I have a bone to pick with AI this week. And maybe every week from now on. I don’t care who wins anymore. I have no horse in this race and that makes it a lot less fun to watch. I don’t even dislike anyone enough to vote for them (you know “vote for the worst”). But I will try and get out of my Idol funk enough to at least fill you in on what happened since I forced myself to watch.
Anoop: Remember last week when he sort of did okay? Well, hold onto that memory if you’re a fan because I think he just pooped himself this week. Jon said, “Apparently the rules were songs from iTunes, clothes from Walmart.” Anoop, lose the sweater vest dawg. He just reminded me of that guy who gets drunk at the annual insurance agents Christmas party and grabs a mic away from the actual hired singer of the band. “Hey, you guysss know dat Usher song? Well, play it mother fuckers cause Noop’s on da mic.” Then Anoop told the judges “I’m doing what I need to do to be an R & B artist.” Jon wondered if he’d try to add to his street cred by punching Lil Rounds.
Megan Joy (CORKREY): I can’t decide how I feel about her. On the one hand, her voice is at least different than the others, but on the other hand, she’s sort of weird, maybe because she’s from Utah. I couldn’t get behind her hairstyle either. It was like she tried to get dreads in one afternoon. Jon said, “It’s like she never wants you to forget she’s the edgiest chick on her polygamist compound.” But Jon’s a hardcore Big Love fan. No Jon, I am not open to that lifestyle. I love Diana but only as a friend, not as a sister-wife.
Danny Gokey: Let me just say that I wanted to love Danny this week in my usual love for all things vanilla. But damn if Danny didn’t just sound off to me. Maybe the Rascal Flatts song was just too on the nose with the dead wife thing and all. “But what huuuuurts the most, is getting soooooo close…feeling you next to me” snore. And seriously, what is with the styling this week. They’re trying to make him into the Widow in Wet Seal.
Allison: She sang Don’t Speak which I absolutely detest. I’m not a No Doubt fan, unlike most of America. I’m also in the minority in the fact that I have no tattoos. I think it’s down to me and Clay Aiken for no tats. I guess I’m just not cool. FINE. WHATEVER. Hey, I’m not the one being judged here! Anyway, my dislike of Gwen Stefani didn’t stop me from thinking that Allison is the best thing this show has going. But I will give it to the judges that her dress was pretty ridiculous. She sort of looked like Raggedy Ann and not in a good way.
Scott McIntyre: This guy’s voice is so bland that I found my mind wandering to other things during his rendition of “Just the Way You Are.” Like, he seems to be a nice guy but am I just assuming that because he’s blind? Does he have an asshole side? Do you think he ever screams at waiters ? “Listen dick for brains! I may be blind but my taste buds aren’t broken! Take this shit back and don’t expect a tip!” Or has he ever slammed the car door on someone’s hand on purpose and then been like “Oh man, sorry! I’m blind so I didn’t see your hand there!” I think I’d like him more if that were true. But it doesn’t matter because Paula went insane over him. Although she’d go insane over a blueberry so that’s not saying much.
Matt Giraurd: He’s starting to lose me. I think Jon said it best after he busted out some Fray “Having done Coldplay earlier, he’s only a Rilo Kiley cover away from completing the Grays anatomy season 2 soundtrack.” So true. Please go back to being bluesy. We already have a David Cook.
Lil Rounds: Celine Dion? What are you a hundred? I’m telling you, I’m scared she’s going to get kicked off and leave no black women on the show…besides Anoop.
Adam Lambert: I don’t even know what to say about Adam anymore. He’s just so over the top it’s difficult to know what to think. And then Jon said: To get any gayer he’s gonna need white tigers. And I had my biggest laugh of the night. Oh Jon.
Kris Allen: How many shades of wrong is it that Kris was probably the best performance of the night? He did “Ain’t No Sunshine” which is a great song although I find it hard to believe it’s one of iTune’s most downloaded songs of all time. Hmm…did he cheat? I think Kara has a thing for him. And how cute will that be? Kris and Kara? I think I’m gonna hurl.