Some of you may consider me a deeply flawed individual and some of you may think I’m just impossible to please but I will remain hopeful that someone out there is on my side on this one.
So the Oscars are quickly approaching and I could not be any less enthused considering I have either hated or not seen most of the offerings this year. Look, I know I’m not the Duggars and I don’t actually nineteen children but having twins and an older child puts me in a special catagory of people who CAN’T GO SEE A GODDAMN MOVIE. Can my husband and I go out to the occasional dinner? Yes, yes we can. But going to a movie requires a lot more planning, mental acuity, determination and time -oh and good parking karma. I get tired just thinking about going to a movie. But the main reason that I rarely ever brave the movies is because there is rarely ever something I feel I must see immediately. Most movies that I’m slightly interested in can wait until they make it to Netflix.
There are many factors that can turn me off to seeing a movie like costumes or lack of cars or Mel Gibson it’s a wonder I bother seeing anything at all. But I have seen a few.
Up In the Air – I thought this would be excellent considering people have been salivating over it since its first screening. Sorry but it did not live up to the hype AT ALL. George Clooney played George Clooney which he does well but I could play George Clooney at this point. The main problem I had was with the twist that Vera Fofigliano (or whatever) was happily married with kids and was just “fooling around” with George Clooney. That was ridiculous. I have cheated on my husband eight or nine times and I have never gone to an intimate wedding with the the dude. So she’s cheating and she never checks her Blackberry incessantly or has to go somewhere quiet and make a call? If you’re going to have a twist that changes the course of the movie, you need to be able to look back and have it make sense -sort of like in The Sixth Sense. Also, the other female lead was pretty horrendous. I felt like she was channeling a manic squirrel the whole time. It was distracting.
Avatar: I didn’t see this. Did I mention I don’t like costumes? Well that goes double for animated blue people. Other blue people I’ve never paid to see include The Blue Man Group and The Smurfs.
It’s Complicated: First off, I don’t appreciate Nora Ephron’s sense of humor which has remained steadfastly lodged in 1982. “But this wasn’t Nora Ephron,” you may be wanting to tell me. Nancy Myers, Nora Ephron, same difference. I did see this movie and just given the fact that Nancy Myers did that horrible movie with Mel Gibson where he can hear people’s thoughts I should have known enough to avoid it but we got it as a Director’s Guild screener so we gave it a shot. If you like story you aren’t going to enjoy this movie a whole lot. On the other hand, Alec Baldwin is in it and he’s rarely not funny these days. Sure most of his brothers are complete hot messes, but somehow Alec seems to have avoided their fate. I think the food in this movie had its own cinematographer and that got really old. You can only watch so much food porn before you get desensitized to it and need some sort of plot to keep you engaged.
The Lovely Bones – Okay, I’d rather have my eyelashes surgically removed with a spoon than watch a movie about a young girl who’s been murdered. Sure I’ll watch it all day long on Discovery ID. Give me Forensic Files or Dr. G: Medical Examiner or My Shocking Story but just don’t give me a movie that’s all about a teen-age murder victim and her grieving family. That’s not entertainment to me. So, although I also got that one in the mail, it remains unwatched on top of the TV. Let me know if you want to borrow it. Oh, by the way, I hated the book. Why it was a best seller would make a great episode of Unsolved Mysteries. They really outta bring that show back.
The Hurt Locker – I did see this one and I was unimpressed. Fuck I’m hard to please right? First off, it’s tough to see a movie where there are lots of explosions when your TV backs up to your two-year-old twins’ bedroom. But because we were committed to seeing this film, we overdosed the kids on Benedryl, ordered Chinese and sat back to take in the brilliance of Kathryn Bigelow. Not so much. Before you tell me that I just didn’t get it or that maybe I am a chick and can’t appreciate war movies, let me just tell you that I LOVED Hot Shot! Part Deux so you can’t tell me that I don’t know from great war flicks. The Hurt Locker did have one thing going for it – the star of the movie Jeremy something or other was in The It Factor in the early 90’s which was reality TV at its finest. A bunch of unknown actors let themselves be recorded going to auditions and facing rejection. Anyway, here’s the problem with the movie: it starts off at a high point of tension and action and has no where to build so the end is anticlimactic. I had a lot of notes on how it could have been a lot better but unfortunately I am not currently working as a studio executive. Having a fulltime job would require way more Benedryl than I could afford.
Julie and Julia – Just no. I didn’t see it and would never subject myself to it. I don’t like cooking nor do I want to watch other people do it.
The Blind Side – I wouldn’t be opposed to watching a movie like this but I wouldn’t run out to see it since there are probably fourteen Lifetime Movies that are very similar. If I just stayed home on a Sunday and watched The Lifetime Movie Network all day I’m sure to get the idea. Or at the very least 28 Days, that Sandra Bullock rehab movie would come on. On a side note (is that one or two words?) I did buy The Blind Side at an airport bookstore on my way to NY and never cracked it open but I was able to turn around and resell it from my Amazon account so I’m not quite as angry about it anymore.
Oh, I also saw Precious which I was dying to see. Just okay. The acting was excellent although Mariah Carey had all of four minutes of screentime and people are making a big deal about it. If she wins any kind of award I will lose my shit. It is a depressing movie but not quite as depressing as I thought it would be. What’s more depressing is how much money Oprah is making for producing it. But speaking of Precious…
You call that assessments?
i skipped most of this since i haven’t been to the movies 4 babies ago & didn’t want to read something i may try to catch on my dvr in 10 months.
can you really send “the lovely bones” to someone? have you? i liked the book & really want to see the movie, but have a hard time since it costs us approximately $450 to go to the movies with the babysitting costs & all.
.-= mommymae´s last blog ..i told you i would be too busy to post anything =-.
Love it. I am in that category as well. No time, less money and if I had more of the aforementioned two things I wouldn’t use them to go sit in a dark, sticky room where I can’t talk.
Judy Z said,
Umm, if you managed to find time to cheat on your husband eight or nine times seems like you could manage to find time to go to a movie.