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“Are You Going To Try For One More?”

Here’s something unpopular to say: I’ll never be pregnant again and I’m so glad! Los Angeles is simply littered with pregnant women who could not be more excited to be knocked up. Surely every state is crawling with pregnant women but I just find that in Los Angeles it’s less a normal state-of-being than a major fashion statement. Everywhere I go (and admittedly I go a lot of places where there are children; and where there are children there tend to be women who produce children) I see bulging bellies with tight tank tops clinging to them and well manicured hands rubbing said bellies in tiny “I’m pregnant! I can’t keep my paws off my baby” circles. Sometimes they rub their lower back in a “my back hurts cause I’m pregnant!!” motion. I used to get a little spark of irritation at those women mainly because those “LOOK AT MY BELLY” women are usually also the ones who don’t show anywhere but their belly. I had the misfortune of gaining the majority of my baby weight in my ass so there was probably some residual jealousy. But lately I don’t find myself feeling anything but ecstatic that I’m not the one having a baby. I know. I’m an asshole right? Who wouldn’t want a beautiful little brand new baby? That would be me.

I couldn’t be more excited that my “babies” aren’t babies anymore. Just as soon as I had my kids I couldn’t wait for them to turn three and now that they are it’s every bit the relief that I thought it would be. I know that it goes by quickly and I know that when they’re all graduating from college I’ll wish they were little again. Little, but not babies. Apparently I’m not a baby person. It’s not that I didn’t want to love and nurture them as infants and of course the infant time is important for bonding…blah blah blah but if it weren’t for that I would’ve totally adopted a three-year-old. Of course now that Elby is six I want to freeze time I love this age so much.

Quick story: when I was pregnant with the twins and before we knew anything was amiss with the pregnancy, my OB asked me if I wanted to have a tubal when she did my C-section. There was a legal document which I signed so fast you would’ve thought it was releasing my lottery winnings to me upon signature. When I was actually having my twins, it was an exceptionally dramatic event. As you probably know, I delivered at 33 weeks so the operating room was packed with people including two teams of NICU staff waiting to receive my babies. Once they were out and breathing and I’d kissed them both on the nose before seeing them whisked off to intensive care, my doctor popped into view to tell me that even though I’d signed the release, I didn’t need to have the tubal right then if I didn’t want to. All I could think was, “I’ve just been through the pregnancy from hell, I’m looking at a solid year of no sleep, not to mention the fact that I already have a toddler at home oh, and I’m FORTY ONE! You are on crack if you think I have any interest in trying to do this again.” So I said, “Did you already sew me up?” and she said, “No.” And I said, “Get back down there woman and tie those tubes.”

I guess my point is, there are few things in life that you get to feel truly settled about but this is one of them. So to all my pregnant friends or hoping to be pregnant friends, I am done so you don’t have to ask me if I’m “going for one more” but I’m happy to come over and hold your baby, cook you a turkey lasagna or just listen to you cry. Just try to gain a little extra weight in your ass.

Posted by Stefanie Wilder Taylor on January 26, 2011 12:25 amUncategorized29 comments  

29 Comments

  1. rebecca said,

    Praise ye sista Stef! I was so excited about my husband’s vasectomy that I practically threw him a party upon receiving the ZERO count letter in the mail!
    rebecca´s last blog post ..Another Snow Day

    | January 26, 2011 @ 12:54 am

  2. nicolette @ momnivore's dilemma said,

    I think God invented sleep deprivation for this very reason.

    It makes you forgot how damn hard the early months are.

    I’m living in a frat house outnumbered by boy junk, so despite the horror of a 3rd c section looming and another year of nursing/sleep deprivation…

    I’d like more.

    Then, snip snip for the King.

    | January 26, 2011 @ 1:02 am

  3. Kelsey said,

    What IS up with those only pregnant in the belly people? My baby weight was equally distributed EVERYWHERE – so unfortunate.

    After my train wreck-ish second pregnancy I was told (while still being operated on, post delivery) that I should not bear anymore children.

    For a long time it was really hard for me to accept no more babies and I still find myself sad about it once in a blue moon, but now that second baby is almost three and almost out of diapers and I feel like life with my two kids (6 yrs. and nearly 3) is about to get so good – I can’t really imagine going back and doing the baby thing again.

    I don’t think you’re crazy – I think you are wonderfully sane!
    Kelsey´s last blog post ..Assortment

    | January 26, 2011 @ 1:22 am

  4. stephanie said,

    I could not agree with you more. Of course, I am pregnant right now and completely hating it. I’m not one of those women you speak of who gets pregnant only in the belly (and ta-tas). I have ass-babies. I don’t “glow”. I smell weird in a bad way and I tell my husband I think “this was a big mistake” every week. Of course, I’m not a completely evil ingrate. I know that there are plenty of women who would give their left eyeball to have two healthy kids and one on the way. But that doesn’t make me any less miserable or completely worried about my life with THREE. And although I look at myself in the mirror and see perfectly good Target shirt smeared with finger paint and a toddler screaming “uppy uppy” at my crotch… I know I’ll love this one (whatever it is) as much as I love my other two.

    But I’m perfectly alright telling strangers who ask… “This is my third AND LAST”. Did you hear that people? Last, but certainly not least.
    stephanie´s last blog post ..Boobie traps and pig-backs That’s what I said

    | January 26, 2011 @ 1:29 am

  5. elizabeth- flourish in progress said,

    my uterus has a sign.

    it says.” no vacancy. ever.”
    elizabeth- flourish in progress´s last blog post ..Monday Dare- i hope jail beds are comfortable

    | January 26, 2011 @ 2:21 am

  6. Robin O'Bryant said,

    You probably get this alot too, having 3 girls, “You gonna try for a boy?” What is THAT??? What year is this? Is it 1823 and we need MAN BABIES to carry on the family name and plow our fields?? It’s hard for me to keep from yelling, “F*&^ NO!”
    Robin O’Bryant´s last blog post ..Aubrey Breaks It Down

    | January 26, 2011 @ 3:01 am

    • Stefanie Wilder Taylor said,

      that just made me laugh out loud. Yes, I do get that all the time! And no, I don’t need a boy to be complete. Ha ha 1823! Although I could use some help cleaning out the garage…

      | January 26, 2011 @ 3:03 am

      • Dre said,

        I have two boys, and you have no idea how many times I am asked if we are going to “try for a girl.” As if your family is not complete without one of both flavors. I stare at them and tell them that I would actually want another boy, just to see the look on their faces. But oh, the little girl clothes…. sigh.

        | January 26, 2011 @ 2:53 pm

  7. Erin@MommyontheSpot said,

    I am kinda wishy-washy about having a third, mostly because I have a fear of commitment about it. But the older my youngest gets, the more I don’t want another one. So I’m glad I am not the only one who like the three year old phase better than the baby phase.

    | January 26, 2011 @ 1:11 pm

  8. Tracy said,

    I swear you are my Internet soul mate. How is it that every blog post you write could literally be one I’ve written (albeit with less wit and style?)

    I also had a tubal after a bedridden twin pregnancy, at my insistence and my ob’s reluctance. I often feel guilty for not missing the baby-days, but things are so much easier(and fun!) now.

    | January 26, 2011 @ 1:33 pm

  9. Amanda said,

    Thank you for posting this, it makes me feel more normal. We love our daughters with every fiber of our being, but 4 weeks after our current baby was born my husband got the V-word. I have never once regretted that decision. His mom keeps telling me, “You never know, you may be surprised by a third”. Um….no we won’t be. We made permanently sure of that. I don’t tell her that though because I think it would kill her that I can’t stand the thought of another. We are happy and DONE.
    Amanda´s last blog post ..Today I Learned I Am Not Oprahs Half-Sister

    | January 26, 2011 @ 2:08 pm

  10. Lisa said,

    AMEN!!!! counting down till we’re out of diapers later this year!

    | January 26, 2011 @ 2:38 pm

  11. Jill said,

    I gained all my weight in my face/neck. Oh and my belly. At 5 months I was hearing ‘oh are you due soon’ and ‘are you sure it’s not twins’? Yeah those people can suck it. The fat face never went away. So now I’m just ‘fat’ with a 2 year old. Argh.

    | January 26, 2011 @ 2:40 pm

  12. Christina Tinglof said,

    As the mom to three boys, I often get the, “Are you going to try for a girl?” I always want to say, “Yes, yes I am because I really dislike boys.”
    Christina Tinglof´s last blog post ..One is Not Like the Other- Differences in Identical Twins

    | January 26, 2011 @ 3:24 pm

  13. Kristin said,

    I never thought I would agree with this, but I really, really do. I have a 4 year old son and an 18 month old daughter and I am so ready for my husband to schedule his surgery. I always wanted three children, but my daughter has changed that wish…we are fine with two. 18 months of sleepness nights is enough to kill any desire to go through it again, let me tell you. I love babies, and I love 4 year olds, but toddlers, man, that is just not cool.
    Kristin´s last blog post ..Finally!

    | January 26, 2011 @ 3:42 pm

  14. Jae said,

    Hear hear! LOL! I happily and giddily had my tubes tied after my twins as well, and I was only 31! I understand, babies are not my favorite either – 2 and up rocks. :)
    Jae´s last blog post ..New Years Resolutions I think Not!

    | January 26, 2011 @ 3:58 pm

  15. Christina said,

    I completely get what you’re saying. After our 2nd daughter, I was all about the tubal and I got it as soon she was out! Big SURPRISE 15 months later when I got pregnant with #3 — so NOT what we were planning and I went through a major depression & had a really tough time adjusting to the idea.(I was royally pissed off) However, that pregnancy literally saved my life b/c I had some undetected health issues that were discovered in my first trimester. Plus, I also got my wonderful son out of the ordeal! He’s now 8, the hubby had a vasectomy & I eventually had all the baby parts removed! Life is crazy.

    LOVE your writing; I completely relate.

    | January 26, 2011 @ 4:11 pm

    • Stefanie Wilder Taylor said,

      Whoa, I can’t believe you got pregnant after a tubal. that almost makes me never want to do anything that could result in pregnancy again. Maybe I should go have it reinforced!

      | January 26, 2011 @ 7:51 pm

  16. Aubrey Anne said,

    I love this. I couldn’t relate more! Every time I see a pregnant person I silently pray that I won’t ever have to endure that experience again. The grateful to not be pregnant feeling is something I know very well. c-sections/preemie babies have a tendency to have that affect. 😉 And I have never been one of those just-a-belly pregos either. I hate those girls. lol

    | January 26, 2011 @ 4:43 pm

  17. Le'Ann said,

    I am so with you on this one! I am not a baby person, either, and couldn’t wait for my little boy to grow up. (I love my teenager!) I only had one child (planned it that way), so had to endure the “don’t you want another one?” from everyone for years… even as recent as 2 years ago – and I’m 46!
    Le’Ann´s last blog post ..Adventures in Medicine – Part 6 The Final Chapter

    | January 26, 2011 @ 6:42 pm

  18. Vanessa said,

    hahaha! So great. Love the honesty. I was one of those people that only gained the belly, at exactly 25 pounds….but that was ONLY because of the 6 months of nauseau and heart burn that I endured. HORRIBLE. I have two step kids (girls) and my 2 year old…and he wants to try for a boy. I hated being pregnant with every fiber of my body. I don’t think he’s getting his boy, but I on the other hand LOVE the 2 year old phase! We did water paints the other day and I thought, NOW we are talking!

    | January 26, 2011 @ 6:45 pm

  19. Erika Ross said,

    AMEN sister. I only have one and I just hit the hallelujah I don’t have a baby phase. The funny thing is when I talk to so many women about it, they get very syrupy patronizy, like they’re sure they know that I’m only saying these things because of my fertility challenges. And it’s like – that’s how I got here, I suppose, and if any of those attempts for a second had worked out, I’d be thrilled, but now that I’m here, I’m really here. How do I know? Total excitement yesterday when I told my dermotologist to put me on the medication that I’ve been dying to take to clear up adult acne for years but couldn’t because – maybe I just might be pregnant. So 40 is going to be the year of clear skin, tons of fun with my 6-year-old, and full nights of sleep – hooray!
    http://positivitydammit.blogspot.com/

    | January 26, 2011 @ 7:12 pm

  20. C&Cs MOM said,

    I have 2 and we are DONE! I have no desire to be pregnant again or have an infant. People look at me like I’m crazy when I say that. People can’t handle honesty. I have also stopped saying to peolpe “I realized after my second, that I am just not a baby person.” You should see the looks I got for that one! lol!

    | January 27, 2011 @ 2:36 pm

  21. Kir said,

    I think about the “Girl” a little..the idea of having one more baby, and might mention it..and John will say we will never live through the first year..I agree and we go about our life with twins. :)
    Kir´s last blog post ..The Twins- A Contest and a Little Help from my Tribe

    | January 27, 2011 @ 5:43 pm

  22. Laura said,

    I am more DONE than an overcooked Butterball at my first Thanksgiving. No more boulder boobs, sneeze pees, screaming babies or toddlers calling me “Dumbo” in the Frozen Food section. I’m almost 40 years old, and I’m happy to announce my uterus is retired. After a long and painful road of making people, the thought of no more babies makes me do the Snoopy Happy Dance. In about 15 years, I’ll be the best grandma around! I’ll happily rock ’em to sleep and keep on rocking right out the door to my beautiful home filled with lots of breakables and cream colored furniture.

    | January 27, 2011 @ 7:33 pm

  23. Tess said,

    I’m completely with ya on this. I’m just not a “baby person”, well, not to the extent that so many other women are. I feel like things are moving in the right direction and it would be going backwards at this point.

    Oh, and because I have a mean streak…I, too, know someone who had another baby (her fourth!) two years after a tubal ligation.

    xo

    | January 27, 2011 @ 8:46 pm

  24. seekingclarav said,

    I have a 2 month old now, in addition to my 2.5 year old and letmejusttellya, I don’t like either of them. HA. Just kidding. I’m the opposite of you. I love me a baby. Toddler, not so much. Am I having another? Hell to the NO.

    When I went in for my 6 week post check up the nurse asked me if I wanted birth control to which I threw my head back and laughed. As if sex was going to happen, like ever again, in my permanent state of exhaustion and baby puke stink. When I told her husband was having a vasectomy she told me to wait until he has had 30-40 “emissions” before having unprotected sex. My response to her was “so, like in 6 years?”
    seekingclarav´s last blog post ..Motherhood is kicking my ass

    | January 28, 2011 @ 5:31 am

  25. lauren said,

    I have one child. I can technically have more but am not for various reasons. It is a choice but not one I was thrilled to make. I have gotten many many comments like, you will change your mind, oh you can’t do that, oh don’t do that, and oh I jus tlove kids too much to do that. I hate it and it is rude. I hope to one day feel that yay I am done feeling…

    | January 31, 2011 @ 3:41 pm

  26. Ian @ plantronics usb headset said,

    Every new baby is a blessing. Even you planned it
    or not if it’s given you have to accept it…nice post!

    | February 9, 2011 @ 9:20 pm

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