Listen, not everything in sober-living-land is all pink puffy clouds, rainbows, unicorns and methadone. No, there are plenty of adjustments to be made, life decisions to be contemplated and funny to be kept up despite not always feeling so hilarious. So lest you think I’m not struggling just a bit, here are some major downsides to life without wine:
People seem more irritating at the gym – then again, people have always seemed irritating at the gym. For instance – what is with wearing street clothes on a Precor? There’s a reason we wear running shoes and not moccasins when we work out. And that reason is to not be an eyesore to me.
People seem more irritating in traffic. But again, traffic is irritating and it’s not like I whipped out a flask everytime someone didn’t go right away when the light turned green back when I was boozing. Or did I?
Despite the fact that I said I wouldn’t be the type of person who looks around and thinks everyone has a drinking problem, I’m looking around and suspecting that quite a few people may having a drinking problem. Hi Paul.
In-laws refuse to take into account my newly sober status and still insist this would be an appropriate time to visit for a week.
Replacing alcohol with sour Jelly Belly sours seems like a better idea than it is – my tongue hurts. On the other hand, they are deliciously intoxicating.
The only thing non-alcoholic beer is good for is making you pee a lot.
Swearing isn’t quite the stress reliever I had hoped. Hang on let me try. “God Damn TWAT WAFFLE!” Nope. Still irritable.