Chaaarlieeee! It’s me, fellow mom of twins Stefanie Wilder-Taylor. Whaddup? I think it’s time we have another little chatski. You may remember that I wrote to you right after the hullabaloo regarding you and that prostitute. Let me be a lot more specific: right after you got 86′d from a hotel for trashing your room on a cocaine binge. Sorry, let me narrow it down a tiny bit more: It was the Oct. 25th night you were found naked and hammered in your room after trying to strangle Capri Anderson for stealing your cell phone or as you probably refer to it, Saturday.
Anyhoo, I know you’re probably getting a lot of shit about your latest exploits involving three porn stars and many shots of Grey Goose vodka at the Palm Casino. I just want to lend some support seeing as how we are both in the unique situation of trying to parent toddler twins (Plus with five kids from three different relationships you are probably getting nagged on all sides). I’m the last person in the world to judge someone for wanting to blow off steam when we’re stressed out (which, with twins is a lot! Am I right? Can I get a whoop whoop?). I myself have been known to splurge at Burke Williams on a facial with a paraffin dip (funny side note: I don’t like full on massages. It’s a weird thing with me, I just don’t want to pay a stranger to touch me all over my body. I guess that’s where the similarities between you and me end).
So look, when the kids are whiny and I lose a couple of Twitter followers for no reason I can figure out, I sometimes spend a little money I don’t have on a special spa day. When you get overwhelmed you screw three hooker/pornstars at the AVN awards. I just think people need to get off your back about this. You have it rough. You work on a sitcom a few afternoons a week! Plus you have partial custody of a few of your kids! Who can blame you for wanting to get a little crazy once in awhile?
I know that you had to ditch your sober coach. Well duh! You were at the Oscars for porn! What are you supposed to do at the AVNs? Drink Sleepy Time tea? Come on. Obviously they don’t understand. Did you explain to them that Bree Olson won best anal scene in 2008? What did they expect? You didn’t get where you are in life by letting opportunity like that pass you by.
You, my friend, are in Two and a Half Men despite the fact that you didn’t show up for work on Monday. As of right now you are a sitcom star. Not only that but you starred in Hot Shots! So yeah, the stars of Big Wet Asses 15 are going to want to get with you and anyone who has an issue with that is probably jealous.
My point is, I’m here for you Personally I can’t drink anymore because in real life you end up facing consequence for that stuff but you are different, special. Well, you and Lindsay Lohan. But I do want you to go back to work because Two and a Half Men needs you.