Archive for February, 2010

Due to Inflation, A Picture is Now Worth 1500 Words

Some of you, and I won’t mention any names -mainly because I can’t remember what I ate for breakfast fifteen minutes ago, let alone who’s commented on my blog -have asked for a Sadie update. If a Sadie update is what you want then a Sadie update is what you shall have. My little peanut, my Sadie is still teeny tiny. It’s been a long road and the end is not yet in sight but there have been improvements. Right now, there is still no good, solid, reasonable explanation as to why she won’t put on weight. Her nutritionist is concerned because with the amount she eats, she should be gaining much more than she is. On the other hand, there may never be an explanation and that doesn’t necessarily mean anything is really wrong. These IUGR babies are a stubborn lot (I’m not going to link to IUGR – Intra Uterine Growth Restriction – because it’s sort of depressing) and there’s no way to predict whether they will catch up or stay small for the long haul. With Sadie, the problem has also been that she has had other delays to contend with than just growth. She’s been in speech therapy, physical therapy, occupational therapy (discontinued) and is being overseen by a developmental therapist. Lately though, I’ve seen a little surge in word power.

We haven’t used her feeding tube since I believe last September and I’m hoping that next month we can pull it out and never look back. I’d pull it now but Jon wants to wait until flu season is officially over. The nutritionist seems to think that we should see more weight gain before we pull it but I don’t see going back to feeding her with the tube ever. I just feel like the “eating through a tube” portion of her life is behind us.

Worst case scenario at this point is that full height she is 4′ 9″ or 4′ 10″. But think of it this way, most short people are adorable and petite. The only little person I can think of who also has a big ass is Snooki from Jersey Shore. Now, me, I have a sizable caboose but I’m Jewish, 5′ 5″ and love carbs so it makes sense.

I think I know what would make everyone feel even better right now: PICTURES

Posted by Stefanie Wilder Taylor on February 8, 2010 9:02 pmUncategorized35 comments  

Don’t Get Drunk Fridays: Kym’s Story

Note from Stef: Something I have heard over and over in sobriety is that you can’t get stop drinking for someone else. Sobriety has to be something you do for yourself or it will never work. Well, I have to call bullshit on that. There were quite a few times in the first few months I wasn’t drinking that I tried to convince myself that I wasn’t that bad. I wasn’t hurting anyone but myself so why was I being so hard on myself and quitting drinking all together? I mean, that’s so drastic right? But then I would look at my babies -in fact, I took photographs of them with me anytime I went on a trip so I could pull them out as a reminder -and I would think, “I haven’t hurt anyone yet. But I can’t take that chance. I can’t predict with 100% certainty how I’m going to act after I have my first glass of wine. So how the hell do I know I won’t ever do the things that “real” alcholics do?” When I can’t do it for me, I do it for them.

This is Kym’s story:

My mom was the “cool mom”. I had virtually no rules or curfew, she would buy me and my friends alcohol and let us party in the basement. Her behavior was a little strange sometimes in the evenings, but I was just a kid…what did I know?

While I was in high school, she got her masters degree in Psychology and became a drug and alcohol counselor. She was drinking almost every night at that point, but I convinced myself that I was being too sensitive. Every time I would try to talk to my mom or dad about it, I would get the same response – she was just having a little fun, it was no big deal.

The first time that my mom seriously embarrassed me by her drinking is when she sat on my boyfriend’s dad’s lap on Thanksgiving. That night she got so drunk she fell off her chair twice during dinner. The next weekend she dropped a baby during a dinner party with our neighbors. By this time, my dad and I were so horrendously codependent that we could explain away her behavior without blinking an eye. We had perfected the art of not talking about the “night before.”

I cleaned my parents’ house for extra money and found bottles everywhere; between her jeans in the closet, in the laundry hamper, in the pantry, hidden behind books. She had become two different people – the mom who was incredibly supportive and generous and then the terrible drunk who was out of control. I finally began to realize that something wasn’t right. I tried to talk to my dad about it, but all he had was excuses for her, and made it clear that it was his expectation that I would stay quiet.

Our lives were incredibly intertwined at this point. Financially, I relied on my parents very heavily. They were paying for my college, my wedding and helping my husband and I buy a house. Almost every time she would get drunk around me, she’d call me the next day and invite me shopping or buy me a gift. I would feel terrible bringing up the “night before” when she was always being so generous. I continued to bite my tongue. The pain and hurt I felt was huge.

During my pregnancy with my first child, she got a DUI. She said she was finally going to get clean – she enrolled in an outpatient facility, geared towards working adults who didn’t want their lives disrupted by getting sober. She was adamant that no one in her practice know about what happened, or she’d lose her credibility and her job. I continued to keep her secret. She only stayed sober a couple of months that time.

Shortly after my son was born, she came over to my house and insisted that I take a nap while she watched the baby. My dad was there too, so I felt okay. Almost without thinking, I made a point to note how full the bottle of wine was that my husband had opened the evening before and left half full and corked on the counter. When I woke up from my nap, there was a considerable amount missing. True to form, I didn’t say anything, but I realized after they left that I was furious. For the first time, I was unwilling to keep quiet. She could hurt me, but I wouldn’t let her hurt my newborn son. I went over to her house the next morning and told her that I no longer trusted her to be alone with my son, ever. I told her I didn’t want to see her until I could clear my head, that she had crossed the line and I needed time without her around for me to think. That night, she tried to commit suicide. The next week, she checked into a 30 day treatment program in another state. She drank within 3 weeks of coming home.

There are specific moments that will forever be ingrained in my memory – when she came to the hospital drunk while I was in labor and another time when her secretary called me to ask my advice on what she should do since she saw my mom drinking in the parking garage while on a break from work. I will never forget the birthdays and BBQ’s and family get-togethers where she would get just drunk enough that most people thought she was the life of the party, but I would go to the bathroom and cry because it hurt so bad to watch her.

After about a year of individual therapy, I finally realized my role in the cycle of my mom’s alcoholism, and am no longer a part of it. I know now that I cannot save her and I cannot change her. Today, our relationship is hard. She is in our lives, but she isn’t allowed to be around my kids without supervision. She lies about everything – it’s like it’s her second nature and doesn’t know how to stop. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to ever fully trust her again.

My dad told me about a time when I was very little when she started to drink heavily and got her first DUI. He remembers her feeling so ashamed, and making the decision to stop drinking, acknowledging that things were out of control. She obviously didn’t stop then, but I just can’t help but wonder how different life would have been if she had.

As always, if you think you have a problem with alcohol, there is help. Check the front of the phonebook and come on over to the Booze Free Brigade for support.

Posted by Stefanie Wilder Taylor on February 5, 2010 4:39 pmDon't Get Drunk Friday22 comments  

The Oscars Can Suck It

Some of you may consider me a deeply flawed individual and some of you may think I’m just impossible to please but I will remain hopeful that someone out there is on my side on this one.

So the Oscars are quickly approaching and I could not be any less enthused considering I have either hated or not seen most of the offerings this year. Look, I know I’m not the Duggars and I don’t actually nineteen children but having twins and an older child puts me in a special catagory of people who CAN’T GO SEE A GODDAMN MOVIE. Can my husband and I go out to the occasional dinner? Yes, yes we can. But going to a movie requires a lot more planning, mental acuity, determination and time -oh and good parking karma. I get tired just thinking about going to a movie. But the main reason that I rarely ever brave the movies is because there is rarely ever something I feel I must see immediately. Most movies that I’m slightly interested in can wait until they make it to Netflix.

There are many factors that can turn me off to seeing a movie like costumes or lack of cars or Mel Gibson it’s a wonder I bother seeing anything at all. But I have seen a few.

Up In the Air –  I thought this would be excellent considering people have been salivating over it since its first screening. Sorry but it did not live up to the hype AT ALL. George Clooney played George Clooney which he does well but I could play George Clooney at this point. The main problem I had was with the twist that Vera Fofigliano (or whatever) was happily married with kids and was just “fooling around” with George Clooney. That was ridiculous. I have cheated on my husband eight or nine times and I have never gone to an intimate wedding with the the dude. So she’s cheating and she never checks her Blackberry incessantly or has to go somewhere quiet and make a call? If you’re going to have a twist that changes the course of the movie, you need to be able to look back and have it make sense -sort of like in The Sixth Sense.  Also, the other female lead was pretty horrendous. I felt like she was channeling a manic squirrel the whole time. It was distracting.

Avatar: I didn’t see this. Did I mention I don’t like costumes? Well that goes double for animated blue people. Other blue people I’ve never paid to see include The Blue Man Group and The Smurfs.

It’s Complicated: First off, I don’t appreciate Nora Ephron’s sense of humor which has remained steadfastly lodged in 1982. “But this wasn’t Nora Ephron,” you may be wanting to tell me. Nancy Myers, Nora Ephron, same difference. I did see this movie and just given the fact that Nancy Myers did that horrible movie with Mel Gibson where he can hear people’s thoughts I should have known enough to avoid it but we got it as a Director’s Guild screener so we gave it a shot. If you like story you aren’t going to enjoy this movie a whole lot. On the other hand, Alec Baldwin is in it and he’s rarely not funny these days. Sure most of his brothers are complete hot messes, but somehow Alec seems to have avoided their fate. I think the food in this movie had its own cinematographer and that got really old. You can only watch so much food porn before you get desensitized to it and need some sort of plot to keep you engaged.

The Lovely Bones – Okay, I’d rather have my eyelashes surgically removed with a spoon than watch a movie about a young girl who’s been murdered. Sure I’ll watch it all day long on Discovery ID. Give me Forensic Files or Dr. G: Medical Examiner or My Shocking Story but just don’t give me a movie that’s all about a teen-age murder victim and her grieving family. That’s not entertainment to me. So, although I also got that one in the mail, it remains unwatched on top of the TV. Let me know if you want to borrow it. Oh, by the way, I hated the book. Why it was a best seller would make a great episode of Unsolved Mysteries. They really outta bring that show back.

The Hurt Locker – I did see this one and I was unimpressed. Fuck I’m hard to please right? First off, it’s tough to see a movie where there are lots of explosions when your TV backs up to your two-year-old twins’ bedroom. But because we were committed to seeing this film, we overdosed the kids on Benedryl, ordered Chinese and sat back to take in the brilliance of Kathryn Bigelow. Not so much. Before you tell me that I just didn’t get it or that maybe I am a chick and can’t appreciate war movies, let me just tell you that I LOVED Hot Shot! Part Deux so you can’t tell me that I don’t know from great war flicks. The Hurt Locker did have one thing going for it – the star of the movie Jeremy something or other was in The It Factor in the early 90’s which was reality TV at its finest. A bunch of unknown actors let themselves be recorded going to auditions and facing rejection. Anyway, here’s the problem with the movie: it starts off at a high point of tension and action and has no where to build so the end is anticlimactic. I had a lot of notes on how it could have been a lot better but unfortunately I am not currently working as a studio executive. Having a fulltime job would require way more Benedryl than I could afford.

Julie and Julia – Just no. I didn’t see it and would never subject myself to it. I don’t like cooking nor do I want to watch other people do it.

The Blind Side – I wouldn’t be opposed to watching a movie like this but I wouldn’t run out to see it since there are probably fourteen Lifetime Movies that are very similar. If I just stayed home on a Sunday and watched The Lifetime Movie Network all day I’m sure to get the idea. Or at the very least 28 Days, that Sandra Bullock rehab movie would come on. On a side note (is that one or two words?) I did buy The Blind Side at an airport bookstore on my way to NY and never cracked it open but I was able to turn around and resell it from my Amazon account so I’m not quite as angry about it anymore.

Oh, I also saw Precious which I was dying to see. Just okay. The acting was excellent although Mariah Carey had all of four minutes of screentime and people are making a big deal about it. If she wins any kind of award I will lose my shit. It is a depressing movie but not quite as depressing as I thought it would be. What’s more depressing is how much money Oprah is making for producing it. But speaking of Precious…

 here is a picture of my daughter

Posted by Stefanie Wilder Taylor on February 2, 2010 10:54 pmUncategorized41 comments  


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