Don’t Get Drunk Friday | BUY Viagra ONLINE NO PRESCRIPTION

Archive for the 'Don’t Get Drunk Friday' Category

I haven't updated with a new story in awhile. If you have a story that you'd like me to post then please email it to me! These stories get people sober! They save lives! In ten days I will have been sober for 3 years. I can't believe it's been three years already can you? I will write about it when I get there and fill you all in on how it's been lately (good). For now, here's an amazingly beautiful woman named Molly who is baring her soul to save yours. I don’t really remember my first drink, it was either champagne at a wedding when I was 13, or at boarding school when my friend smuggled vodka from her parents house into the dorm in a contact-lens saline solution bottle. We did shots and went to a dance. It was no big deal. I didn’t have “that moment” that people talk about where everything clicked and alcohol was the answer. Although my feelings about the actual liquid were neutral, I loved the whole vibe of drinking. It seemed like something grownups did, and I desperately wanted to grow up and out of my awkward teenage years. In college (still underage), I did my homework in dive bars, I got really good at playing pool and thought I was so cool. I wanted to be a bartender. Fast forward and I remember thinking that maybe, just maybe, I liked alcohol more than everyone else, even though I tried to hide that fact from everyone. I began to try and control and manage my drinking, beginning at age 21. My thought was that I should smoke pot instead of drinking alcohol because I didn't really like pot, and if I smoked pot instead of drinking alcohol I wouldn't get as wasted. But drinking always crept back in. Always. I was a rebel to the core, and I believed that drunks and drug addicts were more in touch with reality than everyone else. I loved that Charles Bukowski, Sid and Nancy, drug and alcohol romantic suicide vibe. It was a kind of teenage obsession, mixed with rebellion against my ivory tower childhood with sensible parents. For me, drinking and drugs were a way to let out demons, to act crazy, and to be outside the norm. I loved the drama, having huge parties, drinking in the woods or at dive bars and falling down the stairs and laughing about it, doing stuff I never would have had the guts to do sober. I remember the feeling of being hungover, and looking back on the events of the night before, and thinking of all the drunken antics. I hoarded those experiences. Even if I felt like crap the morning after, I still had all that drama. It was like money in the bank. I got a job in a pretty divey bar, where the regulars started drinking at 10 am. Everyone glorified this behavior. They never fell down or acted drunk. They were fine, better than fine! They were SUCCESSFUL ALCOHOLICS. Never mind that Bill had a big red nose, and that Ed occasionally had to be told, in a low-key manner, to go home. Bartending was hard on my body. We would shut down the bar and then stay there drinking and playing pool till 4 or 5 am. I would drink on shift from about 10 pm onwards. I remember working at the bar on New Years Eve. At midnight, as everyone was cheering and toasting, I was sitting on a beer box in the back crying. I didn’t know what was wrong with me. I stopped bartending and pursued other jobs. My obsession with alcohol continued, although I met and moved in with a long term boyfriend who was so pure that he inspired me to be pure as well. For four years, I kept the drinking under control. We lived a healthy life, exercising a lot, I drank moderately, as did he, but he never really liked alcohol anyway. After four years, I was bored out of my mind and craving drama. Being in this relationship arrested my drinking temporarily, but I believe my alcoholism was just waiting for the right moment to pop out again. I broke up with the boyfriend abruptly and moved to the big city. Did I get drama? I don't know about that, but I got a huge dose of misery. Poverty, loneliness, low self-esteem. I dated a heavy drinker for a few months, and he encouraged me to drink a lot and then would take care of me afterwards like I was a little kid. I remember tottering down the street drunk in my Halloween costume, and falling down in my too-high heels and scraping my knees on the pavement. My knees got infected. He dressed my wounds with hydrogen peroxide as pus oozed out of them. I started dating my future baby daddy. I fell in love with him immediately and hard. We love each other so much, I love his soul and his innermost being, and I believe that he loves mine, but we were both beset by many addictions, ego-trips, fears, selfishness, you name it. This went on for many years. I was perpetually scared, and felt alone. I felt like I was being punished for something but I couldn't understand what it was. I would sit alone in my apartment and trip out, writing down plans and goals and ideas and revelations. I believed that I could get in touch with my innermost self and emotions through drinking. I drank alone every night out of fear. In 2002 I would write in my journal that I had to quit drinking. And I would continue to write that in my journal for 8 more years. Bad things would happen when I was drinking, and I would cry the next day to my boyfriend and say that I was sorry, and then start right back over again. I thought that because I was an alcoholic, I had no choice but to drink. That's what alcoholics do, right? I tried to control it with varying degrees of success, but no one really knew how much it was eroding my soul. Always hungover, always tired, depressed, shameful, and guilty. Moved in with the boyfriend. We drank, did drugs, fought, made up, made art together, made money and eventually made a baby. I believed that once I became a mother that I would clean up my act. No mother acted the way I did, so I thought that I would just magically figure out how to grow up. I couldn’t possibly keep going like I was going with a tiny baby in my care. I soldiered through 3 more years, drinking pretty much daily and knowing I had to quit. When I finally tried to quit (for reals) in June of 2009, I couldn't put more than three or four days together before I started drinking again. That should have been a sign that I was completely hooked. Alcohol had become my only coping mechanism. At the end I didn't even want it, I just thought I had to have it. I thought that if I didn’t drink, I would not be able to sleep, I wouldn’t be able to deal with the simplest things, and most importantly, I thought I would go crazy. My “rock bottom” was on a business trip, finally I was away from my young son and I could drink the way I wanted to. But that scared me. I was full of shame. I was just sick and tired of feeling this way everyday. Trying to hide how messed up I was from everybody, fighting with my baby daddy every night over email and text, and waking up and having to check what the hell I had said the night before. I could never remember why I had been so upset. It was clear that alcohol was killing me. I had pins and needles in my arms, the headaches were awful. My brain felt cold, like parts of it were dying off. In the airport coming back from the business trip, I was hungover, pacing the airport, screaming at baby daddy on the phone and crying. I thought, "This is not normal. This is not how normal people act." I never thought that alcohol was the problem. I thought alcohol was the solution. I thought the problem was my life, my behavior, the way that people treated me made me so self-pitying, rageful, vengeful. I thought the problem was ME. I wasn't quite sure why my life was so fucked up, so chaotic. Nothing was working out how I planned. Finally I began to see that maybe the drinking was what was causing everything to be a nightmare. I got back home and he asked me if I was having an affair, and in a moment of clarity and honesty I said, "No, I'm not having an affair, I’m an alcoholic, I have to quit drinking." He was shocked. He couldn’t see it, couldn’t see inside my head and see how alcohol had eroded my self-esteem, my identity and my ability to cope. It’s not how much you drink, it’s how you feel about it that makes you an alcoholic. My last drink was January 15th, 2010. We were at a huge party and I literally begged him to let me have a glass of wine. I had one glass of wine, and we fought all night till 5 am. That was the end for me. I did one month sober by myself, and then started going to 12 step meetings. I got so lucky that nothing really bad ever happened during my drinking. No jail, no DUI, thank God nothing happened to my son. I am so grateful that I stopped in time. Sometimes I want to drink but I don't. It's not worth it. I look forward to going to sleep every night knowing that I will not wake up with regrets, remorse and self-hatred. No guilt. No shame. That is worth everything. I was always jealous of people who didn't care about alcohol. People who were sober just amazed me. How did they do it? Now I am one of those people, and I couldn't be more proud. One of the things that quitting drinking has made so very clear is that drinking made me forget who I was and what I liked. My life (especially my life as a mother) consisted of doing things that I hated to do, and then rewarding myself with alcohol. I remember in early sobriety, I was in the grocery store, and I knew what my kid liked, and what my baby daddy liked and what I should get for both of them, but I had NO IDEA what I liked to eat or drink besides alcohol. Booze was the only thing I got at the store for myself. In sobriety, I have learned who I am. Working a 12 step program gave me insights into my mental and emotional landscape, and that landscape is no longer as terrifying as it used to be, although I am sure boogeymen still lurk out there. In sobriety I have tried new things, found new passions, got rid of old toxic friends, found new friends, and my relationship has become much healthier because I am able to be honest as well as vulnerable. I am learning who I am in sobriety, and the most surprising thing (to me) is that in getting to know myself, I have actually started to like myself. Maybe for the first time ever. As a recovering drama addict and alcoholic, one of my struggles is to learn to be happy with the middle ground. When I was drinking, everything was either “the BEST” or “the WORST”. I have learned that “pretty good” is pretty great too. Sometimes I miss drinking because of the drama, but I know that my life today is SO much better, and I am so grateful I got a chance to get my life back before it got worse. Something that I heard in early sobriety that really resonated with me was “The only way out is through”. Making cute little detours around hard stuff, especially hard emotions, was what kept me drunk for so long, and the hardest work that I have to do in sobriety is to walk through hard stuff instead of running away or numbing out. If you are reading this and want to get sober.. You can. If you want this, you can have it. It’s work, but it’s SO worth it.

Posted by Stefanie Wilder Taylor on May 12, 2012 4:28 pm • Don't Get Drunk Friday • 4 comments

Posted by Stefanie Wilder Taylor on March 27, 2012 3:07 pm • Don't Get Drunk Friday,Uncategorized • 4 comments

I just want to thank Erin for sharing her story. The bravery required to lay yourself bare on this website is nothing short of incredible and each and every one of you who do it are saving lives. This really is life or death. -Stef "I think I was doomed at birth to have a problem with alcohol. Alcoholism runs on both sides of my family. My mother was a raging alcoholic growing up, hiding her bottles and pills in plants or rolled up in towels throughout the house, spending so much time in the bathroom you would have thought she had had prunes for breakfast, lunch and dinner. She slurred her words. A lot. My sister and I left one night when she was so drunk and came back to find her apartment locked and we couldn’t get in. We pounded on the door until she finally crawled on her hands and knees and cracked the door open. Smoke began to escape out; she crawled back to the bathroom. Our dinner was burning on the stove and there were several plates ready to be served placed in different rooms. There are a lot of strange stories like that I could tell. My father was a Captain in the Navy and ended up giving up what he loved to find a job that would put him at home more to protect my brother, sister and me. But eventually her alcoholism destroyed our family and when I was in third grade my dad got custody of us. But, my relationship with my mother was like peas and carrots for many years. I was her baby and she adored me. Always telling me how alike we were and that I was her “SP” (sweet pea) and how I look just like her ( I look just like my dad) and how crazy and funny I am…just like her. (I do a good imitation of Reagan from The Exorcist and she would prompt me to do it when going through the Chick-Fil-A drive through and that made her laugh.) And I guess in many ways I held onto moments like these because I knew as soon as it got dark she would turn into someone I didn’t like. My self-esteem has always been something I struggle with. I am incredibly insecure, my heart pounds and my hands sweat in social situations and the anxiety I experience is exhausting. I often hate myself. Now that I am older and have a daughter of my own I believe it is a direct result of not having that true mother figure in my life. When looking back, I can name several instances when I have gravitated to older women, whether a boss, teacher…you name it…in an effort to subconsciously fill that void. I guess you could say it was in college I began to drink, you know, like everyone else, right? Summer before my junior year I met a guy who was older and out of college. I stayed with him until I was 22/3ish. I chased him around like a pathetic school girl (literally) when I found out he was cheating on me four hours away. My self-esteem was clearly lacking here for many years. During my senior year I would isolate myself in my room at college watching MTV’s Real World marathons and drinking beer and feeling like the scum on the bottom of my shoe while I wondered what this guy was doing at home. I pushed all my friends away, gained a lot of weight. I did paint (my degree is in painting). But I hated myself. I lived with him for a year after college and broke up with him the night of my sister’s wedding. She had married a naval pilot. Back then I think I was really beginning to believe I was the disgrace of the family without actually saying it. I pushed everyone away. And hated myself. Again. My next move was to throw myself into the arms of a man 11 years my senior with two kids. And marry him, despite my family’s begging me not to. But I was on a mission and I think my mind was on auto-pilot. I wanted to be taken care of and escape. Escape I did, I became completely isolated from my friends and family and consumed by this relationship that was flawed in more ways than one. It increasingly became more and more emotionally abusive and I nursed all of this self-hate and the situation I had put myself in over wine. He was rarely home, working all the time and wine became my friend. During that time, I saw my mother for the last time, about seven years ago now. I helped her get into a rehab facility and gave her money after she called me saying she was hallucinating and her neighbor had to call 911. She was seeing a little girl in a white dress. I promised myself again I would never become like her and I slowed down drinking for a while. I finally got the courage up to leave my marriage after four years. How I did it, I don’t know. It was an out of body experience. I am now married to a wonderful man who is the most loving, understanding and supportive spouse I could ever ask for. When our daughter was born it was the best day of our lives. I didn’t go back to work, I made all of her food from scratch (for the most part), and I loved on her like any mother would. When she was 6 months old we found out I was expecting again (surprise!) but we were ecstatic. Began picking out names, imagining being a family of four, and at our first doctor’s appointment we found out our baby was not as far along as should be expected. What? I immediately went into a dark hole and could not snap out of it. We had to wait two weeks to find out if our baby was okay. Miscarriage. Everything that I thought I was doing so well began to crash. My equilibrium was completely thrown off and I questioned my abilities as a mother. My anxiety and depression went through the roof and I was put on Zoloft to help. In the middle of this I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism which is directly linked to depression. This helped to explain my mood issues throughout the years and poor self-image. I began drinking wine again, too much. Things began to happen as a result of my drinking and I definitely should not have been combining it with Zoloft. I stopped drinking for two months. Last Sunday I relapsed. I thought I was OK and I went out for a leisurely lunch with the romanticized idea in my head of having a glass of wine while I contemplated paintings in my sketchbook. That glass of wine turned into I don’t know how many. I can’t remember parts of the evening. I do remember being in an ambulance and screaming “I want my baby” and hitting people and crying. I woke up the next morning not knowing where I was or what I had done. I had to ask the nurse if I had hurt anyone. I thank God that I am alive and no one was physically hurt. My blood alcohol level was a .309 and no charges were pressed. I could have easily died. I will not drink again. I will do this for my daughter. I thank God I have the loving support of my family and husband. Truth be told, this is my story." If you are looking for help, The Booze Free Brigade is a bunch of moms who would love nothing more than to offer their support.

Posted by Stefanie Wilder Taylor on March 9, 2012 3:10 pm • Don't Get Drunk Friday • 9 comments

Every Friday I try to put up something (hopefully a story) from someone who is struggling or has struggled with alcohol to inspire you all. Here's the latest and I think it's a good one. If you relate to what you read and want to talk to women who care, come on over to our online meeting place The Booze Free Brigade. When I first wrote to Stefanie to write another DGDF, I thought I was writing about how great my life was once I stopped drinking, how clear things were to me and how much better I felt about every person in my life, including myself. But, that’s a load of bull. I am writing to you because I am a person who is happy to have stopped drinking but lately has been seeing reasons to drink that scare the crap out of me. So, as long as we’re being honest. I just had a baby last September. My second. I have a two year old and a five month old. So 10 months of my 19 month sobriety were pregnant months. I question every day if that really “counts” as true sobriety. But I think it’s because I want to put as much time as I can between me and my drinking days. I want to look back and say, “Well I made this really, really important and really, really hard decision one day and well, now, look how wonderfully put together I am.” But I’m not. I’ve been experiencing some postpartum depression, some anxiety and a whole lot of overwhelming feelings. The type when you just don’t feel like you’re good in any one area of your life, so why even try? The feeling that used to lead me (and leads most alcoholics) to drink. The feeling that you want to get rid of, so you numb it, thinking that it will eventually go away. I used to think that I would experience less of life if I was not drinking--- nothing fun and extreme—no extreme happiness, belly laughter, no dancing and not caring how I looked. But what I have come to see in not drinking is this: It isn’t what you are not experiencing that you miss--- but the things you are now experiencing that you never did before. I never paid attention to the look my husband gives me across the room at a party or wedding because I was so often dodging his gaze (and thus his judgment) as I filled up my wine glass. I never knew how many engaging conversations you could have at a party because I was always excusing myself to refill my drink or call over the bartender. I never knew that I could be sober and be completely fulfilled. Not drinking used to be synonymous with deprivation. But, really, it’s the not drinking that baptizes you and truly transforms you and your life. I think about the regrets I have and how I won’t ever have to go back to that stomach ache and terrible humiliation that I often suffered from in silence. I’ve come to see that regret is the most powerful emotion we have at times. Regret is our conscience telling us we did wrong. Regret is what tells our brain, “that wasn’t okay.” Regret helps us to move on, heal and be better. Some people say they live their life without regrets like it means they experience more than the rest of us. I think we need to live life paying close attention to our regrets because it’s the only barometer we have as to who we truly want to be. I can’t tell you there is a secret to getting through it. I can only tell you what I have found in myself. When I can be honest, really, brutally honest with myself is when I make the decisions that really change me. When I admit that I need a meeting or therapy or a friend’s shoulder or my husband’s arms. When I hug my kids and say, “Maybe this is why I am going through all this; maybe these little people here are enough of a reason.” And I can tell you it is my two kids that will forever make my decision to stop drinking the most intoxicating (ha, pardon the pun!) and freeing decision of my life. Growing up in a house where alcohol caused a great deal of dysfunction, an interaction like the following is like gold. Last week my son walked up to my husband who was drinking a beer and said, “Daddy beer? Mommy beer?” “No, that’s Daddy’s beer,” I replied. “Mommy’s soda?” “Yes, Parker. Mommy drinks soda.”

Posted by Stefanie Wilder Taylor on February 5, 2012 9:40 pm • Don't Get Drunk Friday,Uncategorized • 3 comments

Please enjoy Mary's story and if you relate and want to talk about it you can go to our online support group The Booze Free Brigade. All people with a desire to quit drinking or at least examine their drinking are welcome. For those who know me well, most would be shocked that I quit drinking. Funny thing is that I am the one who is shocked the most. Always the party girl throughout college, I really enjoyed the idea of getting ready to go party, the idea of drinking with my friends, meeting guys, but not always remembering everything I did or say the next day. Oh God. I never gave drinking a second thought. I socially drank during my first marriage, but not too much during the week (I don't think). Oops, I take that back. My first marriage was so toxic that I would party with my friends after softball games after work, sometimes into the night to avoid going home. I had two small children but they were never without their dad or a sitter. I was not one to turn down a good happy hour! The marriage predictably ended but I continued to have fun with my friends when possible. A few years later, my wonderful new husband and I looked forward to the weekends. A couple of beers before dinner, and always a luscious bottle of wine during dinner. We kept this up for a while and really enjoyed it. Sometimes the night would be hilarious and others would result in a spat, due, I am sure, to the drinking. However, my husband traveled all the time. New husband, new home, new baby, step-children....lots of adjustments being made. Oh, and I had a full time job as well. Trying to keep everyone happy really stressed me out. Having to navigate all the issues that come with children while my husband was away was no walk in the park either. For a long time my drinking was limited to weekends, but then I would have one beer, then two beers, then a glass of wine, then maybe another. One drink became two, two became three, etc. How many women do this after work??? Tons. Boredom, loneliness, stress..what else is new? I knew that after about 9:00 I was pretty much inert. Need help with homework? Laundry to be done? Bills to pay? Not going to happen. I think I just wanted to check out. Deep down inside, I was not happy. It was so ridiculous, I knew had a problem when my first thought leaving work was, "Do I have any wine?" It literally dominated my night. I did not want to be asked to drive anywhere, because I wanted to have a glass of wine. I stopped every other night on the way home to resupply, all the while telling myself that I should not be doing this. "See if you can go one night without it", I would say to myself. It was really bugging me. I want to clarify that I never drank to the point of passing out or blacking or throwing up. It wasn't like that at all. Drinking was a comfort. So, what happened? I found myself not enjoying it anymore. I hated the feeling the next day. I never prayed to quit, because I didn't think I was an alcoholic. I thought I just had a bad habit. I know that God somehow helped me stop. I guess it was the night that my daughter and I went to a friend's house for dinner on a school night and we went through a couple of bottles of wine, just chatting all night. Thank God she only lived a few blocks away, because when I got up to DRIVE home, I was really unsteady. I did drive home with my daughter, but could literally hardly see. I was terrified! I came home and passed out on the bed. If there was any emergency I would never have known it. I woke up the next day to go to work and had the worst hangover I have had in 20 years. What in the hell was I doing? It was pathetic. I quit that day. The thought of alcohol made me sick so I decided to see how long I could go without it. Luckily, I stuck to my plan. I never went to rehab and I am thankful to this day. My life has changed dramatically. I never have to worry about driving drunk. I am productive at night. Fully engaged and clear headed in all conversations. I am present. I feel responsible and mature. I have a new sense of humility in that I know God did this for me because I never really thought I had a serious problem. That swollen look from my face is gone (according to my family) and almost best of all, I sleep like a baby! Drinking really disrupted my sleep. Did my social life change? You bet. Who wants to have a nondrinker at a party? Not many. However, I know that many of my friends are struggling with this issue and want a way out but don't know what to do. They are afraid of losing friends, not being popular, afraid to face their fears, afraid of nonacceptance. It's the fear that controls their life. Wish I could help...I just listen. I have been sober for 7 years, and never, ever look back. It is a gift.

Posted by Stefanie Wilder Taylor on January 13, 2012 4:22 pm • Don't Get Drunk Friday,Uncategorized • 6 comments