ABOUT CONSULTING WATCH! ARCHIVES CONTACT SUBSCRIBE

Top 10 Reasons You Should Be Glad I Didn’t Blog in My Twenties

1. When I read my journals from that period in my life, I mostly enjoyed listing what I ate that day. My blog would have been a non-funny, really bad version of Brigit Jones’ Diary. What I’m saying is I don’t think anyone would have bought the movie rights.

2. Drunk Blogging: I gotta be honest and say that many journal entries were written after a night out with quite a few Long Island Iced Teas creating havoc in my blood stream. A lot of really deep thoughts fizzled out mid-sentence. I can only imagine how shitty I would feel after realizing I’d hit “publish” in a blackout.

3. There would be virtually no talk about parenting which is…well sorta why people read my blog. On the other hand, no talk about parenting!

4. There probably would have been multiple instances of me writing “Talk to the hand.” And no, I probably wouldn’t have been being ironic.

5. The biggest story going when I was in my twenties was AIDS and AIDS is not as funny as you’d think to write about.

6. If you don’t like it when I do posts on American Idol you really would have hated my Star Search recaps

7. No husband bitching.

8. Due to my obsessive nature, all posts about my dating life would have started out “He STILL hasn’t called!”

9. I can’t think of a number nine due to all the partying I did in my 20’s.

10. You would have been subjected to pictures like THIS!

8430957917_7b6f9e7873 8432042680_5935be8e97

 I don’t even know whose cat that is! Okay, so if you want more posts on this topic, hop on over to one of these blogs and see why you should be glad they didn’t blog in their 20’s. It’s a blog hop y’all!

 

Posted by Stefanie Wilder Taylor on January 30, 2013 9:03 pm17 comments  

Four-Year-Olds: A Time Line

SadieKids are insane. We all know that. But to me, no age is insaner than four. There is no method to the madness, no explanation for the moods, no rationale to the irrational. This was a typical day in the life of my four-year-old -thankfully now five year old.

4:30 a.m. Hmm…I’m half awake. It would be so much comfier in mommy and daddy’s bed right smack between them where I can make my body seem almost twice as big and mommy and daddy can pretty much kiss the rest of their sleep goodbye.

4:35 a.m. OH NO! NO NO NO. I left Purple Blanket in my bed! If I cry I’m sure mommy will go get it because I am too tired to walk all the way back to my room.

5:01 a.m. Oh my gosh I overslept! Time to let these people know I need breakfast.

7:30 a.m. Please don’t let mommy tell me that I have to go to school. If mommy tells me it’s a school day I think I might cry. Scratch that. I know I’ll cry. OH NO! Mommy just said it’s a school day!! Oh, I’m snack girl today? That means I’m the line leader when we go outside! I want to go to school right now! Why aren’t we leaving for school NOW?

7:40 a.m. I MUST GET JUICE! I have never ever ever been this thirsty! Ug, why must my mommy always make me say please? It’s so time consuming. She could’ve been back with my juice by the time it took her to get me to say please. She needs to work on her time management skills.

7:55 a.m. Mommy turned on the TV! She totally read my mind! She knew I really really wanted to watch TV.

8:02 a.m. SWEET JESUS, I LOVE CAILLOU! HE’S FOUR JUST LIKE ME! I must relay this news to my mommy twenty times.

8:17 a.m. Why won’t someone change the channel. I’ve been watching Caillou for a thousand hours. He’s good but not that good.

8:30 a.m. I really like to be naked.

8:45 a.m. Mommy has asked me to get dressed so many times today. That’s funny. I wonder if daddy’s iPhone is charged up. I need to play games on daddy’s phone right now. I don’t want to get dressed, I want to play games! Why is mommy trying to make me get dressed? I don’t want to go to school! I want to watch TV and play games all day. Oh yeah, I get to be the line leader, I forgot. I am going to go get dressed.

9:15 a.m. I WANTED TO OPEN THE FRONT DOOR! WHY DID MOMMY OPEN THE FRONT DOOR WHEN I WANTED TO? THERE ARE NO WORDS! ONLY TEARS!

9:30 a.m. I must remind all the kids who are already outside playing in my loudest voice that I am the line leader today and nobody else! Hmm…why doesn’t anyone want to play with me?

10:00 a.m. I LOVE SCHOOL.

10:06 a.m. I HATE SCHOOL.

11:30 a.m. I want to go home right now.

11:45 a.m. I want to live here permanently.

11:46 a.m. I wish my teacher Martha was my mommy. She smells like bubblegum.

11:50 a.m  I’m hungry. Oh God I have never been this hungry ever.  Never ever.

12:00 Mmmm! pizza! I think I will have two whole bites!

1:00 p.m. I don’t want to take a nap!

1:05 p.m. zzzzzzzzzzzzzz…..

3:00 p.m. When is my mommy coming to pick me up??? Why isn’t my mommy here? I’m going to cry and cry until my mommy comes to pick me up! Oooh, pretzels.

3:15 p.m. She is still not here! Why why why? I bet Ariel has never had to wait this long for her mommy to pick her up. I wish I were a mermaid. My life would be ten thousand times better if I lived in the ocean.

3:30 p.m. Mommy!!!!! Oh no, mommy’s here! I don’t want to leave!

3:35 p.m. Now would be a great time to remind mommy that she promised to take us to McDonalds today.  Why is mommy acting like she’s embarrassed in front of the other mommies? There’s nothing embarrassing about being a great mommy!

3:45 p.m.  I wonder where mommy is taking us now. Hopefully the 99 cents store! I LOVE THE 99 CENTS STORE!

4:01 p.m. Why is mommy constantly asking me if I need to go pee-pee? I don’t have to go pee-pee!!!

4:05 I CAN’T BELIEVE MOMMY JUST SAID WE CAN’T GO TO THE 99 CENTS STORE. AM I HAVING A BAD DREAM? PLEASE SOMEONE TELL ME THIS IS ONLY A DREAM AND WHEN I WAKE UP I WILL BE GOING TO THE 99 CENTS STORE.

4:06 Uh oh, I have to go pee-pee.

4:15 Oh no, I reeeeaaaally have to go pee pee. I should tell mommy I need to go pee pee.
4:17 Too late.

4:20 Yay, mommy is playing the tickle spider game with me.

4:40 Why does mommy not want to play the tickle spider game anymore? We only played it for ONE MINUTE!

4:42 Phew, mommy turned the TV on. Why is there just a man talking? I want to watch a kids’ show. This is clearly not a kid’s show. Why is mommy not responding when I yell at her to change the channel right now? THIS IS THE WORST MINUTE OF MY ENTIRE LIFE!

4:43 Ha! Fresh Beat Band! Hurray! I love my mommy.

4:44 I’m sad. No reason.

4:46 MY MOUTH IS SO DRY! MUST. GET. JUICE.

5:00 Mommy is in the shower so this would be the absolute perfect time to let her know that I am really hungry.

5:10 Why is mommy getting so frustrated? I only said no to the last fifteen suggestions she made for things to make me to eat. We will find something for me to say y-e-s to eventually. Hopefully it will be pudding.

5:30 I ate one bite of my cream cheese sandwich. I can’t understand why I’m not being allowed to eat my Halloween candy until I have four more bites. I’M FULL.

5:41 I think I will play some games on mommy’s computer. But first I need to put on a costume.

6:50 Daddy’s home! Unfortunately, I’m a little tied up playing Jake and the Neverland Pirates so I can’t go say hi to him. I’ll let him come to me.

7:00 Why won’t mommy and daddy let me play any more games? I only started playing them a few minutes ago! THIS IS THE WORST THING THAT’S EVER HAPPENED TO ME! There aren’t enough tears in the world to express how strongly I feel about this.

7:45 I don’t want to get in my jammies! I want to sleep in my costume tonight! I NEED TO SLEEP IN MY COSTUME! NOOOOOOOO…

8:00 Those were good stories. But I sure am hungry. I better tell mommy that I’m ready for my cream cheese sandwich now.

8:34 I’M STILL HUNGRY. I’M SO SO SO HUNGRY. AND THIRSTY. NEED JUICE. FINE. MILK THEN.

8:37 WHERE IS MY PURPLE BLANKET? I CAN’T FIND IT ANYWHERE! HOW CAN I SLEEP WITHOUT PURPLE BLANKET?  I must yell and yell until someone comes running. Oh purple blanket was right next to me? Well how was I supposed to know that? Since daddy is here I should tell him that I hate school and that all of the kids are so mean. Hey, where is he going?

8:45 I CAN’T SLEEP! OH NO! I CAN’T FALL ASLEEP! I’ll NEVER EVER BE ABLE TO FALL ASLEEP!

8:46 zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz….

4:30 Mommy and Daddy’s bed sounds so good right now…

Posted by Stefanie Wilder Taylor on January 29, 2013 11:52 am6 comments  

That 70’s Post

Gauchos, elastic rainbow belts, saddle shoes, Casper the Friendly Ghost, Underdog, Felix the Cat, Kimba the White Lion my list could go on and on. I loved the 70’s and have such strong fond memories of all things pop culture. I was born in ’66 so I guess the late 70’s were my formative years.

I walked around with a wide tooth comb in the pocket of my Ditto jeans that said “Foxy.”

I feathered my bangs.

I mooned over Shaun Cassidy, Scott Baio, Matt Dillon and Robby Benson.

On my Babble blog I collected a list of my 21 biggest 70’s things. Go check it out and leave me some of yours. I love this game!

Posted by Stefanie Wilder Taylor on June 10, 2012 2:40 pmComments are off  

Note To Jessica Simpson – Please Don’t Screw Us

Jessica Simpson who up until recently was being crucified by the media for gaining a bunch of pregnancy pounds was sort of my unlikeliest of heroes. She of the not grasping the concept of why tuna fish would be named “Chicken of the Sea” and other blonde moments. But her weight gain made her more of a relatable personality than any reality show could ever hope to achieve. Millions of women, including myself, who didn’t gain the prescribed 25-35 pounds saw their own muffin eating, cookie gobbling, carb hoovering ways reflected in the light of a Grammy winning singer. We were all about love for each other. Until Jess popped out Maxwell (love that name by the way) and vowed to get the weight off ASAP.

Here’s where my similarities with Jessica end. I did not lose my pregnancy weight right away. In fact, it took almost 18 months to get to my pre-pregnancy weight, which sadly went right to shit less than a year later when I got knocked up with twins. I sported my “Just had a baby” t-shirt for over a year. The problem was, being a new mom wasn’t conducive to weight loss. I didn’t have the freedom to hit the gym regularly (read: at all) for a long time and going for a brisk walk with a baby didn’t really cut it as far as quick weight loss. I was also a little busy, BEING A MOTHER. Why would losing weight be on the top of my list of things to do anyway? Unless someone has a movie shooting in the next month I really don’t understand why celebrities are in such a race to get skinny.

I gave birth in November and was going to be in my sister-in-law’s wedding the following July so I had incentive to get into my bridesmaid dress but that didn’t get me there. Nothing got me there. I distinctly remember crying to my sister-in-law around May that the scale would not budge below the mid 140’s and I wondered if my weight gain was permanent. I actually read that if you don’t lose the weight within 6 months after giving birth that you never will. Seven months after having Elby, I stood up for my brother still twenty pounds bigger than I had been before. But eventually, much later, I was back to normal.

It all worked out.

Really.

So Jessica, I know you have a deal with Weight Watchers and all but you would do a huge service to your fellow moms if you took a little longer to shed the pounds. Show us that you are a real person! Lead the way!

Over here on Babble, I put up this post with pictures of 20 moms and how they looked during the first few month (some longer) after giving birth to their babies. I suggest you check it out because it’s like a Xanax in photo form.

Posted by Stefanie Wilder Taylor on May 7, 2012 12:23 pm10 comments  

Do You Still Feel Sexy?

When I was in my teens, it took very little to put my mind in the gutter — a nice butt in Levi 501’s, a sniff of Polo, and I was a mess of hormones. In my twenties it was all about the right music, the right wine, and men who were petrified of commitment. In my thirties I was wrapped up in getting married and making a few babies. And now … the things that get me going are pretty specific … my husband in Calvin Klein boxer briefs, the Phil Phillips performance of Usher on Idol, a hot dad at my kids’ preschool … and I’m pretty typical. If you go to my Babble blog, I queried my friends to find out what turns them on and posted the fascinating results. Enjoy. P.S. one of my friends said Keith Morrison from Dateline and I totally get that!

Posted by Stefanie Wilder Taylor on April 23, 2012 12:12 pm4 comments  


Subscribe

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

peel n stick customized labels

use the code babyonbored and save 10%


Gummi Bears Should Not Be Organic: And Other Opinions I Can't Back Up With Facts
Buy the Book:

Amazon

Barnes and Noble

iBooks

I'm Kind of a Big Deal
Read an Excerpt!
Buy the Book:
Amazon | B & N

It's Not Me It's You
Read an Excerpt!
Buy the Book:
Amazon | B & N

Naptime is the New Happy Hour
Read an Excerpt!

Buy the Book:
Amazon | B & N

Sippy Cups Are Not for Chardonnay
Read an Excerpt!

Buy the Book:
Amazon | B & N