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What I Learned at BlogHer

Yvonne is afraid of flying. She held my hand during take off from LAX and screamed “Please don’t take me, Lord. I’m too young. I have too much to live for! I haven’t met Black Hockey Jesus yet!” Okay, maybe she just teared up a bit.

My Kizz never gets tiresome even after four straight days of togetherness.

The idea of someone having a business-like orgasm isn’t as funny to other people as it is to me and Kizz and definitely is confusing as a Facebook status.

The clublounge on the 33rd floor has a lot of cheese. I like cheese very much (I didn’t just learn that part but I hadn’t known that the lounge would be serving so much of it).

Apparently, announcing that Chelsea Handler is a whore is not considered “take-away information” when leading a blog-to-book panel. (P.S. if you are someone with a Google alert on Chelsea’s name, it was said in jest after giving her credit for my own book deal, but…let’s face it, she is a whore.)

Lulu is awesome in person. Kizz, Lulu and I immediately became the three muskateers only with bigger tits.

Black Hockey Jesus is a real person and he saved my sanity on more than one occasion. If he really quits blogging there will be serious hell to pay. Seriously, BHJ, don’t mess with me.

You can buy the beds in the Sheraton (which seemed like an excellent idea for about an hour but after an entire night it became obvious that owning one would lead to back surgery within a month).

Turns out that a photo op with Carson Kressley is not a good enough reason to go to an off campus party (Heather, can you back me up on this?)

Some people don’t find the idea of starting a Twitter rumor that Carson Kressley and Stedman Graham are having an affair to be all that amusing (Heather, can you back me up on this as well?)

The Bloggess cannot teach you to be funny. But she will be hilarious trying.

Xanax is the new party drug among middle-age, socially awkward women who are used to spending quality time in front of their computers in the safety of their own homes. Therefore, if one were to let’s just say, happen to have some Xanax left over from an old prescription, one could charge a pretty penny for it at BlogHer.

The term “grandmother’s hands” may be the funniest term for a certain type of writing style that I have ever heard in my life. Thank you for that Alexa. You made my trip.

Catherine Connors, Heather Spohr, Mike Adamick, Wendi Aarons and Black Hockey Jesus should read posts every year at BlogHer.

The drunk redhead whose hair did not handle Chicago humidity well and who shoved her business card at me three different times on Saturday night slurring, “I’m a real writer. Look me up, bitch” made my decision to not drink much, much easier.

Carolyn…Online looks exactly like Cameron Diaz and has a very dry sense of humor and if I were gay I might’ve been hitting on her a little. I know, what do I mean if?

There is really no reason to leave for the Chicago airport three whole hours before your flight unless you really enjoy sit down Mexican cuisine at 10 a.m. on concourse B.

Offering to tongue kiss each and every person who attended my book signing may have been a bit desperate.

You can get herpes from kissing.

I will be attending BlogHer next year.

Posted by Stefanie Wilder Taylor on July 27, 2009 11:33 pmUncategorized42 comments  

42 Comments

  1. Marinka said,

    I'm not a psychologist, but I think that Yvonne may be afraid of dying, not flying. Very common mistake!

    | July 28, 2009 @ 1:48 am

  2. Cheryl Lage said,

    Seriously? Are you a sure thing for next year? Have dodged the BlogHer bullet train for a.) first year inexperience and b.) second year indecision and fiscal fortitude, but NYC is close….

    Third year may be the charm. :)
    (Sounds like you had a great time. :) )

    | July 28, 2009 @ 2:11 am

  3. Ms Picket To You said,

    carolyn and stefanie sittin' in a tree…

    oh, i kid.

    | July 28, 2009 @ 2:52 am

  4. Eliz said,

    Bad news about Black Hockey Jesus:

    http://windinyourvagina.blogspot.com/2009/07/end.html

    | July 28, 2009 @ 3:08 am

  5. Kyddryn said,

    Hmm…maybe if it ever comes to Atlanta, I can sneak in the back door or something…

    Glad you had fun.

    Shade and Sweetwater,
    K

    | July 28, 2009 @ 3:24 am

  6. mommymae said,

    you're funny.

    i hope to see you in nyc next year.

    | July 28, 2009 @ 5:15 am

  7. Backpacking Dad said,

    I'm pretty sure I missed the tongue kissing.

    | July 28, 2009 @ 5:34 am

  8. heather... said,

    OK seriously, I wanted to LEARN at your panel. Chelsea being a whore is common knowledge. SHE HAS A BOOK ABOUT IT.

    Second, no, Carson is NOT a good reason to go off campus. Especially when he is blindingly shiny.

    THIRD I thought the rumor about Stedman and Carson was true. I mean, you saw them together. Is suspicious, no?

    Also, does this redhead have a book deal? That's the only way she can call herself a writer, after all.

    | July 28, 2009 @ 6:37 am

  9. King of New York Hacks said,

    Boy I was out of the blogging world for about a month and seems I missed a most extraordinary event !!

    | July 28, 2009 @ 7:43 am

  10. Carolyn...Online said,

    It was so great hanging out with you this weekend. I'll just send you a check for that little mention there.

    You at the boko panel = hilarious.

    And maybe BHJ is gone but perhaps Jon will start blogging….

    | July 28, 2009 @ 10:29 am

  11. Carolyn...Online said,

    Um…"boko" panel. I think I meant "book" panel.

    | July 28, 2009 @ 10:34 am

  12. Wicked Step Mom said,

    It sounds like you had a great time! I hope that I can make it to BlogHer next year!

    | July 28, 2009 @ 12:06 pm

  13. Ilina said,

    Carson was totally not the reason to go to that party, but the bacon wrapped shrimp was. Seriously, I almost took out some high heeled, blinged out clutch carrying women to grab the whole tray from one poor bastard. It was *that* good. And a chocolate fountain is not something I see everyday in these parts. I wanted to dip my toes in it. Thanks for signing the book for my friend who will indeed pee in her pants.

    | July 28, 2009 @ 12:12 pm

  14. SHannon said,

    I am so jealous! I wanna go next year and I am not a writer… can I pretend to be? Do you need a personal assistant? Maybe someone to carry your books to sign? Hell, I 'll even sign them for you! Glad you had a good time! Hope you didn't get Herpe's! Shannon

    | July 28, 2009 @ 12:55 pm

  15. Anonymous said,

    So, did you sell many books?

    | July 28, 2009 @ 2:45 pm

  16. Wendi said,

    For the last time, my hair isn't RED. It's blonde.

    Miss you, too.

    | July 28, 2009 @ 3:34 pm

  17. Diana said,

    Shannon, I am hear to tell you that you don't need to be a writer to attend BlogHer. See? I just used the wrong spelling of here! All those fancy blogger chicks would be soooo embarrassed for me.

    Anywho, I had a blast hanging with the ladies. Although I am far from a serious blogger (more like a boring blogger), it was a good time for all.

    And P.S. Stefanie already has an assistant/publicist/room-mate in me…so back the fuck off.

    P.P.S. IF YOU HAVEN'T BOUGHT "IT'S NOT ME, IT'S YOU"….get off your ass and go buy it! AND, it wouldn't hurt if you promoted it a little. Seriously, I can do this by myself people. Join in.

    | July 28, 2009 @ 3:41 pm

  18. Diana said,

    That last P.S. was meant for all of you… not just Shannon.

    Sorry Stef, I know I embarrass you…but it really is worth promoting!

    | July 28, 2009 @ 3:43 pm

  19. Black Hockey Jesus said,

    Grandmother's Hands is one of those things I can't even THINK about without laughing out loud.

    And there's no way to explain it. I just laugh out loud and Jenna's like "What?" and I'm all "Stefanie's friend Alexa – Grandmother's Hands – ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!"

    | July 28, 2009 @ 4:51 pm

  20. Rebecca said,

    Wow, bacon wrapped shrimp. Shrimp=good, bacon=good. Bacon+Shrimp=awesome! Wish I could have gone. How much did it cost to go? If it ever comes to St. Charles then count me in…..if they let me in.

    Your new book is absolutely amazing. I loved the first two and this third one is fabulous. You should seriously be on the New York Times best seller list, and any other best seller list there is.

    | July 28, 2009 @ 5:08 pm

  21. CaraBee said,

    I just wanted to thank you for being so kind when I came up to say hello on Thursday night. In the crush of noise in there, I could hardly hear you, so if I agreed to anything strange, now you know why.

    PS – I had no idea there was a source for mass quantities of cheese. Dammit. I would have been on that like white on rice.

    | July 28, 2009 @ 5:37 pm

  22. Father Muskrat said,

    Crap…I don't think I met you. Sorry.

    Agree about Carolyn…we flew back to the ATL together, so I'm like an expert on whom she resembles now.

    | July 28, 2009 @ 5:51 pm

  23. Whit said,

    There was tongue kissing?

    | July 28, 2009 @ 6:10 pm

  24. My Bottle's Up! said,

    and i will see you at Blogher next year… cuz i am soooo not doing it online again. ticket has been purchased, and your ass, i want to meet.

    xoxo,
    nic

    | July 28, 2009 @ 6:19 pm

  25. Aunt Becky said,

    I think that you forgot to mention how devastatingly handsome Aunt Becky was.

    | July 28, 2009 @ 8:44 pm

  26. LuLu and Moxley's Mom said,

    I'm changing my blog to an all Grandmother's Hands style. I think you'll like it.

    Good times indeed!

    | July 28, 2009 @ 9:36 pm

  27. Sober Mommy said,

    Thank god you had a good time.
    You give me hope for next year.

    Starting my own little BlogHer '10 panic attack now.

    | July 29, 2009 @ 1:38 am

  28. Count Mockula said,

    I *so* did not get an offer of a tongue kiss…

    | July 29, 2009 @ 2:47 am

  29. Elizabeth said,

    What happened to BHJ?? Do you know?

    | July 29, 2009 @ 4:23 am

  30. SUEB0B said,

    You saved my life on that limo ride. I was just about in Freak the Fuck Out mode until we started arguing about the Bachelorette and which of the guys was the REAL closeted one…You made me laugh and that kept me from giving up the ghost and dying right there.

    | July 29, 2009 @ 3:58 pm

  31. ?georgie? said,

    What a wonderful BlogHer wrap up post…I so wish i could have gone-it looked and sounded like so much fun!

    | July 29, 2009 @ 5:32 pm

  32. Dana said,

    I am so sad I didn't get to meet you. I brought one of your books, and bought the other two, but totally missed your signing. Because my pregnant tired ass took a nap. I am a moron.

    But as long as you're going next year, I might cart those books with me to the airport! :)

    | July 29, 2009 @ 8:16 pm

  33. Aimee Greeblemonkey said,

    I missed it this year – but really plan to be there in NYC.

    | July 29, 2009 @ 9:09 pm

  34. Redsy said,

    yours is the only post that made me wish i'd gone…

    | July 30, 2009 @ 9:24 pm

  35. momtrolfreak said,

    GREAT meeting you! And thanking sweet baby jesus that my hair isn't red.

    | July 30, 2009 @ 11:29 pm

  36. Christen said,

    I guess I might pack up my supply of Xanax and come to the next one. Do you think they'll let me set up a booth?

    | July 31, 2009 @ 12:11 am

  37. Jennifer Bostwick Owens said,

    Love your blog! Now, why does BHJ's blog suddenly say, "invited readers only"? Is that true? thx!

    | July 31, 2009 @ 4:34 am

  38. Y said,

    I'm going to start the email thread for NYC PartyPlane now. It's going to be a lot of information, so we'll need a year to figure it all out.

    | August 2, 2009 @ 4:39 am

  39. Briar said,

    I feel exactly the same way about the beds at Sheratons.

    I was thrilled to meet you for a second and I love your writing. I get stupidly silent near writers I admire. I am working on it for next year because it made this year a tad lonely. Maybe Xanax would help.

    | August 7, 2009 @ 3:21 am

  40. Michelle-WhiteTrashMom said,

    Missed bumping into you at BlogHer this year, just started reading your book. It's pee pee pants funny. You rawk!

    | August 14, 2009 @ 3:50 am

  41. amy turn sharp of doobleh-vay said,

    i loved listening to you during the panel. Love whore! Term of endearment round my pals.
    Yr effervescent and not forgettable – I was like a zombie those three days. A death in our family across the pond and I was headed there Sunday. It was all too much. But- I loved you- and have read yr blog for a long time. My non blog friend Carrie led me to you and I have been happy ever since. xo Would love to have a coffee with you next year. xo

    | August 20, 2009 @ 7:22 pm

  42. Lisa said,

    Very funny, as usual. But the Xanax stuff had me laughing out loud. I have to mention that one on my blog, if you don't mind.

    | August 27, 2009 @ 9:55 pm

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