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I’m Tempted to Unzip My Daughter’s Face

So my husband may possibly be pissed off at me because due to an extremely frazzled nerves situation I may have voiced out loud my suspicion that Sadie may be a robot with no real feelings who is trying to systematically wear me down and take over this household, switching everything over to her specifications. The kid doesn’t want to sleep, eat or enjoy life unless she is completely calling the shots. When things don’t go her way she either screams at the top of her lungs or even worse: she snuggles up, lays her head on my shoulder and says, “I love you, mama,” until I give in and then she promptly hops off my lap and does a victory dance not to return until there’s something else she wants. Jon believes that I am being unfair and letting my stress cloud my judgment and he’s maybe a teeny bit worried that I might start playing favorites toward the other two children who are not quite possibly trying to kill me. I have no idea where he gets that idea.

I gave Jon my reasons for suspecting her as a robot and he tried to say she’s just “willful.” Oh and then he also said that maybe Sadie is sort of like a cat -and I think he meant that in a good way even though we’re not cat people -I think he meant it in the way that people who are cat people describe their cats. Personally, I think Jon is naïve and will be the last to know when Sadie and the rest of her kind have taken over our planet leaving us as alien servants who must supply milk, juice, Happy Meal toys (NOT THE FOOD JUST THE TOY!), endless episodes of Dora and princess dresses whenever they demand. Jon is going to be like the guy who falls in love with the pretty alien on V until one day she rips her face off revealing her true terrifying identity and I won’t be able to save him because I’ll be dead already for daring to voice my suspicions! Jon will be horrified when he realizes that my “accident” was no accident and that he is the next victim. Holy shit! I just Wiki’d “V” and it describes the “visitors” as a technologically advanced alien species which ostensibly comes in peace, but actually has sinister motives. Sadie! You are so busted!

Listen, you may all think I’ve lost my mind and maybe I have but you’ll have to forgive me because I have had NO SLEEP, my sustenance is down to picking at a piece of El Pollo Loco chicken left over from yesterday afternoon and a corn tortilla. I don’t even like corn tortillas. I like flour tortillas. And I’m so overwrought I could seriously cry over this whole corn instead of flour tortilla fiasco. It’s that bad.

The twins are potty training and is it me or do babies get all crazy when they hit a new developmental milestone? Do they all lose interest in sleeping, eating and generally having a mellow moment? Because I know you’re not supposed to go backward (I long to stick them back in a pull-up –and they are actually doing really well at it –but me no likey the new personalities that are emerging. HELP. It’s times like these that I miss and romanticize Xanax like an old lover. Xanax, can we get back together? I didn’t mean all the nasty things I said about you on my blog.

Okay, I know that this phase will pass -it has to. I just hope I live to tell tales from the other side of it.

Posted by Stefanie Wilder Taylor on August 11, 2010 4:54 pmUncategorized18 comments  

18 Comments

  1. inannasstar said,

    Don’t run back to Xanax, he’s still too good to be true and will leave you hungover and spacey the next day!

    Kids are little vampires, sometimes I check my son’s mouth for sharp fangs.

    | August 11, 2010 @ 6:17 pm

  2. C&Cs MOM said,

    I have been following your blog for about 2 years now since the birth of my second daughter which, turned my whole world up-side-down. You’re perception, no matter how crazy it may seem, is just what everyone else is thinking, but not willing to say! I have missed your posts about motherhood trials ~ thanks for coming back to them!

    | August 11, 2010 @ 6:35 pm

  3. denise thomas said,

    Oh girlfriend. These are the days that try mother’s souls, and keep our therapists in business. I have no easy solution, other than I have noticed that just when you think you cannot take one more second of your child’s crap, they somehow turn it around. So it sounds like she’s just about to do that! Hang in there. God, that’s such a useless saying…..

    | August 11, 2010 @ 7:02 pm

  4. Kelly said,

    Babies turn into psycho’s whenever there is a milestone. It’s worse then PMS, because it lasts for months, or until they have mastered that particular “milestone.”

    I think the potty training one, is one of the hardest. They want to be big, but they still kind of want to be babies. Don’t unzip Sadie’s face just yet…maybe she’s only half alien.
    Kelly´s last blog post ..Free Dollars for School are Goooood!

    | August 11, 2010 @ 7:39 pm

  5. robin said,

    potty training twins?? You are allowed a little crazy.
    robin´s last blog post ..birthday weekend Yes- I drew it out for 3 days- so what

    | August 11, 2010 @ 9:27 pm

  6. Vicki said,

    I remember those days..my boy/girl twins are now 13 and its a whole new ballgame…now I wish they were babies again….My girl was exactly as you have described..hang in there.

    | August 12, 2010 @ 1:09 am

  7. Amanda said,

    the easy times are around their birthdays….between them is a whole roller coaster. The worst is at the halfway point. So….if you’re over halfway to 3 then it will continue to get easier until 4. Then you will be working up to the crazy of 4.5. ugh. who am I kidding every day is just survival. plain old survival. keep on keepin’ on.
    Amanda´s last blog post ..whoa

    | August 12, 2010 @ 1:16 am

  8. Beth said,

    I think Sadie contacted my Adam to join her robot club!!!

    Thank you for sharing how it REALLY IS a lot of times with 2 & 3 year olds! I’m glad I’m not alone in this… you know what I mean. =)

    Also, thanks so much for your post about Gisele/breastfeeding on your other blog… I was unable to breastfeed and Adam has also never had an ear infection, is bright, etc.

    I adore your posts! They always make me smile!

    | August 12, 2010 @ 5:09 am

  9. Mommy, Esq. said,

    Re: Sleeping – my kids stopped napping and I discovered a fix. Put them in tents in their cribs. We use those peapod tents. And I zip them in. They can’t really see eachother anymore (score). I even zip at bedtime but unzip during the night so they don’t freak out in AM. They work awesomely. We are also embarking on potty training but I am doing Penny first – the benefits of a boy/girl twin split. May the Force be with you.

    | August 12, 2010 @ 1:00 pm

  10. Kir said,

    you know I plan to take Xanax until my twins are 5..I don’t take it every day, but whoa the days I need it…it is a lovah!!!!

    I know of what you speak pretty lady, my kids have been inhabited by some whiny horrible life form that refuses nutricious dinners and instead opts for M&Ms and yogurt (the adult kind not the Dora kind) …..
    they also cry about “what Mickey Mouse” is on their diaper, what color their onsies are…and various other things I tend to ignore.

    You are NOT alone, but I do empathize….and I have some Xanax if you want it…;) (JK!!!!!!)
    Kir´s last blog post ..Embrace Your Body Week 2010

    | August 12, 2010 @ 4:11 pm

  11. Christina said,

    Must be going around today. Mine are freaking me out too.
    Off to pop a Xanax…..
    Christina´s last blog post ..Decisions- decisions!!!!

    | August 12, 2010 @ 9:45 pm

  12. Marinka said,

    hang in there! This phase lasts 11 months, tops!

    | August 12, 2010 @ 9:52 pm

  13. Uncle Mookie said,

    By posting this blog, you’ve drawn attention to yourself. I won’t be able to save you now. We come in peace.

    | August 13, 2010 @ 8:40 pm

  14. Kendra said,

    My 2-year-old daughter is much like your controlling little robot. And she also has the ability to use either the screaming and yelling, or the snuggling cuteness, whichever will work in this particular situation.

    Now I kinda want to go watch V. Maybe just to see what I’m in for. Good luck!

    | August 14, 2010 @ 4:53 pm

  15. seekingclarav said,

    Oh God. I hear you on the Xanax. Is it bad that I am looking forward to the Vicodin that will surely follow my scheduled C section? Am I even allowed to have vicodin?

    Anyway, I can’t even say the word potty without Madelyn freaking out and running into the other room. So if you’ve made any progress at all in that wretched dept. then I say hang in there.

    Toddlerhood, however entertaining, sucks. That’s pretty much it.
    seekingclarav´s last blog post ..Let’s hope I don’t jinx it with this braggy post

    | August 16, 2010 @ 4:45 am

  16. laurie said,

    The twins are potty training and is it me or do babies get all crazy when they hit a new developmental milestone?

    YES.

    Do they all lose interest in sleeping, eating and generally having a mellow moment?

    YES.

    BE CONSISTENT. (It’s the only comfort you can offer. Imagine what they are going through right now! All these new experiences, bleh.)

    :-)

    <3

    | August 16, 2010 @ 11:26 pm

  17. Sarah said,

    LOL!

    Just…

    Lol.

    You definitely haven’t lost your sense of humor.

    | August 18, 2010 @ 1:58 am

  18. ChicDC202 said,

    OMG! I just found your blog and could possibly be obssessed now! This is hilarious! And unfortunatley sooo true.
    ChicDC202´s last blog post ..Pepco Robbed Me

    | August 21, 2010 @ 6:16 pm

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