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You Might Be a Mom If…

Sure this is probably a hack premise but you know me, I’ll probably throw in some swear words.

You might be a mom if…

you think a banana clip is a perfectly acceptable antidote to a bad hair day.
you’ve ever fantasized about taking a hit out on one of the Wonder Pets.
your underwear is the same pair you had on yesterday.
you own a pair of “special occasion” flip flops.
you’ve ever purchased sunscreen with an SPF higher than 50.
you could never imagine traveling somewhere with your kids that doesn’t have a microwave.
your kid pees on the floor and you don’t clean it up right away.
you’ve woken up at 7:45 a.m. and thought “aah, it feels so good to sleep in!”
your idea of date night is dinner OR a movie.
You couldn’t finish reading this list because you had to Google “magic fucking markers” “hardwood floors.”
you suspect anyone who stays up past 11:00 at night of doing cocaine.
you know that Mr. Clean Magic Erasers will get permanent marker out of hardwood floors.

Feel free to add your own to my comments or not. I’m not going to tell you what to do.

Posted by Stefanie Wilder Taylor on August 10, 2010 12:13 amUncategorized46 comments  

46 Comments

  1. Christina said,

    OMG…all of those are so true!! 😉
    Christina´s last blog post ..Big girl cereal and a few things

    | August 10, 2010 @ 12:27 am

  2. Kelly said,

    Yup, yup and yup… All the above. (even the underwear)And I do, in fact, have my special occasion Costco sneakers, for dressing up the hoodie & sweats jogging suit for Easter!
    Kelly´s last blog post ..If you register your site for free at

    | August 10, 2010 @ 12:30 am

  3. Amanda said,

    Mr Clean Magic Eraser is my boyfriend. He fixes everything. Even the shit my husband can’t.

    Amen.

    | August 10, 2010 @ 1:20 am

  4. Joanna said,

    We had big plans of dinner & a movie a week ago when my mother in law watched Madison.

    Halfway through dinner at The Outback we decided to just get some cheesecake, lay in bed and eat it. Then go to bed at 9 p.m. & not have sex because really… sleep sounded so much better.

    | August 10, 2010 @ 1:21 am

  5. Lindsay brown said,

    You might be a Mom of Twins if you see a Mother out in public with only one child, and even though that child is throwing the Mother of all tantrums, you STILL think how easy it must be to ‘just have 1’!!
    Lindsay brown´s last blog post ..Grace

    | August 10, 2010 @ 1:27 am

  6. Susan Crown said,

    You might be a mom if you decide your child doesn’t need a shower because he was swimming in the pool that day! 😉

    | August 10, 2010 @ 2:01 am

    • Shannon Poel said,

      HAHAHAHA!!!!!! I do that alot!!!

      | August 12, 2010 @ 9:01 pm

  7. G said,

    First time here, funny post.
    G´s last blog post ..Missed Ya

    | August 10, 2010 @ 2:09 am

  8. Ellie said,

    You might be a Mom if you’ve ever run out of tissues and wiped your kid’s snot on your sock.

    Or maybe that’s just me?
    Ellie´s last blog post ..The Company You Keep

    | August 10, 2010 @ 2:46 am

    • Jamie said,

      LOL I have used a variety of things for snot, including the bottom of my son’s shirt. Gross I know, I really should carry around tissues all the time…

      | August 10, 2010 @ 3:00 pm

      • tmc said,

        roflmao, guilty!!!!!

        | August 22, 2010 @ 5:33 pm

    • Christy said,

      I have done this so many times. . .you would think we would figure it out and keep more Kleenex on hand!

      | August 10, 2010 @ 4:12 pm

    • Shannon Poel said,

      I usually will use my sleeve! haha

      | August 12, 2010 @ 9:02 pm

  9. Babbalou said,

    You might be a mom if you’ve ever looked in the mirror late in the day, a day in which you’ve run a number of erands and talked to people you know, and you realize your shirt is inside out. I mean, how can you not have realized this and why didn’t someone tell you?

    | August 10, 2010 @ 3:03 am

    • Erica said,

      I had my shirt on right but ….my nursing bra was unhooked and pulled down over one boob. Nursed the baby before going in to a store. Pulled my shirt down but forgot to fix the bra!!!

      | August 15, 2010 @ 3:03 am

  10. Dana said,

    You’re definitely a Mom if you have to cross your legs before you sneeze.
    Dana´s last blog post ..BlogHer 10- Thats a wrap

    | August 10, 2010 @ 3:15 am

    • Lauren said,

      hell yea….

      | August 10, 2010 @ 5:54 pm

  11. Anne Marie said,

    check, check and check! And I slept in til’ 8:30 this weekend. Good Lord! I thought I was the biggest slacker!;-)

    and today…you might be a mom if you own and use more snack bags than purses.
    Anne Marie´s last blog post ..Goals for the Week 32- Which Distance do I Do

    | August 10, 2010 @ 3:32 am

  12. Amy said,

    …you just caught your kid’s string-cheese puke in your hands in a (futile) attempt to save the carpet, and informed your child it’s a damn good thing I’m holding your puke in my hands, because if I wasn’t, I would use them to wring your neck. This, after a long talk on why we don’t shove Whole Pieces of Large Food in our mouth at once.

    And you’re right, anyone staying up past 11 p.m. has to be dealing crack.

    | August 10, 2010 @ 3:37 am

    • KateW said,

      That made me cry I laughed so hard! Every last one of these is so frighteningly true. My husband is staring at me like I’m crazy. Nothing new there.

      | August 11, 2010 @ 4:12 am

      • KBS said,

        I call that glee– when you giggle so hard you pee!

        | August 12, 2010 @ 9:48 am

  13. Jen said,

    First off, I love that picture like candy. Second, “special occasion flip flops”? Oh yeah. Mine have sequins. Third, I would say you might be a mom if you ever pulled a tampon out of your purse and made a Tampon Puppet to entertain your 4 year old during a particularity long wait at the doctor’s office.
    Jen´s last blog post ..This is why I will never go to Blogher

    | August 10, 2010 @ 5:26 am

  14. Brandy said,

    1. You’ve ever wished your name was mud because you’re so tired of hearing “momma, momma, MOMMA!” over and over.

    2. You’ve forgotten the last time you showered.

    3. You no longer know what it’s like to poop in private.

    4. You know all of the words to several cartoon theme songs but know none of the latest songs on the radio.

    5. You know that SpongeBob Squarepants “lives in a pineapple under the sea.”

    6. Brushing your teeth and hair are neglected more often than you’d like to admit.

    7. You and your kids don’t change out of your pajamas more than two days a week.

    8. You’ve ever counted the minutes until your husband arrives home from work.

    9. You’ve ever managed to eke out one more meal from the items you have on hand rather than go to the grocery store simply because the logistics of getting out of the house with two (or more) kids and spending hours at the store is too overwhelming to fathom.

    10. Picking someone else’s nose or using your shirt as a tissue doesn’t faze you at all.

    11. Carrying nasty tissues or half-eaten food in your pockets happens regularly.

    12. You’ve ever emptied the washer and/or dryer while holding a baby and talking on the phone.

    13. The last concert you attended was headlined by The Wiggles or The Fresh Beat Band.

    14. Your clothes have permanent spit-up and/or vomit stains on them, and you can with great accuracy determine when “I am going to throw up” is a ploy for attention or a serious, DEFCON 1 kind of a situation.

    15. You have ever given up the last cookie, bowl of ice cream or piece of candy because your child wanted it.

    16. You’ve ever slept upright in a recliner with a sick baby on your chest.

    17. You’ve ever had the urge to smack your husband because he’s able to sleep despite the baby wailing over the monitor.

    18. You know silence often means something is wrong.

    19. You’ve ever allowed the dog to serve as both a broom and mop.

    20. You realize your ability to love is bigger than you ever imagined it would be and you love your life in spite of all the things that regularly get on your nerves.
    Brandy´s last blog post ..Brand new first grader

    | August 10, 2010 @ 11:02 am

  15. Karen Cupcake said,

    Hahahaha! Dana & Brandy! perfect additions to the list! I see number 10 on brandys list at my portrait studio every single day! (and have seen that inside out shirt one a time or two also from another poster above! ) hahahahah!

    | August 10, 2010 @ 1:34 pm

  16. Morningglory said,

    You know your a Mom of twins if…

    Laying on the couch with your feet up feels like a vacation.

    If your entire furniture collection is far smaller than the amount of baby furniture.

    If it takes you almost 30 minutes just to get the babies in their car seats then loaded into the car. then sitting in the drivers seat sighing with exhaustion … maybe I should just stay home!

    If Bath time feels more like a sport.

    If smelling like baby diapers is your new perfume.
    Morningglory´s last blog post ..Christopher Hijacks the Video Camera!

    | August 10, 2010 @ 1:34 pm

  17. rebecca said,

    You might be a mom if you see the Airel Backpack on the floor next to the red purse and think, “It’s back to school and they at least look ready”

    After reading the ‘naked traffic jam’ you think to yourself……Oh yeah, the kids are naked.

    Drinking four cups of coffee before 7am seems normal.

    You pray that there is NEVER another snow day again. EVER.
    rebecca´s last blog post ..Everything is Squeaky

    | August 10, 2010 @ 2:43 pm

  18. Kir said,

    you and Brandy rock..those lists were awesome :)
    I AM A MOM!!!!!
    Kir´s last blog post ..Perfect Moment Monday- The Ladies and NYC

    | August 10, 2010 @ 4:08 pm

  19. Jerseygirl89 said,

    Yep, every last damn one of them.
    Jerseygirl89´s last blog post ..She Started It

    | August 10, 2010 @ 5:50 pm

  20. Emily said,

    you know you’re a mom if:

    you read blogs.

    you hear a baby crying in the grocerystore and you instictively start patting the cart and bouncing.

    you have cheerios in the Louis Vuitton.

    | August 10, 2010 @ 6:29 pm

  21. Kelly said,

    Did you know that there is a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser MOP? I saw that thing at Target the other day, and nearly passed out I was so excited. It’s the small things in life.
    Kelly´s last blog post ..Free Dollars for School are Goooood!

    | August 10, 2010 @ 7:14 pm

  22. Aunt Becky said,

    They still make banana clips?

    | August 10, 2010 @ 9:48 pm

  23. Wendi said,

    Your front porch falls down and 3 dogs get killed!

    Wait…

    | August 10, 2010 @ 10:15 pm

    • ellbell said,

      I think that makes you a redneck.

      | August 12, 2010 @ 8:51 pm

  24. Backpacking Dad said,

    I would definitely eat some god damned celery if you killed the Wonder Pets.
    Backpacking Dad´s last blog post ..HomeHer10 in Videos

    | August 11, 2010 @ 2:03 am

  25. Maryann said,

    OMG, I love all of you. Reading these comments make me feel like I am not the bad mother I think I am all the time.
    – I wipe noses with socks
    – listen to the Wiggles by myself (by accident, of course)
    – call my son by my cat’s name (and vice versa)
    – get so tired of hearing my name and being pulled on and having my clothes tugged over and over and over
    – think a trip to the grocery store by myself sounds like heaven
    – let my son chew gum instead of brushing his teeth in the morning when we’re late…

    you are my people.

    | August 11, 2010 @ 9:29 pm

  26. KBS said,

    I am the worst at getting home after a whole day of errands and realizing I have been not only listening to, but SINGING Hannah Montana songs all day BY MYSELF when one of my worst complaints is I never get alone time in the car to just listen to the radio or heaven forbid my own cd choice….

    | August 12, 2010 @ 9:55 am

  27. Kendra said,

    One of my rare excuses to get out of the house by myself is a trip to the liquor store (I mean, they have suckers there, but that doesn’t mean I actually have to take them with me). And the other day, after a particularly long, hot, crabby-child-filled day, I ran out and left my kids with my husband for a minute–and found myself bouncing a 12-pack of beer while waiting in line! Another minute and I would have been humming to it.

    | August 12, 2010 @ 5:41 pm

  28. Momwith3boys said,

    You might be a Mom of boys ~ if for fun they run around the house with your underwear on their head or wearing your bras. Also, taking apart your tampons and putting them in water to see what happens….
    I’ve said it once, I’ll say it again..
    You are freakin’ hysterical!
    Momwith3boys´s last blog post ..Aha Moment

    | August 13, 2010 @ 1:52 pm

  29. Issa said,

    Yes too all of the above.

    Also: You find yourself singing the words to a Miley song on the radio, when their are no children in the car.

    You realize (only after your seatmate laughs) after 35 minutes on a plane, that the TV is on Disney and you are watching it. One a trip with no children.

    You have a baggie of Cheerios, Cheetos, Cinnamon Bear Crackers (actual word for this is escaping me) in your purse at all times.

    You say to your roomates at a conference, does anyone need to pee before we leave. (Luckily they were both mother’s too.)

    You drop a pen in a meeting at work and say uh-oh out loud.

    I will stop now.
    Issa´s last blog post ..This much I know

    | August 13, 2010 @ 10:34 pm

  30. Mommy on the Spot said,

    True dat! Especailly people who stay out “late” must be doing cocain, right? No other explanation.
    Mommy on the Spot´s last blog post ..BlogHer Part 1- Mouthy Housewives Happy Hour

    | August 14, 2010 @ 1:22 am

  31. the cottage child said,

    If you’ve ever made a cheesecake crust out of teddy grahams
    and/or
    You’ve adopted a hello kitty backpack as your own purse so your kid will carry it for you

    | August 14, 2010 @ 2:26 pm

  32. Stephanie said,

    Great list. Hilarious and true!

    | August 15, 2010 @ 5:40 am

  33. Jenny said,

    Actually I’m up till almost 3am every night 😀 Ever since I moved in with my husband. He hates it but I get a lot done online in that time xD
    Jenny´s last blog post ..Something blue

    | August 16, 2010 @ 7:08 pm

  34. Jennie said,

    …You are FINALLY alone in front of the TV with your laptop and it doesn’t even occur to you to change the channel from “The Fresh Beat Band” to something YOU would actually like to watch.

    This list is awesome! it made me laugh out loud!! Thanks :)
    Jennie´s last blog post ..Stream of Consciousness

    | August 20, 2010 @ 1:27 pm

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