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Archive for March, 2011

Don’t Get Drunk Friday…or Saturday either.

This is from an active member of the Booze Free Brigade which is almost 700 strong. She posts as Elevenyearslater if you want to check her out y’all.

To the woman still drinking:

I know the hell of the voices in your head. I know the blankness and relief that come from taking the action to get a drink. I know that feeling of fuck-it and the scrambling of thought to rationalize what I could no longer control. I know the sweet release of giving in to the incredible tension of Not tonight vs. Yes-just one more night.

I know the fear as it built each day: I won’t today, I don’t want to today, I have to, I have to right now, RIGHT NOW-I cannot take another minute of this battle in my mind and body. I know the terror of realizing that I had no control, that the alcohol owned me, and I was a slave to it. The last month of my drinking I was simply resigned: Oh it’s 4:00 pm, time to start that bullshit again. OK, tonight I won’t get drunk.

And every single night, without break or fail, I did.

We are all capable, strong women here at the Booze Free Brigade. We manage families, jobs, homes, and our drinking. We keep doing it until it starts to break down. We keep doing it until alcohol sops everything we own, waiting only for a single spark to burn everything we try so desperately hold together in white hot flame. When I look back on when I quit, I imagine the Furies readying their scissors to cut the single thread of sanity that held my life aloft over their boiling pot of oil. They were waiting for THAT drink, the one that made me snap, the one I wouldn’t come back from.

I, who still looked good on the outside, who lived on “it’s not that bad”, awoke on a Wednesday like any other, pulled my shit together again. Got the kids to school, and was driving into the office full of the usual remorse, the usual shaking, the usual scrambling to fill in the blank spots in my mind from the night before. As I drove, I realized I was broken. I was in chaos and despair and stopping drinking was the only answer I had left. I couldn’t put a happy face or denial face on what I was feeling and doing. I had tried everything else, and there was no other option.

I doubt you believe that alcoholism is a disease. I didn’t, not really. But it is. Alcohol has changed the hard-wiring of our brains. We can no longer feel pleasure the way non-drinkers do until we quit and stay quit. Once we pass over the line to compulsion, there is no turning back. There is only through: quit or die a slow, grim death one way or another.

It is that serious and it is that deadly. I offer my support and encouragement, but I also have to offer the truth. It isn’t fair, it isn’t kind, and it isn’t just. But every woman at the BFB who has quit will tell you it is better on the other side. Every single one. And we are here to help you when you are ready.

You can find smart, funny, sober women doing recovery any way that works at The Booze Free Brigade

Posted by Stefanie Wilder Taylor on March 13, 2011 4:09 amDon't Get Drunk Friday17 comments  

The Parent Experiment

In general I like the company of other parents. I think it’s imperative to have good relationships with your kids’ friends’ parents so that everyone feels all comfy cozy when their kids hang out with each other. Plus, when our kids are young (especially newborns) it’s just nice to feel like we’re all in one boat rowing for our lives and we have other people to bitch to about the cramped quarters and possible chance of not making it to shore…or at least never taking another shower.

When I was a brand new mom I was somewhat of a whore. I would spend time with anyone who had kids and expressed even the slightest interest in engaging with me. I would wheel Elby through the mall in her pimped out Graco and strike up conversations with anyone with a kid – sometimes it was bordered on pathetic. “Hi. I notice you have a pretty new baby there! I have one too! What do you call yours? Wanna grab an Orange Julius?” I did get a few phone numbers this way but, not surprisingly, no lasting relationships. Eventually I did become friends with one mom I met at a park and another one I bonded with at a mommy and me class. The mommy and me class I only joined because I was desperate to make a friend but it was tough because I brought along my baby and a bad attitude. I didn’t want to sing the songs or recite the rhymes as a group. I felt like isn’t it enough that I make faces, read stories and sing songs to my kid 23 hours a day why is it necessary to do it in front of an audience? The second I found a like minded mom, we dropped out. I don’t think Elby missed it. At least she never mentioned it.

As cranky as I may sound, the bottom line is I crave connection as bad as the next parent. Having children is so huge that when you take on that role, it spills into every pore, every space, it takes over so completely that you naturally need to talk about it and keep talking about it and figuring it out and after all is said and done you’ll still need to know more.

Which is why I’m loving my new job as the co-host of The Parent Experiment on Adam Carolla’s ACE Broadcast Network. I’m hosting with Lynette Carolla who not only is normal, cool, down to earth and relatable, she is also funny and a good listener. My job is mainly to do what I do which is tell the truth about my experiences and get our guests to do the same.

Please help me keep this going by subscribing to the podcast which is FREE on iTunes and possibly going to the message boards and telling us what you’d like to hear us discuss and who you’d like to see as a guest.

I leave you with this cuteness:

Posted by Stefanie Wilder Taylor on March 7, 2011 8:05 pmUncategorized9 comments  


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