Okay here comes the typical rant minus any actual ranting because I’m not angry, I’m just tired -so very tired. My little ones were on a break from school -because apparently the curriculum at preschool which consists of story time, outside play, the letter Q and tracing the outline of their hand gets tough to maintain. The first week of the break (because they need two weeks -imagine if they focused on the letter Q and the letter S -they’d need a month off) there was an optional camp. Camp is where you pay a week’s tuition over and above the tuition you already pay to keep your kids out of your house for half the break. I probably don’t have to tell you that I took them up on their generous offer. But then last week no such camp was available so it was just me and the twins and my older daughter had half days all week.
Here’s a challenge: get two three-year-old’s up and dressed and strapped into a minivan to take a six-year-old to school by 8:15 every day for a week. Good luck. If you can do it five straight days without being tardy even one, you are a better parent than I. While I’m on the subject of tardy, it’s incredibly anxiety provoking to know that when you bring your child to school late, you are forced to go to the office and get a “late pass.” It feels no different than junior high school! I swear to God I wouldn’t be surprised if I suddenly developed a raging case of pizza face, sweat circles under my arms and a crush on a popular dad from the damn stress of it all. When I was in high school I was late almost every day. Mostly when I was late it was on purpose because I was hanging out with my friends at McDonald’s trying to avoid homeroom and first period and also because I was defiant, disliked authority (still do) and basically didn’t give a shit. But now I’m a mom and I do care! My heart starts beating like a hummingbird as soon as I start the car and see the clock says 8:05 and I realize with a sick feeling that getting to school on time is a long shot that will require a potent combination of no traffic and not hitting red lights.
Back to my original post subject (which I’ll be the first to admit is boring). I often feel like I’m a hot mess who is not holding it together in any area of my life. I physically look a mess in the a.m., my house is a wreck, my children rarely wear socks, I cook dinner only a couple nights a week and baths are the exception and not the rule (that includes me). I don’t know how other people do it. I really don’t. Maybe if I read more parenting magazines or watched more mommy makeover tv or, I don’t know, read websites devoted to telling me how to make healthy meals on the go or manage my time more efficiently or whatever. Unfortunately, I just can’t get myself interested in self improvement.
I struggled through that week almost losing my mind many times but yesterday they were back in school. And yesterday started my older daughter’s two week spring break. And…I no longer drink. Speaking of no longer drinking, the Don’t Get Drunk Friday posts have their own section now. They are still going up every Friday but you need to go to the link at the top to find them!!
I am on week two (heading into week 3) of two out of three kids having the stomach plague. The child who got it first is finally over it, but has contracted a SECOND stomach plague. The amount of barf and diarrhea I have cleaned (am still cleaning/laundering) is unbelievable. I debated sending the oldest child to school with a change of underpants yesterday, because I am ready for someone to either shoot me or send reinforcements. And my husband leaves tonight for a 4 day conference.
Calgon, take me away.
Thank goodness spring break is next week! Because we haven’t had ENOUGH TOGETHERNESS.
Ps. I only bathe my kids on Friday night after they eat pizza.
Sorry to hear of the sickness invading the house. Barf and diarrhea are horrible, but I had to laugh out load when you said you debated sending your oldest with a change of underpants…all I could think of was him sharting…Yes, I said sharting…still making me laugh!
The truth is other people DON’T do it. Everyone is just papering over the cracks, staggering towards the weekend – and you? You’re doing it without drinking.
I’m kind of a big deal is out? Where is the promotion? Where are the blurbs from the book? Where have you been? (Clicked the link for Barnes and Noble ….June 7!! How exciting!!)
Last week I got a call from the principal and I was mortified. I felt like I was 14 years old all over again and it sucked. The offense? During the valet pick up the aides have been buckling my almost 6 year old daughter in her car seat and while the rules strictly state “Parents must remain in their cars during valet pick up”…..I need to get out to buckle her in………..Felt like I was in the principals office all over again for doing something I shouldn’t……Ggrrrrr
rebecca´s last blog post ..A Fortnight Down
Do they NEED to be dressed? Also – my kids like drinks RIGHT away when they get up – I give them to them when they get in the car as an incentive. If they want breakfast, put it in a travel dish and tell them they can have it in the car.
My hubby travels for 10 weeks at a time – I need to have the 3 year old and the 4 year old dressed and in the car by 7:15. Haven’t missed one yet – they get their drinks after they’ve changed and pottied. But the requirements can change – you might just need them IN the car – who cares what they’ve got ON? It also helps that I have EVERYTHING, EVERY SINGLE THING, set out the night before. Is it a giant pain in the ass? YES. Is it LESS of a pain in the ass than trying to do it in the morning with 3 kids going MOM MOM MOM MOM MOM MOM? YOU BET.
My son can wear socks when he can put them on his own damn self. That’s what those fleece lined Crocs are for.
And why do they have to be dressed to ride in the car?
Becky´s last blog post ..Im feeling smug- but Im sure the Universe will wipe this look off my face soon
HAHA, There are a group of moms at my daughters school who show up everyday at 2:15(when school is dismissed at 3) to stand around gossiping on the playground with their perfectly coiffed hair, toned and tan bodies, clutching Louis vuitton purses in one hand and Starbucks low-fat mocha bullshit in the other. I refer to them as the “Plastics”. Recently a letter was sent how that parents were no longer allowed on the playground until 2:45 due to the fact they were disrupting the end of the school day.
Score 1 for the underachievers!!!
I may now be able to find a parking space when I arrive sporting greasy hair and yoga pants at 3:05.
Girl, I feel you!! With born within a year I know the feeling. I never was a “hot” mess either. Just a mess. Hell, I still am! And they are 8, 8 and 9 now! LOL! Hang in there – twins are a challenge – a wonderful amazing gift too.
Jae´s last blog post ..Sexualization of a Child
Jennifer G said,
Oh my GOD..I feel the same way and I’m SUCH A LOSER B/C I don’t even work yet! I’m a SAHM and I’ll tell you- my house is ALWAYS A MESS..I can never seem to catch up. the second I start a project like cleaning the clutter in my VERY VISABLE KITCHEN…my 22 month old wants to scream up at me b/c she thinks I’m cooking something and needs to eat RIGHT AWAY! She’s like a puppy ! I go in my room to clean up the shit all over my dresser that I move each night from the bed to the dresser and then in the morning from the dresser back to the bed because “THIS IS THE DAY I AM GOING TO PUT MY CLOTHES AWAY IN DRAWERS AND HANG THINGS UP”…its never ending.
Don’t beat yourself up…at least you are a talented, productive and amazing writer and keep us all entertained! I have to say, I click here everyday…just hoping and waiting for another witty post!!! You’re the best!!! You make all of us feel we’re not alone!!! THANKS!!!
Please don’t be hard on yourself–having little ones is HARD. It gets so much easier as they get older and can do things for themselves; you get more time to focus because you’re not constantly distracted by requests for snacks and drinks and spills and small people wanting help with Barbies and changing clothes four times a day and I’m exhausted all over again just thinking about it.
It gets SO MUCH easier. Hang in there.
Me too! I’ve had it with the attitudes, the weeping, the tantrums, the foot stomping, the shitty diapers.
I keep thinking, “This too shall pass.” Not sure I believe it, though.
Dana´s last blog post ..Overcome all fears
I had to google Taco kick… OMG
I am floored about how much I am in complete agreement with you. We’ve got 2 kids, 2 dogs, and one messy house. Showers? Who has time for that!
I subscribe to the endless amount of baby newsletters and read the magazines, but who has the time/money to do all that? Like actually buy organic foods and puree them and serve them to your baby meanwhile sneaking them into your 4 years old’s now healthy dinner? Not I, not I.
Christina Tinglof said,
Every family looks good on the outside…but just step behind those closed doors….
Christina Tinglof´s last blog post ..Why Do So Many Identical Twins Think They’re Fraternal
Ugh, I so feel you. Our kids are older now, 9, 11, 12, 12, and I think it actually gets a little worse because now they have 12 million activities to go to! I usually don’t even get to sit on my couch until Sunday night, literally. The one thing that helped me was finding a place where you can put together meals for the week that just go in the freezer and then I take them out and throw them in the oven. Here it’s called Gourmet Girlfriends, but there are others all over the place. They will even put together the meals for you and you just pick them up! No way I can cook and I’ve had enough chicken nuggets to last me a lifetime. The other thing was putting things lower so the kids could get to them all by themselves. We moved the milk to the lower shelf in the fridge, cups in a bottom cupboard, etc, so they could reach everything and stop bugging me for a f$%^#^&$ drink every 5 minutes.
Milan´s last blog post ..I Have Damaged Hair- is a Keratin Treatment Good For Me
wow. i love that line about your defiance, hanging out at mcD’s to be intentionally late. i wasn’t brave enuf to try that in high school, but i sure relished being late as a young and older adult in my jobs. as for the parenting stuff. it gets worse, then better in a few years. hang in there. you’re gonna strut like a peacock when you see the amazing adults your kiddies grow into. nice post!
mia´s last blog post ..My God- My Will and My Angels
We have this woman at my girls school…she is freaking mean. She acts like I told her there was no more coffee or chocolate for her FOREVER each time we are late. Which if you’d like to know, was three times last week. Whatever, it’s hard to recover from Spring Break.
On your feeling like you are a hot mess and everyone else has it together? Go read Mom 101’s post from yesterday. But make sure to check out the comments. It made me feel so much less alone in my mess-ness.
Issa´s last blog post ..Taking a break
I am laughing only because it’s nice to know that I’m not the only one whose kids are sockless in the sea of tidy, fashionable little girls with their hair perfectly pinned. Maybe that is why moving from San Francisco to Santa Cruz was so appealing! Either way here’s a trick that’s worked for me: Bag, Better or Barter it. If you can’t bag dropping your daughter off, how can you better it or barter with another mom? A lot of parenthood is a simple science experiment: what works best? I now set the table for breakfast before bed, my five intentional minutes save me from a dozen toxic thoughts the next morning. The trinity of B’s works for everything in life, even laundry. The trick is finding the thought that’s causing the most suffering in motherhood usually mine is: “It shouldn’t be this hard.”
I sooo completely understand! I make it to school and work on time usually, but only with way too much yelling and nagging (from me) and screaming and whining and crying (mostly from my 3 kids, but occassionally from me too).
nikki hennessy said,
So I arrive at a new music class with my 1 year old son a few minutes late at 9:45am, somewhat proud of myself just for showing up. Wearing the token baseball cap and yoga pants, I find myself dancing amongst a circle of Moms with makeup and cute outfits on thinking, where was the memo: Please dress as if you were on a date with your husband or going out for drinks with the girls?
I was flush with embarrassment to realize I was the ONLY mom who obviuosly made no effort on her appearance, not to say I did not make an effort, this was actually quite an accomplishment. WTF…
I can’t believe you have 3. I am barely surviving 2. Last week it occured to me that I hadn’t showered since Sunday. I had this thought on a Friday. And I had actually worked out twice that week. So gross I can’t believe I admitted that.
My advice: lower your freaking standards. Kids dressed? Whaaa? If that’s of importance to you, make em sleep in their clothes. Also, Trader Joe’s makes a lot of healthy dinners that come frozen in bags so all you need is one pan.
And Stef, let’s not forget that you write books and shit. YOU ARE OKAY!
clara@soberinsweats´s last blog post ..Thanks- Holly
I’m convinced the moms that seem to have it all figured out (whose blogs i continue to secretly read and scoff at) are faking it. Anybody can clean up a room and “stage” the toys and children before taking a photo.
I just don’t care enough to.
I’m proud to say my kids eat hot-dogs, I recently went three days with no shower, and I taught my son where to find the diapers so I don’t have to get up AND change the pants.
When my number three comes next month…I may be re-visiting this post just to keep from crying eyeballs out about the mess and tardiness of “life”.
Loved every bit of it. Please know we’re not the minority. Those organic chicken nugget serving, heels at nine-am, kids without yogurt on their shirt bitches are.
stephanie´s last blog post ..Missing
Keeping the house clean is honestly just a habit, and one you have to form. No my house is not perfectly clean ever, but I do dishes as they are dirtied, throw a load of laundry in twice a day and pile the clean clothes on the chair next the couch for husband to fold at night while watching t.v. and try to clean something every day for 15 minutes. Most household stuff can be done in 15 minutes and I like to make myself just do one task a day. Clean the bathroom, run the vacuum, clean the counters off, etc. Then it never feel like EVERYTHING needs to be done,which is so overwhelming.
I was raised in a household that operated like a well oiled machine though. We had chores, and they had to be done every day without fail so the habits started young. Can’t wait till my kids are old enough to pawn chores off on!