Thank you to the whole Internet for responding so kindly to what I had to share with all of you yesterday. My hands were shaking writing that post, I didn’t want to do it, I talked myself out of it a few times and then I just said, “Fuck it” (not too loudly because of the children) and typed it out really fast and then hit publish and immediately IM’d Becky and Y because they are the keeper of my secrets, the goddesses of everything good and told them I thought I was going to freak out and that possibly the whole wide world would judge me. They both told me that I was doing something that could possibly attract the judgment of assholes but that overall, people are good and would probably respond positively. What I didn’t expect was how supportive you all were.
It’s embarrassing to be all “Rah Rah Rah! Gooooo BOOZE!” only to zip off with my tail between my legs saying, “never mind, I’ve joined the other team” but it’s what I had to do.
I’m so glad that so many of you felt connected with me enough to email me privately and comment openly about your own struggles, triumphs and failures and to offer me support. Sure one person did say she was crying that I felt I couldn’t even drink a couple of drinks but I calmed her down and let her know that she’d be okay.
The hardest time for me is the witching hour. You know. Actually it’s right twenty minutes from now (6 p.m.) that my babies will start to melt and I’ll be wearing about seven hats at once making dinner, supervising a bathroom run, answering the phone, realizing what I forgot at the grocery store today and mainly listening to incessant crying. That’s when I want to reach for the glass of wine the most. But it will work out for me and for anyone else who is where I am. It will get better.
I just had to man up. I’m doing the right thing. But I can never thank you enough for letting me know it.