How’s it going? Dumb question right? Obviously, it’s going fine since you are back in production on Two and a Half Men and Little Lady. You didn’t miss a beat even after your crazy lost weekend.
As one parent of twins to another, I have a confession to make: I’m a little jealous. Here’s the thing: Since I had my girls (and another kid on top of that) I never get to take a vacation, let alone a wild romp in NYC where I stay up all night doing lines of coke off a high paid escort’s ass in a hotel bathroom. First off, how did you find a sitter?
I’ve heard you can arrange for one through the concierge but even if the hotel did get you someone, doesn’t it get expensive after say four a.m.? Are they in double overtime? Did you keep your phone on the whole time in case one of the twins woke up and the sitter needed to get a hold of you? I know my Blackberry’s at least on vibrate even if I’m just going out to sushi for an hour. Please, Charlie, share your secrets!
I suppose money isn’t an object especially when you can afford not just a random hooker but someone with actual porn on their resume. Personally, I’d never heard of your call girl, Capri Anderson, because I don’t watch much porn these days. Not because I’m morally opposed to it or anything like that. I’m just tired! After a long day of waking at the crack of dawn ( hope the word “crack” wasn’t a trigger ), making three kids’ lunches, arguing over what they’re all going to wear (just this morning my twin Matilda was demanding to wear a swim suit to school even though it was 57 degrees outside -so frustrating!! LOL) driving to two different schools, laundry, trying to figure out why my dishwasher is leaving my dishes dirty and has gross scum around the bottom of it, arguing with the unemployment office etc., about the last thing I feel like doing is popping in a porno. Sorry but it’s true!
Honestly, I just don’t know where you get your energy! I mean, besides the cocaine. Do you drink vitamin waters? Workout? I try to get to the gym as often as I can but half the time something comes up. For instance, the last few weeks I’d been chairing the raffle committee for my daughter’s school and it was exhausting. I barely had time to shower. But you, my friend, are overextended. Movies, TV, assaulting your wife, violating parole, trashing hotel rooms, attacking a prostitute because you thought she stole your wallet and cell phone! It’s no wonder you ended up hospitalized on a seventy-two hour psych hold- you’re trying to do way too much! You need to delegate, mister! That’s what assistants are for!
A lot of people don’t understand how hard it is to raise twins and also try to maintain your identity. But I do. Boy do I. I could write a book. You and me, we’re in a special club. We get each other. The twins thing is a tough gig and we all need to blow off steam now and again.
So here’s hoping the judge is a parent of twins too! But if not, and you get sent to the pokey, try to take some time out for you. Just some Charlie time. Write a novel, lift some weights or just get some reading and smoking in. You’ve earned it.
P.S. Are you giving your twins one birthday party or two? I can’t decide!!
“Hope that wasn’t a trigger! Bahahahahaha!”
I miss me some Lulu.
a good old celebrity bitching post!!
little t from the north pole (Canada) said,
Love the post and as rita Said
So funny, and sadly true. Sometimes the idea of finding a sitter, paying for said sitter, buying somehing that was created this century to wear, and then having enough money to actually DO anything is so exhausting I need a nap rather than alone time.
Okay, even though I don’t follow celebrity news, I STILL laughed out loud reading this. Thanks, Stefanie, your humor always makes me smile!
Amy´s last blog post ..Showers
When I think Charlie Sheen I think “I would NOT hit that” I mostly like my vagina in the form/shape/texture that it currently is. Shudder. Oh, and I can fix your dishwasher. There is a little drain at the bottom that is probably covered with some bullshit plastic piece that needs to be removed. Under that there is a screen filter with possibly other crud clogging it up. Take that (filter) out, wash it. You’re welcome. (Learned from a $75 plumber call)
This is why Emilio now has to handle all charity auctions in their family.
I think there may be a reason that his character on Two and a Half Men is called “Charlie,” is a drunk, and has a hooker problem…if it wasn’t close enough to his own reality he wouldn’t be able to do it.
Kelly´s last blog post ..Here Kitty- Kitty- Kitty
“besides the cocaine” This had me rolling. But not ROFL, I don’t do that.
I think your question to him about if he left his phone on while he was with the lady of the night and his kids were with the sitter was answered by his actions. Hello! He freaked the eff out b/c he thought his prestigious date took his phone! What if his twins needed him and she was hiding his iPhone in her whoo-ha? I mean, we could all pray he left it on vibrate and her moans would alert him to the incoming call, but after snorting lines off someone’s ass, I’m not sure you can remember what your phone even looked like, let alone if it was on vibrate!
Gamanda´s last blog post ..Obligatory seasonal post- Pumpkin Patch Edition
My favorite part of that whole story was him yelling, calling the prositute a “whore”. A way with words, that guy.
Hilarious. I want so much to root for the guy, but he makes it really hard. I mostly feel bad for Denise and Martin and probably Emelio, too.
PS. I had the same dishwasher problem. The solution is to pour an entire bottle of white vinegar down the dishwasher drain and run an empty cycle. I swear it works.
Help4NewMoms´s last blog post ..Great Mom Blog Posts This Week
This shit made my knees buckle. I hit my head on the table while I was laughing. i will send you the bill.
elizabeth- flourish in progress´s last blog post ..Monday Dare- obviously- i hate myself
Oh my crap, that was funny.
seekingclarav´s last blog post ..HADOUBLE LOWDOUBLE EN!
seriously, “Spit my soda all over the keyboard” stuff.
THANK YOU…as the mom of twins too….I cannot agree more…where does he find the time?????
Kir´s last blog post ..The Doctors will see you now
Just discovered your blog and am laughing and laughing. Love this post. Thanks for cracking (
“hope that’s not a trigger”) me up!
JAS´s last blog post ..Furry Beasts
mouna a. said,
love it! thanks for making me laugh
Hahahahahaha !!! I’m dying over here !! Thanks, that was great, I needed the laugh today !
Erin´s last blog post ..Fall Back