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Idle Devil Worship

That title outta get me a few weird Google hits but whatever. Hey, my friend Linda of Lulu and Moxley and I are starting a tv review website but we are both too Internet unsavvy to have done it yet. So here is my Idol recap from yesterday’s show and then tomorrow we’ll talk results.

First off, I just want to say for the record that I am a huge Randy Travis fan. Some may find it weird that I would love country music but I do – good country music that is. Not redneck bullshit like Toby Keith but just good storytelling and pretty folky country vocals. Anyhoo…almost none of what was on stage last night was country so why in the world take the time out of Randy’s day to make him sit there and go “yeah, okay, not country but go get ’em”?

Michael Sarver: One of the few that did sing country. I don’t mind him. I hated Josh Gracin and you’d think these two would be grouped together but he’s sort of good. I think he’s a little too excited to be away from the oil fields and very near a craft services table but…my ass shouldn’t judge. Anyway, I don’t hate him with an Anoop like fury.

Allison Ireheta: This bitch can really sing. What was with Simon calling her precocious? She’s not seven, she’s seventeen. And what was she like mugging or something? I love that Patty Loveless song and it was actually country so let’s not split red hairs over this one.

Kris Allen: This guy is pretty sure he’s Freddy Prinze Jr. “Hi, you’re not.” Also, did he not get the instructions that it’s country night? Was he buying hair gel when they told everyone the theme? Or maybe he thought it was channel Michael Buble night. Why not sing Whitesnake? Or Bobby McFerrin? What difference does it make? I hope he’s voted off but I know he won’t be because most of the dialers are fourteen.

Lil Not Kim: Why is she always wearing a prom dress? Although I thought she connected with the song (is there some weird shit in her background?) I don’t think her vocals are all that amazing. Sorry. And before you start thinking “wow, negative much?” I do have some good reviews coming up so keep your shirt on. Jesus. I do think it’s amusing that Simon will not call her Lil and insists on saying Little. Come on, that’s funny. Also, I like bacon sandwiches. Alot. I bet Simon does too. We are so sympatico.

Adam Lambast: Was he in the off off off production of Phantom of the Opry? I didn’t get this AT ALL. First off, he was wearing the entire line of Maybelline products on his eyes. Thank God he didn’t do a tear jerker or he would’ve looked like Tammy Faye Baker when he was done. He is ridiculous and I want him off the show immediately.

Scott MacIntyre: Okay, for this I’m sorry. But he is at best okay. I know he’s blind. We all know he’s blind so we can’t say mean shit about him. I’m totally down with that. Luckily my blog isn’t braille compatible so he won’t know I don’t think he has star potential. Here’s what I think would be a good plan for Scott: get voted off and then sue the shit out of 19 Productions for not being handicapped friendly with their stage or something. It seems like a no brainer to me. But I’m super greedy. Maybe Scott’s more nice. His loss.

Alexis Grace: Let’s just put her in the top 2 and stop worrying about judging her. There was a high note that had me a little scared for her (I could mentally see Simon jotting it down) I thought she was ridiculously good. She’s safe for sure.

Danny Gokey: WTF? This guy is so good he had me crying – SOBER! And we won’t speak of that again. I’m sorry but I think it’s sort of a red herring to have even had two judges not crowing over him. He’s insanely good and I think he’ll win the whole thing. I think Paula and Kara switched meds because Paula loved him and Kara had the audacity to try to help him improve. FUCK OFF KARA. Sorry, it’s been six hours since my last xanax.

Anoop: Here’s a telegram for Anoop: Anoop. Stop.

Megan Joy (what happened to Corkrey?) So between last week and this week she had her name legally changed? She was okay. I like the tone of her voice a lot but I just feel like shooting heroin when I see her perform. Not because she’s bad just because she’s naughty.

Matt Giraud: You all know I like him. Love him even. But he won’t win because talent doesn’t win out on this show – drama does. But I’d buy his CD. Or at least illegally download it online.

We’ll see in a few hours who’s gone.

I’m predicting Michael Sarver, Megan Joy and Scott in the bottom three.

Posted by Stefanie Wilder Taylor on March 19, 2009 1:26 amUncategorized13 comments  

13 Comments

  1. Cheryl Lage said,

    Dear Heaven, I’m an East Coaster and I KNOW who’s gone. Won’t spoil, other than to say I am very surprised.

    | March 19, 2009 @ 2:16 am

  2. Anonymous said,

    ok, you said all this perfectly. Why the hell do the judges like that Adam guy so much. I sooo don’t get that. Like, what notes is he hitting that are so impressive?

    | March 19, 2009 @ 2:39 am

  3. Uncle Mikey said,

    Who are you to judge these people? You can’t accurately say who sings well and who doesn’t. You don’t have all the facts. Were you there? Did you inspect the microphones? I am very upset.

    Bring Sanjaya back! This show is boring bad, not trainwreck bad.

    | March 19, 2009 @ 4:28 am

  4. Body by Twins said,

    I agree with you 100%…Brilliant recap. I was bawling when Danny sang, I am blaming it on PMS.
    You and Lulu and Moxley could take Television without Pity down.

    | March 19, 2009 @ 5:08 am

  5. Tracy said,

    Couldn’t agree more. HATE HATE HATE that weird dude, Adam. Even my twin 6-month olds were cringing.

    Excuse me while I go fast forward through my DVR recording to see who got the boot.

    | March 19, 2009 @ 12:46 pm

  6. mommymae said,

    i’m still pissed off that they didn’t keep jamar. he and danny would have been the final 2 and one of them would win and i’d be happy. seriously. dude was good and different.

    | March 19, 2009 @ 2:20 pm

  7. Mommy Melee said,

    Ha. If you need guest reviews or something I’d love to join in on that action. Although once Battlestar Gallactica ends tomorrow I may be entering a period of mourning.

    I watch the hell out of Gossip Girl, Grey’s, Dollhouse, 30 Rock, AMNTM, Lost, Make Me a Supermodel, Ru Paul’s Drag Race, and Top Chef. (STUPID HOSEA.)

    | March 19, 2009 @ 5:33 pm

  8. LuLu and Moxley's Mom said,

    Maybe we should be working on a Braille-compatible blog instead. Or just send people telegrams. Can you still send a telegram I wonder? I’ll look into that. How can I find these Idol updates so funny when I don’t even watch?

    | March 19, 2009 @ 6:39 pm

  9. Erin said,

    Since you say that yoru comments go down when you review AI, I had to comment: I love the reviews. Keep em up! Freaking hilareous, and sadly I agree-Scott needs some conditioner. Is that wrong of me to say? I kinda feel bad, more I kinda feel worse that I don’t feel THAT bad.

    | March 19, 2009 @ 9:51 pm

  10. MereCat said,

    I’m pretty much with you on all of these. Few of them really understood the part about this was supposed to be a show about country music. And that performance by Adam was just plain creepy to me.

    | March 20, 2009 @ 6:20 pm

  11. DeborahB said,

    I guess I’m in the minority here, but I liked Adam’s version of Ring of Fire. Reminds me of David Cook’s “Billie Jean”. It’s just a different take. They didn’t say he had to sing Grand Ole Opry songs the exact way the recording artists did. It was his version, and I liked it. But I agree, the dude wears WAY too much eye makeup. Alexis should not have gotten sent home this early though.

    | March 23, 2009 @ 2:24 am

  12. Anonymous said,

    Everyone should has one pair of Dior glasses as the accessory.You can not choose Dupont glasses?but Seiko glasses maybe the status symbol.At the same time,Calvin Klein glasses now been the necessity of successful person.

    | December 15, 2009 @ 6:50 am

  13. Anonymous said,

    Everyone should has one pair of Dior glasses as the accessory.You can not choose Dupont glasses?but Seiko glasses maybe the status symbol.At the same time,Calvin Klein glasses now been the necessity of successful person.

    | December 15, 2009 @ 6:51 am

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