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The Oscars Can Suck It

Some of you may consider me a deeply flawed individual and some of you may think I’m just impossible to please but I will remain hopeful that someone out there is on my side on this one.

So the Oscars are quickly approaching and I could not be any less enthused considering I have either hated or not seen most of the offerings this year. Look, I know I’m not the Duggars and I don’t actually nineteen children but having twins and an older child puts me in a special catagory of people who CAN’T GO SEE A GODDAMN MOVIE. Can my husband and I go out to the occasional dinner? Yes, yes we can. But going to a movie requires a lot more planning, mental acuity, determination and time -oh and good parking karma. I get tired just thinking about going to a movie. But the main reason that I rarely ever brave the movies is because there is rarely ever something I feel I must see immediately. Most movies that I’m slightly interested in can wait until they make it to Netflix.

There are many factors that can turn me off to seeing a movie like costumes or lack of cars or Mel Gibson it’s a wonder I bother seeing anything at all. But I have seen a few.

Up In the Air –  I thought this would be excellent considering people have been salivating over it since its first screening. Sorry but it did not live up to the hype AT ALL. George Clooney played George Clooney which he does well but I could play George Clooney at this point. The main problem I had was with the twist that Vera Fofigliano (or whatever) was happily married with kids and was just “fooling around” with George Clooney. That was ridiculous. I have cheated on my husband eight or nine times and I have never gone to an intimate wedding with the the dude. So she’s cheating and she never checks her Blackberry incessantly or has to go somewhere quiet and make a call? If you’re going to have a twist that changes the course of the movie, you need to be able to look back and have it make sense -sort of like in The Sixth Sense.  Also, the other female lead was pretty horrendous. I felt like she was channeling a manic squirrel the whole time. It was distracting.

Avatar: I didn’t see this. Did I mention I don’t like costumes? Well that goes double for animated blue people. Other blue people I’ve never paid to see include The Blue Man Group and The Smurfs.

It’s Complicated: First off, I don’t appreciate Nora Ephron’s sense of humor which has remained steadfastly lodged in 1982. “But this wasn’t Nora Ephron,” you may be wanting to tell me. Nancy Myers, Nora Ephron, same difference. I did see this movie and just given the fact that Nancy Myers did that horrible movie with Mel Gibson where he can hear people’s thoughts I should have known enough to avoid it but we got it as a Director’s Guild screener so we gave it a shot. If you like story you aren’t going to enjoy this movie a whole lot. On the other hand, Alec Baldwin is in it and he’s rarely not funny these days. Sure most of his brothers are complete hot messes, but somehow Alec seems to have avoided their fate. I think the food in this movie had its own cinematographer and that got really old. You can only watch so much food porn before you get desensitized to it and need some sort of plot to keep you engaged.

The Lovely Bones – Okay, I’d rather have my eyelashes surgically removed with a spoon than watch a movie about a young girl who’s been murdered. Sure I’ll watch it all day long on Discovery ID. Give me Forensic Files or Dr. G: Medical Examiner or My Shocking Story but just don’t give me a movie that’s all about a teen-age murder victim and her grieving family. That’s not entertainment to me. So, although I also got that one in the mail, it remains unwatched on top of the TV. Let me know if you want to borrow it. Oh, by the way, I hated the book. Why it was a best seller would make a great episode of Unsolved Mysteries. They really outta bring that show back.

The Hurt Locker – I did see this one and I was unimpressed. Fuck I’m hard to please right? First off, it’s tough to see a movie where there are lots of explosions when your TV backs up to your two-year-old twins’ bedroom. But because we were committed to seeing this film, we overdosed the kids on Benedryl, ordered Chinese and sat back to take in the brilliance of Kathryn Bigelow. Not so much. Before you tell me that I just didn’t get it or that maybe I am a chick and can’t appreciate war movies, let me just tell you that I LOVED Hot Shot! Part Deux so you can’t tell me that I don’t know from great war flicks. The Hurt Locker did have one thing going for it – the star of the movie Jeremy something or other was in The It Factor in the early 90’s which was reality TV at its finest. A bunch of unknown actors let themselves be recorded going to auditions and facing rejection. Anyway, here’s the problem with the movie: it starts off at a high point of tension and action and has no where to build so the end is anticlimactic. I had a lot of notes on how it could have been a lot better but unfortunately I am not currently working as a studio executive. Having a fulltime job would require way more Benedryl than I could afford.

Julie and Julia – Just no. I didn’t see it and would never subject myself to it. I don’t like cooking nor do I want to watch other people do it.

The Blind Side – I wouldn’t be opposed to watching a movie like this but I wouldn’t run out to see it since there are probably fourteen Lifetime Movies that are very similar. If I just stayed home on a Sunday and watched The Lifetime Movie Network all day I’m sure to get the idea. Or at the very least 28 Days, that Sandra Bullock rehab movie would come on. On a side note (is that one or two words?) I did buy The Blind Side at an airport bookstore on my way to NY and never cracked it open but I was able to turn around and resell it from my Amazon account so I’m not quite as angry about it anymore.

Oh, I also saw Precious which I was dying to see. Just okay. The acting was excellent although Mariah Carey had all of four minutes of screentime and people are making a big deal about it. If she wins any kind of award I will lose my shit. It is a depressing movie but not quite as depressing as I thought it would be. What’s more depressing is how much money Oprah is making for producing it. But speaking of Precious…

 here is a picture of my daughter

Posted by Stefanie Wilder Taylor on February 2, 2010 10:54 pmUncategorized41 comments  

41 Comments

  1. Jen said,

    Okay, first off, your daughter is adorable! Cute pic and I love that our coffee tables are identical with foam bumpers on all sides.
    I said the exact same thing about Up in the Air! No way, no how would she have gone to a wedding to meet his family. Not believable and it wrecked the whole story for me.
    Oh well, at least George was fun to look at even though he played himself.

    | February 3, 2010 @ 1:31 am

  2. Mom24 said,

    I agree with most of your analysis, but…
    I loved It’s Complicated. Loved it. I think you have to be married forever and/or old to get it. I’m not old. :)

    I’m still trying to digest the “I have cheated on my husband eight or nine times”. Really? Point taken though about the Blackberry.
    .-= Mom24´s last blog ..Resolutions Revisited =-.

    | February 3, 2010 @ 1:52 am

  3. Robin O'Bryant said,

    Award shows in general can suck it. I couldn’t give two shits about cinematography or other such categories. Also, not really caring what designer gown anyone is wearing, seeing as how I’m still sitting on my couch in a pair of Old Navy yoga pants with snot from the knees down where my baby keeps rubbing up against me like a cat.

    The Hangover, now THERE is a movie that deserves an Oscar. I laughed until my face hurt. I say we make THAT a category.

    | February 3, 2010 @ 2:10 am

  4. Mommy, Esq. said,

    AARRGG! You should have said this was a SPOILER post. And here I was reading you to avoid the Lost spoilers on Facebook. I wanted to see Up In The Air and had no idea there was a “twist”.

    | February 3, 2010 @ 2:14 am

  5. Mommy, Esq. said,

    By the way – not really mad – after all, it’s been out for a million years. But I was one of those people who watched 6th Sense on DVD and didn’t know the ending.

    | February 3, 2010 @ 2:14 am

  6. Stefanie Wilder Taylor said,

    sorry. Hey everyone, there’s a spoiler on this post. Oh, wait, maybe I should put that in the post right?

    | February 3, 2010 @ 2:18 am

  7. kiki said,

    your daughter is precious. love the dress. she gets the “red carpet” best dressed award. how can you not love the smurfs? it was one of my fav cartoons growing up. wish i still had my small collection of characters and mushroom houses. i haven’t seen any of the movies nominated, but i make predicitions anyways. take care.

    | February 3, 2010 @ 3:12 am

  8. annemarie said,

    OMG, haven’t read your entire post yet, b/c I got caught up with the picture. She is TOO precious….and not the oscar contender ‘Precious’ type;-) oh wait, you just sorta wrote that…okay, going to read the rest of the post…
    .-= annemarie´s last blog ..Tik Tik, Tik Tik =-.

    | February 3, 2010 @ 3:35 am

  9. Jennie said,

    You forgot to mention that by the time you get a babysitter, going to a movie costs as much as a car payment.

    I’m glad I’m not the only one who has no desire to see Avatar, and It’s Complicated looks just like that horror-fest with Jack Nicholson and Kathy Bates from a few years ago. I did like the Meryl Streep as Julia Child parts of Julie & Julia – wish they had just made that movie and skipped the other part.
    .-= Jennie´s last blog ..…And it’s only Tuesday! =-.

    | February 3, 2010 @ 4:17 am

  10. Jenny said,

    Couldn’t agree with you more. I usually love the Oscars, but this year they aren’t getting any love from me.

    Don’t see Avatar, way too long, and its just Dances with Wolves with blue people. Can’t believe it won anything at the Golden Globes, though it does deserve some technical awards (it is visually stunning). I can’t figure out why this movie is making so much money.

    | February 3, 2010 @ 4:59 am

  11. Kir said,

    I love your daughter and her dress.

    I love movies, and I love being entertained. Shit..I live for my TV..seriously. I agree with everything you said, that awards are getting to PC and that stinks, since i was hoping that it was one place that we could stick it to the man. As I turn 40 this weekend, I wanted to see a movie ..thanks for making me realize that a nice dinner and shopping might be a better deal.

    I love this blog..seriously you keep me sane.

    | February 3, 2010 @ 2:06 pm

  12. Vanessa said,

    My daughter turned one last Sunday, and I have seen one movie in over a year! One! Someone should put THAT in all of those parenting books between the “getting knocked up” and the “being born” stuff.

    Couldn’t agree more about your thoughts – I don’t want to watch people cook, see an old divorced couple conoodle in bed or blue people flying around. So, maybe in theory this was a good year to sit out.

    However, George Clooney is George Clooney and there ain’t NO way that that can be a bad movie!!! I heart George!!! *siiiiigh*

    | February 3, 2010 @ 2:15 pm

  13. Rebecca said,

    What I don’t understand is how – in a year of sh*tty movies – they can nominate 10 (10!) movies for best picture.
    .-= Rebecca´s last blog ..The Long And Winding Road =-.

    | February 3, 2010 @ 2:17 pm

  14. Ellie said,

    I feel left out every year when the Oscar nominations come out (doesn’t take much for me to feel left out, huh?) because I’ve NEVER seen most of the movie on the list. I did see Julie & Julia and it wasn’t that great (although Meryl Streep was amazing, as always).

    Can you imagine being George Clooney and being paid millions to be George Clooney? Kind of like Julia Roberts, who usually just plays Julia Roberts. Sadly, I still go see most of his movies because… well… it’s George Clooney!

    LOVE that picture of your daughter – she is so beautiful!
    .-= Ellie´s last blog ..What It’s Like =-.

    | February 3, 2010 @ 3:17 pm

  15. Kelly said,

    Elby is so cute! Love that she’s striking a pose!

    I haven’t seen any of the movies at all. I have read The Blind Side, which was good, and I learned alot about football. I also read Push, which was the book that Precious was made from. That book, was a great read, and heartbreaking.

    How has Sadie’s weight been? You haven’t posted anything about that for a while. Hope she’s doing well, and catching up!

    | February 3, 2010 @ 3:54 pm

  16. Issa said,

    I saw and loved Blind Side and I liked It’s Complicated. It was funny, although I fully agree with you on the rest of it.

    Sadly, even before kids, I almost never saw the movies that come up for Oscars. Of course, I’ll re-watch Ocean’s 11 and Gone In 60 Seconds over and over again. My idea of a great movie, might be slightly skewed. Dogma anyone?
    .-= Issa´s last blog ..Things I don’t understand #2 =-.

    | February 3, 2010 @ 4:28 pm

  17. Dana said,

    I love how Alec Baldwin called his daughter “a thoughtless little pig” on a voice mail that was released to the world but not even that is enough to make him a hot mess like the rest of his brothers!

    What about the one married to the Wilson Phillips girl? Billy? He’s done nothing too bad, right?

    There are no words for the one who’s found god, though.

    | February 3, 2010 @ 5:02 pm

  18. Wendi said,

    Man, I love it when you’re feisty. Hey, new book idea: The Fiesty Filmgoer.

    And Nancy Meyers. Dear Lord. It’s like watching a 2 hour Chico’s commercial.

    | February 3, 2010 @ 5:27 pm

  19. Beth said,

    What a gorgeous child!!! She really DOES look like an actress! =)

    I agree with your movie thoughts… however, Julie & Julia and The Blind Side were great, feel-good (albeit somewhat cheezy) movies. I do recommend them, though… if you’re in the mood for a little cheese, that is!

    | February 3, 2010 @ 5:43 pm

  20. vanessa said,

    Look at you – with the protective corner covers on your coffee table! I’m glad someone else HATED Up In The Air. I really jumped through hoops to go see that one (alone) and left $30 lighter and depressed.

    What about Crazy Heart? Did you see it in the early 80’s when it was called Tender Mercies?

    | February 3, 2010 @ 6:01 pm

  21. Melissa said,

    Jeez, I haven’t even HEARD of many of these, let alone had to decide if I wanted to see them.

    Also, I was kind of curious about the arm in the picture above. Just trying to figure out if that’s a tan jacket over a white shirt and if the color is bleeding into the white….or is it mud all over the white clothes….and whose arm that is…

    | February 3, 2010 @ 6:58 pm

  22. Lisa said,

    As someone who rarely gets to see movies yourself, I can’t believe you’d ruin a popular movie like that by giving it away. I’ve seen it, and loved it, and yes, it would be pointless to watch it knowing what you spilled. Yes, you should edit your post at the beginning to tell people to stop reading.

    Seriously, of all the people who read your blog, you don’t think there are a few who moved heaven & earth to arrange a stupid date night and now they have to go see “Avatar”?

    | February 3, 2010 @ 7:14 pm

  23. annie_a said,

    OK, so what movies do you like?

    | February 3, 2010 @ 7:28 pm

  24. Spoiler Alert said,

    Must you spoil a major piece of Up In The Air for your readers who may be waiting for the DVD. WTF (and I don’t use this term lightly). !?

    Oh well… I’m sure none of your readers wait for the DVD.

    FWIW, I loved the film, and if I were waiting for the DVD right now, I’d be pissed that there was no spoiler alert.

    | February 3, 2010 @ 8:38 pm

  25. rebecca said,

    Is that one of your dresses your daughter is wearing? It is completely and totally adorable and your daughter is precious!!

    I haven’t seen any movies since I stopped working at a movie theater….that was about 10 years ago……enter baby #1 about 5 years ago and baby #2 about 3 years ago, and I barely get to watch television or listen to one song on the radio…..I have no idea what’s going on.

    The only thing I can say is that Up In The Air makes me feel cool because it was filmed about 5 miles from where I was living at the time. I’m easy, what can I say!
    .-= rebecca´s last blog ..The Sunny Sun =-.

    | February 3, 2010 @ 9:20 pm

  26. Linda :) said,

    I saw Up in the Air and was extremely disappointed. If it wasn’t for the fact that I got to watch George Clooney for 2 hrs I would have been even more upset. I thought I was going to see a fun romantic comedy and came out feeling like I got hit by a brick.

    I knew what I was getting into when I saw Precious. That was a very good movie.

    Sorry people are upset with you about the spoiler stuff. They’ll get over it.

    | February 3, 2010 @ 9:22 pm

  27. Mommy on the Spot said,

    I didn’t see any of those movies except one. The one I swore I would never see. But I did, and *deep breath* loved it. Yes, the one with the blue people: Avatar. Damn you, James Cameron, you win this time!
    .-= Mommy on the Spot´s last blog ..Future Master of the Universe =-.

    | February 3, 2010 @ 11:30 pm

  28. Leah said,

    This cracked me up, because I can barely drag myself to the movies anymore. When you have kids, the one night you go out with your spouse, it’s nice to have a conversation. I grew up going every Friday night with my filmmaker father, and loved movies more than life. Something changed after I had children, and I dread most movies, except for the raisinets and popcorn. Now I realize that maybe it’s because there are so many bad ones out there. So what movies did you love in the last 5 years?
    .-= Leah´s last blog ..Interview with Martha Frankel, author of Hats & Eyeglasses: A Memoir =-.

    | February 4, 2010 @ 12:04 am

  29. Jennifer June said,

    I used to dress up and make snacks and invite friends over to watch the Oscars every year but lately it’s such a disappointment, I haven’t even bothered. Why? Because Mariah Carey will probably win every award including best male lead and best special effects make-up, just because the super diva dressed down for the roll.
    That’s how the Oscars roll.
    .-= Jennifer June´s last blog ..Minus the drug lords and the death threats that is… =-.

    | February 4, 2010 @ 2:20 pm

  30. debbie said,

    You write so well, and so funny!!~ Your daughter is adorable. Out of all the movies above, I have seen Avatar because I have two boys, 13 and 8…I was at first dreading it, but I have to say, it was an AWESOME movie, the graphics, the story line really well done….I say it is worth it!!~ I am like you however, and really would rather go to dinner with hubby than sit at a movie, where I can’t even converse with him…I love to talk LOL!!~ I enjoy coming over to your blog from time to time, keep up the good work!!~
    .-= debbie´s last blog ..Tablescape Thursday hosted by Susan from Between Naps on a porch =-.

    | February 4, 2010 @ 3:23 pm

  31. Kathryn said,

    Oh for god’s sake, people, get over the spoiler biz! It’s not like it wasn’t painfully obvious, anyway. Or at least slightly. Besides, it doesn’t really affect the movie – it sucked, just like Stef said. With the exception of seeing George, and I loved his female lead, it was depressing as hell. And Twilight girl was a neurotic squirrel, you’re so right!

    Stef, you rock. Right on with you on all reviews. I can’t wait to review the BFB movie…let’s get working on it…I have visions (not wine induced) of many interwoven stories….)

    | February 4, 2010 @ 3:53 pm

  32. Julie Nemitz said,

    Girl – I couldn’t have written it better. Why didn’t anyone tell me 2 kids = no movies unless there’s a frog to kiss or a fairie to chase? Only saw “Up In The Air” which freaked me the hell out. All those real, unemployed people crying. Too much…

    Julie
    .-= Julie Nemitz´s last blog ..Video of the Week: Side By Side By Susan Blackwell =-.

    | February 4, 2010 @ 10:05 pm

  33. Brooke said,

    Great post! “Other blue people I’ve never paid to see include The Blue Man Group and The Smurfs.” Hilarious! I usually make my husband suffer through a day of watching Oscar nom movies (don’t hate me, but we’re childless and have a WHOLE DAY. often) This year, he can thank you – I think we’ll skip it. Though I do want to see A Single Man. Have you seen it? I don’t have a clue what it’s about, but it looks sexy.
    .-= Brooke´s last blog ..Wow =-.

    | February 5, 2010 @ 3:07 am

  34. Robin said,

    She’s obviously dressed for the Oscars! Oh, and hey, you have the same rubber protector things on your table edges that we have on ours. They’ve become the cornerstone of my decorating scheme.

    | February 5, 2010 @ 6:57 am

  35. Shannon Kieta said,

    The picture of your daughter was defineatly the BEST part of this article. I hear ya about the Grammy’s. George Clooney is way overrated! Who care’s if the man is never going to marry again! He is a man-whore! People are so goofy. A big ol waste of time! That is why I watch Keeping up with the Kardashian’s. :)

    | February 5, 2010 @ 1:08 pm

  36. laurie said,

    Stefanie-
    I enjoy your blog- but do you have to use trashy language. It’s one of the first things I see in folks when the enter recovery- their language becomes more expressive but less raunchy. Are you still trying to prove to the World you’re a hip super cool gal???

    | February 5, 2010 @ 9:33 pm

  37. Jane said,

    First of all, you are a hip super cool gal, I don’t care how much you have to fucking swear to prove it.

    And Secondly, why do you hate movies? What have they ever done to you?

    Unfortunately you’re right. I’m embarrassed that I got swept up in the blue people but have to agree with the rest of your assessments.

    Good grief Elby is stunning.
    .-= Jane´s last blog ..Wordless Wednesday: Baby Super Model =-.

    | February 6, 2010 @ 7:04 am

    • laurie said,

      You call that assessments?

      | February 8, 2010 @ 9:04 pm

  38. mommymae said,

    i skipped most of this since i haven’t been to the movies 4 babies ago & didn’t want to read something i may try to catch on my dvr in 10 months.

    can you really send “the lovely bones” to someone? have you? i liked the book & really want to see the movie, but have a hard time since it costs us approximately $450 to go to the movies with the babysitting costs & all.
    .-= mommymae´s last blog ..i told you i would be too busy to post anything =-.

    | February 10, 2010 @ 8:33 pm

  39. Molly said,

    Love it. I am in that category as well. No time, less money and if I had more of the aforementioned two things I wouldn’t use them to go sit in a dark, sticky room where I can’t talk.

    Ugh.

    | February 10, 2010 @ 8:41 pm

  40. Judy Z said,

    Umm, if you managed to find time to cheat on your husband eight or nine times seems like you could manage to find time to go to a movie.

    | February 18, 2010 @ 4:42 pm

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