Every time I type out a post about Sadie and her petite size I promise it’s the last time I’ll talk about it. Not because I think I’m boring (come on, no one can insert “twat waffle” in a post about toddlers like I can) but because I feel lucky that Sadie has overcome so many challenges already so why focus on something so non-tragic – something quite possibly inconsequential to her overall well being?
Sadie just crossed the 27 pound mark and she’s four-years-old as of last month. She wears a size 2T and even some of those pants are a little long. She is still far below the height/weight chart. She’s doesn’t have a percent yet. I know it doesn’t matter what other people think but it’s still jarring for me when people exclaim, “Oh my God they’re twins? How can that be? She’s so little!” Or when people straight out ask me what’s wrong with her. Her preschool teacher told me that she forgets how tiny Sadie is until once in awhile she looks at her tiny starfish hand and realizes it’s no bigger than a baby’s.
Matilda continues to grow at a normal rate. She’s forty pounds and is literally heads and shoulders above her sis. So Sadie’s size still nags at me. How could it not? I’m her momma and if there’s something wrong I want to leave no stone unturned to make it right. I want to go all Lorenzo’s Oil on this thing. But I can’t. Because there’s really nothing I can do. Sadie eats completely typical for a four year old, she’s long since graduated the feeding tube.
After all my research, after speaking to tons of other parents of SGA (Small for Gestational Age) and IUGR (Intra Uterine Growth Restriction) kids, after all the intervention she’s had (PT, OT, speech, development, feeding, nutrition) I know that the only treatment is HGH (growth hormone). We just aren’t prepared to go there because there are too many unknowns and zero long term studies of the side effects of synthetic hormone -especially in the amount she would need (larger amounts because she isn’t hormone deficient -long story). Sweet Sadie has caught up in every other way besides height and weight. She’s feisty, hilarious, did I mention feisty?, and able to do most things Matilda can do. But not all.
She needs help getting up on most toilet seats (which may not seem like a big deal but if you’re four you may not always want someone helping you get up there), she’s not as strong as she should be because she doesn’t have the muscle mass of a typical child her age, She can’t wash her hands on her own in most sinks (at home we have a big step stool but how many other places have that?), but most disturbing, she’s treated by strangers like a baby. They assume she’s only about 18-months or 2 and talk down to her. Of course this isn’t a big deal now because I actually like to see their face when my four-year-old ball of attitude gets in their grill and gives them an “I’m a big girl. I’m four! I’m not a baby, asshole! (the asshole is implied)” But how will this be for her when she’s 12, 13, 14 or 40? Will she be treated differently? And if so, are we wrong for not giving her growth hormones? I don’t know. Probably not because I’m rarely wrong when I go with my gut. But what if I am?