A few days ago I was wandering the cosmetics section of my local CVS-I’m not bragging, just stating facts here, and I spotting an Asian woman who looked to be maybe 4′ 11″. Now, I’m not positive she was that short because I was too chicken to ask even though I really really wanted to know. I’m slightly obsessed with short people’s heights because there’s a good chance a full sized Sadie will only be 4’10or 4′ 11″ and I want to get a good picture of what that looks like. If it looks like that Asian woman it will be down right adorable. But then again, maybe the random short Asian woman was actually 5′ “, in which case Sadie would be pretty darned small. I wish I could’ve found out how tall she was but there’s just no way to ask someone for their height without seeming like a full on lunatic. You really have to divulge the back story and then you’d come off as even more crazy and rightfully so.
I’ve learned to keep my obsession to myself lest I end up in any verbal altercations or fist fights. Or more verbal altercations than usual.
I never really considered short people that much before I realized I might have one in my future. Sure, I love Randy Newman’s song Short People and can’t help but giggle when I hear it on the radio ever four years or so, but other than that, the topic rarely came up. Now, I notice short people all the time. Sort of like how years ago my husband, who was my boyfriend at the time, told me that an ex-girlfriend of his didn’t know what the word “sherpa” meant. I had no idea what it meant either and while I was mortified that maybe I was a complete dumbass I was also sort of pissed off that he was inadvertantly making me feel like a dumbass. So, in a rare humble moment, instead of calling him an asshole and wiping my hands of the whole sordid affair, I just admitted I didn’t know what a sherpa was either and Jon kindly explained it to me. Of course, immediately after that, it seemed like I heard the word sherpa a million times a day and if someone were to tell me they’d never heard the word now, I’d think they were lying…or a dumbass (but I’d never say it to your face. So, my point is, maybe there are tiny 4′ 11″ ladies waltzing around the city on a constant basis and I’ve just been oblivious to it.
I’m wondering now if Sadie will have any special challenges in life besides finding a pair of jeans that don’t drag on the ground or I guess finding a good tailor. Will she get teased for being short? Does anyone tease for that? I’ve never teased anyone for being short but then I very busy getting teased for having a big butt and a funny walk and not knowing the definition of a sherpa.
The excellent news is that Sadie eats like a teeny tiny wrestler now. She’s been off the periactin for a few weeks (yes, Patricia. Sorry I didn’t update you sooner)and is still sniffing around for her next meal like a true Taylor. She isn’t gaining weight but she definitely isn’t losing and that’s pretty normal for an almost two-year-old. She’s got plenty of time to merely smell food and go up a pants size when she’s forty-three (hi perimenopause- I’ve been expecting you). Her little g-tube button has been sitting on her tummy lonely and unused for months. I want to take it out but the husband, doctor and nutritionist (the lovely Patricia) say that we should keep it in through flu season which I know intellectually is the right move but bloody hell I want to yank it out so bad! Of course I have the patience of a toddler so I’m always going to want things right now.
If the worst thing she has to deal with is people calling her Half Pint, she’s going to be waaaay ahead of the game. But that’s not going to stop me from checking out short people.
LaDainian Tomlinson and Uncle Mikey trick or treating.