9. Take a compliment – If you tell my daughter she has nice eyes she’ll say “Thank you” and move on with her day. Tell me I have nice eyes and I will start with, “Oh, that’s just because I have mascara on from last night because I’m so lazy I couldn’t even be bothered to wash off my make-up!” and end next Tuesday.
8. Play basketball –My kid actually enjoys organized sports. I think she’s adopted.
7. Update my Instagram account –Until recently, I didn’t even realize I still had one. Now thanks to her constant updates because, “Mom, it’s illegal for me to have my own account until I’m 13 so can I use yours?” I have a ton of new followers.
6. Rocking colored hair dye –My kids can do a pink streak like nobody’s business. If I tried to do it I would just look like the world’s oldest Cyndi Lauper fan.
5. Remembering stuff –and thank goodness for that since even if I put something down on my to-do list, in ten minutes I’ve forgotten that I even have a do-list. I’m old.
4. Stop eating when she’s full. Oh yeah, she’ll eat half a bowl of ice cream and leave the rest to melt because…because…I don’t know! There’s no possible valid reason for leaving a perfectly good HALF BOWL OF ICE CREAM. Does she not understand the healing powers of dessert? Does she not have feelings she needs to numb with sugar? What is her deal? I don’t get it, is what I’m telling you.
3. Shake off disappointment – Last week she was devastated that she didn’t get the part she wanted in her school play. There were tears but the next day she said, “Hey, it’s not Broadway” and moved on. I’m still nursing a grudge about a party I wasn’t invited to in 2003.
2. Accessorize. Seriously, this kid can figure how to tie a scarf to make it look “kicky.” She can somehow pair just the right stud earrings with a cute barrette. I, on the other hand, have been know to spend an hour trying to determine if I can wear work shoes with yoga pants. According to my daughter the answer is, no.
1. Keep a secret. Do you have a crush on someone but you don’t want anyone to know? Well don’t tell me because I can’t keep my mouth shut. But if you tell my daughter not to say anything, she really won’t say anything. She’d make a terrible cast member on the Real Housewives.