Shockingly, this post has nothing to do with drinking, not drinking, drunkeness, vicodin or Kristy McNichol -not that I’ve blogged much in the past about Kristy but I’ve always meant to because, she’s cool and she was on the Facts of Life.
Okay, my husband just pointed out that Nancy McKeon was on FOL but I don’t know what difference it makes in the scheme of things. Like why pick a fight about that right now? Fine, Jon, you’re right. Is that what you want to hear? Do you feel like more of a man now because you know that Nancy McKeon was on FOL? Maybe we just shouldn’t be together. I mean, seriously, maybe what we need is a trial separation. Oh I’M overreacting?
Listen, I didn’t mean to drag you into my marital discord and don’t worry about me because I just signed up for Match.com.
So, this post is about another one of my favorite obsessions: Sadie and our war on her appetite. Despite our best efforts to get Sadie interested in eating, here is a short list of things Sadie would prefer doing (edited from what could be a much longer list) biting Matilda, licking my computer mouse, shrieking “all done,” staring at a penny, throwing expensive Melissa and Doug puzzle pieces in the toilet and watching any movie starring Richard Gere.
But all of a sudden, it seems we’ve hit Lorenzo’s Oil in the shape of a drug called Periactin. This is an antihistine which has been around for like a hundred and sixty years (I’m pretty sure cave men took it when their allergies were acting up) and has the side effect of causing WEIGHT GAIN.
Why haven’t we tried this before? Well, our GI told us no. She’s a wonderful GI, don’t get me wrong. If she sucked you’d have read all about it. In fact, she recently had twins and yet finds the time to diagnose a little reflux in her spare time. But she doesn’t like putting kids on appetite stimulating drugs. Now my nutritionist, on the other hand, has been gently asking why we don’t try it and last week I suddenly got desperate enough to go over my GI’s head and ask my pediatrician for a prescription. A week ago, I got the drug, gave it to Sadie and then next day my head exploded. She ate like we’ve never seen her eat before. She gobbled, she munched, she scarfed, she wanted more. I spontaneously entered her in a hotdog eating contest and she took second place in the 21-month-old division. Note to self: train her harder next time. No break for diaper changes.
After five days we had to give her two days off and today was day two so she’s back on tomorrow. The only downside to all this is that this drug has a history of suddenly losing it’s efficacy and no one seems to know when that might happen. Could be a week, could be month but in the meantime, let’s drink to her possible weight gain. And by drink I mean Diet Orange Crush because I have been sober for 95 days. You knew I’d throw that in right?