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Opinions are like A**holes, Everyone’s Got One – Including Me.

I love writing a post while my babies are screaming themselves off to dreamland. It’s just so relaxing!

So, I was on the Today Show as you know and some people thought I was a judgmental cooze. Not a lot of people, but some people and they took the time out of their busy schedules to write about it on their blogs. Okay, one blog that I know of but still a few of my readers (okay one) actually commented on that blog to say that she thought I was a way too harsh on Octomom too over her 911 calls. I’m not writing this entry to defend my statements on the Today Show. Hell, I was on the Today Show – that’s good enough for me. I said my opinion. No one forces me to say a different opinion than I already have, they (the producers) just call and ask how I feel and if it’s quite different than someone else feels they have me on because they expect me to be a little outspoken and keep it fairly light. Already it seems like I’m defending myself. I’m not. But, this blog called me judgmental and I thought about it for awhile and realized that, sure, I’m judgmental. Aren’t we all judgmental when it comes down to it? We’re not all public about it but we are all judgmental in our minds.

If I see a woman slap her child in Target (which I have) my immediate thought (right or wrong but I think I’m right) is that she is a shitty parent. Yeah, I said that. I think that a mom who slaps her child right in front of other people like she thinks that she is doing what’s right is a mom who I wish would take a parenting class, or anger management or hire a fucking nanny. That is my opinion. We all have opinions and those opinions cause us to judge other people’s opinions. I don’t care if you think you are the most laid back person on the planet and “each to his/her own” and all that bullshit. Inside you are judging. Without judgment we wouldn’t be able to come up with a code of ethics for ourselves.

The problem with judging comes when we have an opinion that we don’t have all the facts about and we without reservation, get up in someone else’s business about it. Just like I wouldn’t approach a mom who smacked her kid (only because I truly feel this would make the situation worse) although I would approach a mom who was obviously abusive (again, judgment call).

I personally feel, through my experiences etc. that Nadya the 911 abuser, showed unbalanced behavior. If I were in a similar situation do I know what I would do? No. But the bottom line is I wouldn’t be pregnant with oc-fucking-tuplets and telling the world how blessed I am to have 14 kids now in a two bedroom apartment and how I don’t need any help because it might interfere with the reality show I’m sure to star in. So. For the record: before this appearance, I knew that Nadya has a history of being unbalanced and that this was only one of quite a few 911 calls. So I was basing my judgment on those facts.

Sometimes, judgment is all we have to go on. This is how our system works. We have juries who pass judgment on people who are accused of crimes. I don’t even necessarily agree with this system because often times, people who sit on juries have no fucking clue what they are talking about, hearing or processing and just want to go home and resume their office job. I’ve been on a jury and I took my judging really fucking seriously. But I wasn’t on Nadya’s jury. Her future did not hang in the balance of whether or not I said “I’m worried the next 911 call might be because she’s missing a sandwich.” I was just trying to be amusing. That’s what they book me for. My opinions. And like them or not, I intend to keep having them.

And if you say I was a bad mom because I didn’t breastfeed for more than I could squeeze milk from my breasts, I will say that that is judgmental and you don’t have all the facts and it’s none of your business. Hypocritical? Maybe.

Posted by Stefanie Wilder Taylor on March 17, 2009 2:50 amUncategorized44 comments  

44 Comments

  1. MereCat said,

    Just simply being a public personality puts you under scrutiny. Period. You take risks by voicing your opinion in a forum that many wouldn’t dare. I feel that speaking your mind in a situation where you are bound to find conflicting opinion is brave and pioneer.

    Was that a nice political “fuck all y’all?” Cause I hope so.

    | March 17, 2009 @ 3:25 am

  2. Anonymous said,

    well said

    | March 17, 2009 @ 3:28 am

  3. Anonymous said,

    Sing it!

    | March 17, 2009 @ 3:38 am

  4. Summer said,

    Well said girl.

    Now go take a xanax and relax.

    And for the record I didn’t breastfeed this time around.

    Judge away.

    | March 17, 2009 @ 3:47 am

  5. Anonymous said,

    Why do you care so much? I happened to think the other guest had some valid points and I like her reasoned responses but your responses were your responses. Why do you care what others think? If you liked your responses and felt they were responsible responses that is really all that should matter.

    | March 17, 2009 @ 4:03 am

  6. Superfish said,

    Right on for sticking to your opinion. There is no reason to have to apologize – it is what you believe based on the facts at hand. If someone has a differing opinion, they can share the facts that they know, and maybe you’ll change your mind based on that. But if their facts don’t influence you to change your mind, they should back the fuck off, and agree to disagree, not take aim at you.

    I breastfed my first kid for 20 months, but after the stress and anxiety I felt for the entire breastfeeding “adventure”, I’m seriously questioning whether I’ll do it for #2. Each parent and each kid and each situation is different. People need to keep their noses out of other people’s bras.

    | March 17, 2009 @ 4:26 am

  7. Mommy Melee said,

    I LOL’d. People have said much worse than you did. At least you were funny and looked good to boot.

    And from a mommy-point-of-view, whatever that means, I think she’s unbalanced too. I feel sympathy for her but only to a certain extent. And I think a lot of people in her life are irresponsible for enabling her to get where she is now.

    | March 17, 2009 @ 4:26 am

  8. Emily said,

    I don’t think there’s anything wrong with being defensive…I mean, you have an opinion. You offered it. And you are allowed to defend it.

    Whats the saying? The best offense is a good defense?

    Okay, I’m not actually sure how exactly that applies here, but it seemed fitting. And, it was the only thing I could think of at 1am.

    What? Don’t judge me because i’m up at 1am reading blogs. I can read blogs whenever I want. And I just got home from work (and no, I’m a nurse, not a stripper). So there. (did you see that defending? perfectly valid).

    | March 17, 2009 @ 6:12 am

  9. Uncle Mikey said,

    Woo, you’re on fire girl.

    | March 17, 2009 @ 7:02 am

  10. LuLu and Moxley's Mom said,

    I just don’t even understand how calling Nadya a nutball is controversial. Try calling the sky blue and see if someone goes ballistic on you.

    Did you hear the whack job just bought ONE THOUSAND DOLLARS worth of cosmetics at the Mac counter? How does someone with FOURTEEN children have time to shop for makeup anyway? Well, I guess that’s more fun than visiting the NICU to visit your eight hospitalized babies.

    | March 17, 2009 @ 12:14 pm

  11. Wicked Step Mom said,

    First, I would like to say, you have got to be kidding me. Someone wrote about how judgmental they think you are? Doesn’t that make them judgmental of you? Or is there some sort of double standard because you are famous?

    Second, I am opinionated and I know it. I have never apologized for it and I doubt that I ever will. Once a friend asked me what I thought of his relationship with his girlfriend. I told him that I didn’t want to answer because he wouldn’t like my opinion. He pressed and got very angry with me when I told him how I felt. He called me judgmental and opinionated. I did not apologize to him for this.

    Last, I think that as writers, bloggers and TV show guests we open ourselves up to people not understanding us. And they can take what we say the wrong way. Its going to happen, so don’t let it get to you.

    | March 17, 2009 @ 12:23 pm

  12. Bridget said,

    “First, I would like to say, you have got to be kidding me. Someone wrote about how judgmental they think you are? Doesn’t that make them judgmental of you? Or is there some sort of double standard because you are famous?”
    Well said WSM! LOL… aren’t we all a bit judgemental… a bit of a hypocrit? hmmm???

    The other woman was well spoken… but defended a nut job… You were right on… octomom is CRAZY.

    | March 17, 2009 @ 12:56 pm

  13. Susan said,

    Amen, sistah. I wouldn’t hire a fucking nanny, though, because my husband probably WOULD fuck her. I’ll just hire a regular nanny. Is that me being judgmental?

    | March 17, 2009 @ 1:25 pm

  14. CP said,

    Awesome. And you know what? The line about the sandwich WAS funny and anyone that didn’t get that takes themselves way to seriously. And that’s my judgmental comment on that.

    | March 17, 2009 @ 1:53 pm

  15. Anonymous said,

    aren’t they being judgemental by calling you judgemental. I’m mean aren’t they judging you at that point?
    my head just exploded

    | March 17, 2009 @ 2:12 pm

  16. SmartAssMom said,

    Um, it’s entertainment, yes? I didn’t realize the segment was so important to the masses. I thought we could all use a good chuckle.

    Except for when we realize this woman actually has 14 children in her custody and that’s not all that funny, but still – the sandwich bit, the poster child for sanity – entertaining! Well done!

    | March 17, 2009 @ 3:03 pm

  17. The Freaking SugarPlum Fairy said,

    I admit, I didn’t see the segment – mostly because my kids don’t allow me anywhere near the TV, but your opinion couldn’t have been any worse than what the vast majority of people I know think of her.
    It might have even been milder.

    | March 17, 2009 @ 3:38 pm

  18. Burgh Baby said,

    Dude, all bets are off when it comes to Octomom. The fact that anyone could even remotely defend her makes them loony.

    You rock. That is all.

    | March 17, 2009 @ 4:41 pm

  19. Tracy said,

    For what it’s worth, you were clearly right.

    | March 17, 2009 @ 4:43 pm

  20. Coma Girl said,

    I agree with you. People are just jealous because they’re not on the Today show

    | March 17, 2009 @ 6:01 pm

  21. Anonymous said,

    I love it – I loved your spot on the show and no matter how “non-judgmental” people want to be, they all think that she is crazy. I like your opinions and your blog and the people who think and write about you on their blogs are clearly trying to take the “high road” to make themselves feel better b/c deep down they are thinking the exact same thing – well put my blog friend:)

    Sherri

    | March 17, 2009 @ 6:18 pm

  22. Kyddryn said,

    How on earth are we supposed to shape our behavior if we do not gauge others, judge them, receive their judgement, process it all, and hone our character accordingly?

    Ultimately, all we can be is who we are, and no one should have to apologize for that…unless I don’t like them or their opinion.

    Shine on, you crazy diamond!

    Shade and Sweetwater,
    K

    | March 17, 2009 @ 6:34 pm

  23. seran said,

    In my personal opinion, we are all too reluctant to be judgmental. We should be judgmental! Some people are wrong and we’re all too afraid to say so. Racists are wrong. People who slap their kids are wrong.

    It’s not that I don’t judge you for not breast feeding, it’s that I’ve judged your behavior and found it acceptable. That’s different than not judging. Usually when we say we don’t judge, what we mean is there is a wide range of behavior that we HAVE judged and found acceptable.

    Octo-mom and people who slap their kids are waaayyy outside that range of acceptable. I judge them and I’m not ashamed of it.

    Judgmental shouldn’t be such an insult. People who don’t judge at all lack any moral compass. They’re the ones with the problem.

    | March 17, 2009 @ 7:21 pm

  24. Catwoman said,

    People need to get a freaking life. I thought you were funny. And yeah, you said she was off her rocker, but you know what? You did it with hilarity, as can always be counted on you. I still crack up when I think of your missing sandwich comment. Hilarious!

    | March 17, 2009 @ 7:31 pm

  25. Anonymous said,

    The one who wrote that blog was so clearly jealous that no one cares enough about her opinion to book her on The Today Show. She’s a hater, plain and simple.

    Kiz

    | March 17, 2009 @ 9:11 pm

  26. ByJane said,

    I thought the other guest was trying too too too hard to be Nice. Understanding. Nonjudgmental–’cause we moms stick together no matter what. I didn’t believe her for a moment and discounted what she was saying. You, on the other hand–I kept cheering that you weren’t going to be smushed into NiceyNiceyMummyland by the other guest (and what was her name?)

    | March 17, 2009 @ 9:45 pm

  27. Stefanie said,

    I knew you’d all agree on some level. Especially love Seran’s comment (where’s your blog update). We do need to judge so that we know what behavior feels acceptable to us. No one is saying that calling 911 in a panic makes you a nut but in the context of numerous calls and being pregnant with 8 kids when you already have s6. Well, yeah.

    | March 17, 2009 @ 9:59 pm

  28. Kim said,

    I watched your Today Show piece and all I could think of was that the other mom was way too nervous about your answers. Like maybe she’s made a non-necessary 911 call. Personally? I agreed with you. There was no justification for Nadya to say half of what she said on that call.

    | March 17, 2009 @ 10:33 pm

  29. KTP said,

    I just want to say,

    fuckity fuck!

    | March 18, 2009 @ 12:52 am

  30. courtney said,

    I thought you did just fine on the show. I agreed with you, too. I thought the other women were a little looney in that they thought the call was normal! She was repeating that she was going to kill herself!

    | March 18, 2009 @ 2:07 am

  31. Bridget said,

    why do I feel like moms with a sense of humor always catch the most shit? you’re funny and opinionated…that’s why the Today Show wanted you there. you did exactly what you were supposed to do, and I agree with you!

    | March 18, 2009 @ 2:47 am

  32. Stefanie said,

    Here’s the thing you guys; I don’t care if people don’t like my opinion! Honestly. I’m getting used to it. And you all don’t have to agree with me either. it’s just that, if I’m ASKED for my opinion and I give it and then I’m accused of being judgmental doesn’t that just miss the point? I’ve been ASKED TO JUDGE. To some, I came across harsh. I don’t know the woman. What can I say? I have plenty of friends whose decisions I don’t agree with or behavior I don’t condone but I don’t give a shit unless they are out of their minds. But Nadya is right in my territory to judge!!

    | March 18, 2009 @ 3:05 am

  33. Backpacking Dad said,

    I don’t ever have an opinion, say anything controversial, or make judgements about people. How dare you?

    How. Dare. You.

    :}

    | March 18, 2009 @ 5:29 am

  34. Marinka said,

    I don’t understand why being judgmental is so frowned upon these days. I’m pretty sure that it’s a constitutional right.

    | March 18, 2009 @ 11:45 am

  35. Lisa said,

    We always focus more on the negative comments. Just remind yourself that it doesn’t matter. What matters is that you were on the “Today Show”! Bunch of jealous bitches….

    | March 18, 2009 @ 4:32 pm

  36. Anonymous said,

    I think you were fabulous, it’s bothersome that those in the media are not saying what everyone is thinking. I believe the octo women is nuts and that’s my opinion.

    | March 18, 2009 @ 5:35 pm

  37. the mama bird diaries said,

    Congrats on the Today show.

    I can’t stand people who don’t have a sense of humor.

    | March 18, 2009 @ 6:46 pm

  38. Anonymous said,

    I still do not understand why you care what others say. You make judgments all the time in your blog. So? Get a stiffer upper lid.

    | March 18, 2009 @ 9:39 pm

  39. Anonymous said,

    Nice callback Backpacking Dad!

    Kiz

    | March 18, 2009 @ 10:09 pm

  40. How to Party with an Infant said,

    You ruled on the Today Show–loved it.

    | March 19, 2009 @ 12:04 am

  41. Angry Julie Monday said,

    I didn’t read the rest of the comments, because I’m lazy.

    But I want you to know that I’m raising fist in the air for you and shouting “HELL YA”!

    That’s my girl! I’m glad you were honest. I’m soo tired of these politically correct people beating around the bush!

    | March 19, 2009 @ 4:21 am

  42. LiteralDan said,

    I’m willing to admit that I thought you were a little too hard on this lady, at least regarding this particular incident (while fully agreeing she’s fucking crazy and wishing we all had a time machine to stop those people from almost-criminally giving her MORE babies), but I wasn’t about to go shouting about it anywhere, or even really caring much about it.

    I’ve been known to get carried away myself about twice a day over the stupidest of things, but even if you felt you didn’t go far enough, I wouldn’t be harshly judging you for what I felt was your harsh judgment.

    And I’ve gotta respect the hell out of this totally rational explanatory non-defense. Don’t worry about people, just keep on keepin’ on.

    | March 19, 2009 @ 5:37 am

  43. AMomTwoBoys said,

    Oh, Stef.

    That woman's got her panties in a bunch over SOMETHING.

    I hope she gets them straightened out before she sits on her couch & watches you on The Today Show again.

    :0)

    | March 19, 2009 @ 9:33 pm

  44. Crystal said,

    Wow, Stef. Anonymous tells you to get a “stiffer upper lid” and you get botox. WHO SAYS YOU DON’T LISTEN TO YOUR READERS??

    God. Some of these people need to lower their fucktard flag and go home.

    oh! Saw you in US magazine and took it around showing all the neighbors, crowing, “I know someone FAMOUS. AND SHE LIKES ME.” take that, assholes!

    xo

    | March 24, 2009 @ 1:41 am

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