ABOUT CONSULTING WATCH! ARCHIVES CONTACT SUBSCRIBE

Secrets

I talk about drinking a lot on my blog. I’ve talked about it a lot in my books. I really like to drink. I like the way wine softens the edges, smooths out the line between “their time” and “my time,” helps me to feel relaxed, helps me tune out. But I drink too much. I drink seven nights a week. Sometimes just a glass of wine but usually two or even three. I always seem to have some sort of excuse like “today was an exceptionally stressful day so I deserve an extra glass now that it’s all done.”

I drank often when Elby was a baby to help deal with the stress of a new infant. I found myself drinking more than I had before I became a parent and I drank with other moms to bond and unwind (yes, I’m the cocktail playdate mom and I stand by that being a healthy thing to do in moderation, in walking distance). Before I got pregnant with the twins I had pretty much stopped drinking because I felt it was becoming a habit so when I was pregnant, it was extremely easy not to drink. But when the twins were born and I was home and my milk was dried up and postpartum was setting in, the simplest thing to do seemed to be have a glass of wine.

It was only too darn easy to fall back into the pattern (especially once the babies started having a regular bedtime) of having my wine every night. For some people I’m sure this is a nice thing, a tribunal thing ( a drink at the end of the day with their spouse or friends). For others it might be a once in awhile treat to go out and have a couple of cocktails. For me, it’s become a nightly compulsion and I’m outing myself to you; all of you: I have a problem.

I quit on Friday.

I’ve wavered before on this issue thinking, “But lots of times I have one glass of wine.” Well, unfortunately, especially lately, most times I don’t just have one -sometimes I have four. And being compulsive, I can’t be trusted to “just cut down.”

I’m scared, of course, to put this out there. I’m also scared of not having alcohol as a crutch to relax at night. I’m scared I’ll just have to sit in anxiety, hearing every little noise the babies make, wondering if they’ll wake up, wondering if Sadie’s puked or if Mattie’s too cold or if I was a good enough, loving enough mommy to Elby today. I’m scared to have nothing to numb that ever present worry and my circular thinking. I’m afraid of always having to listen to myself think.

But I’m more scared that my consumption of alcohol will consume my life and I can’t afford that. I need to be present for my husband in the evening; I need to be fully reliable for all three of my children at all times and, for me, if I’m 100% honest with myself, I can’t do that if I drink.

I’m a little worried that parties will never be as much fun or that people will think I’m boring or or a little tense. But since I still plan to use the word cocksucker with wild abandon how boring could I be? Plus, the only person who is usually around me when I’ve had a few glasses is my husband and he says he likes me better sober (or “awake” as he so gently put it).

I’ve had a lifetime of hurt and some good reasons to drink but those days are long gone and the yet the alcohol is still here. And so, although it’s never gotten me into trouble, why wait for that?
So here you go. I’m nothing if not honest with you guys right? So here’s to one weekend down with no drinking and the rest of my life to go. If nothing else, I hope this helps someone else who is feeling like I do.

Posted by Stefanie Wilder Taylor on May 26, 2009 6:49 pmDrinking125 comments  

125 Comments

  1. Kizz said,

    I’m the girl who loves you as much as your husband…in a non lesbian way that is…and I love you every way you are. But mostly I love you because you have the courage to be vulnerable to a whole lot of people and tell something about yourself that you are less than thrilled about. You are a beautiful, fabulous, courageous, sweet, funny woman and a wonderful friend, wife and mother. I applaud you and I am your friend forever. Even if you are “boring” for the rest of your cocksucking life! That’s right bitches, I said like to use cocksucker in a sentence too!.

    | May 26, 2009 @ 9:05 pm

  2. Mama Kat said,

    Boy I haven’t stopped by here in awhile! You are so refreshingly honest. And from what you describe I’d say it sounds like you’re making the right choice for your family. Stay strong!

    | May 26, 2009 @ 9:09 pm

  3. Y said,

    First of all, I love you. I love your honesty. It’s beautiful, really.

    There was a time in my life where I drank every night and more than I should have. For me, it was all about self medicating. So, on some level, I can relate.

    I rarely drink now. Definitely not every night, sometimes, not for weeks at a time. Not because I had to give it up, just because a)it stopped feeling good. I still have a glass of wine at night every once in a while, or a lemon drop martini when I’m out with my husband, but no more nightly drinking. If you feel like giving it up completely is what you have to do, then I’m proud of you for just doing it.

    Please, don’t worry about how it affects other people– no one will think less of you because you choose not to drink. And if by chance someone does have a problem with it, remember, THEIR ISSUE NOT YOURS. I mean, unless you start saying stuff like “JESUS DOESN’T LIKE YOU TO DRINK WINE!” Then, I may have to kick your ass a little bit.

    And lastly, You do NOT NEED TO DRINK TO BE FUN. We will have fun at BlogHer no matter what. You’re just that kind of person, you’re hilarious and quick with the wit and I can not wait to spend that weekend with you.

    I love you and am proud of you for writing this.

    | May 26, 2009 @ 9:12 pm

  4. Aunt Becky said,

    I’m proud of you, Stef. This is a brave, brave thing to admit. If anyone gives you the slightest inkling of being an ass about this, send ’em my way.

    Love you.

    | May 26, 2009 @ 9:18 pm

  5. Ramblin' Red said,

    What a brave and gut wrenchingly honest post. Kudos to you for recognizing things before they got past a point of no return. Your children will thank you for it for years to come.

    (hugs)

    | May 26, 2009 @ 9:20 pm

  6. Black Hockey Jesus said,

    Yeah Stefanie you really need to go all out or quit. Moderate drinkers don’t really make any sense.

    | May 26, 2009 @ 9:23 pm

  7. Mrs. B. Roth said,

    I’m proud of you. As a teetotaling Mormon, I’ve often sat on the sidelines, watching people drink and thinking how nice it must be to let go a little, let down, loosen up.

    (Utah has the highest rate of anti-depressant use, so don’t think my fellow Mormons don’t find their own crutches)

    But I know I can’t. And not just for religious reasons … I need to be aware, awake, alert. I need to be there and take it, even when it’s been a hard day and a hard night and another hard day.

    (please don’t make me feel bad about downing my caffeined vitamins with my diet cherry vanilla dr. pepper)

    Good luck. It’s taboo to suggest that it might not be best for the kids to have a parent who drinks … but seriously, would you be cool if your babysitter drank on the job?

    I know, judge not … but still.

    Also, your kids are the cutest little girls in all of [insert home state here as long as home state is not Utah].

    | May 26, 2009 @ 9:31 pm

  8. DadGoneMad said,

    You are brave and smart and strong. Thanks for having the balls to post this.

    | May 26, 2009 @ 9:35 pm

  9. Jennifer said,

    it can be so hard to face yourself.
    I remember coming to a very similar conclusion about myself. hhhmmmm. this seems to be a little too much…..I better fix this before all hell breaks loose.
    you are doing great already. just by saying it outloud. just by telling yourself that this isnt how you want to be. knowing you want to change. wonderful. just think – you may have taken away the wine but, you gave yourself all the power. i’ll be thinking of you.

    | May 26, 2009 @ 9:38 pm

  10. Sugar Mommy said,

    You are bravea and beautiful!
    It takes a very strong womanto realize that there may be a problem forming.
    Congrats for the the first step. Best wishes and warm hugs for the steps ahead.

    | May 26, 2009 @ 9:51 pm

  11. Mommy Melee said,

    Gonna reply via email.

    *hug*

    | May 26, 2009 @ 9:58 pm

  12. Kay said,

    Stef –

    Wow. Talk about honest. And pretty damn brave, too. I’m not a drinker, other than the rare social occasion, but have dealt with my own addictions (and addictive tendencies) in the past. Not fun, but necessary. And eventually you learn to enjoy being the sober one, I promise. Drunk people are fun to laugh at :)

    | May 26, 2009 @ 9:59 pm

  13. Redneck Mommy said,

    Applauding your bravery.

    Not just for posting this publicly but for knowing that this could very well turn into a problem for you and having the strength to address it before it does.

    Since I have been known to self medicate, I really appreciate the honesty in which you evaluate yourself.

    Perhaps it’s time I do the same.

    | May 26, 2009 @ 10:05 pm

  14. Ali said,

    you = awesome.

    that is all.

    | May 26, 2009 @ 10:08 pm

  15. jodifur said,

    what an incredibly brave thing to write.

    You don’t mention if you are doing this on your own, but if you are, I hope that if you fall along the way you aren’t too afraid to ask for help.

    | May 26, 2009 @ 10:08 pm

  16. Tricia Moran said,

    I am new to your blog, but it's great to see and hear someone with such honesty on here. Let me tell you, you are NOT ALONE. At all. There are so many Moms out here who are going through this/have gone through it. The good thing is you have realised it's not good for you and made a difficult choice anyway.

    I made the same choice almost two years ago. My husband left me and my two children (well more me, he still sees them) but I became a single mom. Motherhood has always been stressful and it is stressful, even for those of us who don't admit it. My started when I suffered severe post-partum depression and could not sleep. It kind of slipped into a regular habit after that. I had never been a drinker, was the one to have one drink at most, but before I knew it, it was the only way I could find to lessen the anxiety and sleep.

    After my husband left, I could no longer allow myself the luxury of doing it. I was the only adult in the house and I knew it would only lead to trouble should one of them get sick and need to go to the hospital at night.

    So I made the same choice that you have. It was tough in the beginning, I wasn't sure how to just "be" with my feelings, but it got easier and easier with time. I was able to grieve for my marriage and became a better mother as a result. (At least I think I am). One of the reasons was that I was not tired in the mornings and actually started to sleep really better. (wine induced sleep is not good sleep!). I am telling you all this boring stuff to encourage you and tell you I admire your choice. It worked for me and I definitely feel better about myself and much more able to cope with motherhood as a result.

    If you ever need a person to talk to or unload on, please email me. I would be happy to encourage you. Take it one step at a time> That's how I did it. Looking at the rest of my life was not appealing to me. I just apply it on a daily basis and it is much easier now. I admire you and hope things feel better for you.

    Tricia :)

    | May 26, 2009 @ 10:09 pm

  17. avasmommy said,

    First off, good for you for putting this out there.
    Second, not drinking does not make you boring, anymore than drinking makes everyone fun to be around.
    Third, if you feel like you have a “reason to drink” you probably shouldn’t and it is awesome that you see that, and have taken that step. Good luck.

    | May 26, 2009 @ 10:10 pm

  18. Angela said,

    I agree with everyone here. You? Are super brave. I admire your bravery and your honesty and your strength and your willingness to use the word Cocksucker. Stay strong.

    | May 26, 2009 @ 10:10 pm

  19. Jill said,

    What a brave post. I found you via Twitter and though I’m a first time reader, I can relate to a lot of what you wrote about here. I don’t have a drink every night, but I do have at least one most nights, sometimes 2 or 3, and occasionally more than that. I try to set rules, like I can’t drink until 6:00, but am I fooling myself? I’ve never done anything to harm myself or my children while drinking, but I so easily “check out” on the evenings that I do drink. I do know I couldn’t make it through an evening with my in laws without some wine, but if you met my in laws you would totally understand!! I applaud your bravery and am for sure adding you to my Google Reader!!

    | May 26, 2009 @ 10:11 pm

  20. SUEB0B said,

    I deal with this too. I never get drunk drunk, but I drink some every day, some more days than others. It is a weird grey zone. I often think I should quit drinking, because I am probably missing out on things when I am a little spaced out with alcohol.

    But I don’t feel like I want to quit forever and I don’t feel like I belong in AA, since it is not a huge problem for me, more of a bad little habit.

    I applaud your honesty. There is a lot of emotion and baggage around drinking, since most of us have alcoholics we are close to. I wish you the best on your journey.

    | May 26, 2009 @ 10:12 pm

  21. Kyla said,

    Good for you! Bonus points for being so open about it, too.

    | May 26, 2009 @ 10:13 pm

  22. shauna said,

    i battle the same demons. good for you for taking control.

    | May 26, 2009 @ 10:13 pm

  23. Perksofbeingme said,

    you are so brave. So very brave. thank you for posting this. Thank you so much.

    | May 26, 2009 @ 10:15 pm

  24. Welcome, Wahoos! said,

    Brave post. You will like the oher side of the mommy drinking fence. I’m on it.

    On the other side of the fence you will meet a group of moms that you want to go out with in the evening. Moms who drink a drink now and then, but remember where they were after a night out. Moms of teens who can safely preach to their teens about drinking in moderation necause they do. Moms who don’t feel the need to take a cooler of beer to a Brownie campout. Moms who don’t mind chaperoning a fieldtrip overnight and not drinking at all.

    Moms who are fun to be around because of who they are and not because of the number of drinks they have had.

    | May 26, 2009 @ 10:17 pm

  25. AMomTwoBoys said,

    **MWAH**

    Nice work, lady. I’m proud of you.

    | May 26, 2009 @ 10:19 pm

  26. Wishing 4 One said,

    In a former life I drank, and partied ALOT! One day i stopped completely and have never had another drink. Don’t miss it, don’t need it and all is good. Nothing good ever came out of drinking for me, nothing. Anyway I admire your courage and honesty and know you will be a better person awake. I cannot imagine you ever being boring or lame, no way, and even if you cut out the csucker word, you’d still be the shizit. Thanks for sharing yourself today.

    | May 26, 2009 @ 10:20 pm

  27. Mom24 said,

    I think it is very brave and very wonderful for you to put this out here. Good for you. Good luck. We’ll all be pulling for you.

    | May 26, 2009 @ 10:22 pm

  28. Undomestic Diva said,

    You are amazing on so many levels. This – your bravery and honesty – just makes you all the more fascinating and awesome in my book.

    | May 26, 2009 @ 10:22 pm

  29. mom2nji said,

    This is the first time I have been to your blog, Back Packing Dad linked to it via twitter. I love your honesty. It must have really freaking hard to put that out to the blogosphere. I don’t know you, but I am proud of you. I grew up with a mom who drank A LOT. Like way tooo much. In the beginning it just helped her relax and deal, but by the time I was 6 she was very abusive. She drank more and more, and we were abused more and more. I was never so happy as when my parents divorced (went with dad). NOT saying YOU would ever be abusive. But losing control of drinking is a slippery slope. I know all about anxiety, I am full of it. I don’t drink (maybe once a year) because I am terrified of going there. Drinking doesn’t make you more fun! I am sure you a rockin person without it!

    | May 26, 2009 @ 10:24 pm

  30. Gunfighter said,

    Hi… First time here, and already you are one of my heroes(you and Captain Kirk).

    Be strong, and don’t let anyone give you any crap about your decision.

    | May 26, 2009 @ 10:25 pm

  31. RookieMom Heather said,

    As long as you’re asking, I think you’re still pretty raunchy, kick-ass, and funny without the sauce. Good for you to put it out there like that — cheers to that!

    | May 26, 2009 @ 10:28 pm

  32. Kellee said,

    Good for you! Thank you for being open and honest with the rest of us. As long as you’re not giving up “cocksucker”.. we’ll all be happy :)

    | May 26, 2009 @ 10:32 pm

  33. heather... said,

    I’m getting very good at being dry, so you’re only going to get support from me.

    Big kisses.

    | May 26, 2009 @ 10:32 pm

  34. Charming Driver said,

    Good on you for the honesty with yourself and doing what you feel is right and good for your family.

    And if it matters from an internet stranger, you’re a good enough, loving enough mom every day. Promise.

    | May 26, 2009 @ 10:35 pm

  35. margalit said,

    Not only are you brave for posting this, you’re brave for recognizing that your drinking was becoming a problem and you did something about it before it got out of hand. That really deserves a HUGE round of applause. Clap clap clap.

    | May 26, 2009 @ 10:35 pm

  36. Heather said,

    Undeniably brave. Go woman, go.

    Hey also, I found your PPD posts really, really helpful. I was diagnosed about 4 weeks ago and am finally turning the corner. I’m all hope-y and shit.

    But enough about me: congrats to you. Awesome post.

    Heather

    runhlrun.blogspot.com (not in my profile)

    | May 26, 2009 @ 10:37 pm

  37. theotherryan said,

    Drinking every night is something few can do without it creeping onto some excess. Good luck.

    | May 26, 2009 @ 10:37 pm

  38. Amelia Sprout said,

    Keep it up. It will be a struggle, and you will hate it sometimes, but it will be worth it, I promise.

    Being honest about this kind of stuff is good, and I wish more people could be. They would realize that too often it becomes a problem, and if we don’t talk about it, it will continue to be a problem.

    | May 26, 2009 @ 10:43 pm

  39. Angela said,

    I have never read your blog before, but I caught this in a Twitter and wanted to drop off my encouragement. Alcoholism runs rampant in my family, and it’s frightening. Nipping this in the butt before it gets to a point that you can’t even function is a good thing. You shouldn’t be afraid to put yourself out there to blog world. Some people are assholes (or cocksuckers), of course, but that’s everywhere. If they’re going to put you down for admitting you have a problem and trying to fix it, they aren’t even worth the time it will take you to delete the comment. You are not doing anything to be afraid of or ashamed of. By quitting, you are doing something to be proud of.

    As far as not having the alcohol to numb your worries? Write. Read a book. Learn to count to a hundred in another language. I honestly think that having hobbies to fill your free time make you a better person. I know it’s when I’m sitting around with idle hands that my mind runs wild. It’s then that I question myself and become afraid. So just try to keep busy, even in the time you would relax. Mark the transition from family time to your time with a bubble bath. Don’t try to quit with nothing, just find healthy alternatives to your one or two or three glasses of wine.

    Good luck, hon.

    | May 26, 2009 @ 10:47 pm

  40. Nanette said,

    Great job, Stef! I wish you the best of luck! :)

    | May 26, 2009 @ 10:50 pm

  41. tutugirl1345 said,

    I promise, your kids will thank you. (And if they’re too young to know how great this is for them, I’M thanking you.)

    | May 26, 2009 @ 11:04 pm

  42. Leslie said,

    I am delurking for the first time to say you are brave and strong and beautiful and courageous. And freaking hilarious and wonderful. I’m a huge fan.

    | May 26, 2009 @ 11:19 pm

  43. merlotmom said,

    Congratulations, Stef. You’re on the right track and it’s great that you are so self-aware. (I’m sure you are just as entertaining, or more so, without the wine). Good luck. Oh, and yoga is always good for bringing down the hunched shoulders.

    | May 26, 2009 @ 11:27 pm

  44. Suzy said,

    I had to stop going to parties because people are excruciatingly boring when you’re sober and they’re drunk. One woman asked me what I did for a living THREE times before I walked away. Last weekend a friend of mine who was very high did the drunk dial and I finally had to tell him “You’re high and I can’t talk to you.” Then I hung up.

    | May 26, 2009 @ 11:33 pm

  45. Anonymous said,

    Delurking to say bravo for having the courage to not only stop something you recognize as harmful but inviting the rest of us to come along for the ride with you. I have a family member who recently gave up drinking and it’s amazing how much better our time is together now that he’s not supported by a drink or 4 when he’s stressed or tired or whatever necessitated it that day. Our relationship has improved tenfold and the whole family is better for it.

    May you continue to swear and be yourself with wild abandon!

    | May 26, 2009 @ 11:39 pm

  46. andi said,

    Wow. Just wow.

    You are so strong and brave. We’re all behind you.

    Sending you my love and strength.

    | May 26, 2009 @ 11:55 pm

  47. BabyonBored said,

    Thank you all for your kind comments. I am doing this with help and support and I’m well aquainted with the AA system due to a long and ugly struggle with bulimia in my late teens through early twenties. See? Compulsive enough for you? But man, motherhood is some stressful shit! If you are a mom who has quit drinking I’d love to hear from you privately!

    | May 27, 2009 @ 12:20 am

  48. CaraBee said,

    Good for you, Stefanie! I quit drinking when we decided to get pregnant and since I’m still nursing, I have only had a few nips of wine. That means it’s been two and a half years since I really drank. And believe me, I used to REALLY drink. I thought I would, but I don’t miss it. Sadly, I think I am more boring now. The flipside, all of those drunk assholes are really annoying, so it balances out. You? Will be fine. Funny and frank and the life of the party, even without a drink in your hand.

    | May 27, 2009 @ 12:31 am

  49. Danielle said,

    You can do it. You’ve decided, and it will be hard, but you can do it.

    And think about how much more fun it will be to watch the drinkers when you are sober!! good times!

    | May 27, 2009 @ 12:32 am

  50. Adelas said,

    Hey girl. Like several, I found you through Backpacking Dad. I applaud your bravery to post, your strength to decide when it’s time to quit, and the further strength to actually do it.

    I think Suzy hit it on the head; drunk people are not fun when you’re sober. Which could be a drag for you now that you’ll be the sober one. Here’s hoping you either have, or find soon, a bunch of people who are fun sober. Extra bonus: it’s cheaper :)

    Know that complete strangers are pulling for you, proud of you, and thinking well of you for doing the right thing rather than thinking badly of you for needing to make a change.

    Maybe some day I can intervene on my own punk ass and stop picking my nose. 😛

    | May 27, 2009 @ 12:55 am

  51. Marinka said,

    A lifetime is just a bunch of one days at a time. Good luck!

    | May 27, 2009 @ 1:17 am

  52. Brandy said,

    When I am at my lowest, this always helps:

    “God grant me the serenity
    To accept the things I cannot change;
    Courage to change the things I can;
    And wisdom to know the difference.”

    You are brave, strong and smart. You can do this. Blessings to you and yours.

    Sincerely,
    Brandy

    | May 27, 2009 @ 1:27 am

  53. Denise Thomas said,

    Having been stone-cold sober with you and completely shit-faced drunk with you, I am crazy about you both ways. You are stronger, cooler, and more awesome than you know. Or maybe I’m just drunk….

    | May 27, 2009 @ 1:42 am

  54. Lil Mouse said,

    Consider the blog post your own little intervention. Sometimes, having a baby just gets to you, I only have one, but there are times I grab one of her toys and shake the crap out of it and throw it across the room. I can’t drink, because I’m still nursing her. I can’t even have caffeine because it keeps her awake going through the breast milk. Now I was a caffeine addict but gave it up a year before I got pregnant. Never drank much, and although I’d love to, my baby is more important. It seems like you’ve figured out what is right for you and are sticking to it. Follow your mother’s intuition. Do what is right for you and you’ll never go wrong. None of it makes you a bad mother. Were you overwhelmed, you bet. we all are sometimes. So don’t beat up on yourself or shortchange the things you do know that are good for one thing you see as a failure.

    | May 27, 2009 @ 1:55 am

  55. Sunny said,

    It’s really wise of you to recognize the (budding?) problem and correct it. And brave to share it with all of us.

    Unsolicited assvice: Do you have something else to replace it? A coping mechanism that is healthier and less addicting? That will probably help…

    | May 27, 2009 @ 2:01 am

  56. Kyle said,

    what is it about us moms (mostly) that makes us question whether we are being the best mom we can be? It seems inherent in all the moms I know, and I am certainly guilty of it. If you have the balls to ask that question 9 out of 10 times you are dong the best you can because you care enough to ask! I don’t drink to cope, but I do eat and mine is out of control as well. Maybe your strength will give me the strength to put it down and stop hurting myself with food. Thank you.

    | May 27, 2009 @ 2:19 am

  57. Jen said,

    Way to go lady. You never cease to amaze me. Thank you for your honesty and your bravery.

    | May 27, 2009 @ 2:38 am

  58. Janet said,

    In solidarity, I will stop at one glass of wine tonight. (Had already drunk it when I read your post, so I can’t undo it now.)

    Chamomile tea with honey is my recommendation for a substitute.

    | May 27, 2009 @ 2:53 am

  59. Habbala said,

    I am completely in awe of your bravery and strength. Thank you for sharing this with us.

    | May 27, 2009 @ 2:55 am

  60. Trish said,

    We’re all here rooting you on!

    | May 27, 2009 @ 2:56 am

  61. Amy said,

    Proud of you!!

    I think you need to treat yourself to a book of really amazing smoothies, and all your favorite ingredients, so that you can make yourself a healthy, non-alcoholic treat after the kids go to bed. You’ll still have something to look forward to, and a little nightly ritual, but it won’t be booze.

    You can do it!

    | May 27, 2009 @ 3:05 am

  62. Kelsey said,

    So brave. Thank you for sharing this.

    | May 27, 2009 @ 3:06 am

  63. Jill VT said,

    Stefanie, I am a mum of four and a definite drinker; it makes me want to cry that you feel you have to give the hooch up 100%. I drink every evening; a (generous) glass of wine with dinner, and two small drinks of coffee liquer with milk post (kiddie) bed time. Yes, I suppose I have a drinking problem, but I have my rules and won’t “break” them. Knowing I have my beverages to look forward to in the evening is a huge deal when I’m dealing with the 4 pm tantrum.

    So, contrary to everyone else, I’ll ask – are you able to still have a drink or two, but set pretty rigid limits?

    | May 27, 2009 @ 3:24 am

  64. Anonymous said,

    I have the opposite problem, I don’t drink very often but every once in a while my husband and I will have some drinks(maybe once or twice a month) and I go way overboard to the point that I’m sick the next day and can’t function at all.
    I would like to be able to control it but, honestly I don’t want to have to give up alcohol completely. I like being able to have champagne at a party or a cocktail during a date night. And I can do that without overindulging…just at times, I can’t. Hmmmm….

    | May 27, 2009 @ 3:39 am

  65. Cass said,

    This post hits a little close to home for me. What I’ll probably do is pretend like I didn’t read this, and continue with my own road of denial a little longer. And then when I’m more ready, I’ll return to reread it and hopefully join you. And I’m commenting in this public way in order to feel like I’m being held accountable somehow. Accountable for what? I’m not sure….

    | May 27, 2009 @ 4:03 am

  66. Count Mockula said,

    I’d just be repeating what 64 other people have said. But thanks. Thanks for sharing and being honest.

    | May 27, 2009 @ 4:03 am

  67. Lee of MWOB said,

    Oh dude. Self-medicating mamas. We are all doing it in our way I think. I need me some edges softened and the lines blurred a bit….I will totally admit that.

    I am a total believer in the everything in moderation philosophy in life. But good for you for checking yourself on the moderation line.

    | May 27, 2009 @ 5:10 am

  68. Summer said,

    Ah girl! I am so behind you. My husband quit drinking for the same reason. One glass became two and then more….and so I quit with him.

    What I found that helps, is that you find other drunks, hang out around them. It helps because you get (or at least I do) a contact drunk, where even though I haven’t had a drop, I feel just as drunk as they are. I feel funny, witty and pretty. And I wake up refreshed and with all my memories.

    Trust me it’s fun.

    And you’ll always have xanax. Please don’t tell me you quit xanax!!!

    | May 27, 2009 @ 5:29 am

  69. seran said,

    That took an ocean of courage. Stay strong, you are a mountain and a motherfucker.

    | May 27, 2009 @ 5:31 am

  70. Candice said,

    How brave of you to ppost this. Good for you. It sounds like you’re posting this to put it out there and hold yourself accountable. I wish you the best in your journey. Hang in there.

    Maybe yoga can be your new stress reliever. ;P

    | May 27, 2009 @ 8:20 am

  71. Tracy said,

    Going through some of the same here…and am coming to the same conclusion as you. Time to cut out the nightly cocktails. But it’s nt easy when that is the one thing I’ve looked forward to at the end of a long day.

    | May 27, 2009 @ 12:17 pm

  72. Susan said,

    Can I have what’s left in the liquor cabinet?

    | May 27, 2009 @ 1:03 pm

  73. Mental P Mama said,

    Oh I wish I’d done that when my own twins were younger…I am so pulling for you.

    | May 27, 2009 @ 1:04 pm

  74. valerie said,

    Good for you. Very brave of you to post~super hero brave.

    Seems you are cursed with the mamma bear syndrome…constant worry and anxiety. I too suffer from it, but it’s gotten better after meeting some truly awful parents.

    | May 27, 2009 @ 1:28 pm

  75. Shannon said,

    My mother has insomnia and has been a drinker all my life and most of hers. She could never have just one and while it was late at night and I never really noticed, she was cranky in the mornings, snapped at everyone and now that she is 70, the damage is done. She is currently recovering from gall bladder surgery, and while the surgery went great, she is stuck in the hospital, letting the pain drive her need for morphine. She is making her recovery hell for herself.

    You do what is right for your body and trust your instincts now, while you have the luxury of time to experience this change in yourself.

    | May 27, 2009 @ 1:37 pm

  76. Wicked Step Mom said,

    I have avoided alcohol like the plague ever since both my dad and my brother became dependent. I am a little too much like my dad. And the truth is that I am scared of alcohol because of that.

    At parties, I tend to be the sober person. But, I am rarely boring and if I am, it is because I have chosen to be. Laughing at your drunken friends is a heck of a way to pass an evening. :)

    As a side note, herbal tea at the end of the day works for me. It helps me relax and unwind. And if I get addicted to it, it won’t hurt anyone. I like lemon or chamomile best.

    | May 27, 2009 @ 1:40 pm

  77. Anonymous said,

    Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Really. And think of the money you’ll save. Seriously. I really needed to read that today.

    | May 27, 2009 @ 1:56 pm

  78. Angie said,

    Thanks for being real with us and not just trying to make us feel good!

    Just FYI, if you get really good Nighty Night chamomile tea and brew it strong, it might help at night. When I’m being a spaz, I find that it really helps wind me down and it’s good for you.

    | May 27, 2009 @ 2:04 pm

  79. homeslice said,

    i am rooting for you big time. alcoholism has been rampant in my family. lots of them are “functional” alcoholics – a few are not. a few started out functional and are no longer. putting it out there is a bold move and you will have lots of support on your journey.

    | May 27, 2009 @ 2:05 pm

  80. TSannie said,

    Perhaps I should take a page out of your book…I’ve been worrying about this (for me)for a while now. That’s generally a good sign something’s amiss.

    I’m rooting for you!

    | May 27, 2009 @ 2:31 pm

  81. Bananas said,

    I cannot tell you how much I applaud your honesty. With us, but even more so with yourself.

    | May 27, 2009 @ 3:16 pm

  82. Becky said,

    You’re a wonderful writer. Thanks for making your blog.

    | May 27, 2009 @ 4:47 pm

  83. Anonymous said,

    Brave girl to put it out there. One day at a time. I’m rooting for ya!

    cjcoppola2@yahoo.com

    | May 27, 2009 @ 5:04 pm

  84. Andee said,

    You can do it! I’m proud of you for taking this step. You go girl!

    | May 27, 2009 @ 5:16 pm

  85. WA said,

    Now I’ll be even more impressed when you walk around calling everyone a “cocksucker” at BlogHer and you’re doing it sober.

    | May 27, 2009 @ 5:31 pm

  86. Venti Vixen said,

    Kudos to you for this. I’m pretty sure you’re still hilarious without the alcohol. Anyone who uses the word cocksucker gets an A++++ in my book 😉 I hear ya on the bulimia thing, exact same timing for me: been there, done that.

    | May 27, 2009 @ 5:42 pm

  87. Jean said,

    In 1986, on my wedding day, I decided that I would never drink alcohol again. I didn’t have a drinking problem, but the man I married did. I did not want alcohol in the house. Wanted no part of it because I saw how alcohol changes people’s behavior. I was divorced in 2001 and I still have no desire to drink even though I am no longer with my ex husband. He did go on the wagon when my second child was three. But he returned to drinking after he left in 2000. He still drinks to this day. It is very hard on the children when a parent drinks. It’s funny because some people push alcohol on me even after I tell them that I do not want a drink. Not friends, but acquaintances. Friends know that I don’t drink and don’t bother asking. But acquaintances will go so far and pry asking things like “Why don’t you want to drink? Are you a recovering alcoholic?” I tell them no and they still pry more. They look at you like you’re an alien which is not good if you have low self esteem to begin with and want to be accepted at parties and such. I don’t have that problem with low self esteem but some people do and it’s wrong for others to try and make them feel like a freak if they don’t want to drink. I just wanted to warn you that it may happen to you and people will try and get you to change your mind. Don’t buckle. Stand your ground and hold your head up high. Be proud of your decision! This is the best gift you can give yourself. If people don’t accept you for who you are then they are not worth your time. I am very proud of you!

    | May 27, 2009 @ 6:36 pm

  88. Misfit Hausfrau said,

    Good for you for being so brave and putting yourself out there like that!

    | May 27, 2009 @ 7:10 pm

  89. Suburban Turmoil said,

    You’re so brave to put this out there for everyone to read.

    I think you’re touching on a subject that many moms know all too well and are afraid to talk about.

    Good for you! Can’t wait to see you at BlogHer.

    | May 27, 2009 @ 7:27 pm

  90. GretchenA said,

    Not many people would be comfortable admitting this to themselves, much less in a public place. Congrats to you for naming the problem, and starting on a new path. Your bravery is inspiring.

    | May 27, 2009 @ 8:16 pm

  91. GingerB said,

    If you have the courage to see yourself clearly, then your vision doesn’t need correcting. Don’t waver.

    | May 27, 2009 @ 9:09 pm

  92. Jaime said,

    First off good for you. I can tell you from someone who doesn’t drink that yes, many people will tell you you’re no fun. Many people will tease you and try to get you to jump (back) onto the drinking bandwagon, but guess what? The decision to not drink is not done for anyone but YOU. Of course that spills over to your family and kids but in the end YOU are the one who has to most to lose and if not drinking bothers someone well those that matter don’t mind and those that mind don’t matter. Good for you for being brave enough to put that out there for the whole world to see. It takes strength to turn away from something before it gets the best of you.

    | May 27, 2009 @ 9:23 pm

  93. Laura in Michigan said,

    Although I don’t really enjoy drinking and don’t understand the love of wine, I am addicted to food. Really addicted… So in that respect, we are alike. I am working on trying to find other ways to entertain myself at night, and the “health coach” suggested I try knitting. Don’t laugh, I went out and bought myself an instructional book and a pair of needles. I take inspiration from you for telling your readers. You are brave and wonderful!

    | May 27, 2009 @ 11:48 pm

  94. sugar mama said,

    You are incredibly brave. I just had a conversation with another mother yesterday about how much wine we consume (full disclosure: every night, 2 glasses to a bottle). MANY mothers I know are the same and count down the minutes to cocktail time. Is it 5 yet? Is 4:30 too early, too desperate, too lushbag?
    It’s stressful to be a mom, espcially a work-at-home mom. For me, it’s very isolating. I’m constantly torn between work and children and feeling guilty about not having time for either. I look forward to my couch party at the end of the day, to unplug with wine and TV. But I have no business bitching because your life is way more hectic than mine.
    Upshot of sobriety? Clarity and better abs! Maybe I’ll try it, too.

    | May 28, 2009 @ 12:37 am

  95. Amanda said,

    Awesome. And I strongly suspect you could never be boring.

    | May 28, 2009 @ 12:38 am

  96. Rebecca said,

    You’re a brave woman to put that out in your blog. Coming from a family where some of us have struggled with alcohol and all of us have to be mindful I can relate to much of this post. Some of the best parties I went to, I went sober. All the best.

    | May 28, 2009 @ 1:29 am

  97. Chloe said,

    Wow. Kudos to you for stepping forward and admitting you have a problem. It takes a big person to do that, a very aware person to do that, and I understand how easy it is to use alcohol as a crutch (it’s easier to be social! it’s easier to be funny!) and to suddenly not have that crutch anymore can be so horribly panic-inducing. It’s scary and it’s daunting, but as long as you keep using the word cocksucker I think you’ll be A-OK.

    Cockity cockity cockity cock sucker. Hee hee. Stay strong.

    | May 28, 2009 @ 8:10 am

  98. Texas said,

    It won’t be nearly as boring as you fear and the rewards of having capacity to fully remember times with your family unclouded or fuzzed out is well worth the effort.
    Bravo.
    (not a reader till now but will come back to keep offering support)

    | May 28, 2009 @ 12:33 pm

  99. Anonymous said,

    I did the exact same thing just 3 weeks ago, due to the exact same behavior and feelings. With an alcoholic father, I definitely needed to nip it now. You are one brave cookie for admitting it out loud, unlike myself who is commenting anonymously.

    | May 28, 2009 @ 2:41 pm

  100. Anonymous said,

    You are smart and brave! I had to do something similar with tobacco and it was quite a challenge but one year after I’m so glad I did it!
    try a couple of puffs of marihuana without any tobacco. It relaxes me a lot!
    the best luck!! kisses

    | May 28, 2009 @ 3:36 pm

  101. Kendra said,

    All I can say is wow. I think that may be one of the bravest things I’ve ever seen. Not only did you decide that you were going to stop doing something because, in your most honest heart of hearts, you’re worried it’s going to cause problems for you and your loved ones. But more than that, you announced it to anyone willing to stop by and read your blog. That’s a lot more honesty than I can manage even on my best days.

    I am exceptionally proud of you. I think that in a lot of ways, you act as such a great mom role model–trying to take things in stride, find the humor in life, reach out to other people when you feel alone–and now you can add being truly honest, even when it’s frightening.

    | May 28, 2009 @ 4:28 pm

  102. Piccinigirl said,

    you brave, amazing woman. I just want to tell you that…so that on the hard days , when you want that glass, you KNOW you don’t need it.
    I don’t have a personal story, but I am here to say that you are a portrait of courage and humnaness.

    No matter what happens now, you took that first step and I for one think it’s FUCKING AWESOME!

    | May 28, 2009 @ 6:00 pm

  103. Surcie said,

    I totally get how you could turn to drinking for comfort in response to tremendous stress. I’m not a drinker, but I packed on a ton of weight AFTER my son was born and I’ve only recently lost it (and he’s 5). At some point, it hit me that I was actually abusing myself by abusing food and that I can tell my son how wonderful and valuable he is, but if he doesn’t see me treating myself that way, he won’t believe me. It may as well be a lie. So now I’m finding healthier ways to de-stress. I know you will, too.

    | May 31, 2009 @ 3:58 pm

  104. moosh in indy. said,

    It’s always dry where I am baby.

    | June 1, 2009 @ 3:55 am

  105. Sandra said,

    Good for you! That is a very difficult decision. I know because I’ve been pondering the same thing for months now but haven’t been able to do it. I used to drink just 1 glass at night. Now it’s easily 3 or 4. My weight is suffering the most as well as my long term health.

    I’m a full-time working mom with two daughters. If I analyzed myself, which I don’t really want to do, I’d say it’s an avoidance tactic on my part. I’m also not in the healthiest marriage.

    Keep posting on this because I might join your bandwagon.

    | June 1, 2009 @ 6:56 pm

  106. Anonymous said,

    Nothing wrong with having drinks at night. You only go around once. Enjoy it while you can.

    | June 2, 2009 @ 5:42 pm

  107. Shawn said,

    Absafuckinglutely. You rock — sober.

    We do what we have to survive. This is what you have to do now.

    Now, kiss those kids and smile.

    | June 2, 2009 @ 6:12 pm

  108. Anonymous said,

    For tension / anxious thoughts: My midwife turned me on to this when I had headaches while pregnant and I still use it from time to time. It's a calcium-magnesium supplement and you can mix it into your chamomile tea. (I prefer Good Earth, it tastes sweet.) Anyway, it's called Cal-Mac (not sure why). I get it at the health food store. It's super fine, like powdered sugar, and it goes straight into your muscles and stuff. Very relaxing.

    Good luck with this. I am not ready myself (to stop over-eating) but you are a beacon here.

    –Lisa

    | June 4, 2009 @ 12:17 am

  109. MommaNecey said,

    :)

    | June 4, 2009 @ 2:07 am

  110. Anonymous said,

    Well, good for you, you quit! You hit the nail on the head when you stated that liquor takes the edge off. It takes the good edge too. Your going to be funny and smart and 'edgy' wether you drink or not, but it's less deliberate when you're drunk and a struggle when you're hungover. Instead of thinking of it as smoothing out the wrinkles of life, think of it as a chemically induced dementia and all that is associated with that term. If that doesn't scare you, good luck with your quest.

    | June 4, 2009 @ 6:18 am

  111. mommymae said,

    so glad you have the will to do this now instead of when your kids are all adults (like my dad did.) your girls will not know any different than what you are, but as the child of an alcoholic, i thank you.

    | June 7, 2009 @ 1:37 pm

  112. Anonymous said,

    That's nice, but honestly, why should anyone care? I really don't feel sorry for anyone who becomes addicted to substances, and then whines about it in public — ohhh loook at me, I'm an alcoholic, I quit now, blah blah blah. What about the people who can drink in moderation? Oh no, they don't exist, right? (BTW, it's not me..the only thing I am addicted to are stupid video games and the internet..just as bad in my opinion.)

    Sorry, I am sure you will hate me for this, but if you don't want to drink, that's great. if you do, that's fine too. But the world does not care. There are more important things to worry about.

    | June 7, 2009 @ 6:36 pm

  113. TheFeministBreeder said,

    This is a big thing to admit. Good for you. Me, I've never been much of a drinker. I did the late night partying, but I find no reason to drink alcohol unless I'm fully invested in getting drunk, partying, and ending up on some strangers photo memory card.

    Otherwise, I'm just not that interested. I refuse to drink when I need to be taking care of my kids (what if they woke up in the middle of the night, and I'm drunk? Hardly seems worth it to me.) I've also been breastfeeding or pregnant for nearly 4 years, so there's another reason not to. But I understand what you mean about needing something to relax you – something to self-medicate. I WISH I had something to self-medicate with. I grew up physically abused and neglected, and I have the subsequent personality defects to show for it, but I also HATE putting anything into my body that would make me feel "out of my head." It must be a control thing. I like to stay in control of myself, and retain control over my situation. So drinking is reserved only for those times (about once a year) when the children are at Grandmas house for the weekend, and we have everything exactly in the right place for me to decide it's okay to drink and have a good time. I'm not a prude either. I guess I'm just a planner.

    But there's no way I could tie a few on with my kids in the next room. Just can't do it. So good for you for recognizing the problem and stopping. You don't want your kids to remember you as a drunk.

    | June 8, 2009 @ 1:45 pm

  114. Anonymous said,

    Wow. Be proud of yourself.

    – Kristin

    | June 8, 2009 @ 3:07 pm

  115. Wendy said,

    Wow, I am really impressed. Great job. I am wishing you the best of success. You can do it! You're doing a great thing for yourself and your family and you should be really proud.

    | June 13, 2009 @ 11:38 am

  116. Anonymous said,

    Hi there,

    I found your blog through a link on another blog. I hear you. I'm a mother of two (6 and 3) and I'm also a recovering alcoholic – for 17 years now. No one has said that word yet in the comments. And I know that people have preconceived notions about what AA is or isn't. But my best and truly heart felt advice to you, is to go to women's only AA meetings. You'll see "your story" in so many others and find the support you need.
    Be gentle with yourself, just take it one day at a time. You don't know it yet, but the hardest part is already over.

    | June 17, 2009 @ 6:35 am

  117. Z said,

    Hello! I just happened to link to your blog from another blog, and I have not read all of the comments to this post…but I have to say, it sounds like I could have written this post myself. I have been sober for 15 days now. It is hard to see myself 6 weeks without a drink. Thank you for showing the true side of this taboo issue.

    Z

    | July 21, 2009 @ 12:39 am

  118. Anonymous said,

    Thanks you for your blog. I was sober for a year, then told myself i could have a drink or two every now and then. Yes, it' turned into exactly what you write bout – you could be me. So with that said, I had one beer last night (no wine in th house) and I am saying now that it is my last alcoholic drink. My kids are 12 and 14 with some special needs and I need to be a special mom for them.

    | August 12, 2009 @ 1:59 pm

  119. Anonymous said,

    This secret is so common among us mommies. My mom drank too and is now very unhealthy and in a nursing home. I don't want to model that for my kids. I have three and like a lot of you had PPD – Had 3 in diapers, 3 and under. I don't think I realized I had PPD until my last was about 5 months old….by that time I was drinking wine AND NURSING HER. I know, I'm horrible. It started with a glass of wine after her last nurse of the evening….La Leche league said it's okay… but ended up more than that. A friend would say in the am to my baby: so you and your mom tied one on last night? But no one said "you have a problem!!" Anyway, I quit nursing at 6 months. She's super smart and athletic, but I wonder, if in addition to genetic tendencies, I've imprinted her brain with a taste for alcohol. I just can't get over this guilt. I still "self medicate" but didn't drink last night. I keep trying to stop. It helps to see I'm not the only one. I hope I'm not the only (graduate degreed) one who made the terrible mistake of nursing while drunk. I want to be the best mom and I try but I feel like I've already fucked it all up so much. Mine are 6, 5 and 3 and I hope I have time to still model some good coping skills.

    | August 17, 2009 @ 2:13 pm

  120. Kia said,

    I'm 19 and I wish every day that my mom was able to make the same courageous decision you did.

    Congrats! Very awesome of you. Your kids will thank you for it later.

    | August 17, 2009 @ 6:39 pm

  121. GTR said,

    ?????,????,sogo??,????,plus??,plus,????,?????,????,??,????,?????,??,AV,AV??,SEX,??,a?,a????,A?,h?,????,??A?,????,????,????,?????,??,????,?????,???,???,??,????,kk???,?????,????,85cc????,85cc????,????,?????,????,???,??,????,?????,A?,????,???,???????,???,????,????,????,????,??????,????,????,??,A?,A???,????,????,????,??,????,????,????,????,??,aio?????,????,?????,???????,????,??????,????,????,????,???????,????,??,????,???

    | August 26, 2009 @ 8:17 am

  122. Anonymous said,

    Is the fact that I just puked up some Cabernet in the kitchen sink a sign? Wow, thank you for being so honest. I will follow your progress and hope to get started on my own…

    | October 11, 2009 @ 4:33 am

  123. Anonymous said,

    I relate to you on every level. I literally just went and poured out the rest of my wine. I've been knowing I've had a problem for a few weeks now. How's this for a problem…my mother was staying at my house for a few days to visit…i'd excuse myself to go to the bathroom, but really chug down some wine that I hid in the bathroom. Yeah. I real low point for me. I'm embarrassed and ashamed to even admit it. I really didn't think of any other mom's going through or doing what i've gotten into a habit of doing. And then I stubbled onto you on the Dr. Oz show, a show that I only catch once in awhile when I feel like it. And having watched it, I feel like it was meant to be. Like it was a sign saying,"Now is the time!" It's time I stop using alchohol to cope with all the stresses and worry I've had lately. It fixes nothing. i want to be a better person.
    Thank you so much for sharing your story.

    | October 26, 2009 @ 5:38 am

  124. Anonymous said,

    When I saw you on Dr. Oz it was like hearing myself talk!! I too realized I had a problem…once I started drinking I always wanted more. I was even drinking during the day while the kids were at school. Its amazing how we justify things in our heads! I knew I couldn't stop on my own so I started go to therapy which helped enourmously. For the longest time I couldn't imagine life without alcohol. How would I cope I thought?! I also knew that I couldn't be the best mother and person if I continued down that path. Yes, life can be rough and I do miss alcohol (its still hard to watch other people drink!) but I know that once I start drinking I don't like to stop so I'm commited to not starting again! I have been sober since June 17, 2008!! The cravings have gotten so much better! Most of the time when I have a stressful day my first thought is not "Damn I need a drink!" which is a miracle in itself! Good luck and remember that your not alone!!

    | November 7, 2009 @ 5:30 am

  125. ErinMcWiz said,

    Great job coming clean. I appreciate your honesty and your humor through it all. Be well and applaud yourself. You're doing great work.

    | January 11, 2010 @ 3:01 pm

RSS feed for comments on this post

Subscribe

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

peel n stick customized labels

use the code babyonbored and save 10%


Gummi Bears Should Not Be Organic: And Other Opinions I Can't Back Up With Facts
Buy the Book:

Amazon

Barnes and Noble

iBooks

I'm Kind of a Big Deal
Read an Excerpt!
Buy the Book:
Amazon | B & N

It's Not Me It's You
Read an Excerpt!
Buy the Book:
Amazon | B & N

Naptime is the New Happy Hour
Read an Excerpt!

Buy the Book:
Amazon | B & N

Sippy Cups Are Not for Chardonnay
Read an Excerpt!

Buy the Book:
Amazon | B & N