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Let’s Talk About Sex. Okay, How About Puke?

I’m sitting here at my desk wearing a puke covered bathrobe – the best thing about it is that it’s a white robe which is now complemented smell wise and aesthestic wise with brown splotches of vomit. Are you thinking my robe was covered with puke because I got crazy drunk and am walking around my house dazed and hung-over with the remnants of a late night Kung Pao Chinese food binge after my night of debauchery? Sorry to disappoint but no, I’m covered in chocolate Pediasure. Sadie, who recently weighed in at a plump 18 lbs. 11 1/2 oz (a month ago she was 17 lbs 10 oz), has proceeded to throw up every day since her weigh-in.

If she weren’t 18 months-old I’d swear she was bulimic. She’s all, “Yeah, you’re putting me in the 12 month pants now but I know I could still get into the 9 month pair. Do not throw them out. I need them for incentive!” I think she refuses to drink Pediasure not because it tastes like ass but she somehow knows how many calories are in it. Maybe I’ll make up some labels that say Pediasure Lite! Now with less fat for babies trying to watch their figures! And see if she’ll partake. Then when she gains weight I’ll laugh and say “Ha ha! I totally fooled you!” thus ruining any trust we’ve built up in our short time together. But bulimia would explain why she always cries like a maniac when we try to put her on the scale. I can relate.

Sometimes it feels like just when I get into a good place about Sadie’s weight and I’m really Zen and telling you guys how I hardly even think about her weight, she goes on a hunger strike or a run of puking and pulls the rug out from under my sanity. Plus, even though she put on a pound in a month, she is stubbornly refusing to get any taller. She’s 28 inches. If she doesn’t gain a few inches by the end of the summer we are being sent for sure to see an endocrinologist. Whatever. Listen, I know a lot of short people and they seem to have no trouble getting dates or buying clothes (sure the cost of hemming is a bitch but still…). Plus, I’ve seen that TLC show with all the Little People and they pull more tail than most single normal height friends I have. So her height can suck it. At least that’s what I’m telling myself today. Try to tolerate me when I melt down about this in a few months. Right now I have bigger fish to fry like all the hurling.

Can I be really selfish here for a moment? Great. Besides the worry that her puking causes, can I just complain about how gross it is to constantly clean throw up laden pillows, crib bumpers, blankets and couch cushions? There is no amount of upholstery cleanser or Shout Out to mask the smell of lingering vomit. Just FYI if you wanted to come over, wear clothes you don’t care a lot about.

Posted by Stefanie Wilder Taylor on June 17, 2009 9:15 pmSadie34 comments  

34 Comments

  1. Backpacking Dad said,

    I challenge you to a puked-laundry-off. I have a diabetic cat who eats orange food.

    | June 17, 2009 @ 10:26 pm

  2. Nicole said,

    I have a 7 year old who was failure the thrive. He lived on pediasure from 12 months to 3.5 years. I have literally had his ingested pediasure puked into my mouth. My husband couldn't stop laughing while saying "that's sure taking one for the team". The smell of pediasure in my world is puke. Richie is now a whopping 38 pounds and has a pretty good varied appetite. The doctors tell me he will stay off the weight charts but on his own curve until puberty.

    | June 17, 2009 @ 10:33 pm

  3. merlotmom said,

    Okay. Now let's talk about sex. NOT.

    | June 17, 2009 @ 10:38 pm

  4. Kendra said,

    My husband was shocked (not in a good way) to see me gagging and coughing as I cleaned up dog puke, since I've been vomited on countless times by kids, without really reacting. But somehow it's a lot different when it's your own kid. Not great, mind you, just more tolerable.

    I'm sorry to hear that Sadie seems to be on a strike. It's so hard to feel like you're making progress, only to be faced by yet another setback. I hope the PediaSure Lite idea gains you a few pounds!

    | June 17, 2009 @ 10:51 pm

  5. Kim said,

    Man, I feel for you.

    M really doesn't really grow in weight or length, either. She did gain a little chunk recently and went from off the chart to the 10th%tile, but now she's back at under the 5th. Her length is still under the 5th, at 26 inches. That's 1 1/2 inches in over 4 months. The kid just likes being short. And I kind of like that I can buy her more clothes because I WANT to and not because she NEEDS them, since she never actually ougrows anything.

    So the way I see it, it's a win/win and kids who grow are suckers.

    | June 17, 2009 @ 10:52 pm

  6. Denise Thomas said,

    Holy cow do you have alot on your plate right now. Also, did you say sex? Sounds familiar…just can't place it. Rings a bell, though.

    | June 17, 2009 @ 11:21 pm

  7. C said,

    Elanor was gaining weight, but seems to have stopped just shy of 14 lbs. She's gotten a little taller, so unless we like the capri look (well, at least it's summer, right?) we need to put her in the 3-6 or 6-9 month pants….that then hang off her diaper.

    We have dropped from the 7th to the 5th to the 3rd percentile and I'm currently willing to bet that we'll have fallen off the charts by her next weigh in.

    Sing it, sister.

    | June 17, 2009 @ 11:51 pm

  8. albe said,

    Right there with you. Do we have the same kid? Also 18 months, also weighed in at 18 lbs 11 oz last week. She seems to take to puking whenever she eats, like, a decent amount of calories. Every time I offer her milk or her special "smoothie" (aka the calorie bomb), she asks for water.

    | June 18, 2009 @ 12:37 am

  9. Kristen said,

    Our pediatrician told us to put our daughter on pediasure several months ago because she was low on the weight charts (not failure to thrive, but still low). She LOVES the stuff!

    She's 25th percentile for her height and weight now, but still insists on drinking the stuff. I'll have her teach Sadie a thing or two if you want 😉

    | June 18, 2009 @ 12:58 am

  10. Jessie said,

    When my DD weighed 18 lbs at 18 months, I was told to start giving her Pediasure. She won't touch it. At all. Even when it's just 1/4 Pediasure to 1/4 milk. Not that I can blame her. That stuff smells awful. She was 30 inches though, so at least she was on the charts for height.

    When I did some research on Pediasure, I found a lot of reports/anecdotes about children vomiting it up. It must be the new trend with the bulimic baby bunch. :)

    | June 18, 2009 @ 3:07 am

  11. divamommy said,

    I have joked that my 3 year old must get all nutrients via photosynthesis, since I have yet to see her eat a meal. I think she is one redbull and cigarette away from modeling…. so I get the bulimia and anorexia.
    Sorry about the puke!

    | June 18, 2009 @ 3:49 am

  12. Betty M said,

    Bicarbonate of soda solution – its a winner with puke. Smells of bicarb for a bit but its better than vomit no.

    | June 18, 2009 @ 6:21 am

  13. Rebecca said,

    Betty M is right. Also vanilla essence.

    we just had a three day hospital stay with gastroenteritis, diarhorrea & scarlett fever so i sympathise on the vomit front.

    | June 18, 2009 @ 10:15 am

  14. valerie said,

    I can totally relate. My twins are puke machines….I thought we were over that, but alas no. Where I live we have been getting a lot of rain so the house perpetually smells like vomit right now.

    | June 18, 2009 @ 12:01 pm

  15. Shannon said,

    I'd rather talk about sex…anyday, anytime! Puke, YUCK! My hugs to you, love!!!!!!!!!!!

    | June 18, 2009 @ 12:18 pm

  16. Kyla said,

    I so get this. I get ridiculously jealous of those parents who say, "Oh, my kid has never thrown up!" WTF? Did I get their shares of vomit, too? I know it has been more than our fair share, that's for sure.

    | June 18, 2009 @ 1:29 pm

  17. Alicia said,

    I hope she feels better soon. I haven't yet had to deal with baby vomit yet and from the sound of it, really, really don't want to!

    | June 18, 2009 @ 2:29 pm

  18. justmeandthevoices said,

    Poor baby! And poor mommy, too! I feel for you. My oldest son was like that (without the puke). At his 5-year checkup he had completely fallen off the chart, and so we headed to the endocrinologist. Turns out he has constitutional delay, which is a fancy way of saying he's growing slower than everyone else. He'll eventually make it to his intended height, but will be shorter than his classmates, and will probably go through puberty later. He's 12 now, and gaining on it.

    Hang in there!

    | June 18, 2009 @ 2:51 pm

  19. Angie said,

    Oh my gosh. That is my life. Everytime my daughter pukes, I cry as I count the calories. Most months I feel it will never get better, never end and that damn G-tube will never get out. And there are good months where each weight check ends with smiles and hugs. I feel for you. I wish I could hug you — after you took a shower.

    | June 18, 2009 @ 2:51 pm

  20. Angie said,

    7 therapists a week??? I didn't know that there were that many to choose from!! I thought we had the max available at 5! I'm guessing you feel those stress pains in your body, just as I do. If you lived in IN, I'd invite you to yoga. And we could drink chamomille tea. And cuss about vomit and f'ing calories. And we could cry about our own angst and grief about our sweet girls. And then, we'd need more tea and more yoga. Love to you today.

    | June 18, 2009 @ 3:43 pm

  21. Amanda said,

    Ugh, puke is the worst. There's nothing selfish about not wanting to clean up puke all day. I'm so sorry you're going through this. xo

    | June 18, 2009 @ 4:27 pm

  22. Mama Snyder said,

    One word – OdoBan. You'll think I'm crazy, but this is the ONLY THING IN THE WORLD that will remove the stench of partially digested 50/50 pediasure and milk.
    http://www.amazon.com/s/?ie=UTF8&keywords=odoban&tag=mh0b-20&index=aps&hvadid=21112870&ref=pd_sl_75ci8gpvif_e

    I'd pay a hundred bucks for the stuff, it's that what is cost. It works on everything! Good Luck!

    | June 18, 2009 @ 6:03 pm

  23. Kaitlin said,

    Sorry about all the vomit. At least you've got a great since of humor!

    sahmanswers.com

    | June 19, 2009 @ 12:42 am

  24. moderndomesticmama said,

    Sex, puke, whatever…I love that you talk about all of it! Not enough people talk about the bad and the ugly. My heart goes out to you! My 3.5 yr old doesn't have the same food issues, but she has food sensory issues and actually went to eating therapy-which I never knew existed until I had a child that needed it. For the longest time she ate minimal amounts of carbs ONLY and spent months at the bottom of the growth chart. I was amazed she grew at all since I could only get her to eat about 5 items, anything new made her gag. Frustration, fear, happiness, hopefulness-all in one day! You are a freaking rock star. I hope and pray you will have a puke-free day, and many more in your future!

    | June 19, 2009 @ 1:12 am

  25. Maggie May said,

    I have had more puke on me in my life than I can believe.

    | June 19, 2009 @ 8:39 pm

  26. Chris Mancini said,

    The worst is the car. Happens during college and then again when you're a parent. Man, that smell really never comes out of pleather seats.

    | June 20, 2009 @ 1:45 am

  27. WhisperingWriter said,

    I'm sorry.

    My daughter also puked a lot around that age. She did get better, thank goodness. But yes, I recall washing a lot of vomit-covered things and having six showers in one day….

    She's still skinny though. She's 2 and is only about 21 pounds because she eats like a bird. I don't know where she gets that because I totally pig out and she eats like two bites and is all, "All done." She'd fit in with the Hollywood crowd I think.

    | June 20, 2009 @ 10:40 pm

  28. Trish said,

    I feel your pain. Robbie's actually finally been gaining pretty well the last 6 or 8 weeks (15 1/2 lbs @ a year old now) but the puke.. oh the puke. I fight and fight to get the calories in and he just spits the back at me.. It just kills me.

    | June 21, 2009 @ 3:38 am

  29. Anonymous said,

    Just checking in to say I always read your blog and love it!

    | June 22, 2009 @ 2:39 pm

  30. Susan said,

    I've puked during sex. But he totally deserved it.

    | June 22, 2009 @ 11:35 pm

  31. My Bottle's Up! said,

    let's swap robes… i could use a new color.

    | June 24, 2009 @ 12:25 am

  32. Rebecca said,

    My daughter is such a head strong girl. She's vomited like 7 times total (probably an over estimate) in her entire four years of life. When she's sick she'll say "I DON'T WANT TO SPIT UP!!" and she'll actually hold her breath and sit really still till the urge passes and she's fine. It amazes me to pieces.

    Now my son, on the other hand, spent his entire first year throwing up all over everything in sight. I think he threw up 7 times in his first few hours of life.

    | June 24, 2009 @ 1:47 am

  33. geekymummy said,

    try natures miracle or petastic for getting the puke stain/smell out. You can find it at petco. This stuff should be marketed to parents. It works on dog diahhrea and cat pee, so baby puke is nothing! (though we did have one weekend where all three decorated our rugs)

    | June 24, 2009 @ 5:16 am

  34. Piccinigirl said,

    She's amazing just the way she is, she'll get there.
    You will too…just don't wear that bathrobe to my house when you visit. :)

    | June 24, 2009 @ 12:36 pm

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