Archive for March, 2009
Let’s get this out of the way first – bye Michael Sarver. See you on tour -well I won’t but millions of tweens will. You seem like a decent guy although I have a gut feeling you vote pretty far to the right.
Okay, so I may need a little touch up but the Tox lady says if I wait one more week she can see what’s up and attack anything she missed (which I hope would include the bags under my eyes but that may be permanent – thanks colicky twins!). Listen, trust me when I tell you that my forehead looks great. It’s a little hard to see the dif in these pics but you get the idea. I couldn’t be happier. This shit is like a miracle drug. I can see myself getting addicted. But, then again, I have an addictive personality so that’s not saying a lot.
Posted by Stefanie Wilder Taylor on March 27, 2009 9:20 pm
Last night Jon and I watched Idol both of us barely alive after last weekend of no sleep ( I didn’t write about it because I was too tired) and this week of trying in vain to catch up on said missing sleep (that never works). Possibly we were punch drunk but Jon was making me laugh really hard. I will be including his thoughts for your enjoyment.
One more thing before we get to the recap: was this the whitest Idol group to ever have a Motown night? I felt uncomfortable for Smokey Robinson – who by the way, is like eight-seven and looks thirty. What is his secret? I hope it’s Botox because I only hope to look that good NOW. The only thing that bothered me about Smokey is that he described someone as “She could sing the phone book.” Let’s please stop saying that. It’s a clam.
Matt Giraurd: He sang “Let’s Get It On” As always, I’m a fan but I wasn’t crazy about the whole sudden “I’m breaking away from the piano and showing you my sexy side! Also, as Jon pointed out, you gotta be stoned and just monkey horny to sing that song right. I predict that he stays for at least another week if not three.
Kris Allen: As usual, I was not a fan. Jon said “The only thing the future holds for this guy is a failed relationship with Jennifer Aniston.” Well said Jon. How I wish you were a judge on the show. Instead we got to hear everyone talk about what a genius Kris is -if this guy were actually a genius I believe he long ago would have stopped spelling his name with a K. Also, Simon actually told him that he needs to have more self confidence. HUH? Was he being sarcastic? If this guy were any more full of himself he would burst and a thousand little Kris’s would sprinkle into the air and land on unsuspecting stages pretending to be Elvis.
Scott MacIntyre: He sang “You Can’t Hurry Love” which may be true but this song couldn’t have been over fast enough for my taste. I think we’re all starting to realize that this guy is epically adequate. And then Jon said, “If you’re blind and you find yourself wearing pink pants, you need a seeing eye stylist” and I promptly spit pinot grigio out of my mouth. Luckily, Simon and Randy actually manned up and told Scott it was average. And then Paula said “Having singers around you was distracting.” Distracting to whom?? He’s blind, Paula.
Megan Joy: Her last name is still apparently missing in action. This seems like a weird move. Changing names in the middle of the show? “I didn’t love that Megan Joy Corkrey, but now that she’s Megan Joy, I see her in a whole new light.” Megan JOY sang “For Once In My Life” but decided to jazz it up. Really? “For once in my life…JAZZ HANDS.” It was weird. And then Paula put the nail in the coffin with the old “You’re a beautiful girl.” Bye.
Anoop: He sang “Ooh Baby, Baby” which I thought would leave me in the bathroom with a razor blade but I’ll give it to him. He suprised me by being tolerable. Jon said, “He’s delayed the inevitable – a tech support line will go unanswered for another week.”
Michael Sarver: He sang “Ain’t Too Proud to Beg” and as usual had the soul of a hedge fund manager. He’s a likeable enough guy but as Simon said, he doesn’t have a chance in hell of winning. I predict he’s the next to go.
Lil Rounds: Okay, being the only woman of color on the show, it seemed a sure thing that she’d be the star of the show. But then, to my horror, she was pretty bad. She sang “Love is Like a Heatwave” which I especially remember hearing on my parent’s Linda Ronstadt’s Greatest Hits record. Lil, you’re no Linda. I figured for sure the judges would go crazy for her anyway but they were underwhelmed except of course Paula who said, “Me and my three Dilauded had a very different opinion.”
Adam Lambert: He was great. I know, I’m as shocked as you. But he came out looking like a dead ringer for K.D. Lang and it worked. He sang “The Tracks of My Tears” in a decidedly understated manner. I’m all confused and befuddled. I just like using the word befuddled. No one really says that enough anymore. Let’s keep going.
Danny Gokey: Jon said, “He could sing the Ed Hardy Spring Catalog and sound great.” Then again, there’s like a 50% chance my husband could be gay so he loves Danny AND Ed Hardy. Come on, Danny is going all the way. Jon, honey, if you’re reading this, I’m kidding about the 50% – I mean, 100%.
Allison Irehara: She’s my favorite. She blew everyone away with her Papa Was a Rolling Stone. Which means she’s probably going home. If you don’t vote for her, you’re letting the terrorists win.
We won’t know what happens until Friday.
Posted by Stefanie Wilder Taylor on March 26, 2009 3:04 pm
So, you all know I’ve been threatening to do it for awhile. I’m a feminist and from a feminist family, but I personally think Botox is a feminist act! I’m taking power over the forces that can turn back the clocks and make me feel youthful -although, my body is tired my eyes should say “hello, world! Good to see ya! Me, tired? Are you fucking kidding me? I’m great! I only need but forty five minutes of solid sleep a night and I’m perfect!
Anyway, yesterday I had 500 dollars worth of Botox shot into various parts of my face including forehead, top of nose, crows feet, and top of brows. I’m not supposed to see the results for real for about a week. So I will post an after picture next Friday and we will see if it’s all worth it.
Oh, also? Didn’t hurt. I let the woman put some numbing cream on my face – even though my best friend Kiz was all, “Oh no, I’m good. I’m no pussy, I don’t need to be numb” for all of five minutes then she realized her mistake, “Hold on a goddamed minute. I’ve been through childbirth, I don’t need another minute of unnecessary pain.” So she got numbed up to the gills as well. And we both enjoyed ourselves immensely. Well, as much as you can enjoy many needles going into your face in succession.
The woman who did our faces looked good for being in her 60’s or 70’s in a Joan Rivers, could’ve maybe spared the cheek implants and weird chin, oh and lip bulges. But other than that she was fairly sane and well priced.
Wish me and my face that never saw sunscreen as a child luck.
Posted by Stefanie Wilder Taylor on March 22, 2009 2:27 am
Am I pissed about American Idol? Yes.
Am I stressed out about tax season? Um hm.
Did I just get short changed on a Target.com order and have to spend forty minutes fixing the situation? The answer is yes.
Do I have a lot to be thankful for? Absolutely. I’ve got all this cuteness happening which is a major destressor*
…isn’t she just getting downright chubbilicious?
click it to get the maximum Sadie fat roll glory.
For anyone on the g-tube fence, it’s a long road but it’s been worth it for us. I’m happy to discuss it with you as others have done for me.
Okay, you know what? I’m still a little pissed at Target.com. but I’ll get over it.
*Caution: viewing this picture of Sadie is not a medically approved substitution for Xanax. Please check with your doctor before discontinuing any medications even if you feel a lot better already.
Posted by Stefanie Wilder Taylor on March 19, 2009 11:06 pm
So Michael Sarver was correctly in the bottom three but then, oh my God, my favorite (and I’m assuming yours because I’m codependant that way) Allison was picked for the “possibly saying by by.” That was insane. But then to add to the insanity like Paula taking adding a new drug to the mix, Alexis was also sent to the dunce chair.
And then after an ENORMOUS amount of stupid filler that I fast forwarded through…Alexis is thrown back to civilization.
Whaaaa? That was ridiculous. I could see any other contestant being kicked off besides Alexis (and Allison and Danny). And I can’t believe that Simon didn’t save her. I am so not having his baby now. Who will go next week Danny Gokey? Cool. Maybe Noop Dawg will be our new American Idol. I’m definitely rushing out to burn his CD!
Posted by Stefanie Wilder Taylor on 3:10 pm