiful beautiful man (I’ve never met him but I can only assume by his wisdom and patience and willingness to not tolerate the idiocy I’m dealing with) let’s the ER know that he thiks my kid my have an obstruction and tells them what to do. But first they decide they must put an IV in her because she’s again badly dehydrated. This begins both mine and my baby’s reigh of terror and crying. No one of these idiots could find a vein. Okay, back up for a moment here. You know how people who work in places like hospitals can get so immune to the presence of patients that they just say inappropriate shit while you’re right there? Well, this woman in an AC/DC t-shirt – I kid you not – says “I’m done with the babies and kids. That’s it, I’ve had enough. I’m so done with them.” this is said while I’m walking by her with my poor crying baby in my arms. What a cunt right? Sorry ladies, but that’s what she was. Well, after two nurses try to find a vein in vain for an hour they call in Miss I Hate Babies. I said “I overheard you say you don’t want to deal with babies so I’d rather not have you work on mine” the male nurse (and aren’t they always a little suspect anyway?) tells me condecendingly “She’s done hundreds of these. Believe me, she’s doing you a favor by staying after her shift to help.” Doing me a favor? A favor that will cost me and my insurance company thousands of dollars asshole.

The dream team tries to find a vein again for a long time until I find my doctor and put a stop to it. I said, “I don’t care how dehydrated she is, there has to be another way.” He tells me he’ll get someone from NICU to come down and try. By the way, this is a different doctor cause I got rid of Dr. Colick and requested the doctor I’d had the night before. So NICU lady comes down and has no more luck than anyone else.

Finally, they stop trying to hook up an IV and decide she needs a CAT scan of her lower GI. If you’ve never had the pleasure of your baby having one, let me fill you in. They strap them down on a piece of metal in a blue straight jacket while they scream and reach their arms out for mama to help them. It would have taken an entire bottle of Xanax to stop my crying. Even then, I’m not sure I wouldn’t have been whimpering if I was still conscious. Then they fill their little rectum with fluid intil they’re “very uncomfortable. NOT IN PAIN!!! Just uncomfortable.” It sure sounded like pain to me.

After this test it was back to our curtained room to await the results which Highlights told me could take two hours.

I finally got my peanut to sleep off of my chest on the bed and went in search of warm blankets since neither highlights nor anyone else offered me a blanket. While on my search highlights who was munching a salad and some BBQ chips at her station told me in no uncertain terms to get back in my room. And that I wasn’t allowed out and that she had no magazines and could not change the channel on the tv in my room which was loud and in spanish. finally I climbed on a chair and turned it off myself.

At 3 a.m. after much bitching, I was finally moved to the PICU. For the childfree reading that’s the Pediatric ICU. There, I was finally treated with dignity although they did make more attempts at finding a vein. Again they couldn’t. But after poor baby drank a little juice, they let me take her to bed. In the morning, they put tubes down her nose and into her stomach to get fluids in her. I refused any more needles. We were moved to a room in the Peds ward which we shared with another mom who was quite talkative to be nice. Sweet but I was spared no detail of her life even in my tired state.

So, I had to stay another night and I basically watched the bachelor (what’s up with him keeping Moana the crazy one?) and went to sleep. This morning Elby was drinking like a champ and ate her breakfast so at 2 p.m. they let us go home.

Babies should come with a warning label and a prescription for vicidin and Klonopin. Just my opinion.

Posted by Stefanie Wilder Taylor on February 14, 2006 11:57 pmUncategorized14 comments  


  1. Anonymous said,

    If I am reeling just from reading this I cannot begin to imagine how you must be. You poor thing and your poor darling baby and what utter feelingless bastards you have had the misfortune to encounter. Why do these people choose a ‘caring’ profession as a career choice? I mean, you meet chefs etc who should never be allowed near food for all the affinity they have with it, but dammit you can just not return to a particular restaurant whereas A&E is life and death.

    I really feel for you doing all this on you own at the moment, and I’m really sorry you’re at the mercy of such vile wankers.


    | February 15, 2006 @ 10:52 am

  2. Manic Mom said,

    Oh My God. I hate that hospital! And I have no idea which one it is. You poor thing. I feel your exhaustion!

    And I want to bash in the faces of Highlights and AC/DC Bitch–are they two different people or the same one bitchy bitchface miserable C word?

    | February 15, 2006 @ 2:36 pm

  3. Anonymous said,

    Your story makes my heart pound and my adrenaline spike. Cunt indeed. If only it were an aberration.

    I had bleeding in my 14th week. Went to hospital where, during an ultrasound, tech told me I had to wait for a doctor to learn the results. Then, with me right there she shouts to a tech across the hall: “What’s the code for fetal death?” That’s how I found out my baby was dead. When I came in for the D&C a day later, the desk dolly slipped me a religious card for St Jude, patron saint of lost causes. “Maybe Jesus will give you a miracle.” In X-ray, the tech never looked at my chart. Asked, “Any chance you’re pregnant?” No. And months later, on what would have been my due date (the desk dolly screwed up) I got a $6,000 bill. Gotta love that insult to injury.

    | February 15, 2006 @ 4:48 pm

  4. Stacy said,

    Aint motherhood grand? I found at times like these, with hubby out of town, it’s really tough not to loathe him. It’s so not fair all we moms have to go through.

    | February 15, 2006 @ 5:31 pm

  5. Jess Riley said,

    Oh, I am so sorry!!! How awful. Why are people like Highlights and AC/DC in this profession? I really hope Elby is out of the woods with this one very soon, for both of your sakes. *hugs*

    | February 15, 2006 @ 10:31 pm

  6. Misfit Hausfrau said,

    Jesus H. Christ!!!! I wasn’t sure it could get worse than your experiences written in your Sunday post. I am so sorry about this. I hope your daughter is better. Did they ever tell you definitively what was wrong?

    | February 16, 2006 @ 6:07 pm

  7. erika said,

    Whoah dude. That ain’t right, huh? I’m so glad your baby is feeling much better now. Sending you baby kisses and mommy hugs. E

    | February 16, 2006 @ 9:25 pm

  8. The Lioness said,

    I think there’s nothing worse than having people in a position of power behave uneccapatbly, and doing so in a way that betreays they have power but not the knowledge to use it well. For good, if you will. This must have been too trying for words, i’m so sorry. Hope you and the baby have recovered some.

    | February 16, 2006 @ 10:32 pm

  9. The Lioness said,

    [Good God, I cannot spell anymore. Read: in unacceptable manner, sorry abt that.]

    | February 16, 2006 @ 10:34 pm

  10. Emily said,

    So that’s where the bitchy, horrible, so-called ‘nurses’ do their ‘residency’ before becoming infertility nurses — the ER! I don’t know how you held it together enough without doing a total Terms of Endearment meets the Terminator type of thing. I’d be absolutely screaming like a banshee. What a terrible time. I’m glad she’s home and feeling better.

    | February 17, 2006 @ 1:41 am

  11. chris said,

    I can’t believe those people! Oh wait, yes I can. You should hear the way my husband’s family talks about patients. Must be because they’re paid such low salaries and their jobs have such low prestige. Yeah, that’s it.

    It’s so scary when your child is sick. They don’t get that. Probably because they’re never home when their kids are sick.

    Sorry you had to do this completely alone. I’m thinking a little spa time is in order when your husband comes home.

    Take care.

    | February 17, 2006 @ 12:12 pm

  12. Stefanie said,

    Just so everyone knows, my husband was as frightened as I was, maybe more so being so far away and helpless. He tried to get back immediately but was snowed in in Virginia and in constant phone contact and when he finally arrived he came straight to the hospital to help. He was amazing. But it is hard to be alone in a situation like that.

    | February 19, 2006 @ 4:31 am

  13. Imperfect Mommy said,

    I am sorry you had to deal with this… I haven’t read for a few days look what I come back to! It sounds absolutely awful and I can’t imagine dealing with it alone.

    When my daughter was born, she got quite jaundiced so we had to take her back into the hospital for daily tests and bloodwork and some of those people were just awful. We were first time parents and so scared, and they were just cold, uncaring, and stabbing around for blood squeezing it out literally drop by drop. It just seems like the people that choose those professions are sometimes not caring (as we think they are), but cold and impervious to so much emotion. I guess you would have to be to some extent, but can’t they hire at least some liasons and desk workers to be kind?

    I am so glad it sounds like everyone is on the mend.

    | February 19, 2006 @ 9:02 pm

  14. Lena said,

    I am so aggravated just reading this! Ahhh!! What is it about the ER twats? They are just the worst! And you so are allowed to say twat and cunt referring to people who ADMIT TO HATING BABIES. Who does that??

    My heart goes out to you. I so hope she is back to her bouncing self again.

    | February 20, 2006 @ 7:56 pm

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