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Idol – It’s On.

I have a bone to pick with AI this week. And maybe every week from now on. I don’t care who wins anymore. I have no horse in this race and that makes it a lot less fun to watch. I don’t even dislike anyone enough to vote for them (you know “vote for the worst”). But I will try and get out of my Idol funk enough to at least fill you in on what happened since I forced myself to watch.

Anoop: Remember last week when he sort of did okay? Well, hold onto that memory if you’re a fan because I think he just pooped himself this week. Jon said, “Apparently the rules were songs from iTunes, clothes from Walmart.” Anoop, lose the sweater vest dawg. He just reminded me of that guy who gets drunk at the annual insurance agents Christmas party and grabs a mic away from the actual hired singer of the band. “Hey, you guysss know dat Usher song? Well, play it mother fuckers cause Noop’s on da mic.” Then Anoop told the judges “I’m doing what I need to do to be an R & B artist.” Jon wondered if he’d try to add to his street cred by punching Lil Rounds.

Megan Joy (CORKREY): I can’t decide how I feel about her. On the one hand, her voice is at least different than the others, but on the other hand, she’s sort of weird, maybe because she’s from Utah. I couldn’t get behind her hairstyle either. It was like she tried to get dreads in one afternoon. Jon said, “It’s like she never wants you to forget she’s the edgiest chick on her polygamist compound.” But Jon’s a hardcore Big Love fan. No Jon, I am not open to that lifestyle. I love Diana but only as a friend, not as a sister-wife.

Danny Gokey: Let me just say that I wanted to love Danny this week in my usual love for all things vanilla. But damn if Danny didn’t just sound off to me. Maybe the Rascal Flatts song was just too on the nose with the dead wife thing and all. “But what huuuuurts the most, is getting soooooo close…feeling you next to me” snore. And seriously, what is with the styling this week. They’re trying to make him into the Widow in Wet Seal.

Allison: She sang Don’t Speak which I absolutely detest. I’m not a No Doubt fan, unlike most of America. I’m also in the minority in the fact that I have no tattoos. I think it’s down to me and Clay Aiken for no tats. I guess I’m just not cool. FINE. WHATEVER. Hey, I’m not the one being judged here! Anyway, my dislike of Gwen Stefani didn’t stop me from thinking that Allison is the best thing this show has going. But I will give it to the judges that her dress was pretty ridiculous. She sort of looked like Raggedy Ann and not in a good way.

Scott McIntyre: This guy’s voice is so bland that I found my mind wandering to other things during his rendition of “Just the Way You Are.” Like, he seems to be a nice guy but am I just assuming that because he’s blind? Does he have an asshole side? Do you think he ever screams at waiters ? “Listen dick for brains! I may be blind but my taste buds aren’t broken! Take this shit back and don’t expect a tip!” Or has he ever slammed the car door on someone’s hand on purpose and then been like “Oh man, sorry! I’m blind so I didn’t see your hand there!” I think I’d like him more if that were true. But it doesn’t matter because Paula went insane over him. Although she’d go insane over a blueberry so that’s not saying much.

Matt Giraurd: He’s starting to lose me. I think Jon said it best after he busted out some Fray “Having done Coldplay earlier, he’s only a Rilo Kiley cover away from completing the Grays anatomy season 2 soundtrack.” So true. Please go back to being bluesy. We already have a David Cook.

Lil Rounds: Celine Dion? What are you a hundred? I’m telling you, I’m scared she’s going to get kicked off and leave no black women on the show…besides Anoop.

Adam Lambert: I don’t even know what to say about Adam anymore. He’s just so over the top it’s difficult to know what to think. And then Jon said: To get any gayer he’s gonna need white tigers. And I had my biggest laugh of the night. Oh Jon.

Kris Allen: How many shades of wrong is it that Kris was probably the best performance of the night? He did “Ain’t No Sunshine” which is a great song although I find it hard to believe it’s one of iTune’s most downloaded songs of all time. Hmm…did he cheat? I think Kara has a thing for him. And how cute will that be? Kris and Kara? I think I’m gonna hurl.

Posted by Stefanie Wilder Taylor on April 1, 2009 3:48 pmUncategorized18 comments  

18 Comments

  1. Wicked Step Mom said,

    Please keep posting Jon’s commentary! It is as hilarious as yours!

    | April 1, 2009 @ 5:55 pm

  2. Ramblin' Red said,

    LOLOL….I lurve your idol commentaries.

    I will agree with you on the show losing it’s fo-sho, definite winners this week. I like the shoo-ins where I can just LOVE someone each week.

    I am in total agreement with your assessment on Anoop. He’s going down soon I expect.

    I’m dying over the Megan commentary here. I LOVE “the edgiest chick on her compound,” because I too like Big Love (as a show, not a lifestyle) and seriously that is what she comes off as. She needs to go. SOON.

    I disagree with you slightly on Danny’s performance, but don’t quite agree with the judges that it was his best yet….Personally these abridged song versions lose something for me and I think had he gotten to sing the whole shebang he’d have nailed it…but as it was, it was kind of like premature ejaculation – too much too soon with too little foreplay.

    Allison – loved the song, brought me back to senior year in HS, but wish that she’d enunciate a bit better at times, and good lawdy what the hell was she wearing, both on her body and in her hair???? Kinda like Megan, Allison, we GET that you’re a rocker babe!

    Scott, I about peed my prego pants reading your thoughts about wishing to see a bad side on him. I appreciated that his hair looked less ‘fro-ey but it was too big for me still. He sang well, but I too was just “meh” about it. He also needs to go home soon.

    Matt – Yeah, it was unfortunate that he sang that song (even though I love it and the Fray) because it just didn’t do much for him. I think he can be really good, but he keeps choosing weird songs that don’t prove it.

    Lil – I was like no way is she singing Celine Dion, does she want a nail in her coffin or what? Also, I hate her longer hair, think it suited her much better short and sassy. Girl’s got pipes, but does she know how to use ’em to her advantage??? REally starting to wonder.

    Adam – Jon’s tiger comment is spot on. And Adam with the upswept hair makes him look like a cross between young John Travolta and KD Lang – which seems to me to be a look only drag queens would aspire to reach. Orientation and drama aside, this boy can sing. But it seems like he alienates himself to the gay/drag/theatre audience in being so over the top – this is American [general/pop culture] Idol not the Alternative Punk Tony’s.

    And Kris….lol, you and I think alike b/c I also begrudgingly thought that he did REALLY quite well. I agree that Kara has the hots for Freddie Prinze Jr.’s clone, and how twisted triangles become when the camera flashes to Kara standing up for Kris and then pans to his doting little wifey.

    | April 1, 2009 @ 7:02 pm

  3. Sweet Billy B. said,

    If they patronize and pander to Scott any more, he’s gonna get his own Hummel Figurine.

    At this rate, Scott is about a week away from his own feature in Sunday’s Parade magazine…

    Pure Gold I tell you! Pure Gold.

    | April 1, 2009 @ 7:22 pm

  4. beyond said,

    hilarious. your AI comments are the highlights of my week. megan didn’t do well again, sigh. i think anoop is going down next. scott need to go soon too, but he’s got the blind vote so think he’ll be around for a while yet. that said, this is the first week i didn’t ff through half his song. oh lil, why did you have sing a dion song?!? adam is just so over the top, i don’t even know what to say about him. my gay friends don’t even know what to say about him. can’t wait for next week.

    | April 1, 2009 @ 7:23 pm

  5. WA said,

    My Idol ennui’s settling in, too. I’m not that excited about anyone, nor do I passionately hate someone.

    God, I miss Pickler.

    | April 1, 2009 @ 7:58 pm

  6. Venti Vixen said,

    OMG, the Tiger Comment just kicked my ass, phucking hilarious!

    | April 1, 2009 @ 9:45 pm

  7. help4newmoms said,

    I was off a little last night, too. I guessed every one of Simon’s opinion’s wrong. He only uses a few choice phrases – “horrible”, “a train wreck” “karaoke-like”, “indulgent”, “brilliant”, or “very good”. Kara did a little better, though. What’s with the attack on Allison’s oufit, though, the kid is sixteen? I vote for the “White Tiger” comment as the best of the week.

    | April 1, 2009 @ 10:07 pm

  8. The Freaking SugarPlum Fairy said,

    Thank you! Thankyouthankyouthankyou.
    Everyone around us was raving about Danny last night. The mister and I just looked at each other and said “huh?”. It just reminded me how good the lead singer from Rascal Flatts is and that Danny is not that guy.

    | April 1, 2009 @ 10:18 pm

  9. SmartAssMom said,

    LMAO @ white tigers. That is going to be my new favorite phrase when discussing Idol Adam with others. And I’ll make sure they don’t read your blog so they think I’m clever enough to make it up on my own. :)

    | April 1, 2009 @ 11:01 pm

  10. LuLu and Moxley's Mom said,

    Okay, you know what? I know you’re against it but let’s be sister wives. I don’t clean by the way. But I think your husband should be the husband. You won’t like mine. He’s not as funny as yours and he’s Republican. But law requires he sends us child support so that’s good. So when can me (and my two kids) move in?

    | April 2, 2009 @ 1:57 am

  11. Wishing 4 One said,

    Thanks for low down as I missed it last night. I think i need to change your ‘spankin’ banner to read “Stefanie and Jon’s”… LOL tell him he’s hillarious!

    | April 2, 2009 @ 3:09 am

  12. Life is what you make it said,

    Your husband is hilarious!
    (You too!)

    | April 2, 2009 @ 3:33 am

  13. becky w. said,

    Still loving your AI recaps! What kind of hypocrite am I after begging you not to stop the commentary and promising millions of comments, then not coming over for a couple of weeks! Been away from online for a while and just catching up. Thanks for the laughs. Haven’t watched it yet this week, but it will be better with your script in my head. Loved your hubby’s comments, too!

    | April 2, 2009 @ 4:41 am

  14. Crystal said,

    I don’t have any tats. Or piercings. See? We’re one long, shapeless dress away from sister-wives.

    Oh, and take a picture of Knight Rider (the Hoff, not that other guy) circa 1987 and then put a picture of the new and improved Scott McIntyre over the top of it. Coincidence? You decide, America.

    | April 2, 2009 @ 12:07 pm

  15. Karen Cupcake said,

    hahahahah!! love it.. giggling my butt off over here over the white tiger thing… snicker snicker…hehehe…

    | April 2, 2009 @ 12:22 pm

  16. Sara Maria said,

    Great post…the bits about Scott were HILARIOUS. OOOPS I slammed your hand in the door. LOL that made me literally laugh out loud. Thank you so much for the smile, I REALLY needed it today.

    | April 3, 2009 @ 7:26 am

  17. Robin Dodd Photography said,

    Are we separated at birth, because you are HILARIOUS, and let me just say.. “My thoughts exactly.” I love to post my husbands commentary because he’s an East Texas redneck who will NOT let me sing showtunes!!

    | April 8, 2009 @ 10:00 pm

  18. Becky said,

    Okay, now that I found 10 minutes of freedom I was able to catch my first episode of American Idol…..yes, the show is in season 8 and I only caught my first glimpse of American Idol and I have now found myself smitten by Adam Lambert. I don’t care if he’s gay. He has sex appeal. I need to take a shower after watching him.

    | May 15, 2009 @ 9:15 pm

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