My twins are driving me insane. Does anyone out there have twins? Does anyone know someone who has twins? Are those twins two-year-olds? Are those twins crazy? If yes, do you want to be friends? And if you know some twins that are angelic, do you have any tips or medications I could have?
My girls are seriously high maintenance lunatics and I’m not exaggerating when I say that almost every single day is a challenge that makes me question why I decided having kids was a step in the right direction in life. One minute they’re sweet, easy going and funny but thirty seconds later they can turn into feral cats, scratching and pawing and shrieking FOR NO APPARENT REASON. With some kids you can pinpoint the reason for a tantrum; they don’t want “those shoes” or “I don’t like yellow cheese!” But with my girls, it could be those types of reasons or no reason at all. They just kind of feel like having a scream. Which leads me to feeling like setting my hair on fire just for the distraction.
I am unsure what the problem is besides maybe the whole THEY’RE TWO area of the situation. Elby was never a huge problem at this age. I was overwhelmed and stressed and complained constantly when she was little –which was up about 20% from my normal pre-baby level of whining –but the issue was more me than Elby. In retrospect, Elby was so good natured it’s a waste that I didn’t appreciate how good I had it. Elby got her “big girl bed” at about this time which was perfect. She helped pick it out at IKEA, got super excited watching us set it up and then fell asleep in it like a little angel the very first night. From then on, she stayed put as if there were an invisible fence surrounding her bed. In fact, sometimes it was frustrating because if she needed us, she’d just call loudly, “Mommy! Daddy!” and we’d be thinking, why doesn’t she just get up?
The twins are nowhere near getting out of their cribs -not by a long shot. They can’t be trusted.
I get tense around an hour before they go down just knowing how ballistic they will go once stories are read, milk is consumed, music is picked and put on and the lights go down. If they weren’t stuck in their little wooden jails they would never in a zillion years stay in bed. But seriously, how long can we keep them there? It’s going to be weird soon. My pediatrician said that based on how they’re acting it will be six-months at least until they should have beds. UUUUGH.
Matilda is now having “fits.” She just gets in these moods where nothing and I mean nothing makes her happy. She cries, whines, throws herself on the floor and pouts and there doesn’t seem to be any calming her. I even bought these “calming” pills by Hylands (you know the company that make the fake teething pills that don’t work?) because I was desperate. I don’t care if the damn things are based on voo doo magic, I don’t care if they are actually Benadryl mixed with puppy tranquilizers and they are just marketed as homeopathic, I want some peace and quiet.
Elby didn’t go through the terrible two’s. She didn’t go through the “fucking threes” as I’ve heard them called either. Do you guys think that if my twins are in the terrible twos that we will be spared the fucking threes or are we screwed?
It’s not like I don’t know plenty about parenting. I know to try and wear them out in the morning so they’ll nap which they only actually do about half the time. The other half the time they shriek like chimps in their crib for an hour systematically throwing everything out of their cribs until there is nothing left but their clothes which they then remove (including diapers) and toss. I’m surprised that they haven’t started stripping the crib of sheets at this point. When I walk into their rooms after their so-called naptime, it looks like a twister tore through the place.
I also make sure that there is some semblance of routine in their lives so that they know what to expect. It’s not like every day is so different that it’s throwing them off their game. Sure, sometimes we go to CVS instead of Target. Sometimes we play in the backyard on the Slip N’ Slide instead of hitting the park. But things are consistent in their lives. The bedtime routine is on lock, the same person helps me watch them during day. It’s not like one day Liz is their nanny and the next day Dennis Rodman is on baby patrol. I can’t make life anymore stable for these freaks. What do I have to do?
And, ahem, don’t even get me started on the nightmare that is (isn’t) potty training.
Dear Aunt Becky,
I think I love you.
My girls won’t be ready for big-girl beds until they are 16 or grow normal personalities, which ever comes first. Do your girls get out of the cribs? MIne have a party every afternoon at naptime. They rip clothes out of their closet, empty the drawers and generally go ballistic. When I go in to tell them to get back in they inform me they can’t because they are going to the airport. WTF?
Plus, if this makes you feel any better: potty training might be years off, they still drink milk out of a bottle and I can’t even send them to pre-school this year because they go nutty if I leave the room. I once had to take out a restraining order on a guy and my girls make him look mentally balanced in retrospect.
Lulu´s last blog post ..Take a Picture of the FING Paw!
Momnivore's Dilemma said,
I’m right there with ya, sister.
I don’t have twins, well Irish twins. Moose is 2, Monkey’s 1. Moose jailbroke from his cell shortly before his 2nd birthday.
The first night of the introduction to toddler bed hell, he slept face first on the hardwood floor.
Your description of the girls in their so-called naptime…just broke me to tears laughing…Perhaps, duct tape the diapers?
I gave up on the supernanny routine long ago, but naptime is my sacred time. I don’t give a shit if they’re swinging from the ceiling fan.
I have twins who just turned 3 in July, so yeah I’ve been there. This post had me in tears laughing. Twins are a different breed, let me tell you!
Ok, so I have twins too. They’re one month shy of 4 and literally *just* moved out of their cribs three, maybe four, weeks ago. We kept them contained for our sanity and their safety.
They’re bat shit insane.
I also have a 6-year-old and a 23-month-old AND, because of reading your blog, among other things, was convinced recently to finally stop drinking. So, no, I have absolutely no advice on how to control the chaos.
I can empathize, though, oh, I can empathize the hell out of your situation.
Dana´s last blog post ..On the side of love
Robin O'Bryant said,
First of all, until the pediatrician is putting your kids to bed at night…EFF him. And second of all, they make pull-ups in a 4T for a reason, there is MORE than one person still buying them.
Are the twins in the same room?
And PS, I bought a crib tent for my 2nd child when she was 18months old and she slept in it til she was over 2. I’d rather zip her in a cage than worry about her walking out the front door while I’m asleep!
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Two words for you: Crib Tents.
My twins were crib climbers and slept zipped up nice and secure in their tents until they were 3 1/2. Total sanity saver.
God you so make me feel not alone, about everything. No twins, but crazy young kids indeed. Thanks Stephanie. I have an almost 4 year old..still in crib, diapers, wicked temper, delightful and brilliant beyond belief. It is what it is. Fiona
I have 3 year old twin girls and a 5 year old girl. I so know what you are going through w the tantrums. It drives my husband nuts they can be down right throwing the biggest fit and on a turn of a dime can be sweetly singing… We have been so lucky with the sleep thing. The twinks have been in big girl beds since they were 1 1/2 (with in a week of eachother they figured out how to climb out and I didnt want to spent $180 on two crib tents!) Just in the past week they have figured out how that they can get out of bed and open the door to wander. We end up threatening that we’ll take away their favorite stuffed animal…they run and jump back into bed! Having twins is a whole different ballgame! Just try and enjoy like one lady above said they do grow fast!
We did resort to duct taping my oldest son’s diaper overnight when he was two – one too many times we went into his room in the morning in time to see a huge arcing stream of urine shooting across the hardwood floors. And you don’t want to hear about the time he stripped down and smeared the entire crib with poo while we were sleeping. He was also a climber and we had locks a foot below the tops of the exterior doors – in the hopes that we’d discover he was up before he was able to climb up and let himself out. Once he moved to a big boy bed we’d find him sound asleep in odd corners of his room but never in his bed. Yes we had another child after that, yes my hair is pretty much pure white underneath the color of the month and yes, the boys are grown and I remember those being good times. But while living through them I was mighty tired!
Re: the clothes removal, we put our daughter in a footed sleeper and then used one of those big diaper safety pins to pin the zipper closed. She still removes her clothes any chance she gets, but when she has that safety pin nothing goes anywhere.
Oh my! Sympathies to you. They sound freaking hilarious. Many of the qualities that are quite desirable in grown ups, the independecem curiosity and stubborness and quite horrid in small children. I’d say you’d be unlucky to get the terrible twos and the fucking threes (love that. We so had that).Here’s hoping!
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Not sure if it is pregnancy hormones here but I just laughed through your whole post and most of the comments. I think it’s just a relief to find that other people are going freaking nuts with their toddlers too.
Personally I’ve decided I’m sending my dear Madelyn to college with a note. Several of them. That should take care of the need to wean from the bottle (of toddler formula!), potty training and bed/sleep re-training.
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My twins are 3 months shy of being 2…they’re way ahead of themselves with attitudes though since they have their 4 year old sister and 3 year old brother to “look up to”!
They’re in a big girl bed. It’s a nightmare.
Much luck. No real advice…except you’re not alone.
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I feel your pain. Here is our daily life with 2 year old triplets (two boys, one girl). Get the boys out of bed, strip the beds because even though we duct tape their diapers because they won’t keep them on, they STILL pull their wankers out the sides and pee everywhere. If there is poop, that is sometimes schmeared on the sheets decoratively, and we deal with them pointing excitedly to it and saying “THAT! THAT! THAT!”
Take them downstairs, clean everyone up, fresh diaper, more duct tape, chocolate milk, breakfast.
Play play play, eat lunch, bedtime, get up, possibly change bedding again, do 5th load of laundry, play play play, try to steal time on the computer while they play, watch my 897th episode of Yo Gabba Gabba, make dinner, clean up, wait for daddy to get home, go upstairs, brush teeth, put them on the potty to see if they’ll do something, ANYTHING, zip the boys in their crib tents, CLIP them in their crib tents because they know how to unzip and climb out, put Scarlett in her bed, listen to the boys scream for anywhere from 5 to 25 minutes while Scarlett goes off to sleep like an angel baby, have a glass of wine, and fall asleep watching It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia.
Next day? Start all over again.
merciblahblah´s last blog post ..Forgive Me
yes, my dear friend, your gorgeous girls are in chohoots with my sons. I got to work (actually I skip to work) to get a break, to take stock of my sanity, to breath deeply. LOL
I also don’t think that 3 is going to be any better. Our sons have been in toddler beds since they were 14 months old..and it’s a nightmare…they come into the bed EVERY SINGLE F”ING night and they won’t leave, no amount of conjoling , bribing or giving them motrin works.
also they have the temper stuff just like yours do, there are days where NOTHING makes them happy…Nothing , Nothing , Nothing. I like my zoloft (and sometimes a very very well deserved xanax)
I am just hoping to get to 4. Seriously.
(oh and potty training , even with them in Daycare ..is still a nightmare) Whee.
I can totally empathize …Ummmph
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I have twins who just turned two and a just-turned 4 year old as well. Let’s put it this way – Friday is supposed to be a vacation day from work. I will still come into work, rather than spend a 3 day weekend with my hellions, as they have been renamed after the antics of last weekend.
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I only have one but I am raising him as a single parent. I can totally relate to crazy toddlerhood!
I do have to tell you that as crazy as it sounds, I did the “3 Day Potty Training Method” and it worked! I thought I might kill him in the process, but after a long weekend at home, we said goodbye to pullups.
hey, i have twins. Kicked the dad out when they were 6 weeks old as at the time he was the biggest nutcase in the house. They just turned 10, i have done all by myself since he left. I paid him to go i wanted him out so bad. I went to a multiple birth specialist right after they were born and she gave me the axioms of twins. I followed them to the letter, and lived to tell the tale. Kids are still alive too ;). You can email me if you want to know what the multiple birth specialist told me. I dont want to bore everyone here. good luck!
Remain neutral. The twins must be getting something out of it. When you walk into their room do not react in anyway. Take them out of their cribs-don’t even speak to them. Don’t show any emotion, dress them- have them help. They need to pick up their own mess. Use as little language as possible- and no eye contact. If you have to guide their little hands to pick up a toy and carry it to the shelf or box where it belongs do that. They are not going to like this!!! Don’t not show frustration -have your day help do the same thing with the other twin. Once the task is complete do not praise them for completing the task.
Remove them from the area and immediately begin an activity that they can be rewarded for. Such as a very simple request-can you hand me the book. When they do the task make a big deal about it. Go overboard with rewards whenever they engage in appro. behavior and remain neutral when they do not: such as tantrums.
Does one need to have had a lobotomy to employ this method?
Lulu´s last blog post ..Take a Picture of the FING Paw!
A little late but wanted to jump in. My 2 1/2 year old is INSANE too. I had totally forgotten the “no”, “do it myself”.
And although those are enough to make you psycho I’ve also added that damn Nina from Sprout. Nina’s okay sometimes but hour.after.hour during that good night show will drive you drink.Except I can’t because I elected to drink my entire life’s amount of alcohol in my early – mid 40’s.
Find us a new vice – please?
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Stef – I have a friend who has not one, but TWO sets of twins. And she’s sane, sober and has no noticeable twitches. Seriously. Let me know if you want me to put you in touch. Not sure if it’s your thing, but I know she also got a lot of support from a twin’s group she is/was active in (her kids are 5 & 7 now).
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Too funny! Unfortunately I have no advice because I’m CFC but just hang in there!
This too shall pass… this too shall pass…
I have twin girls. Two years, 5 months (and one is named Sadie). I also have a 5 year old daughter. No advice for you, just wondering if your twins fight constantly? The fighing. The shrieking. Never stops. My five year old joins right in too and has become incredibly bossy with the little girls and all of her friends. Good times.
You literally just typed word for word my life!! Freaks, wanting peace and quiet, cribs, naptime, potty training….the whole enchilada! I have 2.5 your old B/G twins and I swear everyday I’m wondering “ummm… excuse me how do I get off this roller coster?” I have a 14 yr old daughter and of course she was a angel, I can’t even remember a tantrum! There better not be any “Fucking three’s” or I just might go run naked through a rose garden although that might be less painful!
Anne Marie said,
I do have twins, and my daughter has the shirt your lil’ one is wearing in the top picture.
but don’t have any advice…other than, i try to tell myself in the moments they’re driving me crazy, that someday soon I’ll be driving them crazy and they’ll want nothing to do with me. 😉
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C&Cs MOM said,
I hear you on not knowing how good you had it with the first daughter…my second has been high maintenance, moody, cranky, clung to me since day 1. My first was in a toddler bed at 18 months no problem, potty trained @2 because SHE wanted to. I am keeping younger daughter in her crib until she can’t fit in it any longer otherwise I am sure she will be creeping into our room 10x a night! I am sure she will be in diapers forever too…I can’t imagine having two of her!
Are you sure you don’t want to reconsider a glass of wine? LOL. My son is now five and is our very high maintenance child. I don’t know what I would do if there were two of him 😉 This too shall pass. The good news is it took 5 years, but when he goes to bed now, he is out cold all night long. He wakes up when the sun comes in at 5:45 AM and crashes hard at 9 PM. He use to scream in his crib for 45 minutes before going to bed. At two, we did get him a toddler bed because he was climbing out at 18 months. But, he ended up sleeping in my bed for 2 years until he got a twin bed. The girls will def. let you know when the time is right.
Stella´s last blog post ..Are You There God- Its Me Stella
Oh man!! I love this post and the letters
My B/G twins are turning 9 on Sat. I sooo remember those days…and its DIFFERENT now. Better is relative. My little girl tantrumed insanely between 2 and 3. I thought that I would loose it. I will say for the kids who get up during naptime or night time,strip the room as much as possible, or secure the stuff, drawer locks etc. Then use two stacked pressure gates. My girl did eventually figure out how to climb to the top, and kick the bottom of the top gate loose, sliding into the hall like a commando, but it took a while. Otherwise they showed up everywhere at all hours..so not good.
I have twins, they are 10 and I guess the fighting never, ever stops. I remember having to separate them at naptime and it really worked. As for the fits, I had them go to their room and come out when you are done screaming, it worked. Of course all this could be parenting amnesia, I mean this was 8 years ago so who knows. Good Luck!!!!
I had two boys first and the oldest one was a bit of a challenge at this age for sure! But now I have a girl (10 months) and after reading this and some of the comments, well… I’m a little scared.
I would imagine having twins, they feed off of each other somewhat, right? Separating them at nap time might be a good idea.
I honestly bow down to anyone with multiples. Seriously, you deserve Sainthood.
I feel your pain. My boys did the same thing, but they are 14months apart. So I not only had the terrible two’s, but the fucking three’s at the same time. My suggestion is to get them big girl beds. Remove EVERYTHING from their room that they can hurt themselves with and then invest in the door knob covers. If they can figure them out, spray Pam on the connectors on the inside of the cover. (I know this works because I did it…just don’t shut the door when you are INSIDE their room). When they start having their “fits” put them in their room and shut the door. If you give the fit attention, they will do it more. My drama king was fueled by ANY attention he got during his fits. Even looking at him would fuel it more. Ignore and remove them from getting any attention.
I have 7 year old identical twin girls. It gets better in some ways, worse in others. we have so much drama I want to kill myself daily. But since about 4 they play together, which usually goes well. One thing I wanted to say about potty training: DON’T DO IT. I waited and my daughters each one day said, “I’m not wearing this diaper anymore” and thats it she was done (at her 3rd birthday). Other twin did it a few months later.
oh and please keep them in the crib AS LONG AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE
I feel your pain, Stephanie. I have fraternal twin boys – just turned 8 – and they are trying to kill me too. I’m told it’s normal (not they are trying to kill us, but the thick as thieves one minute and at each others throats the next! Apparently it’s hard, being a twin. It’s hard to establish one’s OWN identity. Mine just recently (a month ago) decided they no longer want to share a room. So, I separated them, called their bluff so to speak. And they are HAPPIER by God!
Course, your twins are also 2 … and well, no matter what, 2s and 3s are hard years! So, hang in there girl!
I too have twin daughters that are 2 years and 9 months old. GOD HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
They fight all day long, one is aggressive, the other is a cry baby.. you get the picture.
They have been climbing out of their cribs since they were about 2 yrs & 2months old… yet i still have them in there.
Oh, you know what I woke up to yesterday morning? the girls managed to find a bottle of nail polish on a VERY HIGH SHELF and started PAINTING MY LEATHER COUCHES AND WOODEN DINING ROOM TABLE…. OH MY GOD I almost killed them.
I am not built for this stage… dude, I scream like a fucking banshee…
OMG !! I fell your pain. I alternate between crying my eyes out and losing it every other minute..
We finally put a lock on the outside of their door at bedtime. They are 26 month old g/g twins.
Somedays are so much worse than others, I feel so alone, and overwhelmed.
I do have 10 year old g/g twins also, who are a lifesaver when they are home, but than I have the guilts that they are helping me so much.
I do understand when people say someday you will miss this stage. BUT live my life for 1 stinking day and than talk to me…
I have b/g twins that will be 3 next month. It wasn’t so long ago that we were taping their diapers on because they would take them off every chance they got! They are finally potty trained, except they do wear Pull-Ups at nap time and bed time, just incase. On their second birthday we transitioned them into toddler beds, and lucky for us it has worked well. We just put a door knob cover on the inside of their door so that they can’t get out of their room. I think they really liked the independence it gave them. We ended up having to put locks on the closet doors and their dresser drawers because we would go in their room and they would have almost every piece of clothing on the floor. Our days are crazy. They fight constantly, verbally and physically. My son has changed a lot in the past year, he is like a different person. I’ll ask him to do something and he will just ignore me. When I ask him if he hears me talking to him, he replies “no”. My daughter has her moments, but for the most part she is pretty laid back. The two of them work as a team to destroy the house daily. They want to play with everything except for their toys. Time outs don’t work, spanking doesn’t work either (it just makes me feel guilty) and I feel like I am losing my mind most of the time. I often think that maybe I am not cut out for this. It does feel better to know that I am not alone though. I can only hope that the 3’s will be better, but from the comments I have read it looks like I am screwed…lol!
Mommy on the Spot said,
“Set my hair on fire for distraction” – oh yes, this says it all. My 1st was so easy (too bad there were some physical delays that robbed me from enjoying her at that age). The 2nd one, he’s a bit more “typical.” Because he doesn’t have the words, “Give me that fucking toy” he just hits. Sigh.
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So funny! My b/g twins turn 17 next week and, I don’t want to scare anybody, but twins driving takes the nutty to a whole new level. The good news is that one will usually give up the goods on the other if they’ve done something stooooid…unless they both did it. I think moms of multiples should get a serious discount on hair coloring.
I have a 2 1/2 year old daughter who is a wild animal (and I am expecting twin boys in two months, so I am bracing myself for your world!). The only things that work for me are:
CRIB TENT. My daughter pokes holes in it and can unzip it, so we tie a ribbon thru the zipper onto the crib. It’s the only way she will settle down to sleep… otherwise she’d run herself into the ground being so tired yet would never surrender on her own for sleep. So stubborn.
PJ’s ON BACKWARDS. The zippered ones are your best friend. Cut the feet off them. For naps and bedtime we put Monster in jammies. That way the diaper stays on and she can calm down and sleep. Coupled with being locked in her crib, her room doesn’t get destroyed and she actually gets rest… and so do I.
I have 11 y/o b/g twins who took turns going through the F#$%ing threes. He is always about three months behind her. They weren’t as bad as yours sound but I have a few suggestions. When they would cry and scream I would tell them they could as long as they wanted but they had to do it in the cry corner. That was a Bobby pillow in the family room. They would go there and vent but then calm down. It was weird how it worked. We had mixed results with sleep. We broke my son at age one by putting him the basement in his pack and play and letting him cry all night. It only took one night. My daughter would go to bed but wake up every night and not go back to sleep. We tried everything except letting her sleep with us. Nothing worked but she finally stopped about 4. Sorry. On the bright side, they are sleeping well now and lovely. I am dreading the “teens.”