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Under the Microscope

I keep sitting down to write a post and then getting a bit paralyzed. Part of the problem is that when I wrote about giving up the hootch, it got a little more attention than I bargained for and now I feel like I’m under a microscope. Blogging is tricky because, to me, it doesn’t feel so much like writing for a public forum as it does writing for a small community of readers whom I’ve come to think of as friends; so I spill my guts and assume twenty people are reading it. My husband says that I have to have some boundaries when I blog. I need to be a bit more protective of the information I release to the public because once you hit publish, pretty much everyone has access to it: friends, strangers, assholes, parents, media etc. I can see his point.

Sometimes I have no filter. I write about what I’m going through at the time and I don’t always know what the hell I’m talking about because I’m processing while writing. There’s a lot of good in that too, don’t get me wrong. When I was in the hospital, in limbo, awaiting the birth (at any moment) of preemie twins, your comments and emails were what I clung to, what kept me hanging in there without going completely crazy. When the girls were colicky and I was crying myself to sleep every night, it was you guys that told me you’d been there and understood. This is LA so I don’t have neighbors who pop on by to help out; hold a baby or hold my hand. I have a keyboard. Thank God.

When I make a new friend, I like to get right to the good stuff: what are your demons? Have you done things you regret? Like what? I don’t give a shit that you backpacked through Europe when you were eighteen. I want to know if you’ve ever had an abortion, if you’ve ever slept with someone whose first name you never bothered to learn, if you hated your step-father. I want to hear the juicy shit that makes you who you are. I do realize that not everyone is like me. But blogging has a way of attracting like minded people who get me as well as the people who find my style of writing and relating completely inappropriate. Writing books is like that too except that when I write a book, there is more space between the event I’m writing about and the expression of that story which allows me to much more easily add humor and levity. In comedy we call this “tragedy plus time.” Like for instance 9/11: It’s only now that we can see the funny in it. Okay, very bad example.

So the drinking thing: maybe it was too early to write about quitting because I would hate to have anyone looking to me for answers or thinking that I’m judging their drinking or giving anyone a reason to judge me or make assumptions about what I was doing or why I decided to quit. When I talked about drinking before (in books and on my blog) I believed in everything I was saying. Alcohol was an enhancement to my life, a fun part of it – until it wasn’t. That’s all. I’ve only been off the sauce for three weeks. I know nothing. So possibly I will refrain from discussing everything that comes into my head at every moment at least until I’ve given it some time to percolate.

So, have you ever slept with anyone without knowing their name? DAMMIT. Don’t answer that.

Posted by Stefanie Wilder Taylor on June 12, 2009 3:29 pmUncategorized57 comments  

57 Comments

  1. Anonymous said,

    I quit drinking June 20th, 2007. I have not had a drink since. It is a long hard road and it never gets easy – but it has gotten easier…

    There are a few I no longer know the names of – but I am pretty sure I at least asked them their names before we um…yeah. God, I am a whore.

    | June 12, 2009 @ 4:36 pm

  2. Wicked Step Mom said,

    I write because it helps me to process things. It helps me to deal with bad days with my health and moments where I feel like I failed at being a stepmom. I write better than I can talk and I feel more comfortable writing things out. I also write about the good things and the things that keep me going. Because they help when everything seems to be going wrong.

    I am kind of a prude. I never slept with anyone that I didn't know for at least a year.

    | June 12, 2009 @ 5:40 pm

  3. Petunia Face said,

    Yes, I've had an abortion, but no, I never slept with anyone nameless and I really like my step-father. (Please know that the abortion, the sex on a first–and last!–name basis and my step-father have absolutely nothing to do with each other.)

    I often divulge waaay too much info about myself both in person and on my blog. I despise small talk. Sometimes I think being honest to a fault is a total misnomer, that maybe there isn't such a thing. At least with me. It is so much easier just to say "hi, this is me. I pick my nose in bed at night and am scared of too many things."

    I'm sorry if there are assholes out there who criticize your insides, your processing, your honesty. But me? Well, I thank you for sharing. Your boogers. Yes, I like you, boogers and all.

    Keep coming back; it works if you work it. Or so I hear :)

    xo,
    Susannah

    | June 12, 2009 @ 5:53 pm

  4. Belly Girl said,

    I *so* do not get people who dislike the style or content of a blog and actually take the time to make that known. In my opinion, blogging is a say what you want forum and people who stumble upon it should be prepared for that. I can't imagine what kind of criticism you are getting. You are stopping a potential problem before it becomes a real problem. You are talking about it. I think it's fucking awesome. This is real life. It's messy, it's ugly, it's great, it's shit, it's high, it's low. {Haters: stop reading and go about living your perfect lives that would never garner criticism. Find another blog on the adventures of knitting.}

    | June 12, 2009 @ 6:12 pm

  5. Anonymous said,

    I think it is "expected" in a friendship that you will divulge your inner life as that is part of the bonding process (at least for me) but I draw the line in what the public needs to know and hear about me from me. Personal boundaries are important. I attended a law school graduation at ULCA in June and was aghast that the two primary student speakers shared parts of their personal life. So were most adults in the audience. There is a time and a place and a large public forum is not one of them in my opinion. TV shows foster this and I suspect it is this venue that has wittingly encouraged people to tell all. I can easily switch a channel. it is not that easy at a law school graduation. Privacy is important for everyone concerned.

    | June 12, 2009 @ 6:30 pm

  6. Molly C said,

    Never slept with anyone whose name I didn't know, but I'm 20. Give me time. Did sleep with someone who may have swine flu. Whoops. But at least I know his name…

    I connect well with people who are equally as willing to share their inner demons as I am. I didn't realize how many other people there were like me until I started reading blogs. You ladies have an ability to be open that gives me hope and makes me feel less crazy.

    | June 12, 2009 @ 6:42 pm

  7. Ms. Wobbly Bits said,

    I will answer..yes!!! Now dont change the way you write! I love it! Its so refreshing and I feel like you are right here next to me bitching it out. I like that. Screw everyone else that doesnt.

    | June 12, 2009 @ 7:15 pm

  8. Rebecca said,

    My regrets include but are not limited to; I think going to college was a complete waste of time. In the beginning I partied too hard and skipped classes often. I have no flipping idea how I managed to keep a 3.0 GPA. Then one day, I thought it would be a good idea to show up to class sober. So I actually started to care about my grades. I actually regret this too. I studied hard and did my best and somehow managed to graduate with a bachelor of science in elementary education with a 3.8. I searched high and low for a job but I couldn't find myself a job teaching. I hate that I went to school and wasted $15,000+/-. I hate that I worked so hard to pass the Praxis exam only to let my teaching certificate expire because I couldn't find a job. By the way, for every open teaching position (elementary) in my community and neighboring communities there are at least 500 applicants. I also hate the fact that probably never be a teacher in the classroom and that I'm past the point of actually caring about that.

    I'm haunted by the fact that I complained that my second child was much worse than a colicky baby (he cried 24/7 for the first few months). I hate that I was so frustrated with his crying that I actually just put him in his room and let him cry for a few hours one night. I hate that I couldn't have been strong enough to hold him even though he was crying and crying and crying all day and night long. I hate finding out (a few weeks later) that he was in some pretty major pain and that's why he was crying. I hear all that bull about how mom's just know when something is wrong and they just step up to the plate and fix everything. I had no idea. I thought he was just taking colic to a new extreme. I was tired. I wanted a break. So he cried in his crib all alone and in pain. This tears me up inside and makes me feel like a horrible person. What kind of person lets a newborn scream his head off for several hours??

    | June 12, 2009 @ 7:30 pm

  9. Kristin said,

    I'm not the type of person who shares everything, either with friends or on my blog. Not even with my husband. I can't help being more guarded, it's just the way I am. I will blame it on my Protestant, Germanic heritage and midwestern upbringing–that's a lot of pressure to keep things inside, people.

    However, I love that other people don't have this hangup, and I would never judge you or anyone else for letting it all out. It's probably much healthier! And certainly more interesting. Don't change, Stef, your openness and honesty are what draws people to your blog (and probably to you in real life).

    | June 12, 2009 @ 7:44 pm

  10. GingerB said,

    I'm not saying shit about who I did or didn't sleep with. I am just here today to defend knitting, and to say that it wasn't too early if it helped you be honest with yourself.

    | June 12, 2009 @ 7:47 pm

  11. Denise Thomas said,

    When I got home in the morning, this one time, my roomates asked me his name. Too tired to think, I said "John" a bit too quickly. One of my roomates, who apparently knew the individual in question, said "Denise, his name is Kevin." He was forever known as KevinJohn.

    Also, saw Tim Kelleher yesterday. We made out for awhile. He says hi.

    | June 12, 2009 @ 7:49 pm

  12. Anonymous said,

    i slept with my best friends cousin @ her party. my bff wanted to talk to me, but i told her in a little bit ( we were in the middle of a fight)
    instead i slept with her cousin, and now 10 years later – we are still not friends. i never mended that fight

    | June 12, 2009 @ 7:51 pm

  13. Anonymous said,

    Stef, a regular reader going anonymous to save the innocents affiliated with me (and if you email me saying you know who I am, I may be a wee bit mortified), but I did indeed sleep with a man sans knowing his name (unless it happened to be "ooooh," then I just got lucky). Thanks to your example,I am re-evaluating the volume of my liquid consumables…which I heretofore thought no problem until I cut back on the nightly wine (by a couple of glasses) and lo and behold, I felt better in the mornings (didn't even realize I DIDN'T feel 100% before…)

    You're a brave, good e-friend
    …and a spectacular mother. Maybe I've taken a page from your book by my very first self-edit in being "anonymous"….never done that before either.

    Stay strong, do what you feel is right for you. We're all behind you.

    | June 12, 2009 @ 8:28 pm

  14. Nicole said,

    I have only discovered blogs that I like to read in the last few months. I look forward to reading all of the blogs that I follow each day. It is obvious that you have a lot of support from your readers, please don't let a few judgemental people change the way you write. I do however understand you husband's point of view because you do have more of a public persona than most of us. One of the blogs I follow is written my my cousin. Her boyfriend died of heat exhaustion during a mountain bike race (http://thruthetrees.blogspot.com/2006/11/i-have-always-found-writing.html). After Cam died she purged all of her emotions online and I know for sure it helped everyone understand what she was going through and therefore we knew how to be there for her. I am especially cognizant not to ask grieving people "how are you?". Anyhow I just want to say that I read peoples unfiltered thoughts and I learn how to be a more empathetic person.

    | June 12, 2009 @ 8:32 pm

  15. Miss Behavin said,

    I have a HUGE rubbermaid container full of journals that date back 20 years. I've thought about burning them at some point before I die because if my kids ever got a hold of them…

    …but then the more I thought about it, I figured, why? Those writings are about me and my life experiences, which include all the details of their births and daily accomplishments as well as good days and struggles along the way. At some point they may want to read those journals and reflect on our early years together. Maybe not. Maybe they will decide to put them in the bathroom – they'd definitely make for good toilet reading.

    I started blogging last year because the keyboard is quicker than the pen. I am probably much too free with what I share, but that's who I am in real life as well as on my blog.

    Yes, I've had an abortion. I've also given a baby up for adoption, been divorced twice, now remarried with a new baby, and just last June allowed my two daughters to move to Indiana with their dad.

    My husbands family recently discovered my blog and they're pissed off about some of the posts I've written. I can't help but wonder if it's because I took their power away to run around town yapping their self-righteous mouths about shit they know nothing about. It seems that since I've come forward and publicly confessed my experiences, they can't put their own spin on it.

    Personally, I think you're inspiring. I appreciate your raw honesty and candid humor. I enjoy your writing or I wouldn't visit here as often as I do (although I don't always comment).

    Rock on, sister. And keep it real!

    | June 12, 2009 @ 8:39 pm

  16. Anonymous said,

    I think that you have to be yourself and let the world catch up. Things will change/ are changing and at some point I hope that our society can handle the various forms of reality.

    so I once knew the guys name & where he was from (troy from slippery rock), but never had seen him. I am not making this up. Drunk roommate brought two guys home and it was one of my more desperate moments. Lights were never turned on & I got rid of him before day broke.

    | June 12, 2009 @ 8:49 pm

  17. Anonymous said,

    Well, I've never slept with anyone whose name I didn't know, but I have slept with two different people in less than 24 hours. I also almost married a severely bipolar black muslim, which damn near put my dad in his grave, but pulled my head out of my ass just in time. My mom disowned me when I was 16 and kicked me out, after which I moved in with a crack addict. Um, I think that's about all the dirty laundry I have to share. I generally don't share it (which is why this is posted anonymously) because, while these experiences have partially made me who I am, I am much bigger and richer than a few fucked up episodes and don't what to be judged by them alone.

    | June 12, 2009 @ 9:35 pm

  18. The Mom (aka Amy) said,

    There was a time when I knew all there names, and now not so much. So, while I bothered to learn, I failed to retain. I did once laughed very hard at the sight of a boy's crooked penis, so much so that he really did not want to have anything to do with me after that. But when you disrobe and lay on someone’s bed without and invitation and with a crooked penis; what do you expect to happen? Was I supposed to just jump on?

    | June 12, 2009 @ 9:43 pm

  19. Sandra said,

    I had 2 abortions before the age of 16. One was the day before I turned 16. Happy bday to me.

    I always knew the guys name. I never intended to do a one night stand so I was was furious on a couple occasions when the guy treated it as such.

    I've dated some serious losers. I had a beacon for them actually. The more DUI's, tatoos or jobless they were the more appealing to me. Of course those were my carefree party days. I knew better than to marry one of them.

    | June 12, 2009 @ 10:28 pm

  20. Lala said,

    I've since forgotten the name of the guy to whom I lost my virginity. I used to have a handwritten list of the guys I've slept with, for counting purposes but I've misplaced it and I can't remember everyone. Does that count?

    | June 12, 2009 @ 11:05 pm

  21. Kendra said,

    I've just started reading blogs and trying to write one of my own. I think it's the most amazing, cathartic experience–as a reader and as a writer. That being said, no one (literally no one) in my life knows about my blog. It's incredibly freeing, because I feel like I can say anything without fear of hurting someone's feelings, which is what keeps me from saying most things in real life.

    Should you censor yourself? I guess it depends on how much you care about people's responses. I don't understand why people would regularly read a blog, then criticize its content. You're not running for president or starting a religion; you're just trying to connect with other people, hopefully in meaningful ways. I really appreciate your lack of a censor.

    You want to know a secret? I've never had an abortion, but when I found out I was pregnant with my daughter, I scheduled a consultation, planning on it. I look at her now–15 months old, our third child–and I die a little inside to think that she almost didn't make it here. There must be something very non-judgmental (or stupid) in my face, because I've always been the person people tell their secrets to. But it's pretty scary to tell them myself. It's a lot easier when I see what other people are saying and realize I'm not so unusual after all.

    | June 12, 2009 @ 11:14 pm

  22. Aunt Becky said,

    Girl, you know all you know about me. I'm a midget transsexual living in Decatur. But yeah, living as an open book really stumps me somedays.

    On those days, I throw up some pictures and call it a mother-fucking day.

    | June 12, 2009 @ 11:48 pm

  23. rnwoolf said,

    "When I make a new friend, I like to get right to the good stuff…" – I totally agree; otherwise, what's the point? I'm so not interested in "surface" relationships. I think this can make me a little much for people at times and and I get lonely. I like being silly and I certainly don't want to focus on the heavy stuff all the time but in a friendship I want to know that we CAN spend time on the heavy stuff when one or both of us need to. For me it is soul- and heart-filling to spend an afternoon with a dear friend and be able to hit the high notes and the low notes and all those in between with tears and laughter mixed in.

    | June 13, 2009 @ 1:31 am

  24. Danielle said,

    When I was 12, my dad used to tell me everyday that if I didn't get my mom to go back to him, he'd kill himself. I believed him. I hated my mother for not coming back, because I couldn't "make" her while still keeping his secret. Everyday I walked home from school I imagined how I was going to find him.

    I left when I was 16 and have not spoken to him in 14 years.

    I miss that I don't have a father, but I don't miss him. I've thought a million times about writing about it but haven't. I start and then look at it and say "fuck, that's a downer".

    All most of us ever expect from people is honesty. Hey, you quit. Two weeks ago. Yesterday. Today. Awesome! It's a journey. No high standards or microscopes. Just keep telling it like it is.

    | June 13, 2009 @ 1:45 am

  25. Moi said,

    I appreciate your honest and your courage to write what is raw and emotional. Please don't stop.

    Don't feel bad if you are feeling your own way out and don't have the answers for everyone else. Worry about your own answers. People usually want an easy way out and don't want to put in the effort.

    To your last question no. Last name – absolutely!!

    | June 13, 2009 @ 2:18 am

  26. Her Bad Mother said,

    Oh, dude. I SO KNOW. I SO KNOW.

    I just want to write 'I SO KNOW', like, fifteen times across this box, because, seriously. I write stuff and am all 'WHEW, glad I got that off my chest' and then the next day I'm all, um? Did I share that with everybody? And how many is everybody…?

    And, gah.

    Yeah. I know.

    | June 13, 2009 @ 2:35 am

  27. lin0204 said,

    I just wanted to let you know that it was your book (Naptime…) that got me through the roughest time of my postpartum depression. You wrote as if you were "that friend" who gave me the tough love that I needed to pick myself up and deal with it. And I will always remember you for that.

    Thank you for being so honest and open…it's a very rare quality!

    | June 13, 2009 @ 2:55 am

  28. wheelsonthebus said,

    i found you through bhj, read you because you are a friend of becky, but stayed for your courage. yeah, i liked your book, but i don't often read the blogs of authors i like. stay brave.

    i always know at least the first initial

    | June 13, 2009 @ 3:27 am

  29. WhisperingWriter said,

    Well, I did get knocked up at 19. That wasn't smart. I mean everything worked out in the end but holy crap were my parents pissed. I'm their only child so they were probably like, "WTF??"

    | June 13, 2009 @ 4:20 am

  30. Beth said,

    my favorite friends are the kind of friends you wrote about. I know I would just adore you IRL! You are hilarious and yet your warmth and compassion also shows if you "read between the lines". :) PLEASE keep being honest, being YOU… as you the ONLY writer of "baby/tot" books I will read AND you are one of my favorite bloggers. You ROCK. :)

    | June 13, 2009 @ 4:59 am

  31. Elizabeth said,

    I'm new to your blog and look forward to visiting regularly. I had to laugh at the 9/11 comment, but mainly because it reminded me of the headline of the Onion newspaper THE DAY AFTER 9/11. It said, in big type: Holy Fucking Shit! I laughed so hard and still, when I start to feel anxious about that day, I think of it and laugh. All of this is really just a roundabout way of saying that I love your humor.

    | June 13, 2009 @ 5:37 am

  32. Shannon said,

    Steph…
    Hang in there!

    | June 13, 2009 @ 12:45 pm

  33. wendi said,

    Shit. Now I'm going to have to go sleep with my nasty neighbor today just so you & I have something to talk about in Chicago. Thanks a lot, Stefanie. The man has CANKLES.

    | June 13, 2009 @ 1:38 pm

  34. Anonymous said,

    I think you're great. If it helps, keep doing it.

    Annie

    | June 13, 2009 @ 3:17 pm

  35. Sarah @ BecomingSarah.com said,

    Cheers for three weeks!

    And, um, noooooooooooo. No, I have not. But that's because I'm really boring. As in REALLY boring.

    No really. You don't want to know how boring.

    | June 13, 2009 @ 6:06 pm

  36. MereCat said,

    There are a lot of things I did in my life that served their purpose at the time, but now they don't, so I don't do them anymore. It's a pretty simple concept that applies very broadly to life if one were to stop and think about it.

    I'm sorry if you are getting the business about your brave and fantastic decision. The razzers just have no depth of character themselves, so fuck 'em.

    And yes, I have slept with someone and had no idea what their name was. It was awesome, fun, and exciting at the time. But now sleeping with people whose name I don't know no longer serves me, so I quit.

    | June 13, 2009 @ 7:46 pm

  37. carrie said,

    I'm just glad you are who you are – and it's a privilege to be along for the ride.

    | June 13, 2009 @ 11:17 pm

  38. Trish said,

    I'm filterless by choice.
    I grew up in a house filled with secrets- all of them dark and ugly. I grew up believing the worst thing that could ever happen was not the dark and ugly things that were happening, but that someone might find OUT about those dark and ugly things.

    But as I got older and further removed from the crazy, I realized that was dumb. Any time I shared the dark and ugly with someone, I was met with……support. And love. And very often, their own stories of dark and ugly!
    The world didn't crumble? I wasn't shunned! How could that be?

    That was when I decided no more secrets. Even the ugly stuff. I am who I am, even the bad parts. You wanna know? Ask. Hell, I'll probably tell you even if you don't, because that's who I am.

    As for your question- yes. I did know his nickname first though. Does that count? For what's it's worth, it was alcohol related. Go figure.

    | June 14, 2009 @ 7:14 am

  39. Anonymous said,

    Hi! I have just started following your blog. I LOVE it! I can't believe that people get upset with you for being open with your struggles. It's so much better that way. Believe me. I have a brother who is dealing with addiction and it's like our dirty little secret we are not suppose to talk about. It's stressful. Anyway, keep on writing in your own voice and saying what you want.

    And yes, I remember the names of everyone I slept with because it is an unusually short list. (I am not bragging, maybe complaining).

    | June 14, 2009 @ 8:46 pm

  40. myglasshalffull said,

    I have had an abortion. And blogged about it. But none of my real life friends know.

    I suffered PND last year after the birth of my second son. And blogged about it. But none of my real life friends know.

    I have difficulty opening up to people close to me for some strange reason as I'm perfectly happy blogging about it all.

    I guess, like everyone, I have a fear of being judged. I know, though, that my fear is excessive and has had a vice-like grip on me for most of my life.

    I want to please people and want them to think the best of me. This means many people who would say they know me well, actually know very little.

    I feel awkward about this and know that I need to do something about it. I need to free myself from the ever present concern of what people think of me.

    You are more brave than I could ever be. And I admire that so.

    | June 15, 2009 @ 12:54 am

  41. eden said,

    To Rebecca at 12.30pm .. sweetheart, I recently did the exact same thing. I was doing the cry it out method, and my baby had an ear infection and chest infection. I feel DREADFUL. But, I will f*ck up again one day, I'm sure. I love him so much and tell him every day.

    __

    As for all the penises (peni?) I have known ….. PLENTY I do not know the names of. Happily married for many years now, but my goodness have I seen some action in my time.

    :)

    | June 15, 2009 @ 3:01 am

  42. Anonymous said,

    i have slept with more men than my husband knows about. i don't really think my immature sexual history is anyone's business but my own.

    i can't remember exactly how many guys, but it's more than 20. some were one night stands…hell, most of them were one night stands.

    i've had an abortion. it was from a one night stand that turned into a relationship. he's bald now.

    i have no regrets, but fail to see how outing myself would benefit anyone.

    | June 15, 2009 @ 3:06 am

  43. Angry Julie Monday said,

    I love your blog. I really need to come more often to enjoy the refreshing honesty.

    I had an intense year of slutiness when I was a freshman in college. Thankfully I survived that. Been there, done that, got the Fraternity event t-shirt.

    I started my blog as a vent session. I really want to vent about the whacky, I mean completely freaky people I work with. They have no morals or values and they are police officers.

    But I have a big mouth and a ton of people at work know about my blog now.

    I really want to start an anonymous blog to vent.

    Luckily, I recently went on meds for ADHD. This probably keeps me from getting drunk all the time.

    So yes, I understand.

    | June 15, 2009 @ 3:54 am

  44. Moms with peeves said,

    Love your honesty, sass, and humor. You're a rock star.

    | June 15, 2009 @ 7:34 pm

  45. thatgirlblogs said,

    My doctor is making me give up everything. So I rebelled and had fast food for lunch. That's just the way I roll.

    Booze, yes, gave it up also… boy is my husband pissed about that one.

    Coffee — went decaf. What's the flipping point of THAT? No one ever told me it didn't taste good as I was quaffing down the caffeine high. Who knew?

    Thanks for following my blog, mate. Sorry, was channeling Johnny Depp for a minute there.

    | June 15, 2009 @ 7:45 pm

  46. help4newmoms said,

    Your talent amazes me. I starting reading this blog post last night and was entranced. Then, I went to your "Secrets" blog and read that too. Obviously, you have opened the floodgates on an important issue. As is your style, you continue to make us smile (laugh-out loud) when you do it. As some of the comments on "Secret" blog have already said, you are not alone. This is one of our dirty little secrets and it's not just a secret for our generation, but for the generations of moms who have come before us. Alcohol, is not the only "drug" of choice here, either, for me it was smoking – hunched in the back yard hoping the neighbors didn't see me, desperate for a few seconds of escape! As is your style, you broke the lid off another truth about motherhood – it's really, really, hard and some of the ways in which mothers from the beginning of time have handled the "hardness" is to choice a means of escape, while still being physically present. Kudos for you for being willing to put yourself our there and touch that nerve. Don't stop talking about it? K?

    | June 16, 2009 @ 12:55 pm

  47. Andee said,

    I always knew their first name at least. And I was very daring once and had a one night stand. Aren't I so cool?

    Sigh.

    | June 16, 2009 @ 4:01 pm

  48. Jennie said,

    Just wanted to say (again) that I totally admire your honesty and find inspiration here. Don't worry about the fools who judge. They suck.

    Since it's confession time today, I've have a couple of one night stands. I remember the names though. I think.

    | June 16, 2009 @ 7:55 pm

  49. AZ Mommy said,

    I think you publicly giving up the "Hooch" is good and positive in a couple of ways;
    1. Holds you liable for your words. When you have a rough time and really want a glass of wine, your words from that post will be circling your head
    2. Maybe there is a mom out there who was on the fence thinking about giving up their own "hooch" but were to scared, maybe just maybe your words were enough encouragement to do the same.

    I have nothing but respect for you being so honest about everything you write.

    And my hubby gets annoyed because he thinks I share to much info. Wuss

    | June 17, 2009 @ 4:03 pm

  50. sarah said,

    I joke to people that I'm an over-sharer. Just today I told 3 moms at MyGym whose names I dont' even know about my failed IUI this past month. Awesome.

    Nothing like talking about a faulty reproductive system to crack the ice!!

    | June 18, 2009 @ 4:35 am

  51. Anonymous said,

    I had a fabulous one night stand when I was 22….I don't remember his name but I remember that he was 29…..and had a house on a lake….you are where I want to be, quitting drinking….am planning on doing it in a few days on my 46th birthday….continue to write about it, you inspire more people than you know

    | June 21, 2009 @ 12:27 am

  52. Jen said,

    It's so hard when you are your own toughest critic. But you have to do what YOU have to do. Believe in yourself. (And I like to get to the good stuff right away, too. But I'd have to answer no this time.)

    | June 22, 2009 @ 1:21 am

  53. Piccinigirl said,

    for sure, I have lots of demons..like the only person I've never cheated on is my husband and when I was facing the Infertility and all the shit that went with it, I cursed myself every day for sleeping around, doing bad things to people, having all these "daddy issues" when I really should have gotten my shit together and realized my daddy loved me and he had his own stuff going on. You know????
    I understand not wanting to say things…I don't write at all anymore, I want to , but the judgement that might come from it (even from myself ) stops me every single time. So I applaud you for doing it, for putting yourself out there. Like you I wonder and wait and stress out while I wait to hit publish and most time I don't.
    I just like you because you say it for me.
    *hug*

    | June 24, 2009 @ 12:31 pm

  54. Anonymous said,

    okay, i have to say "yes" to your last question. i'm not sure if i can't remember the names (yes, names with an "s") because it's been, like, 13 or 17, years since it happened, and i've simply FORGOTTEN the names (yes, that's an "s"), or that i never really knew their names. now that i think of it, i do believe that the guy in a beach resort in portugal was nameless, both then and now. i do remember, however, his deep, dark, somewhat-troubled, yet lonesome and sultry eyes!

    keep it up. this is the first and only (i believe) blog that i may actually continue to read.

    peace…

    | June 28, 2009 @ 12:38 am

  55. Lou said,

    Your blog cracks me up. I find your choice to give up the hooch interesting and it definitely made me think long and hard about my own alcohol abuse and about whether I should also give it up. But then I decided that I will wait until my daughter goes to school, perhaps stop for a while, then take it up again when she is about 11.
    And THEN, after you prompted me to do some soul-searching about the boozin, you bring up sleeping with fellas whose names you know not. This reminds me of this one time I was with some friends and the conversation turned to the number of guys we had slept with and everyone was counting, "well, there was joe and dale and bob and lumpy. . ." and the most any of them could come up with was about 10. And I was appalled because I couldn't even come up with a number, but it is well over 25. And I don't remember all their names, but I think I knew them at one time. But I am 47 and have never been married. Which explains a few things – senility is setting in and I have had plenty of time to mess around. Maybe the most amazing thing about my promiscuity is that I only ever got pregnant once, and it was by accident when I was 42.
    So I'll stop rambling, Rock On

    | June 28, 2009 @ 10:43 pm

  56. Anonymous said,

    I have slept with a few people whose last names I didn't know, but in my defense, I was on vacation. Does that count?

    | August 25, 2009 @ 3:44 pm

  57. dutchess said,

    I saw the dr. Oz episode and it really hit home! A girlfriend and I talk about quitting all the time, to loose weight, to be a better mom, to be a better wife, to get healthy. We always have an excuse why it didnt go so well tonight. For me it is that 5PM witching hour when my kids are off the wall and im trying to put something together for dinner. Just pouring a glass of wine makes me smile and the thought "im not going to drink today" puts me in such a bad mood! I havent been able to get past four nights in a row and I comend you for making it as long as you have! Any suggestions?

    | October 25, 2009 @ 4:14 am

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