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Thank You

Thank you to the whole Internet for responding so kindly to what I had to share with all of you yesterday. My hands were shaking writing that post, I didn’t want to do it, I talked myself out of it a few times and then I just said, “Fuck it” (not too loudly because of the children) and typed it out really fast and then hit publish and immediately IM’d Becky and Y because they are the keeper of my secrets, the goddesses of everything good and told them I thought I was going to freak out and that possibly the whole wide world would judge me. They both told me that I was doing something that could possibly attract the judgment of assholes but that overall, people are good and would probably respond positively. What I didn’t expect was how supportive you all were.

It’s embarrassing to be all “Rah Rah Rah! Gooooo BOOZE!” only to zip off with my tail between my legs saying, “never mind, I’ve joined the other team” but it’s what I had to do.

I’m so glad that so many of you felt connected with me enough to email me privately and comment openly about your own struggles, triumphs and failures and to offer me support. Sure one person did say she was crying that I felt I couldn’t even drink a couple of drinks but I calmed her down and let her know that she’d be okay.

The hardest time for me is the witching hour. You know. Actually it’s right twenty minutes from now (6 p.m.) that my babies will start to melt and I’ll be wearing about seven hats at once making dinner, supervising a bathroom run, answering the phone, realizing what I forgot at the grocery store today and mainly listening to incessant crying. That’s when I want to reach for the glass of wine the most. But it will work out for me and for anyone else who is where I am. It will get better.

I just had to man up. I’m doing the right thing. But I can never thank you enough for letting me know it.

Posted by Stefanie Wilder Taylor on May 28, 2009 12:21 amDrinking42 comments  

42 Comments

  1. Anonymous said,

    kudos to you. or kaduze if i was ramona :)

    | May 28, 2009 @ 1:15 am

  2. momomax said,

    you a brave bitch. I had to cut someone tonight to carve out some time for myself…I’m usually zonked out with the kids by now, but am having a stress attack.

    I am inspired by your story. Reading you tonight is helping me even though I don’t have a problem with drinking. I have other shit to wade through. I wish I could write you more often.

    xo

    | May 28, 2009 @ 1:20 am

  3. LuLu and Moxley's Mom said,

    Thinking of you and supporting you. You’re inspiring lots of people, myself included.

    | May 28, 2009 @ 1:45 am

  4. Marinka said,

    The witching hour is a bitch. I recommend meth.

    | May 28, 2009 @ 1:50 am

  5. beyond said,

    sending you good vibes. you could look into accupuncture or reiki sessions to help you with this, if you are into that kind of thing.

    | May 28, 2009 @ 2:05 am

  6. Brandy said,

    Good for you! Sometimes we’ve just got to put on our “big girl panties” and soberly and alertly slosh through all the garbage that gets hurled at us even if it sucks donkey balls sometimes and would be so much easier to get it done if we could partake of a few adult beverages.

    | May 28, 2009 @ 2:14 am

  7. MereCat said,

    I’m with you. Save room on the wagon. And thank you. You are the best.

    | May 28, 2009 @ 2:18 am

  8. Sunny said,

    I’m a new reader, but I’m glad you shared that with all of us and it was a positive experience! It’s risky putting ourselves on the line like that, but it’s often the right thing to do.

    | May 28, 2009 @ 3:15 am

  9. wheelsonthebus said,

    i’m new here — found you through my girl aunt becky.

    good heavens. who would judge you? speaking up is the only way to solve it. my blog keeps me honest. i will be reading regularly because i want to be supporting you through this.

    and we all have our issues. all of us.

    | May 28, 2009 @ 3:26 am

  10. Bridget said,

    I didn’t comment yesterday because it was witching hour at my house when I was reading it. I had gone upstairs, turned off the baby monitor and was taking a few mins to myself. That’s the only way I know how to get through it sometimes. Good luck. We’re all pulling for ya!

    | May 28, 2009 @ 3:50 am

  11. Kay said,

    I’m so glad you received the positive comments and emails that you needed. Outing yourself like that is never easy, and I’m sure there will be some assholes along the way. Just keep in mind that NONE of them are you, nor do they know what you deal with, or live your life.
    You’ve taken an amazing step – be proud of yourself.

    | May 28, 2009 @ 4:10 am

  12. jenB said,

    You are brave and amazing.

    | May 28, 2009 @ 4:16 am

  13. Beth said,

    My weakness is baked goods… seriously. I have a tremendous amount of weight to lose… but first need to find the strength to stop eating the cupcakes, brownies, etc. every night. That being said, YOUR strength has inspired me. Thank YOU sooo much for sharing your secret… hopefully I’ll be able to do the same (on my own blog) one of these days.

    | May 28, 2009 @ 4:37 am

  14. anymommy said,

    It’s a hard time – that dinner hour. I thought your post yesterday was very brave. It can be as hard to buck that slightly-tongue-in-cheek mommy needs a cocktail culture we all love just a little bit as it can be to give up a daily glass of wine. Stick with it if it’s what you need to do.

    | May 28, 2009 @ 4:40 am

  15. Chloe said,

    Well, being a twin myself I can see why you drink (and how my mom managed to abstain from ever drinking or heavily medicating herself is beyond me and really, I think I’m going to write that in her card next mother’s day- “THANK YOU FOR NOT EVER DRINKING HEAVILY OR MEDICATING YOURSELF, ALTHOUGH I TOTALLY WOULDN’T HAVE BLAMED IF YOU IF YOU HAD ‘CUZ THINKING BACK TO HOW I WAS AS A CHILD WITH MY TWIN SISTER MAKES ME KIND OF WANT TO DRINK AND HEAVILY MEDICATE MYSELF OKAY HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY LOVE YOU BYE.”) but all jokes aside- what you’re doing is tremendous. And your children will thank you. And maybe one of these days even write a very sweet Mother’s Day poem to you inside a $.99 Hallmark card about it. 😀

    Kudos, kudos, kudos.

    | May 28, 2009 @ 8:16 am

  16. Wicked Step Mom said,

    You are a tough girl, Steph… for everything you have done and been through. Giving up drinking will not be easy, but I have faith that you can do it. Just like you have done everything else, with your own style an a hell of a lot of humor.

    | May 28, 2009 @ 12:09 pm

  17. Denise Thomas said,

    No one should ever be embarassed for doing what they believe is best for themselves and their families. I will support you no matter what. Just back away from my vodka, bitch…

    | May 28, 2009 @ 12:13 pm

  18. nikki said,

    I think you are very brave to have written that post. And brave for what you’re doing!

    | May 28, 2009 @ 12:51 pm

  19. Minnie said,

    You rock.
    Period, end of story.
    If someone’s going to judge your based on your ability to be honest with yourself, (as well as all of us)…
    F-em.

    | May 28, 2009 @ 1:00 pm

  20. Kate said,

    I have two things to say. 1) Why on earth would you quit drinking on a Friday? Who does that? 2) Thanks for giving me a few things to think about.

    | May 28, 2009 @ 1:40 pm

  21. mom23greatgirls said,

    Like I said in my email…

    Anytime you need backup – I’ll be happy to help.

    It’s hard and it’s a co*ksurker (darn naughty filter at work – oops, am I suppose to read blogs and COMMENT on them at work??) sometimes but you gotta do what you gotta do!

    Thank you for taking the time to write this and reminding some of us that we are not alone.

    | May 28, 2009 @ 1:48 pm

  22. The Freaking SugarPlum Fairy said,

    The witching hour sucks, but I have faith you will get through it. :)
    One witching hour at a time…
    Good luck!

    | May 28, 2009 @ 2:07 pm

  23. Kyla said,

    We’re cheering you on!

    | May 28, 2009 @ 2:23 pm

  24. Rebecca said,

    You are taking a big ole step. Just make sure you take that step one small section at a time.

    | May 28, 2009 @ 3:46 pm

  25. Aunt Becky said,

    Get your hands away from my Vicodin, woman!

    And good for you, Stef, on a more serious After School Special note. Having come from an alcoholic family, knowing you have a problem before you’re nearly dead is commendable.

    Love you.

    | May 28, 2009 @ 4:14 pm

  26. Kendra said,

    I think it must say something that you got such positive, supportive comments–that you attract only the best readers and bring out the best in us. My “witching hour” is right after the kids are in bed, when I start thinking about how I haven’t had a second to mysef since the alarm went off, and soon I will go to bed and spend the night dealing with the cranky, teething, up-all-night baby until the alarm goes off again. And I just want to relax a little before it all goes wrong again.

    Usually it’s one glass, but I have thought at least once that I need to take a break so it doesn’t become something I “need.” You’ve inspired me to think harder about how to keep things in line.

    | May 28, 2009 @ 5:12 pm

  27. Anonymous said,

    I have been a fan of your books for a long time, I love your blogs and I applaud your sincerity. It is very hard to admit you have a problem, and thank you for your bravery to share it with us. You are doing the right thing, you will come to find you don’t need the alcohol to relax. It will be difficult at times, but that’s why you have us readers to help get you through.

    Congrats Steph. Be strong.

    | May 28, 2009 @ 6:27 pm

  28. Tricia Moran said,

    The witching hour continues to suck for me and I haven’t had a drink in two years now! But, while you’re transitioning, is there any way your husband could share the burden a little or a friend or even a babysitter. That is a nailbiting time of day, drink or no drink! (More so with no drink : )). I found that if I was able to get out of the house for twenty minutes when I was most craving it it helped alot in the beginning. I have now learned to do that if I am getting stressed – not always possible of course – but at times I’ve called a neighbor and gone and got a coffee and returned with some perspective. Hang in there! You are awesome! : ) Tricia

    | May 28, 2009 @ 6:28 pm

  29. Susan said,

    Way to go, Stefanie! I’m not brave enough…

    | May 28, 2009 @ 7:56 pm

  30. Y said,

    I just love you, Stef.

    | May 28, 2009 @ 8:59 pm

  31. Callie said,

    Wanted to add my voice to the chorus to say what I thought you did (and are doing) is incredibly brave – particularly putting it out in the world like that. I struggle with the level of disclosure in my blog. OK, well actually my husband struggles with it and as a compromise with him I tend to keep those humanizing details underwraps. When I read something like what you wrote yesterday, I really do understand the incredible power of such raw honesty and disclosure. I have no doubt that what you did yesterday by sharing your struggle will give strength to others who will in turn make life saving decisions. My virtual hat is off to you.

    | May 28, 2009 @ 9:21 pm

  32. GingerB said,

    You could take up smoking? And step outside for one now and then??

    Seriously, you are brave, and like I said yesterday – seeing yourself clearly is rare but guaranteed to improve your vision.

    Hang in there.

    | May 28, 2009 @ 9:23 pm

  33. Kim said,

    Seriously GO YOU! Yes it’s going to be hard but you already know you’re WORTH it and that’s half the battle. GO YOU!!!

    (btw I was going comment back when you were on Oprah’s Mommy Blog show: everytime I see you on TV or in the fashion police thing I think “she wrote me back once” and I feel all special. And no you don’t need to send out a restraining order, I just think you’re wicked cool :) )

    | May 28, 2009 @ 9:41 pm

  34. Anonymous said,

    I’ve been “lurking” since before the twins were born. I’ve read your triumphs and your heartbreaks and I’ve cheered and cried with them all. And I’ve seen myself in you. I am the custodial stepmom to a 19 year old SS and 15 year old
    SD. I have helped their Dad raise them for the last 6 years (3 yrs married) b/c their mother is useless, to be nice. This past 1.5 years has been difficult. My Mom diagnosed w/ inoperable lung cancer (still cancer free..thank you God), their Mom w/ stage 3 ovarian cancer (some symptoms of recurrance), and our 19 year old making us grandparents. yeah. Great. And through it all, at the end of the day, was my blessed, wonderful, glass of wine. I indeed blurs the line between their time and mine. It helped me transition from 39YO single girl to 41YO mom of 2. It helped me get through my Mom’s illness and what to tell my kids about their mom’s sickness. I love to drink. It is a cultivated, cultured taste. And I know I have to stop. For all the reasons you mentioned. To be present for my husband, my kids, myself. My only question? Can you make the ugly, awful, crazy x-wife go away? It would be soooo much easier then … I’m with you in spirit!!
    — Patti

    | May 29, 2009 @ 1:29 am

  35. BabyonBored said,

    Aww, Patti, your comment very much touched me. You don’t HAVE to stop. No one has to. Maybe you don’t have a problem. I don’t write this blog to tell anyone else what they should be doing so even if you see yourself in me, it doesn’t mean you are on my path. But, if you want to stop, then by all means, there is sure a lot of support out there to be had. You just have to reach out your hand. And I can’t make the ex go away but neither can wine sadly. YOu are clearly doing an awesome job of stepping up to a hard situation at home and you should give yourself some make Ka-dooze (see first comment ramona from Housewives) for that. Then think about the rest. Email me if you feel like it any time.

    | May 29, 2009 @ 1:37 am

  36. Amanda said,

    xo you rock.

    | May 29, 2009 @ 7:00 pm

  37. Catwoman said,

    A few comments from little me:

    1. I’ve been a sucky commentor lately. Sorry.

    2. I’ve read your last post and I say if anyone thinks you’re boring because you no longer drink, crotch punch them with your two best-selling books. That should shut them up.

    3. I look forward to your next book “Sippy Cups are for Chamomile Tea”. I’m sure it’ll be as hilarious as the first two.

    4. My husband likes me asleep. I’m more agreeable that way and more likely to put out. I think your husband sounds like a catch.

    | May 29, 2009 @ 10:02 pm

  38. Lisa said,

    I just read your previous post. It WAS brave to put it out there. Just like with pregnancy, you’ll get used to not drinking and that will become the new norm for you.

    And if the stress really gets to you that is what Xanax is for!

    | May 30, 2009 @ 8:37 pm

  39. Mlewey2 said,

    Well… I guess you'll be the exception to my general rule that "Jews don't really drink" – which is what I use as my excuse when I can't keep up with Camp Chardonnay over on Kay's block in Studio City. You definitely want to stay away from THOSE ladies for the time being. Seriously, I am ridiculously proud of you. It's a big move. And if you're up for some transference, there's a pint of Java Chip in my freezer that I MIGHT share with you because I love you so. xoxo

    | June 3, 2009 @ 4:56 am

  40. Sarah said,

    FYI – here are my not-always-perfect but sometimes-helpful strategies for surviving the witching hour ***without alcohol*** – 1) I light a really nice smelling candle on the windowsill in my kitchen, so if I'm getting stressed I can breathe in the nice smells and say a little "Ohm" to myself; 2) I give the kiddos fresh, raw veggies like cucumber and carrots to munch on so that they're not screaming for dinner; 3) I put on some nice music (there's a no-kid music rule in the evenings at my house); and 4) If all else fails, I let my kids watch TV. For 30 minutes. So I can make dinner in peace. I figure it won't hurt them to zone out and relax a bit themselves. ??? Anyway, would love to see others' tips on surviving that tricky time.

    | June 5, 2009 @ 3:18 pm

  41. Jo said,

    Good for you. I know it was tough, all of it. But I am in amazement at your bravery and honesty. I know you can do it.

    | June 9, 2009 @ 8:13 pm

  42. •´.¸¸.•¨¯`?.Trish.?´¯¨•.¸¸.´• said,

    we aren't perfect and gosh I know all the witching hour with my 2 yr old twins.
    Thank you for your honesty. Sending you good vibes to have the strength to get thorugh this tough time.

    | June 10, 2009 @ 8:17 am

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