So Elby has an imaginary friend named Angeli (not 100% sure on the spelling) who, I don’t mind saying, is a total bitch. Oh she started out nice, sucked my daughter in with her enthusiasm for playing princess or riding in the car. She kept my daughter company at Trader Joe’s, sitting in the basket while Elbs sat in the front turning once in awhile to better hear her ice cream flavor request in the frozen food aisle. Eventually Angeli’s bad influence behavior started cropping up
Elby: Mom. I need to tell you something. Angeli doesn’t like it when I wear long sleeves.
Me: Why not?
Elby: She never wears long sleeves because she doesn’t like them.
Me: That’s fine for her but why can’t you wear them?
Elby: She doesn’t want me to because she says long sleeves are stupid.
Me: She’ll get over it.
Another time –
Elby: Angeli threw my Dora bathtub toy in the trash.
Me: What are you talking about?
Elby: My toy that I was playing with. Angeli accidentally threw it away.
Me: Do you mean that you accidentally threw it away?
Elby: No. Angeli didn’t want to play with it because she said it’s for babies.
Me: Tell Angeli to suck it.
Me: I said tell Angeli tough luck
But lately Angeli has become downright aggressive. While in the car on the way to Target we had this conversation:
Elby: Angeli said she’s going to crack my head open.
Me: WHAT? Why would she say that?
Elby: Actually she didn’t say it. Angeli’s brother did. He’s really mean.
Me: Well, can Angeli talk to him and ask him not to threaten you with violence? Or do you want me to talk to him?
Elby: Actually, Angeli doesn’t want to be my friend anymore.
Me: I think it’s probably for the best. Angeli sounds like a bad seed.
Then while walking in the parking lot on our way into the store:
Elby: Angeli is my friend again. She wants me to come to a playdate at her house.
Me: Doesn’t she live at your house?
Elby: No. She lives in New York.
Me: Then won’t you have to take a plane to get there? New York is pretty far.
Elby: Yes. I have to be on the plane for ten hundred days.
Me: So you’re flying Southwest?
Walking inside Target:
Elby: Mommy? I need to tell you something. Angeli kicked me really hard on my shoulder.
Me: Elby. Didn’t you make Angeli up? Because when you make someone up, generally they shouldn’t be abusing you. They should be buying you presents, making you laugh and telling you how fabulous you are at all times. Trust me, before I met daddy I had a lot of experience with this. My old therapist called it “living in fantasy.” I preferred wishful thinking.
Elby: So can I go to Angeli’s house?
Me: As long as her brother’s not there.
So we bought her some warm gloves because I’m assuming it’s cold in New York right now. Angeli better not have a problem with them.