I feel good about my body! I wasn’t thrilled with the pockets of fat on my thighs but now that they’re gone -thank you Final Inches – I feel downright satisfied. Weird huh? Healthy, not too skinny, certainly not fat, perfect really -perfect for me. And yet. I still sweat a little when I see a scale. It doesn’t matter what the numbers are, they still need to be headed down. I blame Biggest Loser for making me overly concerned with a number on the scale. Okay, sure, I’ve always been a bit hyper-focused on the number feeling that at 125 all was right with the world but at 127 I was a miserable failure who may as well pull a flatbed up to the nearest Krispy Kreme, wait for the light to go on and then load up and go nuts. Yes, I’m all or nothing, black and white with no shades of gray.
But I’d gotten so much better in the past few years. I still take off my shoes when I get on a scale but I won’t strip down naked including jewelry. At least not at the gym…or doctor’s office, which is a huge step in the right direction. But when I watch Biggest Loser I still feel that ugly pull. It’s gross how invested I get in those numbers falling, and they have to fall a lot. Two pounds is for pussies! Only double digits feel like an accomplishment. I really don’t like the feelings this show inspires! I know it isn’t healthy. And you just know those trainers don’t think it’s healthy either but they get just as caught up in it!
Sure these contestants have a lot of weight to lose and they try to make it goal oriented but there really isn’t a finish line. We all know that right? Let’s not fool ourselves. I guarantee you that not one of these contestants ever feels done, ever feels like they have arrived at their weight goal like they’d been planning a trip to Paris for a year and finally landed at Charles de Gaulle. No way. These contestants may have originally set out to lose 95 pounds, thinking that would be an unimaginable feat but then, against all odds, they get there! But they must find it’s like trying to stop an 18 wheeler going down hill. You can’t just hit the brakes and expect to stop cleanly. I’m sure they still hear Jillian and Bob’s voice with every bite of Jennie-O turkey burger and Best Foods light mayonnaise. Do you really think it would be possible for these people to ever have a normal thought about food again? I doubt it.
That’s why these people sometimes look way too thin at the final weigh in. They got to a point where they looked good but they could no longer stop looking at the scale as the enemy so the only choice they had was to keep going. I totally get that! I know that feeling of not being able to “just be” in terms of weight. But I am not feeling that today. Today I feel fat with a PH baby!
Does anyone relate or am I talking to a wall?
It’s the main reason that I don’t own a scale. I also turn around and get weighed backward at the doctor’s office. Sure I look like a neurotic freak but it’s the price of my sanity. Scales are like crack.