Archive for July, 2009

Anyone in LA?

Hello. My name is Stefanie and I have a new book out. It’s called It’s Not Me…oh come on, if you’re reading this, you know all about me and my new book because I’m a big old whore and have been talking about it for months. Well, if you live in LA and want a copy – signed! (which makes it more valuable on eBay) then come to Barnes and Noble in Encino on Ventura tomorrow (Wednesday the 15th) at 7:30. Seriously. Come. I know, I know, it’s so last minute and you can’t get a sitter – I’m bringing Elby! She loves book readings and enjoys laughing at inappropriate places so it kind of helps keep me on my toes. If your child comes too then she will have a friend!

Also, I will give you a dollar.

Posted by Stefanie Wilder Taylor on July 15, 2009 12:21 amUncategorized21 comments  

Baby’s Got a Brand New Do

I am home from NYC. Two things come to mind at the exact same time: it was difficult being away from my twins for two whole days, it was nice to be away from the twins for two whole days. Yes, these two thoughts can reside in my brain simulaneously. No matter how attached I’m getting to those little monkeys (and I mean that in a loving way, not just a “those f-ers can tear apart the house, throw remote controls in the toilet, steal keys which will never be found again, break through childproofing locks to unload an entire box of Honey Joe’s O’s and top it off with someone getting bitten” way) it’s still nice to have a night or two to think about nothing but what’s on pay-per-view.

I watched I Love You, Man the first night – which I thoroughly enjoyed, although my old crush on Paul Rudd has sadly come to an end because he is clearly gay. The second night I watched Marley and Me. This may have been the worst movie I’ve ever seen. Seriously. I kept waiting for something to happen (besides the dog dying of OLD AGE at the end). Owen Wilson and Jennifer Aniston have about as much chemistry as a rock and a fire hydrant. If you can point out that this movie had some kind of hidden meaning, please do. Owen Wilson’s character is not happy at his job even though it’s a great job (he’s a newspaper columnist). After Jennifer has a miscarriage at 8 weeks of pregnancy (which she gets over after one crying jag by taking a trip to Ireland), she goes on to have three kids in the space of 10 minutes of screentime. Finally Jennifer decides that Owen isn’t happy (we all know that – the guy is a major depressive) so she gives him the go ahead to move his family for a different job (straight reporter) and he’s not happy there either. Message: he always wants what he can’t have (except that they don’t really play this because he loves his wife blah blah blah and doesn’t want to not be married or not have children). Then the dog dies. Message: I have no fucking clue because THAT’S THE END. Since this was a box office hit, I kept waiting for tragedy to strike the family like a tornado or a home invasion robbery but no. Nada. Luckily the minibar was stocked with two bags of peanut m&m’s which dulled the pain somewhat.

In case I neglected to mention, the book is on sale officially as of July 7th so if you wanted to buy it, I couldn’t stop you.

By the way, I leave town for two days and look what happens to my child’s hair. She’s going to have to start toddling around with a pick in her back pocket.

Posted by Stefanie Wilder Taylor on July 10, 2009 3:32 pmUncategorized40 comments  

See You Tomorrow!

Hello. This is your barely blogging friend Stefanie checking in before I leave for NYC. Naturally, my flight leaves in a couple of hours and I haven’t even packed yet because I DO NOT HAVE MY SHIT TOGETHER, PEOPLE. But you knew that.

Tomorrow night, Wednesday, I will be at the Tory Burch store event

and would love, love, love it if any of you showed up. Then on Thursday morning in the 9 o’clock hour, I will be on the Today Show -probably being inappropriate in some way. That’s just how I roll – inappropriate style!

Oh, by the way, big news. Apparently, and this could be a rumor, Michael Jackson died. It’s probably not true but if it is, that would be weird because I just saw him on TV yesterday and the day before that and the day before that – really like 24 hours a day. He was really making a come-back!

Posted by Stefanie Wilder Taylor on July 7, 2009 2:51 pmUncategorized47 comments  

Isn’t This Rich?

Sadie got weighed today and although still a feather weight, she came in at 19 lbs. 2 oz. Okay, fine, maybe she was 19 lbs 1 and 1/2 oz but let’s not split hairs okay? Let’s just call it 2 oz and not try to ruin the rest of my day. Jesus! Anyway, as I was saying the kid is closing in on 20 lbs. which will be a wonderful milestone provided she’s not seven years old when it happens. Unfortunately her movement up the growth chart is more slow than a glacier so according to Patricia, it’s inevitable that we will be seeing an endocrinolgist in the not so distant future. “We have to remember that Sadie has IUGR,” Patricia said (possibly because I was looking agitated – although I could be agitated for a number of reasons; almost 6 weeks without alcohol in my system, Wes getting a rose on Bachelorette or residual guilt over the five pieces of pizza I sucked down last night with salad and bread sticks ((four of them))).

“I haven’t forgotten she’s an IUGR baby,” I said. And I haven’t. Not for one minute of one day since I first googled it while still pregnant. Honestly it’s pretty hard to forget that Sadie is different considering she takes twenty minutes to eat one piece of pasta, how much therapy she has and how far she still has to come. “Just look at the difference between Sadie and Mattie. It’s a constant reminder,” I added. Which brought our attention to Matilda.

“Do you want to weigh her?” Patricia asked.

“Sure. Why not.” So we put her chubbalicious self on the scale and I almost had a heart attack (if I wasn’t so worried that Mattie would have one first).

She weighs 28 lbs. Oh yeah. She’s between 75th and 90th percentile in weight and 25th in height. She’s built like a snowman. And you know why? Because the beyotch pilfers all of Sadie’s Pediasure and helps herself to all the fattening food that Sadie leaves behind. So now, I have an underweight child and an overweight child which is awesome because I have to make different food for Mattie and different food for Sadie and different food for Elby and then order take-out for me and Jon because I’m too fucking tired to lift a finger to make one more meal at the end of the day. Plus, Pediasure is going to be on lockdown for the time being and doled out just during mealtime so I can keep an eagle eye on it.

But I am going to look on the bright side. Sadie is gaining. One day this will all be okay. We start speech therapy tomorrow. I have a strong feeling Sadie will learn like 100 new words. Let’s hope a few of them are curse words so I’m not the only one swearing around here.

Posted by Stefanie Wilder Taylor on July 1, 2009 1:00 amUncategorized39 comments  


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