That title outta get me a few weird Google hits but whatever. Hey, my friend Linda of Lulu and Moxley and I are starting a tv review website but we are both too Internet unsavvy to have done it yet. So here is my Idol recap from yesterday’s show and then tomorrow we’ll talk results.
First off, I just want to say for the record that I am a huge Randy Travis fan. Some may find it weird that I would love country music but I do – good country music that is. Not redneck bullshit like Toby Keith but just good storytelling and pretty folky country vocals. Anyhoo…almost none of what was on stage last night was country so why in the world take the time out of Randy’s day to make him sit there and go “yeah, okay, not country but go get ’em”?
Michael Sarver: One of the few that did sing country. I don’t mind him. I hated Josh Gracin and you’d think these two would be grouped together but he’s sort of good. I think he’s a little too excited to be away from the oil fields and very near a craft services table but…my ass shouldn’t judge. Anyway, I don’t hate him with an Anoop like fury.
Allison Ireheta: This bitch can really sing. What was with Simon calling her precocious? She’s not seven, she’s seventeen. And what was she like mugging or something? I love that Patty Loveless song and it was actually country so let’s not split red hairs over this one.
Kris Allen: This guy is pretty sure he’s Freddy Prinze Jr. “Hi, you’re not.” Also, did he not get the instructions that it’s country night? Was he buying hair gel when they told everyone the theme? Or maybe he thought it was channel Michael Buble night. Why not sing Whitesnake? Or Bobby McFerrin? What difference does it make? I hope he’s voted off but I know he won’t be because most of the dialers are fourteen.
Lil Not Kim: Why is she always wearing a prom dress? Although I thought she connected with the song (is there some weird shit in her background?) I don’t think her vocals are all that amazing. Sorry. And before you start thinking “wow, negative much?” I do have some good reviews coming up so keep your shirt on. Jesus. I do think it’s amusing that Simon will not call her Lil and insists on saying Little. Come on, that’s funny. Also, I like bacon sandwiches. Alot. I bet Simon does too. We are so sympatico.
Adam Lambast: Was he in the off off off production of Phantom of the Opry? I didn’t get this AT ALL. First off, he was wearing the entire line of Maybelline products on his eyes. Thank God he didn’t do a tear jerker or he would’ve looked like Tammy Faye Baker when he was done. He is ridiculous and I want him off the show immediately.
Scott MacIntyre: Okay, for this I’m sorry. But he is at best okay. I know he’s blind. We all know he’s blind so we can’t say mean shit about him. I’m totally down with that. Luckily my blog isn’t braille compatible so he won’t know I don’t think he has star potential. Here’s what I think would be a good plan for Scott: get voted off and then sue the shit out of 19 Productions for not being handicapped friendly with their stage or something. It seems like a no brainer to me. But I’m super greedy. Maybe Scott’s more nice. His loss.
Alexis Grace: Let’s just put her in the top 2 and stop worrying about judging her. There was a high note that had me a little scared for her (I could mentally see Simon jotting it down) I thought she was ridiculously good. She’s safe for sure.
Danny Gokey: WTF? This guy is so good he had me crying – SOBER! And we won’t speak of that again. I’m sorry but I think it’s sort of a red herring to have even had two judges not crowing over him. He’s insanely good and I think he’ll win the whole thing. I think Paula and Kara switched meds because Paula loved him and Kara had the audacity to try to help him improve. FUCK OFF KARA. Sorry, it’s been six hours since my last xanax.
Anoop: Here’s a telegram for Anoop: Anoop. Stop.
Megan Joy (what happened to Corkrey?) So between last week and this week she had her name legally changed? She was okay. I like the tone of her voice a lot but I just feel like shooting heroin when I see her perform. Not because she’s bad just because she’s naughty.
Matt Giraud: You all know I like him. Love him even. But he won’t win because talent doesn’t win out on this show – drama does. But I’d buy his CD. Or at least illegally download it online.
We’ll see in a few hours who’s gone.
I’m predicting Michael Sarver, Megan Joy and Scott in the bottom three.