I’m really tired. Just so you know and don’t get your expectations of this post all miles high. Managing the emotions, needs and appointments of three kids doesn’t leave a ton of time left over for frivolousness like watching a TV show that hasn’t been TiVo’d or taking out the recycling before the entire laundry room is full of Trader Joe’s bags brimming over onto the floor with Diet Coke Cherry Zero cans and empty Pediasure bottles. Fuck it. I’ve got bigger fish to fry.
As I told you in my last post, Jon and I took Sadie in to see a top of the line Endocrinologist at Children’s Hospital Los Angeles. I’d link back to that post but it was YESTERDAY so scroll back if you didn’t read it and then come back cause I’m about to tell you how it went. Ready?
The trip over kind of sucked because it was right during Sadie’s naptime but you can’t argue with these sought after appointments. They aren’t concerned with anything as trivial as “naptime.” When I got there I could see why. So many kids with so many illnesses. My personal little pity party was shut down pretty darn fast as I strolled through the hallways past youngsters and their parents obviously dealing with much worse than something as simple as being the size of a peanut. These kids were thankful to be upright. Perspective was had. And then lost when I met the parents of a little girl who was “growing too fast.” Upon further conversation, her dad is 6’6″ the kid is just going to be tall. She seemed absolutely normal for a one-year-old to me.
Once we were in our exam room waiting, Sadie broke out and wandered the halls saying hello to people in other rooms. That’s how we befriended a couple with a 16-month-old who’d been diagnosed sixth months before with type one diabetes. That…is more than an annoyance. That is a nightmare. Perspective was had again.
Dr. Grow came into our room and began the chat about Sadie, her history, her reports etc. The gist of the exam was that Sadie seems to have nothing wrong with her besides her body’s refusal to grow. We are going to run some labs but the doc doesn’t think that we’re going to find anything medically wrong. The fact is that she is an extreme case of Small for Gestational Age. If a baby is going to catch up, it usually happens in the first two years. If it doesn’t happen by then, and you see a plateau in your baby’s growth, most times growth hormones are needed at some point. I don’t know if needed is the right word. We are going to discuss it more on our next visit in three months. Here’s what I didn’t know that pretty much threw me for a loop: growth hormones are everyday until your child hits puberty. I am sort of sick over this. At this moment is hardly seems worth putting a child through shots every.single.day in order to hope they grow an extra three inches total.
Of course, as you all know about me, it’s the fucking unknown, lack of diagnosis, vague, we’ll see, I don’t know, not every kid’s the same, nothing’s clear cut bullshit that kills me (please see my addendum before feeling sorry for me).
Bottom line, if (when) it becomes clear that Sadie will be so short that she won’t be able to keep up with her peers unless we give her the growth hormones, then I will step up and do what I feel is right for my kid. Until then, I will continue to feed her a lot of ice cream and eat anything that she leaves behind.
P.S. I wrote this entry last night after having spent the better part of the day at the hospital. I was a bit emotionally spent. But in the light of day, this is all good news! Really, it’s the best news. My daughter is a healthy, happy little fireball who is going to be just fine.
I think what’s frustrating is that we’ve spent so much time and energy worrying over and trying to fix something un”fix”able. It’s unfixable because it’s intangible. A lot of intangibles woven together into one gorgeous little munchkin. The hardest part for us is over. We can stop looking for a problem that isn’t there and just watch and wait for Sadie to grow on her own little curve in her own time. As Martha says, “It’s a good thing.”