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Let’s Talk About Idol

I think the best time to talk about American Idol is now after I’ve just watched it (TiVo’d from last night because I fell asleep because the babies are teething so ferociously that there is no sleep ever to be had in this house at normal times) and Matilda is chewing on an old yogurt container while I type. And Sadie is taking a rare nap.

Okay, despite what a few of you said, I thought Paula was in rare form! She seemed totally out of it, said things that made no sense, drifted off mid-sentence and made reference Bucky Covington as an example of good things that can come of Idol. She redeemed herself to me. Thank you, thank you for bringing back your signature brand of nuts.

Here’s my break-down of the events that unfolded:

Jackie Tohn (First chick in the crazy 80’s outfit) First off, I didn’t enjoy the sneakers. Her voice was good but her arms are way too long to be the next American Idol. There really needs to be some kind of cap on arm length with these contestants. Plus she had more energy than a Labrador puppy which is an irritating quality in a singer and a toddler. Also, being called a great entertainer? Maybe a compliment for Sammy Davis Jr. but not for an AI contestant. It’s a singing competition, not a tap dancing, vaudville show.

Ricky Braddy (Guy in glasses who did Leon Russell song ): Eh. I bet he makes it but only because he has a sort of Clay Aiken big voice lots of vibratto thing. I don’t know. I’m sure he’s good but I just can’t get behind it.

Alexis Grace (Pink hair): She was great. She’s definitely in.

Brent Keith (unmemorable): What happened to his hair? He looked hot in the audition flash back but really boring on the show. I couldn’t tell you what he sang so we will speak of him no more.

Casey Carlson (really pretty) Train wreck. This is what happens when you are too pretty for your own good. You get overconfident and do weird things with your mouth while looking directly into the camera. Note to contestants: do not look directly at the camera while making kissy faces. It makes us uncomfortable. Are you trying to make-out with us? Were you molested as a child?

Anoop Desai: I don’t get it. Really. But when Paula compared him to Brian McKnight it almost redeemed his performance because that was hilarious and further confirmed that her crazy is back. If we have to see him tonight, let’s please not call him Noop Dawg. Randy, can I get confirmation from you that you’ll comply? Dawg is over. Is that why it’s funny?

Anne Marie Boskovich (Joan Baez hair for you older ladies who get the reference): Anne, you disappointed me tonight. I loved her in the audition when she sang Bubbly. I thought she had a beautiful, clear voice and figured her a sure contender. But when she broke out “Natural Woman” I was like, “Oh no.” You have to have a kick ass voice to do Aretha (not to sound like the judges – but I am judgy) Kelly Clarkson sang that song in season one and it put her into the top two right then and there. Anne got herself a one way ticket back to…another city…that she’s from I guess.

Michael Sarver: The judges just love this guy and his bald welder, oil worker, something dirty friend. Frankly I don’t see either one of them going to the next round. Remember when they brought them in together and told them only one of them would make it and then – surprise! – they both made it because they couldn’t choose! Well, I thought neither one of them should have made it and I stand by that decision. Don’t try to beg, Michael. It won’t work. Unless you bring me Lemon Heads. Cause I like that kind of candy a lot.

Stevie Wright: Good name. Shitty voice. And her forhead was very shiny. I suggest bangs. I mean, look, I have a big ass and know enough to wear a longer shirt. It’s that simple.

Stephen Fowler (the one who forgot his words on the Hollywood round. Oh, and he has a HUGE AFRO) UM…NO.

Tatiana: I’m so sorry and I know this is seriously catty and I don’t mean it to be but did she gain a hundred pounds between the auditions and this round? You’d pretty much have to eat nothing but Whoppers all day everyday to achieve this kind of weight gain success in such short a time. I should know – it’s called the El Pollo Loco diet and it differs from the Subway Diet in the way it makes you gain weight instead of lose. I swear by it. Just ask an old pair of my Seven jeans.

Oh, and unlike the judges, I didn’t think her singing was all that good. It was okay. But we need her for drama. She will end up with a drug addiction like Nikki McKibbin and at least get to go on Celebrity Rehab and then Sober House if we’re lucky.

Danny Gokey: I know his story is supposed to pull my heart strings and it TOTALLY DOES – do you think I’m made of granite? But his voice is also insanely good. He’s a fucking church choir leader. This guy might be G0d. Me likey.

Any questions?

Posted by Stefanie Wilder Taylor on February 18, 2009 9:24 pmUncategorized16 comments  

16 Comments

  1. Kelsey said,

    I agree entirely with your assessment. I give Danny Gokey props because he is the only singer that made my 11 month old stop what he was playing with to turn around and look at the television. The baby likes music so I consider that a positive endorsement.

    Other than Alexis and Danny I felt very meh about the rest of the contestants. I hope next week’s group is a little more interesting.

    I was looking forward to your Idol round-up all day. Let’s pretend that doesn’t anything sad about my life…

    | February 19, 2009 @ 1:18 am

  2. Jenée said,

    I agree with your picks- pink haired girl and dead wife guy should definitely go on. My guess is Anoop will be the third person. I think he has a great voice and I would have loved to have heard it as I cheated off his math exams but he needs to get the Hollywood makeover. I’m going to have to wait for the wild card round to see my girl Tatiana move on.

    | February 19, 2009 @ 1:59 am

  3. Wicked Step Mom said,

    I must be the only person on the planet that does not watch American Idol. I am so lame…

    | February 19, 2009 @ 12:45 pm

  4. Becky aka StikyLemsky said,

    Okay, I seriously could have written the exact same post. :) I totally agree with you! And when Simon said “you shouldn’t have been allowed to sing that song” (regarding Casey Carlson) – he was totally right. SOMEONE should have STOPPED her. Sheesh.

    :) Becky

    | February 19, 2009 @ 3:11 pm

  5. Summer said,

    Well said. I am adoring Danny, but quite peeved that they let his best friend Jamal go.

    I’ve already made the bold statement. When Danny leaves, I leave.

    I hope American Idol understands the repercussions of that.

    | February 19, 2009 @ 5:49 pm

  6. becky said,

    Ok, I am glad someone said it. I was trying to figure out if it was the outfit or what, finally concluded, girlfriend needs to step away from the cheese burgers.

    | February 19, 2009 @ 9:46 pm

  7. SmartAssMom said,

    Eeeee! Tatiana on Celebrity Rehab Sober House would be so utterly fantastic!!

    | February 19, 2009 @ 10:02 pm

  8. jennifer said,

    Absolutely hysterical recap. Poor Casey. She was embarrassingly horrible! I love when Paula gets all loopy also! I love reading your blog and your articles on MommyTrack’d. I think you would enjoy my blog- check it!

    Jennifer
    http://angstmom.com

    | February 19, 2009 @ 10:17 pm

  9. Lisa said,

    You make it sound worth watching…

    | February 20, 2009 @ 2:11 am

  10. MereCat said,

    To me, Alexis Grace has the best chance. She’s the freshest and the most unencumbered. But can she do that again? And again and again? Or was that it? The oil rigger dude is a trick pony. You’ve seen that gig already again already. And Danny is good, but can he hang on to it. I like him a lot, so I hope he can.

    Luv me some idol.

    | February 20, 2009 @ 3:37 am

  11. becky w. said,

    LOVE your commentary on AI. So dead on. I too am loving the Danny Gokey thing, but truly do not get how the roughneck got through! I guess they’ll keep me watching!

    | February 20, 2009 @ 3:53 am

  12. How to Party with an Infant said,

    Idol is so good this year, I think.

    | February 21, 2009 @ 5:48 pm

  13. Amanda said,

    LOL, I love your Idol commentary. You’re spot on and hilarious.

    | February 24, 2009 @ 7:27 pm

  14. Jen W said,

    I was such a loser when I watched the elimination show for Idol. When Tatiana was voted off, I jumped up, screamed YES!!! and attempted to high five my 7 yo daughter who looked at me like I was crazy and totally left me hanging.

    Found you from Carolyn…Online.

    | February 25, 2009 @ 2:35 am

  15. Cheryl Lage said,

    Pink hair, yes. (and great lipstick to boot…but was it laced with some super-singer “juice”?) All others were underwhelming…as in I really considered turning it off.

    By your commitment alone, I may have to suck it up and watch Bachelor next year…or maybe it’s better just reading your commentary…

    | February 25, 2009 @ 3:55 am

  16. Wishing 4 One said,

    Ok i am late in commenting here but how excited am I that we are getting this seasons Idol here in Cairo now and not a year later!!! We watch it Thursday and Friday nights, when do you watch there? (I know i could have figured by looing at your dates, or going to idol website, but i will wait for your email, if u please).

    That little pink haired, single mama made my skin shiver, she tore that song up! And Danny, man that boy can sang!

    I have to be careful not to read your blog until AFTER i watch here. I love that you are recapping and I will be here every week!

    | February 26, 2009 @ 8:31 am

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