Stefanie Wilder Taylor

Stefanie Wilder Taylor http://stefaniewildertaylor.com Sun, 05 Feb 2012 21:40:36 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3 Don’t Get Drunk: Bridgette http://stefaniewildertaylor.com/2012/02/dont-get-drunk-bridgette/ http://stefaniewildertaylor.com/2012/02/dont-get-drunk-bridgette/#comments Sun, 05 Feb 2012 21:40:26 +0000 Stefanie Wilder Taylor http://stefaniewildertaylor.com/?p=1365 The Booze Free Brigade. When I first wrote to Stefanie to write another DGDF, I thought I was writing about how great my life was once I stopped drinking, how clear things were to me and how much better I felt about every person in my life, including myself. But, that’s a load of bull. I am writing to you because I am a person who is happy to have stopped drinking but lately has been seeing reasons to drink that scare the crap out of me. So, as long as we’re being honest. I just had a baby last September. My second. I have a two year old and a five month old. So 10 months of my 19 month sobriety were pregnant months. I question every day if that really “counts” as true sobriety. But I think it’s because I want to put as much time as I can between me and my drinking days. I want to look back and say, “Well I made this really, really important and really, really hard decision one day and well, now, look how wonderfully put together I am.” But I’m not. I’ve been experiencing some postpartum depression, some anxiety and a whole lot of overwhelming feelings. The type when you just don’t feel like you’re good in any one area of your life, so why even try? The feeling that used to lead me (and leads most alcoholics) to drink. The feeling that you want to get rid of, so you numb it, thinking that it will eventually go away. I used to think that I would experience less of life if I was not drinking--- nothing fun and extreme—no extreme happiness, belly laughter, no dancing and not caring how I looked. But what I have come to see in not drinking is this: It isn’t what you are not experiencing that you miss--- but the things you are now experiencing that you never did before. I never paid attention to the look my husband gives me across the room at a party or wedding because I was so often dodging his gaze (and thus his judgment) as I filled up my wine glass. I never knew how many engaging conversations you could have at a party because I was always excusing myself to refill my drink or call over the bartender. I never knew that I could be sober and be completely fulfilled. Not drinking used to be synonymous with deprivation. But, really, it’s the not drinking that baptizes you and truly transforms you and your life. I think about the regrets I have and how I won’t ever have to go back to that stomach ache and terrible humiliation that I often suffered from in silence. I’ve come to see that regret is the most powerful emotion we have at times. Regret is our conscience telling us we did wrong. Regret is what tells our brain, “that wasn’t okay.” Regret helps us to move on, heal and be better. Some people say they live their life without regrets like it means they experience more than the rest of us. I think we need to live life paying close attention to our regrets because it’s the only barometer we have as to who we truly want to be. I can’t tell you there is a secret to getting through it. I can only tell you what I have found in myself. When I can be honest, really, brutally honest with myself is when I make the decisions that really change me. When I admit that I need a meeting or therapy or a friend’s shoulder or my husband’s arms. When I hug my kids and say, “Maybe this is why I am going through all this; maybe these little people here are enough of a reason.” And I can tell you it is my two kids that will forever make my decision to stop drinking the most intoxicating (ha, pardon the pun!) and freeing decision of my life. Growing up in a house where alcohol caused a great deal of dysfunction, an interaction like the following is like gold. Last week my son walked up to my husband who was drinking a beer and said, “Daddy beer? Mommy beer?” “No, that’s Daddy’s beer,” I replied. “Mommy’s soda?” “Yes, Parker. Mommy drinks soda.” ]]> http://stefaniewildertaylor.com/2012/02/dont-get-drunk-bridgette/feed/ 1 Lazy Girl’s Guide to Health http://stefaniewildertaylor.com/2012/01/lazy-girls-guide-to-health/ http://stefaniewildertaylor.com/2012/01/lazy-girls-guide-to-health/#comments Mon, 23 Jan 2012 17:37:55 +0000 Stefanie Wilder Taylor http://stefaniewildertaylor.com/?p=1358

When I first quit drinking over two and a half years ago (it will be three years on May 22nd) (Hold your applause! Calm yourselves, seriously! This isn’t an AA meeting!), I was under the impression that I was a fairly healthy person living an adequately healthy life, but my plan was to step it up and be an incredibly healthy person. Despite the fact that I am someone who is the indoor type, who loves nothing more than to lie on the couch watching Real Housewives and who can’t think of anything less appealing than a hike, I was going to be the opposite. I was going to instantly be a person who wouldn’t turn her nose up at a kale smoothie. A person who goes for a walk “just because” and a person with perfect bone structure and skinny knees. I was going to rock a miniskirt and have an enviable resting pulse rate. READ MORE at my Babble Voices Blog! Please. I get a bonus if I get the most clicks on this post so help an unemployed sista out! If you wanted to share it on FB I wouldn't be angry at you.]]> http://stefaniewildertaylor.com/2012/01/lazy-girls-guide-to-health/feed/ 0 Want to be on the TV? http://stefaniewildertaylor.com/2012/01/want-to-be-on-the-tv/ http://stefaniewildertaylor.com/2012/01/want-to-be-on-the-tv/#comments Tue, 17 Jan 2012 18:09:56 +0000 Stefanie Wilder Taylor http://stefaniewildertaylor.com/?p=1356 http://stefaniewildertaylor.com/2012/01/want-to-be-on-the-tv/feed/ 2 Don’t Get Drunk Fridays: Mary’s Story http://stefaniewildertaylor.com/2012/01/dont-get-drunk-fridays-marys-story/ http://stefaniewildertaylor.com/2012/01/dont-get-drunk-fridays-marys-story/#comments Fri, 13 Jan 2012 16:22:10 +0000 Stefanie Wilder Taylor http://stefaniewildertaylor.com/?p=1351 The Booze Free Brigade. All people with a desire to quit drinking or at least examine their drinking are welcome. For those who know me well, most would be shocked that I quit drinking. Funny thing is that I am the one who is shocked the most. Always the party girl throughout college, I really enjoyed the idea of getting ready to go party, the idea of drinking with my friends, meeting guys, but not always remembering everything I did or say the next day. Oh God. I never gave drinking a second thought. I socially drank during my first marriage, but not too much during the week (I don't think). Oops, I take that back. My first marriage was so toxic that I would party with my friends after softball games after work, sometimes into the night to avoid going home. I had two small children but they were never without their dad or a sitter. I was not one to turn down a good happy hour! The marriage predictably ended but I continued to have fun with my friends when possible. A few years later, my wonderful new husband and I looked forward to the weekends. A couple of beers before dinner, and always a luscious bottle of wine during dinner. We kept this up for a while and really enjoyed it. Sometimes the night would be hilarious and others would result in a spat, due, I am sure, to the drinking. However, my husband traveled all the time. New husband, new home, new baby, step-children....lots of adjustments being made. Oh, and I had a full time job as well. Trying to keep everyone happy really stressed me out. Having to navigate all the issues that come with children while my husband was away was no walk in the park either. For a long time my drinking was limited to weekends, but then I would have one beer, then two beers, then a glass of wine, then maybe another. One drink became two, two became three, etc. How many women do this after work??? Tons. Boredom, loneliness, stress..what else is new? I knew that after about 9:00 I was pretty much inert. Need help with homework? Laundry to be done? Bills to pay? Not going to happen. I think I just wanted to check out. Deep down inside, I was not happy. It was so ridiculous, I knew had a problem when my first thought leaving work was, "Do I have any wine?" It literally dominated my night. I did not want to be asked to drive anywhere, because I wanted to have a glass of wine. I stopped every other night on the way home to resupply, all the while telling myself that I should not be doing this. "See if you can go one night without it", I would say to myself. It was really bugging me. I want to clarify that I never drank to the point of passing out or blacking or throwing up. It wasn't like that at all. Drinking was a comfort. So, what happened? I found myself not enjoying it anymore. I hated the feeling the next day. I never prayed to quit, because I didn't think I was an alcoholic. I thought I just had a bad habit. I know that God somehow helped me stop. I guess it was the night that my daughter and I went to a friend's house for dinner on a school night and we went through a couple of bottles of wine, just chatting all night. Thank God she only lived a few blocks away, because when I got up to DRIVE home, I was really unsteady. I did drive home with my daughter, but could literally hardly see. I was terrified! I came home and passed out on the bed. If there was any emergency I would never have known it. I woke up the next day to go to work and had the worst hangover I have had in 20 years. What in the hell was I doing? It was pathetic. I quit that day. The thought of alcohol made me sick so I decided to see how long I could go without it. Luckily, I stuck to my plan. I never went to rehab and I am thankful to this day. My life has changed dramatically. I never have to worry about driving drunk. I am productive at night. Fully engaged and clear headed in all conversations. I am present. I feel responsible and mature. I have a new sense of humility in that I know God did this for me because I never really thought I had a serious problem. That swollen look from my face is gone (according to my family) and almost best of all, I sleep like a baby! Drinking really disrupted my sleep. Did my social life change? You bet. Who wants to have a nondrinker at a party? Not many. However, I know that many of my friends are struggling with this issue and want a way out but don't know what to do. They are afraid of losing friends, not being popular, afraid to face their fears, afraid of nonacceptance. It's the fear that controls their life. Wish I could help...I just listen. I have been sober for 7 years, and never, ever look back. It is a gift. ]]> http://stefaniewildertaylor.com/2012/01/dont-get-drunk-fridays-marys-story/feed/ 6 Don’t Get Drunk Friday: Savannah’s Story http://stefaniewildertaylor.com/2012/01/dont-get-drunk-friday-savannahs-story/ http://stefaniewildertaylor.com/2012/01/dont-get-drunk-friday-savannahs-story/#comments Fri, 06 Jan 2012 12:00:07 +0000 Stefanie Wilder Taylor http://stefaniewildertaylor.com/?p=1335 Booze Free Brigade if you want to make a change. "My love affair with alcohol began at age 13. I came from a loving and stable home, but I quickly fell in with the drinking crowd once I discovered this fabulous thing that would free me of all my inhibitions. I was always the one person who would get drunker than anyone else, never know my limit and occasionally blackout. I drank the same way all through my teens, my twenties and thirties, but was extremely successful in school and work, and managed to fit in well with the "work hard play hard" crowd. It honestly never occurred to me that maybe I was an alcoholic - never. And certainly no one else suggested that to me. A few times in my twenties I tried to control my drinking unsuccessfully, but I didn't think too much of it. By age 36 I had a successful career, loving husband and two beautiful children. But after two year-long sober periods while pregnant, I was beating myself up daily unable to figure out how I could possibly be so weak as to not be able to control this one thing in my life. I simply had to drink at night, it was not an option to go without. Nothing bad happened (except a few embarrassing nights out with friends, but those were few & far between with kids), but I was suffering deeply inside. I had a little window that year... there was one moment when I Googled "Alcoholic", with tears streaming down my face - I couldn't figure out how I could be sober for so long while pregnant and so quickly go back to the way I was!! That window passed and about a year passed by, with depression and anxiety slowly starting to fill my life. Finally one night I broke down, I looked up at the ceiling and begged God to help me find the strength to solve this hell that I was in. I didn't know where to go (obviously not AA, since I did not really believe I was an alcoholic). I just remembered hearing somewhere "help is out there" so I did my best to find something - the next day I called a private addictions counselor. I actually envisioned in my mind that the counselor would tell me the way to drink responsibly! I had a brutal reality check as I learned the cold hard facts about alcoholism. I loved that first meeting as I knew instantly that I could not deny what I was being told, I accepted that I was powerless almost immediately (it was hard, but I was honest with myself and the facts). The week I stopped drinking was brutal, absolutely brutal. I was told "it will pass" and I held on to this belief. The next two months were also extremely difficult. I continued with the counselor weekly and tapped into some deep rooted issues. When I told my family and friends all of them were shocked and resisted the idea that I had any sort of a problem. But only I knew the internal hell that I had been living - I had reached rock bottom internally. I have been sober now almost four years. The first year was very difficult. I had to discover who I was, learn how to socialize, how to live without alcohol. But now, my life is everything I hoped it would be. It amazes me how much I can do now - the world is my oyster. My relationships are deeper and more meaningful, my depression and anxiety gone, my personality the same but better, and I am truly happy. Many days go by when I don't even think about alcohol. Social functions are just that, a chance to socialize, not a chance to drink. And I compare my perspective on life now vs. the last few years of drinking as looking at life with a crystal clear lens versus a dirty, muddy window. Life is beautiful, and I intend to live it to the fullest."]]> http://stefaniewildertaylor.com/2012/01/dont-get-drunk-friday-savannahs-story/feed/ 4 It Was a Pinkalicious Christmas http://stefaniewildertaylor.com/2012/01/it-was-a-pinkalicious-christmas/ http://stefaniewildertaylor.com/2012/01/it-was-a-pinkalicious-christmas/#comments Fri, 06 Jan 2012 00:11:17 +0000 Stefanie Wilder Taylor http://stefaniewildertaylor.com/?p=1338 favorite kids' books on Babble but I forgot to include one of Elby's favorites, Pinkalicious. Yeah, I know, how could I leave that out? I screwed up. Sue me. Let's just move on okay? So for Christmas, Elby got Pinkalicious The Princess of Pink Treasury.

Now, it's hard to find books that actually please kids. If you have a kid, you know what I mean. To most kids, books are a lot like clothes which is to say that aren't toys. With that in mind, if you can find a book that puts this sort of crazed glimmer in your kid's eye, you can go ahead and pat yourself on the back for some great parenting. Me, I'm always looking for a reason to pat myself on the back. Pinkalicious actually got a "YAY! COOL! All the Pinkalicious stories are in here!" And they are. School Rules -where Pinkalicious tries to take a unicorn (named Goldie) to school, Pinkalicious and the Pink Drink -which has to do with setting up a lemonade stand and not drinking Pepso Bismal as the name implies, Pink Around the Rink -Pinkalicious gets ice skates for her birthday and makes them pink with a marker, Tinkled Pink -where Pinkalicious tries to become a stand-up comedienne using stolen jokes (sort of) and Pinkie Promise -I don't know what this one is about because it's only January 5th people, get off my back! The book also has a CD and activities like instructions for setting up a lemonade stand, spot the differences pages, jokes, a page on "how to write your own story" and a lot more good stuff. So every night Elby goes to bed with a flashlight and her Pinkalicious book and reads it under the covers like I have no idea what she's doing (hello, did that for years myself, my friend!). So cute. And so irritating because she is incredibly difficult to wake up in the morning. You'd think she was in a coma and wanted to stay in it by the way she refuses to move or respond to human voices at 7 a.m. but I digress. So the book the twins are in love with is "If You Give a Dog a Donut." Originally it was also going to be for Elby because apparently they read it in her 1st grade class and she was all jacked up because she's read the other ones in the series. You know the cat and cupcake, moose and muffin etc. These animals all have a serious eating disorder if you ask me but maybe that's why I like them. I can relate. ANYWAY. "If You Give a Dog a Donut" was a huge hit with the twins who love the fact that the dog drinks apple juice just like they do (and Brittney Spears' boys). There's also something less, I don't know, fantastical (seeing as I don't like the sci fi) about this book, as opposed to the others in the series. Something a bit more simple more grounded in reality, just a classic tale of a boy and his dog who likes to play pirate and hit home runs. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy the whole series but this is the best one.

Every time I type out a post about Sadie and her petite size I promise it's the last time I'll talk about it. Not because I think I'm boring (come on, no one can insert "twat waffle" in a post about toddlers like I can) but because I feel lucky that Sadie has overcome so many challenges already so why focus on something so non-tragic - something quite possibly inconsequential to her overall well being? Sadie just crossed the 27 pound mark and she's four-years-old as of last month. She wears a size 2T and even some of those pants are a little long. She is still far below the height/weight chart. She's doesn't have a percent yet. I know it doesn't matter what other people think but it's still jarring for me when people exclaim, "Oh my God they're twins? How can that be? She's so little!" Or when people straight out ask me what's wrong with her. Her preschool teacher told me that she forgets how tiny Sadie is until once in awhile she looks at her tiny starfish hand and realizes it's no bigger than a baby's. Matilda continues to grow at a normal rate. She's forty pounds and is literally heads and shoulders above her sis. So Sadie's size still nags at me. How could it not? I'm her momma and if there's something wrong I want to leave no stone unturned to make it right. I want to go all Lorenzo's Oil on this thing. But I can't. Because there's really nothing I can do. Sadie eats completely typical for a four year old, she's long since graduated the feeding tube. After all my research, after speaking to tons of other parents of SGA (Small for Gestational Age) and IUGR (Intra Uterine Growth Restriction) kids, after all the intervention she's had (PT, OT, speech, development, feeding, nutrition) I know that the only treatment is HGH (growth hormone). We just aren't prepared to go there because there are too many unknowns and zero long term studies of the side effects of synthetic hormone -especially in the amount she would need (larger amounts because she isn't hormone deficient -long story). Sweet Sadie has caught up in every other way besides height and weight. She's feisty, hilarious, did I mention feisty?, and able to do most things Matilda can do. But not all. She needs help getting up on most toilet seats (which may not seem like a big deal but if you're four you may not always want someone helping you get up there), she's not as strong as she should be because she doesn't have the muscle mass of a typical child her age, She can't wash her hands on her own in most sinks (at home we have a big step stool but how many other places have that?), but most disturbing, she's treated by strangers like a baby. They assume she's only about 18-months or 2 and talk down to her. Of course this isn't a big deal now because I actually like to see their face when my four-year-old ball of attitude gets in their grill and gives them an "I'm a big girl. I'm four! I'm not a baby, asshole! (the asshole is implied)" But how will this be for her when she's 12, 13, 14 or 40? Will she be treated differently? And if so, are we wrong for not giving her growth hormones? I don't know. Probably not because I'm rarely wrong when I go with my gut. But what if I am?

]]> http://stefaniewildertaylor.com/2011/12/still-tiny-sadie/feed/ 23 When Did Your Kids Stop Believing in Santa Claus? http://stefaniewildertaylor.com/2011/12/when-did-your-kids-stop-believing-in-santa-claus/ http://stefaniewildertaylor.com/2011/12/when-did-your-kids-stop-believing-in-santa-claus/#comments Thu, 15 Dec 2011 00:34:48 +0000 Stefanie Wilder Taylor http://stefaniewildertaylor.com/?p=1311 you believe in Santa Claus, Elbs?" and she quickly answered, "Yes." I slowly let out my breath and Jon whispered to me, "She better not screw it up for the twins." But later I asked him if he thought she really believes it or if she was just going along with it to not screw up her chances of getting everything on her list. Which is long. Jon thinks this is around the time they stop believing which makes sense since they have to have a sneaking suspicion that a fat guy climbing down the chimney not to mention being everywhere in the world at once doesn't make a whole lot of sense but it also kind of bums me out. They only start really understanding the concept around the age of four so if they stop believing at seven we only have a couple of good years to carry on the Santa myth. I didn't know it would be over so quickly! I feel like I have to really make the most out of the next two Christmases because I have a bad feeling that once Elby is truly onto us, we're dead -discretion isn't her strong suit. There's also the issue that a lot of her friends don't even celebrate Christmas because they're heathens...I mean, Jews. Okay, I'm Jewish too but not Jewish enough to keep me from celebrating Christmas. That's really a whole 'nother story for another post. The point is, how does one explain to a kid why Santa doesn't come to the houses of the kids who celebrate Hanukkah? Do we just tell them the truth that all Jews are on the naughty list? But then what about Kwanzaa (if that's even a real holiday)? Are we to believe that Santa is a racist? It seems like a very complicated issue. I'm going to try not to over think it and just enjoy the season. I'm going to cram their brains full of Rudolph, Frost, Christmas lights and Christmas carols and let them bake cookies and believe. Just for today. By the way, if you want to read the What Not To Get the Kids For Christmas list I've compiled, it's here. If you like it, share it. ]]> http://stefaniewildertaylor.com/2011/12/when-did-your-kids-stop-believing-in-santa-claus/feed/ 10 Finally Four http://stefaniewildertaylor.com/2012/02/dont-get-drunk-bridgette/ http://stefaniewildertaylor.com/2012/02/dont-get-drunk-bridgette/#comments Sun, 05 Feb 2012 21:40:26 +0000 Stefanie Wilder Taylor http://stefaniewildertaylor.com/?p=1365 The Booze Free Brigade. When I first wrote to Stefanie to write another DGDF, I thought I was writing about how great my life was once I stopped drinking, how clear things were to me and how much better I felt about every person in my life, including myself. But, that’s a load of bull. I am writing to you because I am a person who is happy to have stopped drinking but lately has been seeing reasons to drink that scare the crap out of me. So, as long as we’re being honest. I just had a baby last September. My second. I have a two year old and a five month old. So 10 months of my 19 month sobriety were pregnant months. I question every day if that really “counts” as true sobriety. But I think it’s because I want to put as much time as I can between me and my drinking days. I want to look back and say, “Well I made this really, really important and really, really hard decision one day and well, now, look how wonderfully put together I am.” But I’m not. I’ve been experiencing some postpartum depression, some anxiety and a whole lot of overwhelming feelings. The type when you just don’t feel like you’re good in any one area of your life, so why even try? The feeling that used to lead me (and leads most alcoholics) to drink. The feeling that you want to get rid of, so you numb it, thinking that it will eventually go away. I used to think that I would experience less of life if I was not drinking--- nothing fun and extreme—no extreme happiness, belly laughter, no dancing and not caring how I looked. But what I have come to see in not drinking is this: It isn’t what you are not experiencing that you miss--- but the things you are now experiencing that you never did before. I never paid attention to the look my husband gives me across the room at a party or wedding because I was so often dodging his gaze (and thus his judgment) as I filled up my wine glass. I never knew how many engaging conversations you could have at a party because I was always excusing myself to refill my drink or call over the bartender. I never knew that I could be sober and be completely fulfilled. Not drinking used to be synonymous with deprivation. But, really, it’s the not drinking that baptizes you and truly transforms you and your life. I think about the regrets I have and how I won’t ever have to go back to that stomach ache and terrible humiliation that I often suffered from in silence. I’ve come to see that regret is the most powerful emotion we have at times. Regret is our conscience telling us we did wrong. Regret is what tells our brain, “that wasn’t okay.” Regret helps us to move on, heal and be better. Some people say they live their life without regrets like it means they experience more than the rest of us. I think we need to live life paying close attention to our regrets because it’s the only barometer we have as to who we truly want to be. I can’t tell you there is a secret to getting through it. I can only tell you what I have found in myself. When I can be honest, really, brutally honest with myself is when I make the decisions that really change me. When I admit that I need a meeting or therapy or a friend’s shoulder or my husband’s arms. When I hug my kids and say, “Maybe this is why I am going through all this; maybe these little people here are enough of a reason.” And I can tell you it is my two kids that will forever make my decision to stop drinking the most intoxicating (ha, pardon the pun!) and freeing decision of my life. Growing up in a house where alcohol caused a great deal of dysfunction, an interaction like the following is like gold. Last week my son walked up to my husband who was drinking a beer and said, “Daddy beer? Mommy beer?” “No, that’s Daddy’s beer,” I replied. “Mommy’s soda?” “Yes, Parker. Mommy drinks soda.” ]]> http://stefaniewildertaylor.com/2012/02/dont-get-drunk-bridgette/feed/ 1 Stefanie Wilder Taylor http://stefaniewildertaylor.com Sun, 05 Feb 2012 21:40:36 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3 Don’t Get Drunk: Bridgette http://stefaniewildertaylor.com/2012/02/dont-get-drunk-bridgette/ http://stefaniewildertaylor.com/2012/02/dont-get-drunk-bridgette/#comments Sun, 05 Feb 2012 21:40:26 +0000 Stefanie Wilder Taylor http://stefaniewildertaylor.com/?p=1365 The Booze Free Brigade. When I first wrote to Stefanie to write another DGDF, I thought I was writing about how great my life was once I stopped drinking, how clear things were to me and how much better I felt about every person in my life, including myself. But, that’s a load of bull. I am writing to you because I am a person who is happy to have stopped drinking but lately has been seeing reasons to drink that scare the crap out of me. So, as long as we’re being honest. I just had a baby last September. My second. I have a two year old and a five month old. So 10 months of my 19 month sobriety were pregnant months. I question every day if that really “counts” as true sobriety. But I think it’s because I want to put as much time as I can between me and my drinking days. I want to look back and say, “Well I made this really, really important and really, really hard decision one day and well, now, look how wonderfully put together I am.” But I’m not. I’ve been experiencing some postpartum depression, some anxiety and a whole lot of overwhelming feelings. The type when you just don’t feel like you’re good in any one area of your life, so why even try? The feeling that used to lead me (and leads most alcoholics) to drink. The feeling that you want to get rid of, so you numb it, thinking that it will eventually go away. I used to think that I would experience less of life if I was not drinking--- nothing fun and extreme—no extreme happiness, belly laughter, no dancing and not caring how I looked. But what I have come to see in not drinking is this: It isn’t what you are not experiencing that you miss--- but the things you are now experiencing that you never did before. I never paid attention to the look my husband gives me across the room at a party or wedding because I was so often dodging his gaze (and thus his judgment) as I filled up my wine glass. I never knew how many engaging conversations you could have at a party because I was always excusing myself to refill my drink or call over the bartender. I never knew that I could be sober and be completely fulfilled. Not drinking used to be synonymous with deprivation. But, really, it’s the not drinking that baptizes you and truly transforms you and your life. I think about the regrets I have and how I won’t ever have to go back to that stomach ache and terrible humiliation that I often suffered from in silence. I’ve come to see that regret is the most powerful emotion we have at times. Regret is our conscience telling us we did wrong. Regret is what tells our brain, “that wasn’t okay.” Regret helps us to move on, heal and be better. Some people say they live their life without regrets like it means they experience more than the rest of us. I think we need to live life paying close attention to our regrets because it’s the only barometer we have as to who we truly want to be. I can’t tell you there is a secret to getting through it. I can only tell you what I have found in myself. When I can be honest, really, brutally honest with myself is when I make the decisions that really change me. When I admit that I need a meeting or therapy or a friend’s shoulder or my husband’s arms. When I hug my kids and say, “Maybe this is why I am going through all this; maybe these little people here are enough of a reason.” And I can tell you it is my two kids that will forever make my decision to stop drinking the most intoxicating (ha, pardon the pun!) and freeing decision of my life. Growing up in a house where alcohol caused a great deal of dysfunction, an interaction like the following is like gold. Last week my son walked up to my husband who was drinking a beer and said, “Daddy beer? Mommy beer?” “No, that’s Daddy’s beer,” I replied. “Mommy’s soda?” “Yes, Parker. Mommy drinks soda.” ]]> http://stefaniewildertaylor.com/2012/02/dont-get-drunk-bridgette/feed/ 1 Lazy Girl’s Guide to Health http://stefaniewildertaylor.com/2012/01/lazy-girls-guide-to-health/ http://stefaniewildertaylor.com/2012/01/lazy-girls-guide-to-health/#comments Mon, 23 Jan 2012 17:37:55 +0000 Stefanie Wilder Taylor http://stefaniewildertaylor.com/?p=1358

]]> http://stefaniewildertaylor.com/2011/12/still-tiny-sadie/feed/ 23 When Did Your Kids Stop Believing in Santa Claus? http://stefaniewildertaylor.com/2011/12/when-did-your-kids-stop-believing-in-santa-claus/ http://stefaniewildertaylor.com/2011/12/when-did-your-kids-stop-believing-in-santa-claus/#comments Thu, 15 Dec 2011 00:34:48 +0000 Stefanie Wilder Taylor http://stefaniewildertaylor.com/?p=1311 you believe in Santa Claus, Elbs?" and she quickly answered, "Yes." I slowly let out my breath and Jon whispered to me, "She better not screw it up for the twins." But later I asked him if he thought she really believes it or if she was just going along with it to not screw up her chances of getting everything on her list. Which is long. Jon thinks this is around the time they stop believing which makes sense since they have to have a sneaking suspicion that a fat guy climbing down the chimney not to mention being everywhere in the world at once doesn't make a whole lot of sense but it also kind of bums me out. They only start really understanding the concept around the age of four so if they stop believing at seven we only have a couple of good years to carry on the Santa myth. I didn't know it would be over so quickly! I feel like I have to really make the most out of the next two Christmases because I have a bad feeling that once Elby is truly onto us, we're dead -discretion isn't her strong suit. There's also the issue that a lot of her friends don't even celebrate Christmas because they're heathens...I mean, Jews. Okay, I'm Jewish too but not Jewish enough to keep me from celebrating Christmas. That's really a whole 'nother story for another post. The point is, how does one explain to a kid why Santa doesn't come to the houses of the kids who celebrate Hanukkah? Do we just tell them the truth that all Jews are on the naughty list? But then what about Kwanzaa (if that's even a real holiday)? Are we to believe that Santa is a racist? It seems like a very complicated issue. I'm going to try not to over think it and just enjoy the season. I'm going to cram their brains full of Rudolph, Frost, Christmas lights and Christmas carols and let them bake cookies and believe. Just for today. By the way, if you want to read the What Not To Get the Kids For Christmas list I've compiled, it's here. If you like it, share it. ]]> http://stefaniewildertaylor.com/2011/12/when-did-your-kids-stop-believing-in-santa-claus/feed/ 10 Finally Four http://stefaniewildertaylor.com/2012/01/dont-get-drunk-fridays-marys-story/ http://stefaniewildertaylor.com/2012/01/dont-get-drunk-fridays-marys-story/#comments Fri, 13 Jan 2012 16:22:10 +0000 Stefanie Wilder Taylor http://stefaniewildertaylor.com/?p=1351 The Booze Free Brigade. All people with a desire to quit drinking or at least examine their drinking are welcome. For those who know me well, most would be shocked that I quit drinking. Funny thing is that I am the one who is shocked the most. Always the party girl throughout college, I really enjoyed the idea of getting ready to go party, the idea of drinking with my friends, meeting guys, but not always remembering everything I did or say the next day. Oh God. I never gave drinking a second thought. I socially drank during my first marriage, but not too much during the week (I don't think). Oops, I take that back. My first marriage was so toxic that I would party with my friends after softball games after work, sometimes into the night to avoid going home. I had two small children but they were never without their dad or a sitter. I was not one to turn down a good happy hour! The marriage predictably ended but I continued to have fun with my friends when possible. A few years later, my wonderful new husband and I looked forward to the weekends. A couple of beers before dinner, and always a luscious bottle of wine during dinner. We kept this up for a while and really enjoyed it. Sometimes the night would be hilarious and others would result in a spat, due, I am sure, to the drinking. However, my husband traveled all the time. New husband, new home, new baby, step-children....lots of adjustments being made. Oh, and I had a full time job as well. Trying to keep everyone happy really stressed me out. Having to navigate all the issues that come with children while my husband was away was no walk in the park either. For a long time my drinking was limited to weekends, but then I would have one beer, then two beers, then a glass of wine, then maybe another. One drink became two, two became three, etc. How many women do this after work??? Tons. Boredom, loneliness, stress..what else is new? I knew that after about 9:00 I was pretty much inert. Need help with homework? Laundry to be done? Bills to pay? Not going to happen. I think I just wanted to check out. Deep down inside, I was not happy. It was so ridiculous, I knew had a problem when my first thought leaving work was, "Do I have any wine?" It literally dominated my night. I did not want to be asked to drive anywhere, because I wanted to have a glass of wine. I stopped every other night on the way home to resupply, all the while telling myself that I should not be doing this. "See if you can go one night without it", I would say to myself. It was really bugging me. I want to clarify that I never drank to the point of passing out or blacking or throwing up. It wasn't like that at all. Drinking was a comfort. So, what happened? I found myself not enjoying it anymore. I hated the feeling the next day. I never prayed to quit, because I didn't think I was an alcoholic. I thought I just had a bad habit. I know that God somehow helped me stop. I guess it was the night that my daughter and I went to a friend's house for dinner on a school night and we went through a couple of bottles of wine, just chatting all night. Thank God she only lived a few blocks away, because when I got up to DRIVE home, I was really unsteady. I did drive home with my daughter, but could literally hardly see. I was terrified! I came home and passed out on the bed. If there was any emergency I would never have known it. I woke up the next day to go to work and had the worst hangover I have had in 20 years. What in the hell was I doing? It was pathetic. I quit that day. The thought of alcohol made me sick so I decided to see how long I could go without it. Luckily, I stuck to my plan. I never went to rehab and I am thankful to this day. My life has changed dramatically. I never have to worry about driving drunk. I am productive at night. Fully engaged and clear headed in all conversations. I am present. I feel responsible and mature. I have a new sense of humility in that I know God did this for me because I never really thought I had a serious problem. That swollen look from my face is gone (according to my family) and almost best of all, I sleep like a baby! Drinking really disrupted my sleep. Did my social life change? You bet. Who wants to have a nondrinker at a party? Not many. However, I know that many of my friends are struggling with this issue and want a way out but don't know what to do. They are afraid of losing friends, not being popular, afraid to face their fears, afraid of nonacceptance. It's the fear that controls their life. Wish I could help...I just listen. I have been sober for 7 years, and never, ever look back. It is a gift. ]]> http://stefaniewildertaylor.com/2012/01/dont-get-drunk-fridays-marys-story/feed/ 6 Stefanie Wilder Taylor http://stefaniewildertaylor.com Sun, 05 Feb 2012 21:40:36 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3 Don’t Get Drunk: Bridgette http://stefaniewildertaylor.com/2012/02/dont-get-drunk-bridgette/ http://stefaniewildertaylor.com/2012/02/dont-get-drunk-bridgette/#comments Sun, 05 Feb 2012 21:40:26 +0000 Stefanie Wilder Taylor http://stefaniewildertaylor.com/?p=1365 The Booze Free Brigade. When I first wrote to Stefanie to write another DGDF, I thought I was writing about how great my life was once I stopped drinking, how clear things were to me and how much better I felt about every person in my life, including myself. But, that’s a load of bull. I am writing to you because I am a person who is happy to have stopped drinking but lately has been seeing reasons to drink that scare the crap out of me. So, as long as we’re being honest. I just had a baby last September. My second. I have a two year old and a five month old. So 10 months of my 19 month sobriety were pregnant months. I question every day if that really “counts” as true sobriety. But I think it’s because I want to put as much time as I can between me and my drinking days. I want to look back and say, “Well I made this really, really important and really, really hard decision one day and well, now, look how wonderfully put together I am.” But I’m not. I’ve been experiencing some postpartum depression, some anxiety and a whole lot of overwhelming feelings. The type when you just don’t feel like you’re good in any one area of your life, so why even try? The feeling that used to lead me (and leads most alcoholics) to drink. The feeling that you want to get rid of, so you numb it, thinking that it will eventually go away. I used to think that I would experience less of life if I was not drinking--- nothing fun and extreme—no extreme happiness, belly laughter, no dancing and not caring how I looked. But what I have come to see in not drinking is this: It isn’t what you are not experiencing that you miss--- but the things you are now experiencing that you never did before. I never paid attention to the look my husband gives me across the room at a party or wedding because I was so often dodging his gaze (and thus his judgment) as I filled up my wine glass. I never knew how many engaging conversations you could have at a party because I was always excusing myself to refill my drink or call over the bartender. I never knew that I could be sober and be completely fulfilled. Not drinking used to be synonymous with deprivation. But, really, it’s the not drinking that baptizes you and truly transforms you and your life. I think about the regrets I have and how I won’t ever have to go back to that stomach ache and terrible humiliation that I often suffered from in silence. I’ve come to see that regret is the most powerful emotion we have at times. Regret is our conscience telling us we did wrong. Regret is what tells our brain, “that wasn’t okay.” Regret helps us to move on, heal and be better. Some people say they live their life without regrets like it means they experience more than the rest of us. I think we need to live life paying close attention to our regrets because it’s the only barometer we have as to who we truly want to be. I can’t tell you there is a secret to getting through it. I can only tell you what I have found in myself. When I can be honest, really, brutally honest with myself is when I make the decisions that really change me. When I admit that I need a meeting or therapy or a friend’s shoulder or my husband’s arms. When I hug my kids and say, “Maybe this is why I am going through all this; maybe these little people here are enough of a reason.” And I can tell you it is my two kids that will forever make my decision to stop drinking the most intoxicating (ha, pardon the pun!) and freeing decision of my life. Growing up in a house where alcohol caused a great deal of dysfunction, an interaction like the following is like gold. Last week my son walked up to my husband who was drinking a beer and said, “Daddy beer? Mommy beer?” “No, that’s Daddy’s beer,” I replied. “Mommy’s soda?” “Yes, Parker. Mommy drinks soda.” ]]> http://stefaniewildertaylor.com/2012/02/dont-get-drunk-bridgette/feed/ 1 Lazy Girl’s Guide to Health http://stefaniewildertaylor.com/2012/01/lazy-girls-guide-to-health/ http://stefaniewildertaylor.com/2012/01/lazy-girls-guide-to-health/#comments Mon, 23 Jan 2012 17:37:55 +0000 Stefanie Wilder Taylor http://stefaniewildertaylor.com/?p=1358

]]> http://stefaniewildertaylor.com/2011/12/still-tiny-sadie/feed/ 23 When Did Your Kids Stop Believing in Santa Claus? http://stefaniewildertaylor.com/2011/12/when-did-your-kids-stop-believing-in-santa-claus/ http://stefaniewildertaylor.com/2011/12/when-did-your-kids-stop-believing-in-santa-claus/#comments Thu, 15 Dec 2011 00:34:48 +0000 Stefanie Wilder Taylor http://stefaniewildertaylor.com/?p=1311 you believe in Santa Claus, Elbs?" and she quickly answered, "Yes." I slowly let out my breath and Jon whispered to me, "She better not screw it up for the twins." But later I asked him if he thought she really believes it or if she was just going along with it to not screw up her chances of getting everything on her list. Which is long. Jon thinks this is around the time they stop believing which makes sense since they have to have a sneaking suspicion that a fat guy climbing down the chimney not to mention being everywhere in the world at once doesn't make a whole lot of sense but it also kind of bums me out. They only start really understanding the concept around the age of four so if they stop believing at seven we only have a couple of good years to carry on the Santa myth. I didn't know it would be over so quickly! I feel like I have to really make the most out of the next two Christmases because I have a bad feeling that once Elby is truly onto us, we're dead -discretion isn't her strong suit. There's also the issue that a lot of her friends don't even celebrate Christmas because they're heathens...I mean, Jews. Okay, I'm Jewish too but not Jewish enough to keep me from celebrating Christmas. That's really a whole 'nother story for another post. The point is, how does one explain to a kid why Santa doesn't come to the houses of the kids who celebrate Hanukkah? Do we just tell them the truth that all Jews are on the naughty list? But then what about Kwanzaa (if that's even a real holiday)? Are we to believe that Santa is a racist? It seems like a very complicated issue. I'm going to try not to over think it and just enjoy the season. I'm going to cram their brains full of Rudolph, Frost, Christmas lights and Christmas carols and let them bake cookies and believe. Just for today. By the way, if you want to read the What Not To Get the Kids For Christmas list I've compiled, it's here. If you like it, share it. ]]> http://stefaniewildertaylor.com/2011/12/when-did-your-kids-stop-believing-in-santa-claus/feed/ 10 Finally Four http://stefaniewildertaylor.com/2012/01/dont-get-drunk-friday-savannahs-story/ http://stefaniewildertaylor.com/2012/01/dont-get-drunk-friday-savannahs-story/#comments Fri, 06 Jan 2012 12:00:07 +0000 Stefanie Wilder Taylor http://stefaniewildertaylor.com/?p=1335 Booze Free Brigade if you want to make a change. "My love affair with alcohol began at age 13. I came from a loving and stable home, but I quickly fell in with the drinking crowd once I discovered this fabulous thing that would free me of all my inhibitions. I was always the one person who would get drunker than anyone else, never know my limit and occasionally blackout. I drank the same way all through my teens, my twenties and thirties, but was extremely successful in school and work, and managed to fit in well with the "work hard play hard" crowd. It honestly never occurred to me that maybe I was an alcoholic - never. And certainly no one else suggested that to me. A few times in my twenties I tried to control my drinking unsuccessfully, but I didn't think too much of it. By age 36 I had a successful career, loving husband and two beautiful children. But after two year-long sober periods while pregnant, I was beating myself up daily unable to figure out how I could possibly be so weak as to not be able to control this one thing in my life. I simply had to drink at night, it was not an option to go without. Nothing bad happened (except a few embarrassing nights out with friends, but those were few & far between with kids), but I was suffering deeply inside. I had a little window that year... there was one moment when I Googled "Alcoholic", with tears streaming down my face - I couldn't figure out how I could be sober for so long while pregnant and so quickly go back to the way I was!! That window passed and about a year passed by, with depression and anxiety slowly starting to fill my life. Finally one night I broke down, I looked up at the ceiling and begged God to help me find the strength to solve this hell that I was in. I didn't know where to go (obviously not AA, since I did not really believe I was an alcoholic). I just remembered hearing somewhere "help is out there" so I did my best to find something - the next day I called a private addictions counselor. I actually envisioned in my mind that the counselor would tell me the way to drink responsibly! I had a brutal reality check as I learned the cold hard facts about alcoholism. I loved that first meeting as I knew instantly that I could not deny what I was being told, I accepted that I was powerless almost immediately (it was hard, but I was honest with myself and the facts). The week I stopped drinking was brutal, absolutely brutal. I was told "it will pass" and I held on to this belief. The next two months were also extremely difficult. I continued with the counselor weekly and tapped into some deep rooted issues. When I told my family and friends all of them were shocked and resisted the idea that I had any sort of a problem. But only I knew the internal hell that I had been living - I had reached rock bottom internally. I have been sober now almost four years. The first year was very difficult. I had to discover who I was, learn how to socialize, how to live without alcohol. But now, my life is everything I hoped it would be. It amazes me how much I can do now - the world is my oyster. My relationships are deeper and more meaningful, my depression and anxiety gone, my personality the same but better, and I am truly happy. Many days go by when I don't even think about alcohol. Social functions are just that, a chance to socialize, not a chance to drink. And I compare my perspective on life now vs. the last few years of drinking as looking at life with a crystal clear lens versus a dirty, muddy window. Life is beautiful, and I intend to live it to the fullest."]]> http://stefaniewildertaylor.com/2012/01/dont-get-drunk-friday-savannahs-story/feed/ 4 Stefanie Wilder Taylor http://stefaniewildertaylor.com Sun, 05 Feb 2012 21:40:36 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3 Don’t Get Drunk: Bridgette http://stefaniewildertaylor.com/2012/02/dont-get-drunk-bridgette/ http://stefaniewildertaylor.com/2012/02/dont-get-drunk-bridgette/#comments Sun, 05 Feb 2012 21:40:26 +0000 Stefanie Wilder Taylor http://stefaniewildertaylor.com/?p=1365 The Booze Free Brigade. When I first wrote to Stefanie to write another DGDF, I thought I was writing about how great my life was once I stopped drinking, how clear things were to me and how much better I felt about every person in my life, including myself. But, that’s a load of bull. I am writing to you because I am a person who is happy to have stopped drinking but lately has been seeing reasons to drink that scare the crap out of me. So, as long as we’re being honest. I just had a baby last September. My second. I have a two year old and a five month old. So 10 months of my 19 month sobriety were pregnant months. I question every day if that really “counts” as true sobriety. But I think it’s because I want to put as much time as I can between me and my drinking days. I want to look back and say, “Well I made this really, really important and really, really hard decision one day and well, now, look how wonderfully put together I am.” But I’m not. I’ve been experiencing some postpartum depression, some anxiety and a whole lot of overwhelming feelings. The type when you just don’t feel like you’re good in any one area of your life, so why even try? The feeling that used to lead me (and leads most alcoholics) to drink. The feeling that you want to get rid of, so you numb it, thinking that it will eventually go away. I used to think that I would experience less of life if I was not drinking--- nothing fun and extreme—no extreme happiness, belly laughter, no dancing and not caring how I looked. But what I have come to see in not drinking is this: It isn’t what you are not experiencing that you miss--- but the things you are now experiencing that you never did before. I never paid attention to the look my husband gives me across the room at a party or wedding because I was so often dodging his gaze (and thus his judgment) as I filled up my wine glass. I never knew how many engaging conversations you could have at a party because I was always excusing myself to refill my drink or call over the bartender. I never knew that I could be sober and be completely fulfilled. Not drinking used to be synonymous with deprivation. But, really, it’s the not drinking that baptizes you and truly transforms you and your life. I think about the regrets I have and how I won’t ever have to go back to that stomach ache and terrible humiliation that I often suffered from in silence. I’ve come to see that regret is the most powerful emotion we have at times. Regret is our conscience telling us we did wrong. Regret is what tells our brain, “that wasn’t okay.” Regret helps us to move on, heal and be better. Some people say they live their life without regrets like it means they experience more than the rest of us. I think we need to live life paying close attention to our regrets because it’s the only barometer we have as to who we truly want to be. I can’t tell you there is a secret to getting through it. I can only tell you what I have found in myself. When I can be honest, really, brutally honest with myself is when I make the decisions that really change me. When I admit that I need a meeting or therapy or a friend’s shoulder or my husband’s arms. When I hug my kids and say, “Maybe this is why I am going through all this; maybe these little people here are enough of a reason.” And I can tell you it is my two kids that will forever make my decision to stop drinking the most intoxicating (ha, pardon the pun!) and freeing decision of my life. Growing up in a house where alcohol caused a great deal of dysfunction, an interaction like the following is like gold. Last week my son walked up to my husband who was drinking a beer and said, “Daddy beer? Mommy beer?” “No, that’s Daddy’s beer,” I replied. “Mommy’s soda?” “Yes, Parker. Mommy drinks soda.” ]]> http://stefaniewildertaylor.com/2012/02/dont-get-drunk-bridgette/feed/ 1 Lazy Girl’s Guide to Health http://stefaniewildertaylor.com/2012/01/lazy-girls-guide-to-health/ http://stefaniewildertaylor.com/2012/01/lazy-girls-guide-to-health/#comments Mon, 23 Jan 2012 17:37:55 +0000 Stefanie Wilder Taylor http://stefaniewildertaylor.com/?p=1358

So there you go. Enjoy my recommends and I will get back to you soon with my thoughts on The Seven Chinese Brothers which I just received from Amazon. ]]> http://stefaniewildertaylor.com/2012/01/it-was-a-pinkalicious-christmas/feed/ 5 Stefanie Wilder Taylor http://stefaniewildertaylor.com Sun, 05 Feb 2012 21:40:36 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3 Don’t Get Drunk: Bridgette http://stefaniewildertaylor.com/2012/02/dont-get-drunk-bridgette/ http://stefaniewildertaylor.com/2012/02/dont-get-drunk-bridgette/#comments Sun, 05 Feb 2012 21:40:26 +0000 Stefanie Wilder Taylor http://stefaniewildertaylor.com/?p=1365 The Booze Free Brigade. When I first wrote to Stefanie to write another DGDF, I thought I was writing about how great my life was once I stopped drinking, how clear things were to me and how much better I felt about every person in my life, including myself. But, that’s a load of bull. I am writing to you because I am a person who is happy to have stopped drinking but lately has been seeing reasons to drink that scare the crap out of me. So, as long as we’re being honest. I just had a baby last September. My second. I have a two year old and a five month old. So 10 months of my 19 month sobriety were pregnant months. I question every day if that really “counts” as true sobriety. But I think it’s because I want to put as much time as I can between me and my drinking days. I want to look back and say, “Well I made this really, really important and really, really hard decision one day and well, now, look how wonderfully put together I am.” But I’m not. I’ve been experiencing some postpartum depression, some anxiety and a whole lot of overwhelming feelings. The type when you just don’t feel like you’re good in any one area of your life, so why even try? The feeling that used to lead me (and leads most alcoholics) to drink. The feeling that you want to get rid of, so you numb it, thinking that it will eventually go away. I used to think that I would experience less of life if I was not drinking--- nothing fun and extreme—no extreme happiness, belly laughter, no dancing and not caring how I looked. But what I have come to see in not drinking is this: It isn’t what you are not experiencing that you miss--- but the things you are now experiencing that you never did before. I never paid attention to the look my husband gives me across the room at a party or wedding because I was so often dodging his gaze (and thus his judgment) as I filled up my wine glass. I never knew how many engaging conversations you could have at a party because I was always excusing myself to refill my drink or call over the bartender. I never knew that I could be sober and be completely fulfilled. Not drinking used to be synonymous with deprivation. But, really, it’s the not drinking that baptizes you and truly transforms you and your life. I think about the regrets I have and how I won’t ever have to go back to that stomach ache and terrible humiliation that I often suffered from in silence. I’ve come to see that regret is the most powerful emotion we have at times. Regret is our conscience telling us we did wrong. Regret is what tells our brain, “that wasn’t okay.” Regret helps us to move on, heal and be better. Some people say they live their life without regrets like it means they experience more than the rest of us. I think we need to live life paying close attention to our regrets because it’s the only barometer we have as to who we truly want to be. I can’t tell you there is a secret to getting through it. I can only tell you what I have found in myself. When I can be honest, really, brutally honest with myself is when I make the decisions that really change me. When I admit that I need a meeting or therapy or a friend’s shoulder or my husband’s arms. When I hug my kids and say, “Maybe this is why I am going through all this; maybe these little people here are enough of a reason.” And I can tell you it is my two kids that will forever make my decision to stop drinking the most intoxicating (ha, pardon the pun!) and freeing decision of my life. Growing up in a house where alcohol caused a great deal of dysfunction, an interaction like the following is like gold. Last week my son walked up to my husband who was drinking a beer and said, “Daddy beer? Mommy beer?” “No, that’s Daddy’s beer,” I replied. “Mommy’s soda?” “Yes, Parker. Mommy drinks soda.” ]]> http://stefaniewildertaylor.com/2012/02/dont-get-drunk-bridgette/feed/ 1 Lazy Girl’s Guide to Health http://stefaniewildertaylor.com/2012/01/lazy-girls-guide-to-health/ http://stefaniewildertaylor.com/2012/01/lazy-girls-guide-to-health/#comments Mon, 23 Jan 2012 17:37:55 +0000 Stefanie Wilder Taylor http://stefaniewildertaylor.com/?p=1358

]]> http://stefaniewildertaylor.com/2011/12/still-tiny-sadie/feed/ 23 Stefanie Wilder Taylor http://stefaniewildertaylor.com Sun, 05 Feb 2012 21:40:36 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3 Don’t Get Drunk: Bridgette http://stefaniewildertaylor.com/2012/02/dont-get-drunk-bridgette/ http://stefaniewildertaylor.com/2012/02/dont-get-drunk-bridgette/#comments Sun, 05 Feb 2012 21:40:26 +0000 Stefanie Wilder Taylor http://stefaniewildertaylor.com/?p=1365 The Booze Free Brigade. When I first wrote to Stefanie to write another DGDF, I thought I was writing about how great my life was once I stopped drinking, how clear things were to me and how much better I felt about every person in my life, including myself. But, that’s a load of bull. I am writing to you because I am a person who is happy to have stopped drinking but lately has been seeing reasons to drink that scare the crap out of me. So, as long as we’re being honest. I just had a baby last September. My second. I have a two year old and a five month old. So 10 months of my 19 month sobriety were pregnant months. I question every day if that really “counts” as true sobriety. But I think it’s because I want to put as much time as I can between me and my drinking days. I want to look back and say, “Well I made this really, really important and really, really hard decision one day and well, now, look how wonderfully put together I am.” But I’m not. I’ve been experiencing some postpartum depression, some anxiety and a whole lot of overwhelming feelings. The type when you just don’t feel like you’re good in any one area of your life, so why even try? The feeling that used to lead me (and leads most alcoholics) to drink. The feeling that you want to get rid of, so you numb it, thinking that it will eventually go away. I used to think that I would experience less of life if I was not drinking--- nothing fun and extreme—no extreme happiness, belly laughter, no dancing and not caring how I looked. But what I have come to see in not drinking is this: It isn’t what you are not experiencing that you miss--- but the things you are now experiencing that you never did before. I never paid attention to the look my husband gives me across the room at a party or wedding because I was so often dodging his gaze (and thus his judgment) as I filled up my wine glass. I never knew how many engaging conversations you could have at a party because I was always excusing myself to refill my drink or call over the bartender. I never knew that I could be sober and be completely fulfilled. Not drinking used to be synonymous with deprivation. But, really, it’s the not drinking that baptizes you and truly transforms you and your life. I think about the regrets I have and how I won’t ever have to go back to that stomach ache and terrible humiliation that I often suffered from in silence. I’ve come to see that regret is the most powerful emotion we have at times. Regret is our conscience telling us we did wrong. Regret is what tells our brain, “that wasn’t okay.” Regret helps us to move on, heal and be better. Some people say they live their life without regrets like it means they experience more than the rest of us. I think we need to live life paying close attention to our regrets because it’s the only barometer we have as to who we truly want to be. I can’t tell you there is a secret to getting through it. I can only tell you what I have found in myself. When I can be honest, really, brutally honest with myself is when I make the decisions that really change me. When I admit that I need a meeting or therapy or a friend’s shoulder or my husband’s arms. When I hug my kids and say, “Maybe this is why I am going through all this; maybe these little people here are enough of a reason.” And I can tell you it is my two kids that will forever make my decision to stop drinking the most intoxicating (ha, pardon the pun!) and freeing decision of my life. Growing up in a house where alcohol caused a great deal of dysfunction, an interaction like the following is like gold. Last week my son walked up to my husband who was drinking a beer and said, “Daddy beer? Mommy beer?” “No, that’s Daddy’s beer,” I replied. “Mommy’s soda?” “Yes, Parker. Mommy drinks soda.” ]]> http://stefaniewildertaylor.com/2012/02/dont-get-drunk-bridgette/feed/ 1 Lazy Girl’s Guide to Health http://stefaniewildertaylor.com/2012/01/lazy-girls-guide-to-health/ http://stefaniewildertaylor.com/2012/01/lazy-girls-guide-to-health/#comments Mon, 23 Jan 2012 17:37:55 +0000 Stefanie Wilder Taylor http://stefaniewildertaylor.com/?p=1358

]]> http://stefaniewildertaylor.com/2011/12/still-tiny-sadie/feed/ 23 When Did Your Kids Stop Believing in Santa Claus? http://stefaniewildertaylor.com/2011/12/when-did-your-kids-stop-believing-in-santa-claus/ http://stefaniewildertaylor.com/2011/12/when-did-your-kids-stop-believing-in-santa-claus/#comments Thu, 15 Dec 2011 00:34:48 +0000 Stefanie Wilder Taylor http://stefaniewildertaylor.com/?p=1311 you believe in Santa Claus, Elbs?" and she quickly answered, "Yes." I slowly let out my breath and Jon whispered to me, "She better not screw it up for the twins." But later I asked him if he thought she really believes it or if she was just going along with it to not screw up her chances of getting everything on her list. Which is long. Jon thinks this is around the time they stop believing which makes sense since they have to have a sneaking suspicion that a fat guy climbing down the chimney not to mention being everywhere in the world at once doesn't make a whole lot of sense but it also kind of bums me out. They only start really understanding the concept around the age of four so if they stop believing at seven we only have a couple of good years to carry on the Santa myth. I didn't know it would be over so quickly! I feel like I have to really make the most out of the next two Christmases because I have a bad feeling that once Elby is truly onto us, we're dead -discretion isn't her strong suit. There's also the issue that a lot of her friends don't even celebrate Christmas because they're heathens...I mean, Jews. Okay, I'm Jewish too but not Jewish enough to keep me from celebrating Christmas. That's really a whole 'nother story for another post. The point is, how does one explain to a kid why Santa doesn't come to the houses of the kids who celebrate Hanukkah? Do we just tell them the truth that all Jews are on the naughty list? But then what about Kwanzaa (if that's even a real holiday)? Are we to believe that Santa is a racist? It seems like a very complicated issue. I'm going to try not to over think it and just enjoy the season. I'm going to cram their brains full of Rudolph, Frost, Christmas lights and Christmas carols and let them bake cookies and believe. Just for today. By the way, if you want to read the What Not To Get the Kids For Christmas list I've compiled, it's here. If you like it, share it. ]]> http://stefaniewildertaylor.com/2011/12/when-did-your-kids-stop-believing-in-santa-claus/feed/ 10 Finally Four http://stefaniewildertaylor.com/2011/12/when-did-your-kids-stop-believing-in-santa-claus/ http://stefaniewildertaylor.com/2011/12/when-did-your-kids-stop-believing-in-santa-claus/#comments Thu, 15 Dec 2011 00:34:48 +0000 Stefanie Wilder Taylor http://stefaniewildertaylor.com/?p=1311 you believe in Santa Claus, Elbs?" and she quickly answered, "Yes." I slowly let out my breath and Jon whispered to me, "She better not screw it up for the twins." But later I asked him if he thought she really believes it or if she was just going along with it to not screw up her chances of getting everything on her list. Which is long. Jon thinks this is around the time they stop believing which makes sense since they have to have a sneaking suspicion that a fat guy climbing down the chimney not to mention being everywhere in the world at once doesn't make a whole lot of sense but it also kind of bums me out. They only start really understanding the concept around the age of four so if they stop believing at seven we only have a couple of good years to carry on the Santa myth. I didn't know it would be over so quickly! I feel like I have to really make the most out of the next two Christmases because I have a bad feeling that once Elby is truly onto us, we're dead -discretion isn't her strong suit. There's also the issue that a lot of her friends don't even celebrate Christmas because they're heathens...I mean, Jews. Okay, I'm Jewish too but not Jewish enough to keep me from celebrating Christmas. That's really a whole 'nother story for another post. The point is, how does one explain to a kid why Santa doesn't come to the houses of the kids who celebrate Hanukkah? Do we just tell them the truth that all Jews are on the naughty list? But then what about Kwanzaa (if that's even a real holiday)? Are we to believe that Santa is a racist? It seems like a very complicated issue. I'm going to try not to over think it and just enjoy the season. I'm going to cram their brains full of Rudolph, Frost, Christmas lights and Christmas carols and let them bake cookies and believe. Just for today. By the way, if you want to read the What Not To Get the Kids For Christmas list I've compiled, it's here. If you like it, share it. ]]> http://stefaniewildertaylor.com/2011/12/when-did-your-kids-stop-believing-in-santa-claus/feed/ 10 Stefanie Wilder Taylor http://stefaniewildertaylor.com Sun, 05 Feb 2012 21:40:36 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3 Don’t Get Drunk: Bridgette http://stefaniewildertaylor.com/2012/02/dont-get-drunk-bridgette/ http://stefaniewildertaylor.com/2012/02/dont-get-drunk-bridgette/#comments Sun, 05 Feb 2012 21:40:26 +0000 Stefanie Wilder Taylor http://stefaniewildertaylor.com/?p=1365 The Booze Free Brigade. When I first wrote to Stefanie to write another DGDF, I thought I was writing about how great my life was once I stopped drinking, how clear things were to me and how much better I felt about every person in my life, including myself. But, that’s a load of bull. I am writing to you because I am a person who is happy to have stopped drinking but lately has been seeing reasons to drink that scare the crap out of me. So, as long as we’re being honest. I just had a baby last September. My second. I have a two year old and a five month old. So 10 months of my 19 month sobriety were pregnant months. I question every day if that really “counts” as true sobriety. But I think it’s because I want to put as much time as I can between me and my drinking days. I want to look back and say, “Well I made this really, really important and really, really hard decision one day and well, now, look how wonderfully put together I am.” But I’m not. I’ve been experiencing some postpartum depression, some anxiety and a whole lot of overwhelming feelings. The type when you just don’t feel like you’re good in any one area of your life, so why even try? The feeling that used to lead me (and leads most alcoholics) to drink. The feeling that you want to get rid of, so you numb it, thinking that it will eventually go away. I used to think that I would experience less of life if I was not drinking--- nothing fun and extreme—no extreme happiness, belly laughter, no dancing and not caring how I looked. But what I have come to see in not drinking is this: It isn’t what you are not experiencing that you miss--- but the things you are now experiencing that you never did before. I never paid attention to the look my husband gives me across the room at a party or wedding because I was so often dodging his gaze (and thus his judgment) as I filled up my wine glass. I never knew how many engaging conversations you could have at a party because I was always excusing myself to refill my drink or call over the bartender. I never knew that I could be sober and be completely fulfilled. Not drinking used to be synonymous with deprivation. But, really, it’s the not drinking that baptizes you and truly transforms you and your life. I think about the regrets I have and how I won’t ever have to go back to that stomach ache and terrible humiliation that I often suffered from in silence. I’ve come to see that regret is the most powerful emotion we have at times. Regret is our conscience telling us we did wrong. Regret is what tells our brain, “that wasn’t okay.” Regret helps us to move on, heal and be better. Some people say they live their life without regrets like it means they experience more than the rest of us. I think we need to live life paying close attention to our regrets because it’s the only barometer we have as to who we truly want to be. I can’t tell you there is a secret to getting through it. I can only tell you what I have found in myself. When I can be honest, really, brutally honest with myself is when I make the decisions that really change me. When I admit that I need a meeting or therapy or a friend’s shoulder or my husband’s arms. When I hug my kids and say, “Maybe this is why I am going through all this; maybe these little people here are enough of a reason.” And I can tell you it is my two kids that will forever make my decision to stop drinking the most intoxicating (ha, pardon the pun!) and freeing decision of my life. Growing up in a house where alcohol caused a great deal of dysfunction, an interaction like the following is like gold. Last week my son walked up to my husband who was drinking a beer and said, “Daddy beer? Mommy beer?” “No, that’s Daddy’s beer,” I replied. “Mommy’s soda?” “Yes, Parker. Mommy drinks soda.” ]]> http://stefaniewildertaylor.com/2012/02/dont-get-drunk-bridgette/feed/ 1 Lazy Girl’s Guide to Health http://stefaniewildertaylor.com/2012/01/lazy-girls-guide-to-health/ http://stefaniewildertaylor.com/2012/01/lazy-girls-guide-to-health/#comments Mon, 23 Jan 2012 17:37:55 +0000 Stefanie Wilder Taylor http://stefaniewildertaylor.com/?p=1358

Sadie and Mattie turned 4-years-old on the 26th and Jon and I breathed a sigh of relief. It's not that we're out of the woods, far from it. But we are beginning to see some light through the trees. Could the light be an oncoming train? Sure. I'm not dumb. But I'm willing to believe that at some point soon Matilda won't melt down because I had the audacity to fasten the Velcro on her shoe when "I WAS GOING TO DO IT! MAYBE NOT TODAY AND MAYBE NOT TOMORROW BUT I WANTED TO DO IT MYSELF" or that Sadie won't declare jihad against me for not starting her Dora "FROM THE VERY BEGINNING. AT WHILE WE'RE AT IT THIS ISN'T THE ONE I WANTED." Every night when I go to sleep I am whole body tired from fighting a battle of wills with my two smallest children. I close my eyes and just try to appreciate that, hey, at least they sleep through the night (you know I just knocked on wood right?). But here are a few things they do now that I never thought they'd do: get their own apples out of the fridge, rinse and eat them (and then leave the savaged core under the couch somewhere), get themselves dressed, apologize to each other without being yelled at first, umm, that's all I can think of. They are cute as hell a lot of the time and starting to entertain each other (and me if I'm not too tired). They appreciate a good dance party, are expert snugglers...oh but those meltdowns...part of the reason they have so many crying jags is they don't nap...or they still have colic. But I'm thinking that somewhere in the next 6-7 months they should outgrow the need for sleep during the day anyway and then we've got it made right? Losing the nap is one of those milestones that we are sad to see happen as opposed to the milestones we are so excited about we could just scream it out the window to random people we drive by at the bus stop, "my kid pooped in the potty! Sweet Jesus, he finally did it!" And then there are those milestones we just don't like to talk about. I took the time to write them down on Baby On Bored: Electric Boogaloo. Go read it and then please write down some of yours.]]> http://stefaniewildertaylor.com/2011/11/finally-four/feed/ 7