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Archive for 2013

Top 10 Reasons You Should Be Glad I Didn’t Blog in My Twenties

1. When I read my journals from that period in my life, I mostly enjoyed listing what I ate that day. My blog would have been a non-funny, really bad version of Brigit Jones’ Diary. What I’m saying is I don’t think anyone would have bought the movie rights.

2. Drunk Blogging: I gotta be honest and say that many journal entries were written after a night out with quite a few Long Island Iced Teas creating havoc in my blood stream. A lot of really deep thoughts fizzled out mid-sentence. I can only imagine how shitty I would feel after realizing I’d hit “publish” in a blackout.

3. There would be virtually no talk about parenting which is…well sorta why people read my blog. On the other hand, no talk about parenting!

4. There probably would have been multiple instances of me writing “Talk to the hand.” And no, I probably wouldn’t have been being ironic.

5. The biggest story going when I was in my twenties was AIDS and AIDS is not as funny as you’d think to write about.

6. If you don’t like it when I do posts on American Idol you really would have hated my Star Search recaps

7. No husband bitching.

8. Due to my obsessive nature, all posts about my dating life would have started out “He STILL hasn’t called!”

9. I can’t think of a number nine due to all the partying I did in my 20’s.

10. You would have been subjected to pictures like THIS!

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 I don’t even know whose cat that is! Okay, so if you want more posts on this topic, hop on over to one of these blogs and see why you should be glad they didn’t blog in their 20’s. It’s a blog hop y’all!

 

Posted by Stefanie Wilder Taylor on January 30, 2013 9:03 pmUncategorized17 comments  

Four-Year-Olds: A Time Line

SadieKids are insane. We all know that. But to me, no age is insaner than four. There is no method to the madness, no explanation for the moods, no rationale to the irrational. This was a typical day in the life of my four-year-old -thankfully now five year old.

4:30 a.m. Hmm…I’m half awake. It would be so much comfier in mommy and daddy’s bed right smack between them where I can make my body seem almost twice as big and mommy and daddy can pretty much kiss the rest of their sleep goodbye.

4:35 a.m. OH NO! NO NO NO. I left Purple Blanket in my bed! If I cry I’m sure mommy will go get it because I am too tired to walk all the way back to my room.

5:01 a.m. Oh my gosh I overslept! Time to let these people know I need breakfast.

7:30 a.m. Please don’t let mommy tell me that I have to go to school. If mommy tells me it’s a school day I think I might cry. Scratch that. I know I’ll cry. OH NO! Mommy just said it’s a school day!! Oh, I’m snack girl today? That means I’m the line leader when we go outside! I want to go to school right now! Why aren’t we leaving for school NOW?

7:40 a.m. I MUST GET JUICE! I have never ever ever been this thirsty! Ug, why must my mommy always make me say please? It’s so time consuming. She could’ve been back with my juice by the time it took her to get me to say please. She needs to work on her time management skills.

7:55 a.m. Mommy turned on the TV! She totally read my mind! She knew I really really wanted to watch TV.

8:02 a.m. SWEET JESUS, I LOVE CAILLOU! HE’S FOUR JUST LIKE ME! I must relay this news to my mommy twenty times.

8:17 a.m. Why won’t someone change the channel. I’ve been watching Caillou for a thousand hours. He’s good but not that good.

8:30 a.m. I really like to be naked.

8:45 a.m. Mommy has asked me to get dressed so many times today. That’s funny. I wonder if daddy’s iPhone is charged up. I need to play games on daddy’s phone right now. I don’t want to get dressed, I want to play games! Why is mommy trying to make me get dressed? I don’t want to go to school! I want to watch TV and play games all day. Oh yeah, I get to be the line leader, I forgot. I am going to go get dressed.

9:15 a.m. I WANTED TO OPEN THE FRONT DOOR! WHY DID MOMMY OPEN THE FRONT DOOR WHEN I WANTED TO? THERE ARE NO WORDS! ONLY TEARS!

9:30 a.m. I must remind all the kids who are already outside playing in my loudest voice that I am the line leader today and nobody else! Hmm…why doesn’t anyone want to play with me?

10:00 a.m. I LOVE SCHOOL.

10:06 a.m. I HATE SCHOOL.

11:30 a.m. I want to go home right now.

11:45 a.m. I want to live here permanently.

11:46 a.m. I wish my teacher Martha was my mommy. She smells like bubblegum.

11:50 a.m  I’m hungry. Oh God I have never been this hungry ever.  Never ever.

12:00 Mmmm! pizza! I think I will have two whole bites!

1:00 p.m. I don’t want to take a nap!

1:05 p.m. zzzzzzzzzzzzzz…..

3:00 p.m. When is my mommy coming to pick me up??? Why isn’t my mommy here? I’m going to cry and cry until my mommy comes to pick me up! Oooh, pretzels.

3:15 p.m. She is still not here! Why why why? I bet Ariel has never had to wait this long for her mommy to pick her up. I wish I were a mermaid. My life would be ten thousand times better if I lived in the ocean.

3:30 p.m. Mommy!!!!! Oh no, mommy’s here! I don’t want to leave!

3:35 p.m. Now would be a great time to remind mommy that she promised to take us to McDonalds today.  Why is mommy acting like she’s embarrassed in front of the other mommies? There’s nothing embarrassing about being a great mommy!

3:45 p.m.  I wonder where mommy is taking us now. Hopefully the 99 cents store! I LOVE THE 99 CENTS STORE!

4:01 p.m. Why is mommy constantly asking me if I need to go pee-pee? I don’t have to go pee-pee!!!

4:05 I CAN’T BELIEVE MOMMY JUST SAID WE CAN’T GO TO THE 99 CENTS STORE. AM I HAVING A BAD DREAM? PLEASE SOMEONE TELL ME THIS IS ONLY A DREAM AND WHEN I WAKE UP I WILL BE GOING TO THE 99 CENTS STORE.

4:06 Uh oh, I have to go pee-pee.

4:15 Oh no, I reeeeaaaally have to go pee pee. I should tell mommy I need to go pee pee.
4:17 Too late.

4:20 Yay, mommy is playing the tickle spider game with me.

4:40 Why does mommy not want to play the tickle spider game anymore? We only played it for ONE MINUTE!

4:42 Phew, mommy turned the TV on. Why is there just a man talking? I want to watch a kids’ show. This is clearly not a kid’s show. Why is mommy not responding when I yell at her to change the channel right now? THIS IS THE WORST MINUTE OF MY ENTIRE LIFE!

4:43 Ha! Fresh Beat Band! Hurray! I love my mommy.

4:44 I’m sad. No reason.

4:46 MY MOUTH IS SO DRY! MUST. GET. JUICE.

5:00 Mommy is in the shower so this would be the absolute perfect time to let her know that I am really hungry.

5:10 Why is mommy getting so frustrated? I only said no to the last fifteen suggestions she made for things to make me to eat. We will find something for me to say y-e-s to eventually. Hopefully it will be pudding.

5:30 I ate one bite of my cream cheese sandwich. I can’t understand why I’m not being allowed to eat my Halloween candy until I have four more bites. I’M FULL.

5:41 I think I will play some games on mommy’s computer. But first I need to put on a costume.

6:50 Daddy’s home! Unfortunately, I’m a little tied up playing Jake and the Neverland Pirates so I can’t go say hi to him. I’ll let him come to me.

7:00 Why won’t mommy and daddy let me play any more games? I only started playing them a few minutes ago! THIS IS THE WORST THING THAT’S EVER HAPPENED TO ME! There aren’t enough tears in the world to express how strongly I feel about this.

7:45 I don’t want to get in my jammies! I want to sleep in my costume tonight! I NEED TO SLEEP IN MY COSTUME! NOOOOOOOO…

8:00 Those were good stories. But I sure am hungry. I better tell mommy that I’m ready for my cream cheese sandwich now.

8:34 I’M STILL HUNGRY. I’M SO SO SO HUNGRY. AND THIRSTY. NEED JUICE. FINE. MILK THEN.

8:37 WHERE IS MY PURPLE BLANKET? I CAN’T FIND IT ANYWHERE! HOW CAN I SLEEP WITHOUT PURPLE BLANKET?  I must yell and yell until someone comes running. Oh purple blanket was right next to me? Well how was I supposed to know that? Since daddy is here I should tell him that I hate school and that all of the kids are so mean. Hey, where is he going?

8:45 I CAN’T SLEEP! OH NO! I CAN’T FALL ASLEEP! I’ll NEVER EVER BE ABLE TO FALL ASLEEP!

8:46 zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz….

4:30 Mommy and Daddy’s bed sounds so good right now…

Posted by Stefanie Wilder Taylor on January 29, 2013 11:52 amSadie,Twins6 comments  

DGDF: Lance’s Story

My name is Lance, I don’t drink but I used to. I don’t drink because I am an alcoholic.

I did not start drinking early, only a handful of non-eventful times in high school. I really discovered the benefits of the magic elixir in college. The feeling of freedom from moving away from a strict USMC Drill Instructor father was my E-ticket to the ethanol ride and I jumped on without a second thought. That ride was fun, a whole lot of fun. I was accepted, funny, sexy, mostly stayed out of trouble, and people wanted to hang out with me. But something was always wrong, I didn’t see it at the time but I do now. I never drank solely to achieve those results. The drink was never enough, and those results were never enough – I always wanted MORE. More acceptance, more funny, more sexy, and more alcohol. There was a dark side too. There is a pool of anger in me that I still struggle with today. Sometimes my quest for more would tap into that pool. Fights, and not just with assholes in bars or parties, fights with friends, punching college buddies in a drunken rage, anytime I felt wronged, sometimes even when sober. Despite my bad behavior at times, I was still never aware of any consequences.

I graduated and started a successful career. I feel now like my life was running on two different threads. There was the responsible Lance who did everything he needed to do, and the party Lance who sought out fun and drinking. It was not a problem, “this is what people do, everybody does it.” I didn’t know that I was different. This went on for years, I thought with no ill returns. Had I been able to see “The Picture of Dorian Gray” that was my soul, eroding in the background, I would have known differently.

I believe the tempest began somewhere in my mid to late 30’s, but I would not address it for almost a decade. Things had always seemed very easy to me and for the first time I think I started to struggle with life – unprepared with any tools or emotional control to deal with things. I wasn’t always the young golden boy whiz kid at work anymore. I struggled with marriage and children, I believe mostly because these beings had come into my life that I could not control. I always needed to control. I turned to that other part of my life for relief, and the two threads began to mix. It was a slow and insidious mixing. Drinking more alone at home, creating parties with neighbors so I could drink, starting to hide things, but still avoiding any serious consequences. This cancer slowly spread through me for the better part of a decade. I spent tremendous amounts of mental and emotional energy being a chameleon – keeping up the facade of responsible Lance, trying to keep a separation of those two threads of my life while they slowly merged into one. Energy I could have well used elsewhere.

As they say it will, it got worse – much worse, and it happened fast. One day, the slow cancerous spread stopped and I dropped off a cliff. Beer turned to vodka, night turned to day, parties turned to a dark corner of the garage, glasses turned to bottles, and bars turned to cars. I still didn’t have a problem, but I can remember very brief times of clarity where it was like I left my body and would look down on that guy holding the Budweiser and say “Lance, are you going to do this fucking forever?” – but then it was gone.

I don’t really know what happened. Still no major consequences (I thought), sure there were troubles at home, but that was nothing new – nothing I couldn’t forget with a few drinks. I have no doubt those consequences were guaranteed to come had I not gotten off the ride. Something did happen, and I cannot really explain it. One day I discovered that picture of my soul in the basement, it had fully bore the burden of my behavior and there was absolutely nothing left. I sought help.

Sobriety is tough, it is the hardest thing I have ever done. It is well worth it, I have discovered that I can change, even some of my personality traits – which I never thought possible. I don’t believe you just stop drinking and all is well. It was a struggle to stop the drink in the beginning, and after that it is even harder to seek “emotional sobriety”, which is the thing that really takes me from “not drinking” to “not feeling like I have to drink.” I view my sobriety the same as trying to become a top athlete. I must practice – every single day. I practice my sobriety with a 12 Step program, and finding other people like me – participating in things like the Booze Free Brigade.

If you want off the ride, you can get off, there is nothing stopping you. You are worth it.

Practice starts today.

To join the Yahoo group the Booze Free Brigade go here.

 

Posted by Stefanie Wilder Taylor on January 18, 2013 9:19 amDon't Get Drunk Friday1 comment  


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